What makes a good story?

[doomed_angel]

Comments to my last story suggest people don't like it.

One in particular said that i set the scene well then jumped straight into sex.....

I write like that because thats what i like to read.... how would it be better to write or arrange stories?

 

[oggbashan]

Welcome to the AH, doomed_angel.

Your question would take several libraries and a couple of lifetimes to answer.

One truism is that you can't please all of the people all of the time. Your story may not work for one or two but might please hundreds. Or the other way around.

The only way to find out what works for YOU is to write different types of stories or similar stories in different ways and try to see what the response is.

You will always get some bad feedback from 'anonymous'. We all do.

Og

 

[oggbashan]

I had a look at your story. This is the link to it:
Lesbian or Bi

I think you made two simple but understandable mistakes for a newbie here. You put it in the wrong category. It should not be in Lesbian because it is not really a Lesbian story.

I looked at the PCs. For PCs they were not unduly harsh and make the same point I have. The title and the category were wrong for the content.

I think you should use a spell checker. I can see typos that Word would have picked up. They are easy to correct but can deter some readers.

The story isn't the problem. It is where you put it in all the possible categories and the title that give an expectation that the story doesn't fit. I have made that mistake too.

Og

 

[rgraham666]

Welcome to the AH, doomed_angel.

I'll take time to read the story later, but I'll admit that I would skip right past this story if I saw it on the New Stories page.

The title just reveals too much. I know exactly what the story is going to be about. And it has been my experience that stories with give-away titles are often not good ones. So I skip them.

A title should whet the reader's interest, not fulfill it.

My $0.02.

I did read the first few paragraphs and it didn't strike me as a bad story. But if you hadn't drawn my attention by asking for feedback here, I would never have read it.

Again, welcome to Lit and the AH.

 

[doomed_angel]

Thankyou very much for taking the time to respond.

Yeah i realise its in the wrong category, but didn't realise that until after. With it being my first submission i wasn't really familiar with all the different categories, but thats something i will be aware of next time.

And as for all the spelling mistakes- I never thought to run a spell checker but definetly will next time.

Thanks for your help x

 

[The Word Whore]

Hope it's okay for another newbie to jump in here?

I just submitted my first story as well... I fear I will be guilty of the same classic newbie mistake. I could not find an appropriate category for my submission, so unfortunately just kind of had to pick one at random.

What do you do if you can't find the right "category fit"?

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Hope it's okay for another newbie to jump in here?

I just submitted my first story as well... I fear I will be guilty of the same classic newbie mistake. I could not find an appropriate category for my submission, so unfortunately just kind of had to pick one at random.

What do you do if you can't find the right "category fit"?

You can put a note in the notes field asking Laurel if she will put it in the category in which she thinks it belongs.

 

[TheEarl]

You can put a note in the notes field asking Laurel if she will put it in the category in which she thinks it belongs.

<time for me to show my age>

I remember the days when all Lit submissions were done via e-mail and Laurel wrote all of the titles, descriptions and placed them all in the right categories. She was damned good at it too.

If you're ever not sure about something, rest assured that Laurel will know the right thing to do and, if you ask nicely in the notes section, she'll invariably do it for you.

The Earl

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

show not tell

Hi, doomed-angel. Have you taken down the comments board? I didn't see any so I don't know if I am repeating or not.

I think you are a very good writer. What's there I like. The main advice I would have is to take more time with it. This could actually be a very emotional piece, but it goes too quick at places. If you had the same story, but more of it, maybe twice as long, it would be better. Maybe it's because I read stuff here so much where everything goes, but would Trish be so insulted because her partner masturbated? Large numbers of people would find it terribly erotic in fact. What is it about Trish that makes her react so differently. And if we understood that we might also know what was wrong between Kirsty and her. If she was in love with Kirsty, would she leave never to come back when she discovered her sharing a fantasy with a man online? We need to know more to really get it. When Kirsty sneaks back to the PC, take some time letting her sneak; let us feel her sense of betrayal but her inability to control this desire for Vincent; walk us through their steamy cyber sex so that we are turned on to. We have to know what Kirsty is getting from Vincent emotionally that she isn't from Trish. Basically, this is the old cliche in writing "show not tell". Instead of telling us Kirsty got steamy, make us steamy ourselves watching her.

I should confess that the story makes me very sad and not excited. I like sad stories, and so I would want to read more of this couple's struggles and particularly Kirsty's inner fight. Show us how much Kirsty still loves Trish and feels that she is betraying her with her sexual desires. Or does she not love her anymore? How much of this is lust and how much is a failed relationship? Don't take these as me saying you should not write because what I am saying is that I want you to write more, more, more. I am a volunteer editor, but no one sends me anything. I'd be glad to read your next story before posting if you wanted.
M-Y

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

<deleted by author>

 

[mack_the_knife]

Infrequent use of the word 'spooge'.

 

[SeaCat]

Hey Doomed,

Just read your story. I enjoyed it but I did have a couple of problems with it, most of which have been covered here. (I would PM you but for some reason the system is not allowing me to do so at this time.)

My only major problem with the story is her being turned by the guy. (Yes I'm sure this can happen, just as a straight can be turned by a Les.) If there had been more explanation of her feelings during this turning then it would have been more believable(sp).

Other than that and the spelling I enjoyed the story. Nice build up. Good character development for a short, and a good storyline. I would have done a couple of tweaks to it, but then again I am still a newbie here myself.

Cat

 

[yui]

I am still a newbie here myself.

Cat

*snort* You are old guard by now, Cat.

Nothing to add but welcome to the AH, Doomed!

 

[Colleen Thomas]

If you are going to have sex with a man in a story in the Les cat, it should be praticularly bad or unfullfiling, preferably done off stage. For the majority of lesbians, the idea of a guy changeing their orientation is laughable and offensive. Itis generally considered a "guy" fantasy.

The category is very forgiving of most mistakes and the readers are usually very free with praoise and feedback.

If you are getting banged hard, my guess is the content is objectionable to many readers.

 

[CharleyH]

Welcome to the AH, doomed_angel.

Your question would take several libraries and a couple of lifetimes to answer.

One truism is that you can't please all of the people all of the time. Your story may not work for one or two but might please hundreds. Or the other way around.

The only way to find out what works for YOU is to write different types of stories or similar stories in different ways and try to see what the response is.

You will always get some bad feedback from 'anonymous'. We all do.

Og

Agree. And welcome Dangel