What makes it "BDSM"

[cookiecat]

So I just read a post in Talk about a guy who wants to do guided masturbation. We have an Oral thread - is it really just a blow job thread?

There's another forum - sex and fetish, I think.

I know there's overlap. And in the cafe, I realize there are threads that don't really pertain to BDSM much at all. I see more threads these days in the Playground related to BDSM.

Why do you post in the BDSM forum instead of other forums?

What makes a post BDSM related vs just kinky sex related?

 

[twister947]

I came here because I'm a sub and a masochist. I stay because of the people and the friendly, supportive vibe. As far as BDSM goes, I barely know how to spell it.

 

[gracie920101]

So I just read a post in Talk about a guy who wants to do guided masturbation. We have an Oral thread - is it really just a blow job thread?

There's another forum - sex and fetish, I think.

I know there's overlap. And in the cafe, I realize there are threads that don't really pertain to BDSM much at all. I see more threads these days in the Playground related to BDSM.

Why do you post in the BDSM forum instead of other forums?

What makes a post BDSM related vs just kinky sex related?

Because I'm more comfortable in this micro-community to speak my mind and irrelevant thoughts without too much backlash.

I initially came seeking like-minded individuals and stayed for the show. I've met some good people along the way even though I don't usually say a whole lot in the threads. I'm trying to improve that and work on my social interactions.

 

[Knoturnal]

So I just read a post in Talk about a guy who wants to do guided masturbation. We have an Oral thread - is it really just a blow job thread?

There's another forum - sex and fetish, I think.

I know there's overlap. And in the cafe, I realize there are threads that don't really pertain to BDSM much at all. I see more threads these days in the Playground related to BDSM.

Why do you post in the BDSM forum instead of other forums?

What makes a post BDSM related vs just kinky sex related?

because I'm more interested in BDSM ...not that I'm not interested in anything else but More.

To me it was because of the threads about Bondage, Discipline, and Sado Machoism. not necessary in that order. Seems like theres tons of threads that that doesn't apply to these days.

 

[KimGordon67]

So I just read a post in Talk about a guy who wants to do guided masturbation. We have an Oral thread - is it really just a blow job thread?

There's another forum - sex and fetish, I think.

I know there's overlap. And in the cafe, I realize there are threads that don't really pertain to BDSM much at all. I see more threads these days in the Playground related to BDSM.

Why do you post in the BDSM forum instead of other forums?

What makes a post BDSM related vs just kinky sex related?

As you know, there's been an interesting conversation or two in the Oral Servitude thread about whether 'normal' BJ's can be distinguised from those that have a 'servitude' aspect to them, and we veer off into chatting about gagging etc as well ... I have no idea how well those conversations would go outside the BDSM corner of Lit, but I'm happy to have them in here.

It feels like the BDSM section is more amenable to, dare I saw, deeper conversations about what we're doing, what we're looking at, etc. But of course, I haven't tried to have those conversations outside this little bit, so again ... maybe it's fine?

I think maybe the Control thread is one of my favourites - I see that as both broader and more specific than other bdsm related threads (including those on other non-bdsm boards). Often, although not always, there's a nuance in those images that I like. Maybe we need to knock some of those threads back into line so they're reflecting their origina purpose?

 

[KimGordon67]

Because I'm more comfortable in this micro-community to speak my mind and irrelevant thoughts without too much backlash.

I initially came seeking like-minded individuals and stayed for the show. I've met some good people along the way even though I don't usually say a whole lot in the threads. I'm trying to improve that and work on my social interactions.

Oh, and yeah this - I really like the people I've 'met' in here, and the conversations we've had. This feels like a 'safe space', where no one gets kink shamed, but we can also sometimes go 'ew' and no one gets too offended. There's a nice mix of real support and excellent humour in here that I love.

 

[seela]

I came here for the bdsm conversations. Now I post here out of habit, and because this is the only corner with people that I at least somewhat know, and the other boards scare me.

This place jumped the shark for me once it became basically tumblr with close to zero conversation and just a ton of pic threads. I don't think this place has much to do with bdsm except maybe in the pic threads that I'm not interested in and never open, so I have no idea what goes on there. These days I have my bdsm conversations not-on-Lit and coming here is just a tic.

Sad but true.

And what makes something bdsm vs kinky sex... I don't think they're mutually exclusive at all. I'd say in deciding if something should be posted here vs fetish - if you intend to masturbate to the thread/post or want the reader to do that, then it's more likely better suited to fetish. Or at least used to be that way.

 

[Jada59]

For me there's a lot overlap between BDSM and just sex. To me, BDSM is more of a contract, if only a verbal one. I do some BDSM stuff but it's not a lifestyle for me.

I don't mind the pics. I actually like a lot of them.

 

[Blase]

For me there's a lot overlap between BDSM and just sex. To me, BDSM is more of a contract, if only a verbal one. I do some BDSM stuff but it's not a lifestyle for me.

I think Jada summed it up pretty well. If the situation is consensual and includes an agreement to obey on the part of the person submitting, I think you have a D/s situation, although that's obviously a somewhat simplistic statement.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

This is such a good question.

I kind of agree with Seela. Though I like pic threads with a theme and occasional conversation based in that theme because you never know what kind of conversation a pic may bring up. But one person using a thread as a mating call and to basically share every picture they've ever liked on Tumblr is annoying as fuck, especially when they don't post anywhere else here.

I think it's a community. We all share BDSM in common so we can branch off into book, recipes, hobbies.... cats? But ultimately it's an identifier. I'm a PGer too and I post differently in BDSM. More thoughtful, more respectful. (Occasionally my silliness seeps out. Oops.)

I've done what I can to encourage conversation. Inquiring Minds is singularly conversation driven but you can count the number of regulars on two hands.

My instinct is that Lit used to be an excellent web resource for BDSMers back in the day until FetLife blew up and now they would rather be there. Since I've been on Lit. This forum has always been like this.

Whats the difference between BDSM and kinky sex? Intention.

 

[seela]

This is such a good question.

I kind of agree with Seela. Though I like pic threads with a theme and occasional conversation based in that theme because you never know what kind of conversation a pic may bring up. But one person using a thread as a mating call and to basically share every picture they've ever liked on Tumblr is annoying as fuck, especially when they don't post anywhere else here.

Does conversation based on a pic actually happen a lot? The odd times I've opened a pic thread, the only conversation I've seen is "hot", "I like that", "I don't like that", or "I like X about this", but they've really been very short exchanges if an exchange at all. But then again I only open any of the pic threads once a month or so, so who knows. Maybe that's where the conversation now flourishes, but somehow I doubt it based on what I've seen.

I've been very surprised to see people react so strongly to those certain pic threads, because from my point of view there really isn't any difference between those threads than the others, except that there's one person that's posting significantly more than others. But the content is much the same.

Maybe it's just easier for me to ignore that, because I already ignore 90% of the threads here.

I've done what I can to encourage conversation. Inquiring Minds is singularly conversation driven but you can count the number of regulars on two hands.

I've said this before... I love that there's at least some conversation going on. But for me the format of everything being in one thread is not appealing and it makes it difficult for me to join the conversation. There are posts and topics there I'd like to go back to and add to later on, but the conversation has moved on, so I move on as well.

 

[Knoturnal]

because I'm more interested in BDSM ...not that I'm not interested in anything else but More.

To me it was because of the threads about Bondage, Discipline, and Sado Machoism. not necessary in that order. Seems like theres tons of threads that that doesn't apply to these days.

*****************************************************************
okay let me be a little less Textbook about it as BDSM has somewhat changed and with some ....it has and will always be the same........

The reason i post in the BDSM forum is because i like it. I post here because i like hearing about it. I post here because it is in fact all encompassing a hell of a lot of different kinks. This is not the only thread i post in, like a lot of people.

Some would like to keep it this one way or that one way. Even myself but that would not be facing reality.

The truth is it’s like most of life its forever changing. There only constant known to man is change.......Theres always something new. Theres a rope scene in my town that doesn't have anything to do with a lot of other kinks people have, yet...some of it does.

People are allowed to define what they like or dislike about something. BDSM included. Some old school folks say hey now. ....no they cant. But if you set back and watch them they will.
I used to have a saying....people say this and people say that. like your just not a Dom unless you act like this or a submissive if you act like that. people say that but .......
I enjoy taking the things that mean something to me and leaving the rest for someone else to gain a meaning from.

There ARE a lot of threads in this category. Some mean things that are dear to me...some have no meaning at all for me...it doesn't matter. I certainly hope it means something to someone or they wouldn't post whatever it is they enjoy.

I hope that you yourself can find things that have meaning for you......and please leave the rest for someone else to find their own meaning from.

 

[AlwaysFara]

So I just read a post in Talk about a guy who wants to do guided masturbation. We have an Oral thread - is it really just a blow job thread?

There's another forum - sex and fetish, I think.

I know there's overlap. And in the cafe, I realize there are threads that don't really pertain to BDSM much at all. I see more threads these days in the Playground related to BDSM.

Why do you post in the BDSM forum instead of other forums?

What makes a post BDSM related vs just kinky sex related?

I post here because this is my home. This is where I started out. This is where I found you. And love. This is where I learned how strong women who identify as submissive are. This is where I learned not to feel alone with my slutty thoughts.

What makes a post BDSM related to me are WHO is posting. Anyone can call themselves a Dom or a Daddy in one thread, then be something completely different on another. Not here. Not the men I’ve met here, as friend or others. They have been consistent.
I also think the control aspect. The pain aspect. The love of being restrained.
Again. To some folks it’s a sort of funny or sexy fuckery, but peeps who post here seem more devoted. More NEEDY of the BDSM aspect in their lives.

There are certain things I will not compromise sexually ever again. I find that mostly true with the regulars who post here. That’s why I come back.

And to see my friends.

 

[KimGordon67]

Does conversation based on a pic actually happen a lot? The odd times I've opened a pic thread, the only conversation I've seen is "hot", "I like that", "I don't like that", or "I like X about this", but they've really been very short exchanges if an exchange at all. But then again I only open any of the pic threads once a month or so, so who knows. Maybe that's where the conversation now flourishes, but somehow I doubt it based on what I've seen.

I've been very surprised to see people react so strongly to those certain pic threads, because from my point of view there really isn't any difference between those threads than the others, except that there's one person that's posting significantly more than others. But the content is much the same.

Maybe it's just easier for me to ignore that, because I already ignore 90% of the threads here.



I've said this before... I love that there's at least some conversation going on. But for me the format of everything being in one thread is not appealing and it makes it difficult for me to join the conversation. There are posts and topics there I'd like to go back to and add to later on, but the conversation has moved on, so I move on as well.

Surprisingly, yeah, the pics do spark some interesting conversations.

 

[cookiecat]

I started the thread because of a post about guided masturbation (since moved to Personals) in the Talk section. Every so often, I see a post about something that seems so not BDSM related, I wonder why the OP puts it here? In some cases, I see the OP is casting a wide net, posting the same thread in many forums, hoping for a catch.

I suppose in this case, guided masturbation could be a form of power exchange. However, I didn't get that vibe from the poster.

In any event, it made me wonder what people think about this forum and that led to wondering why people stayed.

For sure, since the advent of Tumblr, conversation has taken a backseat to images. I started here on Lit back in 2006 and it definitely was different. But the times, they are a changin'. Lots of really experienced voices left and I don't see that level of information exchange anymore.

Take the Oral Servitude thread. The original was created in 2005 and 75% of it was discussion. Maybe because it was more difficult to capture images and repost them back then? Maybe because there were a lot of people who enjoyed interacting with each other?

The first Oral thread I re-started in 2015 or 16 (I think?) has tons of discussion. Now, in it's third reincarnation, there isn't much left to say and I think lots of the same pictures get posted over and over. I still enjoy it, though.

When one person starts a thread dedicated to tumblr type memes and labels it "what's in my dark dirty mind" - it doesn't feel as open to allowing other people in, other than to ooh and ahhhh over the memes. Sure, the control / bdsm / oral et al (<--- did I use that right??) threads are mostly all pictures but it's a lot of different people posting, so it feels like I'm seeing different points of view.

Some threads, like gentle femdom, do have a bit more discussion but it's usually Honey or me forcing questions / answers. Which is probably appropriate for that thread?!

I dunno. I feel like I get what I give. Some people probably hate the glitter thread. Not much to do with bdsm at all (although I do tend to gravitate to kinky, colorful images). It was born out of a need to be distracted, when I couldn't find words to describe how I felt. I think there's about 3 people who regularly look at it.

Shankara's thread is always enlightening and realistic - I appreciate his point of view. It *IS* different than other "here's MY thread" threads. Maybe the tone of it? Subject matter? No Hallmark greeting romantic memes?

seela's no nut 19 thread has been a good example of pretty good interaction, information, and - for me - getting to know some of the posters a little better. Annie has a thread, ultrabluemarine does too - but she doesn't post much. janeysweepthefloor used to have an interesting "deary diary" type of thread. But not many seem willing to start or maintain that kind of thread.

Coming full circle - it is too bad there aren't more discussion threads. I mean take a look at Talk. I have to give credit to Kash for keeping that section alive! At first I didn't like the "in your face" vibe but now I think it's great he's promoting some kind of discussion, even if it's self serving and masturbation fodder.

Forums ebb and flow. I like the flow better than the ebb. I've enjoyed seeing the comments here. I hope BDSM stays friendly, welcoming, interactive, fun, informative and busy.

 

[KimGordon67]

I started the thread because of a post about guided masturbation (since moved to Personals) in the Talk section. Every so often, I see a post about something that seems so not BDSM related, I wonder why the OP puts it here? In some cases, I see the OP is casting a wide net, posting the same thread in many forums, hoping for a catch.

I suppose in this case, guided masturbation could be a form of power exchange. However, I didn't get that vibe from the poster.

In any event, it made me wonder what people think about this forum and that led to wondering why people stayed.

For sure, since the advent of Tumblr, conversation has taken a backseat to images. I started here on Lit back in 2006 and it definitely was different. But the times, they are a changin'. Lots of really experienced voices left and I don't see that level of information exchange anymore.

Take the Oral Servitude thread. The original was created in 2005 and 75% of it was discussion. Maybe because it was more difficult to capture images and repost them back then? Maybe because there were a lot of people who enjoyed interacting with each other?

The first Oral thread I re-started in 2015 or 16 (I think?) has tons of discussion. Now, in it's third reincarnation, there isn't much left to say and I think lots of the same pictures get posted over and over. I still enjoy it, though.

When one person starts a thread dedicated to tumblr type memes and labels it "what's in my dark dirty mind" - it doesn't feel as open to allowing other people in, other than to ooh and ahhhh over the memes. Sure, the control / bdsm / oral et al (<--- did I use that right??) threads are mostly all pictures but it's a lot of different people posting, so it feels like I'm seeing different points of view.

Some threads, like gentle femdom, do have a bit more discussion but it's usually Honey or me forcing questions / answers. Which is probably appropriate for that thread?!

I dunno. I feel like I get what I give. Some people probably hate the glitter thread. Not much to do with bdsm at all (although I do tend to gravitate to kinky, colorful images). It was born out of a need to be distracted, when I couldn't find words to describe how I felt. I think there's about 3 people who regularly look at it.

Shankara's thread is always enlightening and realistic - I appreciate his point of view. It *IS* different than other "here's MY thread" threads. Maybe the tone of it? Subject matter? No Hallmark greeting romantic memes?

seela's no nut 19 thread has been a good example of pretty good interaction, information, and - for me - getting to know some of the posters a little better. Annie has a thread, ultrabluemarine does too - but she doesn't post much. janeysweepthefloor used to have an interesting "deary diary" type of thread. But not many seem willing to start or maintain that kind of thread.

Coming full circle - it is too bad there aren't more discussion threads. I mean take a look at Talk. I have to give credit to Kash for keeping that section alive! At first I didn't like the "in your face" vibe but now I think it's great he's promoting some kind of discussion, even if it's self serving and masturbation fodder.

Forums ebb and flow. I like the flow better than the ebb. I've enjoyed seeing the comments here. I hope BDSM stays friendly, welcoming, interactive, fun, informative and busy.

I sorta wish I'd put my poly/kink thread in here, instead of the Fetish/sexuality forum ... I guess I thought it was somehow 'wider' than bdsm at the time, but now I think it probably would have had a more interesting interactive aspect in here, which was sort of what I wanted. I guess at the time I didn't realise that Lit can be quite silo-ed.

 

[midwestyankee]

I keep coming back here because this forum has been the most suitable part of Lit for me for many years. I spent my first year mostly on the Playground and then migrated to How To for a few years. I drop in at the How To forum now and again to stay in touch with a couple of regulars there but this is home.

I’m sure I’ve described this before, but when I first began posting in this forum many of the regulars were extraordinarily generous with their knowledge and experience. They posted often and many times at length. We had long-running threads on politics in the Cafe and folks were reasonable in their disagreements, at least for the most part. I learned important things here from those people, and with the exception of Shank and Furry Fury, I think they’re all gone. I hope I’m not forgetting anyone with this.

I don’t have the same kind of expertise to share and I wonder how well a political discussion would go these days. For a hoot, sort all the Cafe threads by number of posts to make it easier to find and check out the thread with Hillary Clinton’s name in the title. Even if you don’t read much, just take note of how long that discussion ran. This is not the same place any more.

 

[cookiecat]

This is such a good question.

I kind of agree with Seela. Though I like pic threads with a theme and occasional conversation based in that theme because you never know what kind of conversation a pic may bring up. But one person using a thread as a mating call and to basically share every picture they've ever liked on Tumblr is annoying as fuck, especially when they don't post anywhere else here.

I think it's a community. We all share BDSM in common so we can branch off into book, recipes, hobbies.... cats? But ultimately it's an identifier. I'm a PGer too and I post differently in BDSM. More thoughtful, more respectful. (Occasionally my silliness seeps out. Oops.)

I've done what I can to encourage conversation. Inquiring Minds is singularly conversation driven but you can count the number of regulars on two hands.

My instinct is that Lit used to be an excellent web resource for BDSMers back in the day until FetLife blew up and now they would rather be there. Since I've been on Lit. This forum has always been like this.

Whats the difference between BDSM and kinky sex? Intention.

You've done more than your share to keep the conversation going. It can be daunting to be the "keeper" of a thread!

Your willingness to participate is always appreciated.

 

[cookiecat]

I post here because this is my home. This is where I started out. This is where I found you. And love. This is where I learned how strong women who identify as submissive are. This is where I learned not to feel alone with my slutty thoughts.

What makes a post BDSM related to me are WHO is posting. Anyone can call themselves a Dom or a Daddy in one thread, then be something completely different on another. Not here. Not the men I’ve met here, as friend or others. They have been consistent.
I also think the control aspect. The pain aspect. The love of being restrained.
Again. To some folks it’s a sort of funny or sexy fuckery, but peeps who post here seem more devoted. More NEEDY of the BDSM aspect in their lives.

There are certain things I will not compromise sexually ever again. I find that mostly true with the regulars who post here. That’s why I come back.

And to see my friends.

You did find love here and I'm sure the pool party thread had lots to do with that!

It goes back to you get what you give. You give a lot.

 

[midwestyankee]

You've done more than your share to keep the conversation going. It can be daunting to be the "keeper" of a thread!

Your willingness to participate is always appreciated.

What she said! PLP has been a stalwart here for nearly as long as she has been posting to this forum.

 

[cookiecat]

I sorta wish I'd put my poly/kink thread in here, instead of the Fetish/sexuality forum ... I guess I thought it was somehow 'wider' than bdsm at the time, but now I think it probably would have had a more interesting interactive aspect in here, which was sort of what I wanted. I guess at the time I didn't realise that Lit can be quite silo-ed.

I haven't visited that thread in a long time, I'm glad you brought it up.

That Fetish forum just seems to have a different outlook on the world. Not bad, just different - like it's more of a free for all there.

 

[midwestyankee]

I haven't visited that thread in a long time, I'm glad you brought it up.

That Fetish forum just seems to have a different outlook on the world. Not bad, just different - like it's more of a free for all there.

Agreed. I’ve always felt like the Fetish forum is Wank Fodder Central.

 

[Dreamliner]

Some of the forums have strayed away considerably from there original intent. The BDSM forum has tended to stick mainly to the theme, with some segway into topics that regular posters have an interest in, nothing wrong with that.

I find in the BDSM forum. in general, a respect amongst the people here and how you conduct yourself, this is not as evident in some of the other forums, especially those that have morphed from the original intent.

I tend not to engage too much in the discussions, although I do enjoy reading the comments and posts, now and again I will engage and post. I am also guilty of posting too many images, of late, not too sure why that started, maybe a stage of life. But, I will get back to more written posts, rather than images over time.

I enjoy the interaction here, enjoy the posters, and having in previous years met one or two, especially local to my country, it has been refreshing.

Life meanders to an extent, perhaps that is what is happening with this forum, I am sure you will find over time there might be more discussion threads again, rather than image posts.

 

[KimGordon67]

I haven't visited that thread in a long time, I'm glad you brought it up.

It died out a bit, I think when life got overly complex ... it's something I only really tend to when I'm in a good space, and I haven't been in such a great space of late. (LOL - I probably should stop posting for a few days ... it is beginning to sound a lot like Kim's tiny pity party. Things aren't really that bad ... just not as good as they have been in the past.)

 

[twister947]

Agreed. I’ve always felt like the Fetish forum is Wank Fodder Central.

*nods*
Leering and drooling come to mind...