what makes a good submissive?

[ekstasis]

i am new to this BDSM thing/lifestyle/ im not sure what one calls it, i am working on finding a dom.. online for training...i am trying to be a good submissive, im not sure what i should do, or rather what makes a good submissive. I am naturally well mannered and appreciative of what people have to offer, and i love to please. I just need some help in knowing the difference i suppose.. please help

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[dolf]

RJ Masters started a thread on the way to a Master's heart that IMO is a good place to start if you are looking for theory or general ideas.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=295268

For me being a good sub would be defined as willingly/peacefully doing what pleased the Master/Dom/PYL (Pick Your Lable) I had in my life. Not that I can't have limits, or think for myself etc, but that I derive pleasure from pleasing Him. And in return He is pleased with me. It creates a positive feedback loop and everybody wins.

(I should note I say this from the perspective of someone who is submissive, but still growing, and hasn't been in a real life D/s relationship at this point. )

what about me?

being a good sub depends on the tastes of the Dom...some Dom/mes prefer bratty subs {lucky for me, lol} i guess some like the fun and the challenge
some people find brattiness annoying, others actually encourage it!

there's soooo many styles, i doubt there is a right answer to your question.
i guess you just adapt your style to suit the Dom you're with.
xx

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Kajira Callista]

the right recipe, the right chef, and the right cooking time

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Click me.

 

[ekstasis]

RJ Masters started a thread on the way to a Master's heart that IMO is a good place to start if you are looking for theory or general ideas.

i must admit rjmasters threads.. are one reason i am here.... trying to learn more i suppose, i was introduced to this site and was intrigued and decided from that point i needed to know more, i am working at deciding what i am to do. .. hmm i suppose single virgin sub seeks Dom male.. .lol oh well i guess ill have to wait til i have one...thank you


thank you AA

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[FungiUg]

I'd suggest you work your way through the list of topics that AA kindly posted. A fair bit of reading there!

My view of a good sub is remarkably different from others, or in some cases, remarkably similar... it really depends on who you talk to. My one recommendation would be "know yourself." Know what you want and need and crave and desire and fantasise about. Then you can look for a Dominant who is compatible with your personality and desires.

Best of luck!

 

[Caitlynne]

This is always a good topic. One that will get you a variety of answers. All of them good and appropriate. You'll also get a lot of 'it depends' that can confuse you. That's because what is good submission to one PYL might not be good to another.

But I take your question to be more about that inner question that we can all ask ourselves sometimes... What does it mean to us? What do 'we' think is a good submissive? This is a question you seem to be asking yourself more than anyone else.

My advice (and it is only advice, nothing written in stone. It is also my own opinion, the opinions of others may vary starkly), look into your own soul. Search for the meaning of submission within. What is service to you? What does obedience mean to you? What inspires you to serve? What sets your soul free? This is a long journey, you only need to begin.

And remember it's not as much about training as some might think. Sure there is learning what specifics please a PYL, but that doesn't cut to the core of what submission might mean to you. That search is done within, and although it might be encouraged, and directed by a (good) PYL, it is still your journey.

What does it mean to you? Begin there and ask yourself lots of questions. When you ask these questions, then read, read, read, to find YOUR answers. Your answers will change as time martches on. Like an onion that has many layers, you'll begin one place, only to return to the same place to discover perhaps a deeper meaning than you previously knew.

In otherwords, "Know Thyself". It really is the only way to discover what a good submissive is. I'm afraid there is no quick and easy way to perfect submission. It doesn't exist.

Just as the beginning PYL has to learn what HIS dominance means to him, you (and all of us ply's) have to learn what drives our submission, what drives it from within. That self-discovery will enhance and allow you to 'become' the best submissive you can be.

Good luck, it is a wonderful journey even if it is difficult sometimes. It is worth all the painful soul-searching, and ALL the long and lonely nights looking within for answers.

~ cait

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[TNRkitect2b]

I'd suggest you work your way through the list of topics that AA kindly posted. A fair bit of reading there!

My view of a good sub is remarkably different from others, or in some cases, remarkably similar... it really depends on who you talk to. My one recommendation would be "know yourself." Know what you want and need and crave and desire and fantasise about. Then you can look for a Dominant who is compatible with your personality and desires.

Best of luck!

Grumble grumble....

You sir, as usual took the words out of my mouth...

And I too agree with Cait

 

[DVS]

the right recipe, the right chef, and the right cooking time

Actually, the Dom and the sub play off of each other, just as in any other relationship.

Just like good actors play off of each other. Just like good musicians play off of each other. there is a chemistry there. If that chemistry is there, oh baby!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: what makes a good submissive?

Actually, the Dom and the sub play off of each other, just as in any other relationship.

Just like good actors play off of each other. Just like good musicians play off of each other. there is a chemistry there. If that chemistry is there, oh baby!

you said it so much better DVS...now make that man stop grinning at me please

 

[DVS]

Re: Re: Re: what makes a good submissive?

you said it so much better DVS...now make that man stop grinning at me please

I TOLD you, that just means he likes you.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Re: what makes a good submissive?

I TOLD you, that just means he likes you.

im not sure i want him to like me

 

[ekstasis]

thank you all i appreciate the response.. i was afraid i was looking too deeply into the subject... clearly i havent been looking deeply enough.. i thought it was akward for me to be educating myself on such a subject, but i suppose half the battle is knowing myself, which i must admit is something ive always had trouble with.. let the soul searching begin!

 

[graceanne]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: what makes a good submissive?

im not sure i want him to like me

I agree. *shudders*

I agree with cait, she put it awesomely.