What might a woman get wrong when writing from a man’s POV

[Rob_Royale]

She'd most likely portray the character as not being stuck at 14 mentally, which would be an epic mistake.

She'd probably write him too thoughtfully to the woman.

These sum it up nicely. That's not to say we aren't capable of being deeply thoughtful or mature. We are capable of great focus and determination when the situation calls for it. It's just that 95% of the time we choose not to be. We are simple creatures.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

There is a lot of difference in general between men and women, but still, unless you want to write about a stereotypical man, this thread doesn't make much sense.

 

[TheArsonist]

I'd say the clothes thing is the most common giveaway. Partly how much attention it gets in the descriptions, but also the terminology used. "She was wearing a chartreuse ruffled chiffon halter with a drop waist and scoop neckline" or whatever the fuck. Unless the guy being into women's fashion is an established character trait, it normally needs to be a lot more superficial.

Reading erotica written for and by women, there's a common trope I've noticed where men are portrayed as raging beasts of wild passion just barely holding it together. Whether it's lust, anger/aggression, elation, fear (on others' behalf, never their own), these characters are living every moment at the extreme edge of emotion, and are constantly freaking out internally. I think this is more a matter of a kind of fanciful masculine ideal than "getting it wrong," but the result is that they come across as psychotic and make you worry they're gonna drop dead of a heart attack any moment.

Finally, some female writers get it wrong when they try to describe how guys think about their dicks. Basically, if it's not relevant (like in a sex scene, experiencing an inconvenient erection, or when it's on show for whatever reason), there's usually no need to mention it. A lot of the time it's just there, no more consciously noticed than your nose, and it's weird to track it moment by moment. I've read some stories written by women from a male POV that are so penis-obsessed that they're like gender-flipped versions of the "breasted boobily" meme.

 

[Zootonius]

I know you asked about guys, but these are things that men have told me I get wrong when writing guys:

1. Taking way too much notice of clothing (not lingerie, regular clothing)
2. Crying too easily
3. In general being too in touch with their emotions
4. Deferring to women, even taking instruction from them
5. Being petty

Emily

I don't know about #4. My wife is way smarter than me. I find it's usually the best choice to defer to her opinion. (Once I get my male ego to take a deep breath.)

 

[TarnishedPenny]

You understand us. You just don't care. We're mostly always wrong anyway.

I fixed your post for you, hun.
….

Even when they say you’re lovely and charming and good in bed, Emily?

 

[bestkeptsecret678]

"I'm a man. But I can change. If I have to. I guess."
--Possum Lodge credo, The Red Green Show

If its a prerequisite to getting laid, you will.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I don't know about #4. My wife is way smarter than me. I find it's usually the best choice to defer to her opinion. (Once I get my male ego to take a deep breath.)

Not my own experience of guys (which is what my writing is based on), just what I was accused of getting wrong.

Emily

 

[EmilyMiller]

I fixed your post for you, hun.
….

Even when they say you’re lovely and charming and good in bed, Emily?

There are exceptions of course

 

[EmilyMiller]

I'd say the clothes thing is the most common giveaway. Partly how much attention it gets in the descriptions, but also the terminology used. "She was wearing a chartreuse ruffled chiffon halter with a drop waist and scoop neckline" or whatever the fuck. Unless the guy being into women's fashion is an established character trait, it normally needs to be a lot more superficial.

Yeah that’s what I get called on. Summer dress, OK. Pale peach, mid-length summer dress, the cotton highlighted with cream polka dots, and a low neck-line, less so.

Reading erotica written for and by women, there's a common trope I've noticed where men are portrayed as raging beasts of wild passion just barely holding it together. Whether it's lust, anger/aggression, elation, fear (on others' behalf, never their own), these characters are living every moment at the extreme edge of emotion, and are constantly freaking out internally. I think this is more a matter of a kind of fanciful masculine ideal than "getting it wrong," but the result is that they come across as psychotic and make you worry they're gonna drop dead of a heart attack any moment.

Heathcliff complex. Mine are more likely to be wracked by bereavement and / or insecurity.

Finally, some female writers get it wrong when they try to describe how guys think about their dicks. Basically, if it's not relevant (like in a sex scene, experiencing an inconvenient erection, or when it's on show for whatever reason), there's usually no need to mention it. A lot of the time it's just there, no more consciously noticed than your nose, and it's weird to track it moment by moment. I've read some stories written by women from a male POV that are so penis-obsessed that they're like gender-flipped versions of the "breasted boobily" meme.

I have had MMCs narrate that they made decisions based on their dick, and regretted it.

Emily

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Yeah that’s what I get called on. Summer dress, OK. Pale peach, mid-length summer dress, the cotton highlighted with cream polka dots, and a low neck-line, less so.

As you say, there are exceptions.

 

[Trionyx]

Whatever you do, don’t let the MMC cry.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I think there are elements of truth to both sides of the debate on this question: people are people, and yet men are often quite different from women.

I remember an incident a long time ago that has always struck me as a great illustration. When I was young my girlfriend and I were together on a long car ride, and neither of us said anything for a while, and she broke the silence and apologized for being quiet and wondered if I was upset about something. I had no idea what she was talking about or wasn't concerned about and hadn't thought about her silence at all. I was probably just thinking about a football game, or just watching street signs passing by.

This is an old joke. There are a few versions of it and I've made minor edits to make this version I found on the Internet more like the version I first heard.

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my boyfriend was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. I reached over to kiss him and it was like the dam burst. We made mad passionate love, but then immediately aftewards he clammed up again and he fell asleep with nothing resolved - I held him all night, just crying quietly to myself. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

City lost at home. Felt shit all day. Got a shag though.

 

[KeithD]

Perhaps she would describe what a female character was wearing before depicting something about the character's physical attributes.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Whatever you do, don’t let the MMC cry.

Or vomit…

 

[Zootonius]

Not my own experience of guys (which is what my writing is based on), just what I was accused of getting wrong.

Emily

Note, I didn't disagree with the other four.

 

[ronde]

Inspired by my last thread. I usually write women so I am clueless lol. Maybe keep it to the men in the direct replies?

Men have all the same emotions and fears that women do. It's just a matter of how much and when we display them. It depends upon the age of the man you're writing about, because over time, the way boys are raised has changed.

When I was growing up, the first rule was I was never to do anything dumb and hurt myself. The second rule was no matter where I went, I was to be home in time for dinner. That was a pretty common way for boys to grow up back then. The first result was we tried anything and everything and quickly learned what "dumb" meant. We learned well enough we didn't repeat that dumb thing, well more than once anyway. The second result was we grew up confident in what we could do and knew what we couldn't do. We were also taught not to show emotions unless we had to. Crying after you were about ten was considered acting like a baby. By the way, that changes as we age. We do cry, but usually quietly and alone.

In today's world, any parent allowing a boy to venture outside the house without a parent along for the ride is something that could land that same parent in the middle of a child abuse or neglect charge. Boys don't challenge themselves as much, so they don't understand what works and what doesn't. The old saying that "Good judgement is the result of experience and experience is the result of poor judgement", is true. Some also tend to let their emotions show more than my generation would ever consider to be "normal". A man crying is considered to be something expected of a "real man" in today's world.

Both these are stereotypes, but they are real for the most part. Try using a stereotype for your male character's description but mellow it a little toward to opposite side with reasons for the difference, and you should be fine.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Make sure that your male characters spit - often - crack beers open on their belt buckles, scratch their bags in public and fix broken machines by kicking them.

 

[Duleigh]

The same thing she'd get wrong writing about women.

If you don't observe what's going on around you, observe people being people, you won't portray convincing characters. Doesn't matter if you're a woman writing about men, or vice versa - write about people.

@ElectricBlue is dead on. You need to be a people watcher. My favorite places to watch people are Fairs and carnivals, parades and an afternoon at the park all are great for seeing people relaxed and care free

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I'm going up the down staircase with this, but a man crying in a story can be enormously powerful - but only if it's done right.

From personal experience, I've seen tough men cry. There were often tears during ramp ceremonies if the casket in question contained somebody very much liked or respected. At times like that, provided it wasn't over the top, nobody would notice. It didn't count against anybody's 'tough guy' status.

It can't be for something small or petty. It can't be a routine thing and it can't be a histrionic drama queen eruption. But, done right, a strong man crying can emphasize his humanity and cause readers to identify with him. It's the tactical nuke on your keyboard.

 

[lovecraft68]

A true tell would be the male character being told no, realizing it meant no, and stopping.

 

[cowboyup6977]

Inspired by my last thread. I usually write women so I am clueless lol. Maybe keep it to the men in the direct replies?

Just my opinion
If you’re a woman you know what goes through a woman’s mind
You only assume what goes on in a man’s mind

 

[HordHolm]

@ElectricBlue is dead on. You need to be a people watcher. My favorite places to watch people are Fairs and carnivals, parades and an afternoon at the park all are great for seeing people relaxed and care free

One of my favourites is watching people shopping. Depending on location and participants you can scroll across the whole range of human responses - humour, anger, frustration with the kids, disbelief, determination and a desire to have no contact with anyone else. Seriously, the supermarket is an education in human reaction.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Just my opinion
If you’re a woman you know what goes through a woman’s mind
You only assume what goes on in a man’s mind

You could argue that you only know what goes through your own mind and no one else’s. This is the position of the Solopist. We are essentially making it up with all other humans. We are just more confident in our make believe with some than others.

Emily

 

[lovecraft68]

If her male MC doesn't think farts are funny, I will know there's a woman behind it.

 

[AG31]

Inspired by my last thread. I usually write women so I am clueless lol. Maybe keep it to the men in the direct replies?

I was an early responder to this thread and immediately assumed that the OP was thinking about the physical aspects of being male. It turns out the thread is more about how men think and behave differently from women. I don't think they do when viewed on a case by case basis. Any characteristic you can name apart from things like reaction to an erection can be found in a man somewhere.

But this does inspire me to compose a post that I've been thinking about off and on. About the benefits of stereotypes. I'll edit this with a link once it goes live.

Apologies for ignoring the request to limit replies to men, but I see I'm not the only one.