What not to do...

[FaithfulShade]

Interestingly, there already are ads like that - you'll see them if you happen to visit certain, ah... other adult websites. They're disguised as random chat requests - and some even start insulting you if you don't respond!

So it would appear that we've finally discovered what all the random PMers do for work...

LOL! Insulting you for not getting them off.

 

[SmilingGuy_]

It's like a blind person doing drive-by shootings, eventually they'll get a hit. Perhaps your chat suitors can't see well by then and think they'll be the "SmilingGuy" when you're finished with them.

They may not care, as long as someone talked dirty.

 

[kingfupa]

Oh no...not by a long shot.

I'm a guy. My screen name makes that very clear.

And yet, I get random PM's from guys asking me what makes my pussy wet. It's like they just play a numbers game where they mass PM as many screen names as they can find randomly hoping that 1 person will respond with 4 letter words. (And I'm pretty sure "Go fuck yourself!" qualifies!)

This is so funny...there's a guy on here that has "I am a guy" under his avi...I'll bet it still doesn't help.

 

[FaithfulShade]

Well, I must say the upside to posting my complaint has been a thread full of amusing topics and several lovely pm's from gentlemen asking about the interests I have posted in my profile. A quality day in the Lit personals forum!

 

[FaithfulShade]

They may not care, as long as someone talked dirty.

If you were inclined to play along you could let them think they have a woman on the line and then turn the tables just before the final stretch. "Oh, sorry mate... thought you realized I was a guy." But, you're right, they may not care. There is a point of no return in some activities.

 

[StrawberrySw33t]

I like it. I like it a lot.

To make it more versitle we'd need to make sure it recognized all the variations for ways to say "tits". So we'd have to sit down and think of a list like..

Tits
Boobs
Breasts
Fun bags
Knockers
Udders
Hooters
Honkers
Bresticles
Sweater Stretchers
Cum Targets
etc etc etc

Remember our target audience is the not so bright men who can't have a normal conversation. So you have to make sure it recognizes the kind of language such a guy would think would turn a woman on. (Shocking as it is that most women don't prefer to call their boobs "cum targets")

LMAO! Cum Targets.... I have had men call my breast many things (The Twins, The girls, Where babyies feed)but i have never heard of cum targets.

 

[SmilingGuy_]

LMAO! Cum Targets.... I have had men call my breast many things (The Twins, The girls, Where babyies feed)but i have never heard of cum targets.

I just made that one up for my post. I was fairly proud of it!

 

[ZiggyTheHutt]

Thank you for posting this.

I'm of the mind that if you're going to be getting to know someone and attempting to stimulate them, either intellectually, emotionally, or sexually, using only your typed words on their screen, you should attempt to put some thought/effort/feeling into it.

Politeness. Warm friendly greeting. Perhaps asking if this hello message is not disturbing them. PM'ing them first. That should be universal. Then if you want to hold this person's attention, you should mention who you are, and that you're from Literotica.

I find it sexier if the conversation does not move directly into descriptions of what you want done to you. Because at that point, you're not actually talking to me. You're just masturbating with an anonymous person assisting you with dirty words. Try talking to me first, so I get something out of it. Maybe so that I can get to the point in the conversation you're already at.

HI MY NAME IS BLAHBLAH STICK YOUR FINGER IN MY ASS

This is not sexy to me. This shouldn't be sexy to anyone, but I digress.

If I am walking down the street, and sexy lady walks up, and gets my attention, asking what my name is, where I'm from, and if I'd like to talk, that's a step in the right direction.

If the same sexy lady instead walks up, drops pants, bends over, and starts rubbing herself on me, I'm worried she's a sociopath who hates the whole world and is literally trying to give me an incurable fatal STD so she can have the fun of killing someone before she dies. It's just creepy. It means that she's not even slightly interested in ME, she just wants some random guy to insert wang. That's kinda disgusting to me, and I don't want to put my wang there. I know where it's been, and that would be every street corner between here and Brooklyn, and odds are very good that she is now a breeding ground for something that will turn my genitals into decaying green goo, and they don't even have a name for that kind of thing yet. I don't want that disease to be named after me, thanks.

Am I a prude? No. Look at where I'm posting. I am a guy who is passionate about sex and its many varieties. But at the same time, I'm interested in talking to a person, and the person I want to talk to is a person who wants to talk to me. Not person who wants to get off with random stranger and then never talk to them again.

And by the way, it's better. It's a whole hell of a lot better. Talking to a person who actually cares about what you have to say is sexy. Learning about your mutual desires is sexy. Then, if you want to chat about sex, and fantasize together, it's actually gratifying for the both of us.

Astonishing. You'd think folks who spend most of their time masturbating with strangers would pick up on the fact that it's better when the stranger is, you know, interesting enough to get to know, and thus, is no longer a stranger.

 

[SexyRed0723]

I like it. I like it a lot.

To make it more versitle we'd need to make sure it recognized all the variations for ways to say "tits". So we'd have to sit down and think of a list like..

Tits
Boobs
Breasts
Fun bags
Knockers
Udders
Hooters
Honkers
Bresticles
Sweater Stretchers
Cum Targets
etc etc etc

Remember our target audience is the not so bright men who can't have a normal conversation. So you have to make sure it recognizes the kind of language such a guy would think would turn a woman on. (Shocking as it is that most women don't prefer to call their boobs "cum targets")

Don't forget to include the misspellings of all of those... Remember, we are dealing with idiots!

 

[SexyRed0723]

LOL! Insulting you for not getting them off.

I don't put my YIM on my profile for this very reason. The other day a guy actually got mad because he PM'd me saying hi, I responded and then he wanted me to immediately switch to YIM and call him. HE GOT MAD! He said he didn't know wtf I was doing here if I didn't want to talk.

NEWSFLASH: I want to talk... Just not to douchebags.

 

[FfordPrefect]

So, this happened a while ago:

f****5: "whats up"
me: "Who is this?"
f****5: "bored person"
me: "From? Who are you messaging? (several Yahoo accts here)"
f****5: "lol, literotica"
me: "Oh, bored boy looking for any female in hopes of getting off? Sorry, I don't do unsolicited Yahoo chat."
​

Urgh! Sorry about this - will you be kinder to me if I talk better the next time around? I promise to sound more fun!

 

[AllenWmsUSA]

I've never understood why "bored" ever comes up. Boring people are bored. And it's not flattering anyway. I am really bored, so bored I'd be willing to chat with you. Wow, that really makes a person feel good about themselves. Glad that I am slightly more interesting than your soul-sucking existence.

 

[PhilGarlic]

you

you girls,

 

[FaithfulShade]

And by the way, it's better. It's a whole hell of a lot better. Talking to a person who actually cares about what you have to say is sexy. Learning about your mutual desires is sexy. Then, if you want to chat about sex, and fantasize together, it's actually gratifying for the both of us.

Astonishing. You'd think folks who spend most of their time masturbating with strangers would pick up on the fact that it's better when the stranger is, you know, interesting enough to get to know, and thus, is no longer a stranger.

This. Know what makes me tick to make me tick. Like an old clock, the alarm doesn't go off unless you wind it it first.

ZiggyTheHutt disease sounds pretty horrible!

 

[FaithfulShade]

I don't put my YIM on my profile for this very reason. The other day a guy actually got mad because he PM'd me saying hi, I responded and then he wanted me to immediately switch to YIM and call him. HE GOT MAD! He said he didn't know wtf I was doing here if I didn't want to talk.

NEWSFLASH: I want to talk... Just not to douchebags.

A pm on the boards with a demand to switch to instant messaging? Bold. Makes me wonder why some people are even here. Why not just go chat on porn sites?
Might have to make your newsflash part of my sig. LOL!

 

[FaithfulShade]

Urgh! Sorry about this - will you be kinder to me if I talk better the next time around? I promise to sound more fun!

I know it really wasn't you, was it? I'm pretty sure you're better than what I got. I've seen other discussions around here recently arguing your suitability and niceness as a chat partner. I recall thinking "maybe"...

 

[QuantumJumping]

Thank You!

Don't forget to include the misspellings of all of those... Remember, we are dealing with idiots!

You are my belly laugh for the day!

 

[ginger82]

Ooo wait, your a gamer? Which games?

 

[FaithfulShade]

I've never understood why "bored" ever comes up. Boring people are bored. And it's not flattering anyway. I am really bored, so bored I'd be willing to chat with you. Wow, that really makes a person feel good about themselves. Glad that I am slightly more interesting than your soul-sucking existence.

Yeah, exactly!

You're bored so it's my duty to entertain you because we happen to have a sex-related website membership in common? That's how I interpreted the message. "I'm bored so I might as well masturbate, which is also boring but maybe I can get someone to distract me from being even more bored while I'm doing it."

In the MMO I play, I see this all the time in public chat. Players whining "I'm bored, what should I do?" This drives me nuts. I've responded many times "If you're bored playing a GAME, log off and go do something else."

 

[SexyRed0723]

Yeah, exactly!

You're bored so it's my duty to entertain you because we happen to have a sex-related website membership in common? That's how I interpreted the message. "I'm bored so I might as well masturbate, which is also boring but maybe I can get someone to distract me from being even more bored while I'm doing it."

In the MMO I play, I see this all the time in public chat. Players whining "I'm bored, what should I do?" This drives me nuts. I've responded many times "If you're bored playing a GAME, log off and go do something else."

Soooo true! Trade chat is where bored people go to whine. It's why I turn it off almost always. It only takes me a few minutes back in trade to remember why I turned it off.

I found myself being one of those people sitting in guild chat, staring at the cityscape thinking I was bored. I quickly remembered I was paying to be bored! Needless to say, I haven't played lately...

 

[myjagr3]

Mmorpg

Many people are already bored with Guild Wars 2.. I used to see the same "I'm bored blah"

 

[FaithfulShade]

Many people are already bored with Guild Wars 2.. I used to see the same "I'm bored blah"

Yeah, it's a shame that it's that way after only 8 months. However, those are the over achievers that rush through and get everything done, instead of taking their time to enjoy it. Then they complain about being bored. Pffft. I still have lots left to do and would love to find the right play partner to rp through it with me. Did that in GW1, working on the legendary cartographer title by screwing my way across the map in an extended cyber. It was a blast.

 

[FfordPrefect]

I know it really wasn't you, was it? I'm pretty sure you're better than what I got. I've seen other discussions around here recently arguing your suitability and niceness as a chat partner. I recall thinking "maybe"...

It most certainly wasn't, but it doesn't hurt to be facetious once in a while, does it?

The only issue here is that I am not much of a gamer. My days of gaming ended when I completed all ten levels of Dangerous Dave, after a month of doing nothing else more than 16 years ago.

Brief stints of playing Doom, Doom 2, Wolfenstein and Duke Nuk'em, but nothing else to speak of.

I do pack a mean punch in the articulation and imagination dept, though, if that works!