What part of "NO" don't you understand??

[FlamingoBlue]

Recently in Michigan, there was a trial involving a 58 y/o man accussed of raping a 25 y/o woman. During her testimony she said she told him "No" several times in response to his advances. She also said that, coming from a "older" generation' that he likely didn't understand that no means no. The man was convicted of rape.

I was intrigued by the generational thing. For me, when I was much younger, no sometimes meant maybe. Is it really any different today? Are "modern" guys reponsive to "no" in sexual situations today, or does it still sometimes mean "maybe"?

What are your thoughts, ladies and gentlemen?

blue

[Edited by FlamingoBlue on 08-15-2000 at 08:08 AM]

 

[Floating Head]

To me, no has always meant NO!

That is one thing I have never understood about certain men. No means Maybe? I'm not trying to be a smart ass to you here Blue, just being honest in my opinion.

I've never even considered that No means maybe, and i'm in my late 30s. So I guess I'm saying that your interpretation surprises me. Its hard for me to understand that anyone could seriously consider that when a woman/girl says no, that she really means maybe.

I've certainly had male friends that think along the same lines, but after I've figurativly hit them upside the head a few times, they generally get the drift. I've always considered it best to play it on the safe side and listen to the words being expressed in those situations.

 

[Expertise]

I in no way intend to sound like a lounge lizard when I say this but here goes.

No means no as it applies to something physical ie. a touch, a kiss etc. No means full fucking stop hands off back up end of game. There is no other interpretation.

On the other hand if I am trying to talk a partner into something or out of something No (up to a point) means I am free to continue to try and cajole, tease and influence verbaly (in a nice way). Its a bit of a fine line I realize some guys just don't get that there is a point here where No means No as well.

My $0.02 (devalued for inflation and non coherent thought)


[Edited by Expertise on 08-15-2000 at 07:42 AM]

 

[Floating Head]

Expertise, that opinion was worth at least a $1.02 in my book.

 

[KillerMuffin]

So far in my relatively prolonged short life, I've only had one individual (note I did not gift him with the term man or guy) who was convinced repeated (about 50 in three hours) NO!!!!s meant okay, sure, whatever, wake me when you're done. I still have a scar from it and it will never go away.

Should I ever run up against another individual convinced that NO! meant anything but NO!, as far as I'm concerned that means they've made the decision to rape and they'd better be prepared for me to defend myself. By any means necessary. If I wanted my body violated I would have said, "Yes!! I have a rape fantasy, by the way, would you care to help me with it?"

However, if I say no and there is more verbal wheedling, I can deal with that. I can understand it, I've done it myself. It's kind of cute, actually, and has been known to work...

"Generational thing" is a ridiculous phrase. It's trying to behave as if one is superior simply because one was born during a certain generation. Rebellious teenagers are the same from generation to generation, the only difference is the method of rebellion.

 

[Expertise]

I think that when Blue said "generational" he meant it in the context that in his (or earlier) eras "nice girls" never said "yes" ....initially. The thought being that saying No multiple times "protected their honor" blah blah blah... and that it was all just an elaborate "dance" or courtship ritual.

In any case being from a different era or generation does not excuse this dicksmack.

*That was just way too many quotation mark thingys*

 

[SeXy ReDHeD]

It has been my experience (with one HUGE exception) that guys my age will accept that No means No, if not because they respect the girl, then because they they respect the law. They are truly scared of getting accused of rape. They will back off completely.

 

[CreamyLady]

It might be generational; maybe the "no means no" message has finally gotten through.

When I was much younger, I often found myself having "consensual" sex because my escort would not take no for an answer, and I'd give in because it was less painful in the long run than the alternative.

I'm not proud of that, at all. But some of these guys would just NOT listen.

 

[Xander]

To me NO has always meant NO. I've always backed down when I got a no. End of story.
That's just the way it is. Otherwise, you're showing serious disrespect to the person your with. And quite frankly that shows the true face of a fuck up and a loser.

Just my oppinion.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

Expertise you hit the nail on the head. I will add another $1.02 to that post.

Bonnie

 

[FlamingoBlue]

For informational purposes....

I have always taught my sons, now 25 & 27, that no means no. They understand. I hope others do, as well.

blue

 

[Mensa]

We are in negotiations.

As far as I'm concerned" No" always means" No". The way she delivers the rebuttal tells you if she's adamant or if there's room for future possibilities. You have to learn to read" body english"

Rape or sexual assault is something I could never understand. How could any guy enjoy having sex with someone who is terrified and desirous only of having the episode end? You need two enthusiastic and willing partners to experience the joy of sex. Learn to talk her into it, NEVER, NEVER FORCE her into it.

As to the original question" What part of NO don't you understand?" I get the first part, but the last means nothing to me.LOL

 

[Nexxus]

I believe most men are capable of understanding what "no" means. The problem lies within the fact that they so desperately want what they want they convince themselves that if they change tactics the other person will change their response. This usually brings about disaterous results.
I am curious though, how many of the BBwomen have said no when they really felt "yes" and hoped the guy would do a little more chasing or show a little persistance to win you over?

NEX

 

[Skitten]

No definetely means NO. No exceptions no maybe if it is any kind of a man he knows that when you say No that you mean it. Hands off no exceptions there are people out there who don't seem to understand that one but in my little experience no has always meant no and it still is. You always have the right to protect yourself it is your body and yours alone no one should ever try to pressure you into things you aren't ready for.

It should not even be up for a discussion if you said it that should be it. If a man continues then it is rape plain and simple. A lot of people say but she wanted it no woman would everr want to be raped.

So to answer your question Yes No still Means NO and always will in all circumstances.

 

[Sonora]

In my book, 'no' means 'no'

Rape or sexual assault is something I could never understand. How could any guy enjoy having sex with someone who is terrified and desirous only of having the episode end?

I'm certainly no expert, but the things that I have read ans heard is that rape is not a crime of 'passion' or even 'getting some'. It's all about control and dominance.