what should i do?

[SIC]

Hey all, Well tonight i went on a date with a girl that i started talking to at the bar. So today we went out on a date and i had a great time with her and we never had a hard time talking it flowed really nice. So we went out for lunch on me and then we went to one of my house to check the paper and we were going to watch a movie but we ended up just talking and kissing.

There were a few things that i didnt nocite at the bar that i did today on the date with her. Like she was deaf and had hearing aids and that didnt bother me at all and she thought i was going to stare and make fun of her but i would never because you need them for a reason.

She is 25 and i am only 19 so i dont think we would really go anywhere because of the aged differents. She is amazing girl and i would so go out with her again with out even thinking twice i had a great time.

Here is the problem 1) i am not ready to get into a relationship because i just got out of a 2 year one and i am still in love with her. 2) She really likes me she is one of those girls that gets attached really quick and i aint ready for it. I dont want to play her because she is a really nice girl and i liked her alot. We were like fooling around and stuff. I just dont want to hurt her and i dont know what to say now! She is also leaving on july 1st and she just has a one way ticket and does not know when she is coming back. I feel bad like i was leading her on and i dont want to hurt her at all.

So what do you think that i should do now? Should i c her again? what do i say to not crush her because she called me twice tonight and we talked.

 

[bitslinger]

Unless 'fooling around' means doing the wild thang, what you've written here is actually very thoughtful. It's a good starting point. Tell her basically what you said here, that you like her but that you're afraid of a rebound relationship and that you're afraid physical intimacy beyond whatever fooling around you've already done will make it difficult for both of you to take it slowly. It may sound like a line, but if you haven't already slept together then it won't sound like you're trying to dump her. Tell her that you'd like to see how things go when she comes back from her trip. And when she does come back work through being friends first before you jump each other's bones.

Of course, if you have been having sex then she's pretty much going to look at that as a hit and run.

 

[NaughtyLil1]

Hey all, Well tonight i went on a date with a girl that i started talking to at the bar. So today we went out on a date and i had a great time with her and we never had a hard time talking it flowed really nice. So we went out for lunch on me and then we went to one of my house to check the paper and we were going to watch a movie but we ended up just talking and kissing.

There were a few things that i didnt nocite at the bar that i did today on the date with her. Like she was deaf and had hearing aids and that didnt bother me at all and she thought i was going to stare and make fun of her but i would never because you need them for a reason.

She is 25 and i am only 19 so i dont think we would really go anywhere because of the aged differents. She is amazing girl and i would so go out with her again with out even thinking twice i had a great time.

Here is the problem 1) i am not ready to get into a relationship because i just got out of a 2 year one and i am still in love with her. 2) She really likes me she is one of those girls that gets attached really quick and i aint ready for it. I dont want to play her because she is a really nice girl and i liked her alot. We were like fooling around and stuff. I just dont want to hurt her and i dont know what to say now! She is also leaving on july 1st and she just has a one way ticket and does not know when she is coming back. I feel bad like i was leading her on and i dont want to hurt her at all.

So what do you think that i should do now? Should i c her again? what do i say to not crush her because she called me twice tonight and we talked.

I think that you need to be forward with her regarding your issues. That's only fair, especially if she's the type that gets easily attached.

Once you get past that, if she can, then continue to go out. You both enjoyed each other's company so why not have a good time.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree. Tell her you want to be honest with her and don't want to hurt her or lead her on (most women love honesty and will be more receptive if you use that type of phrasing). Tell her that you're not really ready for a relationship right now, but you like her and would love to be friends and continue to date until she leaves and when she comes back, you would like to see where things stand.

SIC, if you're still in love with your ex, any relationship you start is going to be a colossal failure. Basically, you're sabotaging yourself and your relationships because you're not ready to commit. You'd be a lot better off (and wouldn't hurt women so much) if you took some time to sort out your feelings for your ex, let go of the love if you're not going to get back together with her, and then got on with dating. Don't fool around with anyone unless you've agreed with them it's just sexual...despite our best efforts, women can be fragile and get involved emotionally after sexual activities. It's not really fair to yourself or women to start something when you can't give your best.

 

[SIC]

Hey thx all, It seem like i know what to say because i said it here. Now when i said fooling around it was like some touching and making out. No sex because i didnt have anything and i aint playing with fire anymore. Oh if i really wanted to i could have had sex with her.

Like she is leaving and she was talking about me coming with her and its way to soon and stuff. So i just told her sry i have to work full time to pay for school and my car and what not.

I never met a girl that got attached so soon it kinda scares me in a way. I guess next time we go out i will just tell her how i feel right now and that maybe when she gets back something could started up but not before she is about to leave. Also what do you think about the age gap?

 

[SweetErika]

If you're especially mature (or she's immature), the age difference shouldn't be a problem. If it gets really serious, say marriage, it might become more of an issue because you might not have the same goals. But if you're casually dating and having fun, it's probably not an issue.

You said this woman is hearing impaired, so she may have been rejected a lot in the past (as horrible as that is), and is especially clingy. It sounds like she's way too attached after a couple of dates though... maybe it's best to cool it off to a platonic friendship until she leaves. Do you know if she's ever had a serious relationship? At any rate, that much attachment this fast is a red flag. It's probably not wise to have sex with her.

 

[SIC]

Well yes she has had been in a long term relationship of over 2year but it was long distance she also said she had been in a couple of a year and half.

I am mature for my age i have been told. Maybe she is alittle immature so it works out nicely. I dont think the hearing thing would be a big problem for her because she said she has always had them. I dont care about that at all that doesnt make the person she is and if i was ever with her and someone said something i would tell them straight off.

Its like meeting at the bar and one date and she is clingy? I dont know is going to happen now because she is really nice.

She also like the facted that i am in university in business and she is in med school which would be a nice score. But thats nothing to think about right now but she really love the fact that i am a university student.

Someone plz tell me what they think i should do straight up because i can c problems coming because of her clingy!!

 

[SweetErika]

I dont think the hearing thing would be a big problem for her because she said she has always had them. I dont care about that at all that doesnt make the person she is and if i was ever with her and someone said something i would tell them straight off.

Someone plz tell me what they think i should do straight up because i can c problems coming because of her clingy!!

I wasn't implying that you had a problem with her hearing impairment. I just meant that maybe she has experienced a lot of rejection or feels self-concious and that's why she's clingy.

Refer to my first post and everyone else's to know what to do. You need to have an honest conversation with her and let her know that you're not ready for a committed relationship or anything but a friendship right now. Tell her you might be more ready when she comes back and that you'll cross that bridge when you come to it.

 

[SIC]

This is way harder then i ever thought picking someone up at the bar and going on a date with them would be. I guess i am just going to talk to her and ride it out till she leaves and maybe i will be able to collect my feels and know what to do. I know there are a few down falls about her but she really is awazing and i joyed beign with her!

 

[dollface007]

I'll tell you what NOT to do:

DON'T chicken out and just stop returning her calls!!!


I can tell that you really want to be a stand-up guy, but you seem really nervous about it. I just wanted to encourage you to go for it. Just tell her you don't want to hurt her, and you think she is really awesome, but the circumstances aren't right for a relationship or to take it any further right now. Then lay out the various barriers that you are facing.

Don't wuss out now...don't be a loser like all the other losers who just stop returning calls. Be a man. Putting out karma like that is good for the universe.

 

[SIC]

I was think about say something like " You know what i never thought i would meet such amazing women at the bar and i found you but i just aint ready for a relationship". Does that sound ok?

Also in no way am i going to "WUSS" out because there is nothing wrong with her at all! I am going to call her tonight so that she doesnt think it was a stand up! I am not nervous i just dont want to hurt her because i dont want her to think it was anything to do with her hearing or anything. I dont want her to get down on her self becasue she is the clingy type and i "DONT WANT HER TO GET HURT"

Maybe i have grow up or something because i couple years ago i wouldnt have cared at all but for some reason i really do here in this case. I am trying to think about what i am going to do. If she did want to go out again i so would.

 

[SIC]

.......?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Sounds like you're not sure if you'd like to go out with her again or not and her feeling stronger about you right away (clinginess) scares you some, which is reasonable. It's flattering but also you don't know much about her.

So maybe say something about taking it slow, if you'd still like to see her? And it's only fair to both of you for you to say that you still have feelings for your ex. That way she won't expect too much, and it shouldn't hurt her feelings since it's not anything about her, or anything that she could help. More of a not ready, and still attached elsewhere thing, right? Maybe ask her, whether, with these things in mind, she'd like to still go out and see what happens? (But definitely take it slow about the sex -- it seems to be some sort of hormonal thing that many women get More attached after sex, and some guys get less so. You really don't want her More attached, right?)

 

[Noor]

just out of curiousity what makes her seem clingy or get very attached easily?

Sounds like she has had a decent amount of relationships for her age.

maybe she was just horny and wanted to get laid.

she sounds nice, I would try and keep her around in some fashion until after you get over your ex. They you can consider her with your full attention.

 

[SIC]

The reason i say that she is clingy is because she always say i am get getting attached to you!

I really like her i do, We always got something to talk about and there are alot of things that i like about her. Yes she is horny and i know that and we have fooled around but i just havent had sex with her yet because i want to make sure i aint going to hurt her because she leaves at the end of the month and is gone for a month and i could find someone else and i dont want her to just come back and think everything is fine. For some reason i just dont want the " nail and bail" on her! I think that is weird because i am a guy and 90% of my friends do that.

I went out with her tonight and had a great time i dont know what my problem her is but there is something inside of me.

Thx for all the help

 

[GeorgeWBush]

Tell her the truth that you just got out of a bad relationship and you want to take it one step at a time.

This way the two of you can see if it could get better the more you see each other.

Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

SIC, you are obviously a really good guy and have the best intentions. If you're hesitant to sleep with her because you don't want to hurt her, then take your OWN advice and don't have sex with her! Even when we think we are immune from getting emotionally involved, we usually get attached after sex. Since she's already attached, sex will only make it worse.

Don't sleep with her until she comes back! That will give you a little time to sort out your feelings about your ex, explore other possibilities, and decide if you want a relationship with this girl. More importantly, it will preserve her feelings.

Does "absence make the heart grow fonder"? Find out before you jump in the sack.

 

[Maistre]

Enjoy the situation for what it is... She is leaving... you don't want to be involved... you've had heavy kissing with her.

It's rather obvious what this is... enjoy it as I'm sure she will.

There are no obligations here.

 

[SIC]

Yeah i guess i should enjoy it well it is here. i dont know forsure what i am going to do in this case i just will keep talking to her and go with what happens.

Lastnight i told her about my past relationship and said i didnt want to jump into another one. She said that was fine with her and that if i want to take it slow that is cool. She is amazing!! But will just see what happens from here. I will keep going out with her and treating her well.

Here is a question for the moms if there are and if your not you can awnser too. What would you say if you 19 year old son was seeing a girl that was 25? I just told my mom that she was in her 20's. thx for the support.

SweetErika thanks for say that i am a really great guy most girls dont see it. The all think i am one of those guy that "nail and bail" becasue i am to good looking to be nice! i dont understand why they think that !!!

 

[wildwesty]

parents are a pain in the ass

My parents for some reason have seen fit to get a little more involved in my love life lately. I am 20, a male, and a junior in college and in the most serious relationship I have had. Me and my girlfriend are great together which of course is great. My dad told me recently that he wanted me to wait to get married and not do it right out of college. Basically he told me to play the field. I however have a firm belief that the only people that have to be happy in a relationship are the 2 people in the relationship. Yes, parents will always be there but if I am happy, they will learn to deal with it because parents aren't around all the time. If they are happy then fine but the most important thing is if you and the girl are happy. I am sure they will freak out when they find out she is older but really you should just tell them that she makes you happy and ultimately, you are 19 and won't be living at home much longer. It is your life. I think I have said enough. Good luck anyway though!

 

[Noor]

The reason i say that she is clingy is because she always say i am get getting attached to you!

Hmmm, just sounds like she is telling you she likes you and she is a bit scared.

I would just have fun if I were you. In the month break you might discover how you feel.