What should a Dom do when His slut has sex without His permission?
- Thread starter kayte
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LadyNatasha
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Sex without permission with someone else?
Out the fucking door.
Out the fucking door.
A Desert Rose
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kayte said:Yes, I did.
He directed me to start a thread, and get feedback....
Thank you for your responses.
Kayte, why in the world did you do that?
Of all people... I can't believe you did this.
I think there's a whole lotta re-evaluating that needs to go on here... between you and Him.
catalina_francisco
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Naughty girl, Kayte!!.....think I would be with Lady Natasha in her sentiments, but then we don't have the whole story.
Catalina
Catalina
grinner666
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LadyNatasha said:
Yup, same as with a vanilla relationship. Some things you just don't do.
But if he doesn't want to do that, the punishment should be . . . extreme. But I really can't say what I'd suggest, because I, personally, would kick you to the curb in about the time it took me to find out about it.
Hi. This is not Liana. It's her Dom. Personally I think it depends on how strict of a relationship you had to begin with. In my situation, the punishment would be very severe. She'd probably have ALL of her priveledges taken away indefinately. Its not really the physical punishment. To me thats a " Deal Breaker". In my opinion it would be very hard to have trust in her, any time soon if ever. That would be the worst punishment for her.
Caitlynne
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This is not meant to be judgmental Kayte, so please take it in the spirit it is intended. But, none of us can really say what the punishment should be unless we know "why" it happened.
Or at least that is my thinking.
It was certainly an act of disobedience, but why would you disobey? That's the issue that has to be addressed. It's simple to pull your collar, or inflcit some punishment so that it can be forgotten and you can be forgiven. But the underlying issue needs to be understood in order for it to really make a difference.
Did you need more attention than you were getting? Was there some anger at him for some reason? Did you forget your place? Did you lose your focus? Was this a lapse in judgment or a symptom of a larger issue?
As an act of disobedience, the public humiliation right here will probably do it--along with some act of contrition. It's just so hard to believe of you. But then, that's a lot like saying you are perfect, and, well, none of us are really.
I find myself thinking more about the underlying issue and how the punishment should also address that in some way.
Only you know those answers.
~ cait
Or at least that is my thinking.
It was certainly an act of disobedience, but why would you disobey? That's the issue that has to be addressed. It's simple to pull your collar, or inflcit some punishment so that it can be forgotten and you can be forgiven. But the underlying issue needs to be understood in order for it to really make a difference.
Did you need more attention than you were getting? Was there some anger at him for some reason? Did you forget your place? Did you lose your focus? Was this a lapse in judgment or a symptom of a larger issue?
As an act of disobedience, the public humiliation right here will probably do it--along with some act of contrition. It's just so hard to believe of you. But then, that's a lot like saying you are perfect, and, well, none of us are really.
I find myself thinking more about the underlying issue and how the punishment should also address that in some way.
Only you know those answers.
~ cait
CutieMouse
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I'm with Caitlynne- the WHY of what you did must be addressed between the two fo you.
Without that the whole punishment thing is moot. It woudln't solve anything. If you can't figure out why and fix that I don't see trust/respect/healing occuring no matter how severe the punishment is.
Without that the whole punishment thing is moot. It woudln't solve anything. If you can't figure out why and fix that I don't see trust/respect/healing occuring no matter how severe the punishment is.
catalina_francisco
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I hope my initial response did not come across as harsh as that was not my intention, hence the observation we do not know the circumstances involved. Like ADR and Caitlynne, it does not seem to be somthing we would normally hear of from you which leads to the thought there is more here than at first appears. Hope whatever the case is you manage to resolve it in a manner which is positive for both you and your Dominant.
Catalina
Catalina
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Well, hell yea... I know you and I will not hide the fact that I am stunned. So there ya go... you stunned me.
But aside from that... I have no idea what your punishment should be. As I said, you and He need to do some re-evaluating... not you and us.
But aside from that... I have no idea what your punishment should be. As I said, you and He need to do some re-evaluating... not you and us.
Netzach
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If this broke with the parameter of my relationship, which it doesn't but we arrange our stuff differently, but let's pretend I'm normal for like a minute.
Punishment would not be a viable way for me to handle this. Any punishment I came up with would be an extremely anger and revenge motivated one, and the liability to abuse that other person would be huge. You have no idea how huge.
In fact that's pretty much why I don't believe in physical punishment, nor mental ones at certain times. We're adults, at least the bottoms I like to play with view themselves as such. We are not dogs, or children, or experimental monkeys. If you are in a relationship with me, and you insist you want to submit to my will, if you insist you want to please me and make me happy, I expect you to pull those things off without any major fuck-ups. Repeated major fuck ups, or even one-off major fuck ups of amazing magnitude, say "I didn't really mean it when I said I wanted to please you and obey you" and that spells so long.
If I trust a bottom not to do something that serious and they do, that pretty much tells me a lot about them. If someone has to lie to me to get the sex that I'd let them have anyway (back to my abnormalities) that tells me that there's some extremely serious fundamental problem in the relationship and makes me seriously doubt I'd continue the relationship.
Punishment would not be a viable way for me to handle this. Any punishment I came up with would be an extremely anger and revenge motivated one, and the liability to abuse that other person would be huge. You have no idea how huge.
In fact that's pretty much why I don't believe in physical punishment, nor mental ones at certain times. We're adults, at least the bottoms I like to play with view themselves as such. We are not dogs, or children, or experimental monkeys. If you are in a relationship with me, and you insist you want to submit to my will, if you insist you want to please me and make me happy, I expect you to pull those things off without any major fuck-ups. Repeated major fuck ups, or even one-off major fuck ups of amazing magnitude, say "I didn't really mean it when I said I wanted to please you and obey you" and that spells so long.
If I trust a bottom not to do something that serious and they do, that pretty much tells me a lot about them. If someone has to lie to me to get the sex that I'd let them have anyway (back to my abnormalities) that tells me that there's some extremely serious fundamental problem in the relationship and makes me seriously doubt I'd continue the relationship.
catalina_francisco
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I think this goes beyond punishment, to me this would be forgive or end situation. I can forgive my partner or it ends, no punishment in the world will make up for the loss of trust or the sense of betrayal.
An understanding of the why something has happened, a commitment to work through the problems which clearly the both of you as a couple are facing and a slow regaining of trust is in my opinion the only way to go.
To me if your PYL forgives you, you should count yourself lucky. If this has never happened before and you can convince him that it will never happen again, if the relationship is special, a mistake should not end it. But I can see lots of hard work ahead and a lot of rebuilding of trust.
Francisco.
An understanding of the why something has happened, a commitment to work through the problems which clearly the both of you as a couple are facing and a slow regaining of trust is in my opinion the only way to go.
To me if your PYL forgives you, you should count yourself lucky. If this has never happened before and you can convince him that it will never happen again, if the relationship is special, a mistake should not end it. But I can see lots of hard work ahead and a lot of rebuilding of trust.
Francisco.
Marquis
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Netzach said:
Truly wise words from one of Lit's wisest posters.
I was in this exact situation once. My sub cheated on me, and I tried to handle it BDSM-style. I gave her a list of demands that she would have to meet if she was to continue being with me, and said that the restrictions would be lessened as I gained trust in her.
I never regained trust in her and she never stopped cheating on me.
What to do?
Kate,
I'm with those who would need to know more about what was going on when you went behind your Dom's back and had another lover. We could all probably develop some "almost-mitigating" circumstances that might explain (but not condone) such action, but only you know what was going on with you and with you and him and with you and your "temporary" lover when you did what you did.
Punishment? I don't know. If my sub did something like this to me, I would be afraid to use any of our toys on her as punishment because I wouldn't be able to guarantee that I could control myself or them. Besides, I think the best punishments always involve ignoring the submissive for some length of time.
Here's another issue. How would you feel if he did not punish you? How would you feel if he just talked to you? Or "understood" the situation and let this one pass? Would you feel cheated in some way? And, if so, does that tell you anything?
Trust? Can it be brought back? Only the two of you can answer that, but I suspect it will be a long time, if ever, before it returns.
Even if the two of you decide your relationship is over, it would probably benefit both of you if you talked this through in some dispassionate fashion (if possible). It's obvious that you do not want to repeat such behavior, either with this Dom or some future one, so do what you can to learn from this terrible mistake.
Good luck to you both. I feel for you.
Professor Bill
Kate,
I'm with those who would need to know more about what was going on when you went behind your Dom's back and had another lover. We could all probably develop some "almost-mitigating" circumstances that might explain (but not condone) such action, but only you know what was going on with you and with you and him and with you and your "temporary" lover when you did what you did.
Punishment? I don't know. If my sub did something like this to me, I would be afraid to use any of our toys on her as punishment because I wouldn't be able to guarantee that I could control myself or them. Besides, I think the best punishments always involve ignoring the submissive for some length of time.
Here's another issue. How would you feel if he did not punish you? How would you feel if he just talked to you? Or "understood" the situation and let this one pass? Would you feel cheated in some way? And, if so, does that tell you anything?
Trust? Can it be brought back? Only the two of you can answer that, but I suspect it will be a long time, if ever, before it returns.
Even if the two of you decide your relationship is over, it would probably benefit both of you if you talked this through in some dispassionate fashion (if possible). It's obvious that you do not want to repeat such behavior, either with this Dom or some future one, so do what you can to learn from this terrible mistake.
Good luck to you both. I feel for you.
Professor Bill
Maybe I'm seeing something here that either does or doesn't exist. You state you had sex without his "permission." I'm presuming it is okay for you to have sex with others as long as you have this man's permission, but you did not gain that permission previously in this situation? Not sure if I have that right.
But, truthfully, I think we would need to have a more firm understanding of the specifics to know what is going on. And, ultimately, whatever happens it is between the two of you.
I find it difficult to believe that you would do anything to purposely hurt another human being. You have never seemed liked that type of person.
But, truthfully, I think we would need to have a more firm understanding of the specifics to know what is going on. And, ultimately, whatever happens it is between the two of you.
I find it difficult to believe that you would do anything to purposely hurt another human being. You have never seemed liked that type of person.
G
Guest
Guest
Marquis said:
Hmmm ...Pretty much what he just said..With the usual "YMMV" due to minor differences in circumstances...
Darlin..There's a door over there...Don't let it hit you in the ass on your way out.....
luxey313
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I think that unless you have an open relationship and that is considered acceptable, with notification.. there might be room to move forward.
If that is not the case, maybe you do not want to be with him. One would not do that unless there are issues.
THink of it if he did that to you. His heart and trust have to be very hurt. That trust is very difficult to rebuild, especially in a D/s relationship.. I'd go as far to say that is what it is all about.
Good luck
If that is not the case, maybe you do not want to be with him. One would not do that unless there are issues.
THink of it if he did that to you. His heart and trust have to be very hurt. That trust is very difficult to rebuild, especially in a D/s relationship.. I'd go as far to say that is what it is all about.
Good luck
Mr Blonde
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If this is some sort of role-play, where he encouraged you to be the "slutty wife/girlfriend" so he can subsequently punish you, then maybe he can make you submit to a painful gang bang or something. Kind of like when I was a kid and my dad caught me with a cigarette. He made me smoke a whole pack straight through so I would get sick and stop. So you can get fucked until you are in pain as your punishment.
If this is your real relationship, then you need to turn off the computer and have a serious heart-to-heart discussion. There are major trust issues that go beyond a matter of punishment or what strangers on a message board might say about it.
If this is your real relationship, then you need to turn off the computer and have a serious heart-to-heart discussion. There are major trust issues that go beyond a matter of punishment or what strangers on a message board might say about it.
Marquis
Jack Dawkins
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Mr Blonde said:
That is an awesome suggestion! Why didn't I think of this when my bitch started spreading her legs for other men's dicks. I think I would've been too insecure to do something like that at the time, but in retrospect it might have been the most appropriate punishment.
AnelizeDarkEyes
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Why ARE you asking us?
Like Mr B said, you need to be having a heart to heart with your master. Personally, I'm in the "don't let the door hit you in the ass" camp, but if he is willing to entertain the idea of working things out with you...you'll need to get humble, get your head straight, and be prepared for a long road.
~anelize
Like Mr B said, you need to be having a heart to heart with your master. Personally, I'm in the "don't let the door hit you in the ass" camp, but if he is willing to entertain the idea of working things out with you...you'll need to get humble, get your head straight, and be prepared for a long road.
~anelize
