What lead you to the BDSM life style?
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tenedaveslilslut
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Cop4u_69 said:
i'll try to be as brief as possible as i have an assignment to do this evening.
What got me into this lifestyle started many years ago as a child although i had no idea what submissive meant at the time. i just had this overwhelming urge to want to please my parents and everyone else. i was always thinking about whether or not someone was pleased or not.
In 1981 i was married and i tried to please him, and to make this short, he NEVER appreciated it.
Fast forward 15+ years. i met a friend that i became sort of pen pals with and as we chatted over the weeks it was soon discovered by this friend that i might be submissive in nature, and that what i needed was someone in my life that i could show my desire to please.
Eventually this lead me to some sites about bdsm. it was still confusing to me at the time as i didn't understand any of it. then one day on yahoo i was messaged by a woman who was in a D/s relationship, she was a sub married to her Dom. we hit it off an spent alot of time chatting. One day she "logged on" and i messaged her and it turned out to be her Dom/husband. Well one thing led to another and i agreed to be taught in the ways of bdsm. He would teach me whatever i wanted to learn, and learn i did. October/November 2004 he was sent to Iraq and i haven't heard from him since. i hope he is ok.
April 2005 met another Dom online. He was also teaching me the ways of bdsm, but in a more personal manner this time. in July i became "his sub" in training. i had to do certain things, had some assignments to do and truly enjoyed myself. Then one day something happened, i haven't a clue, and he just put me off. i had completed an assignment but he wouldn't talk to me so that i could report to him on my results. That went on for weeks.
...And in September 2005, i met my Master *smiles* i was worried about having another online D/s relationship as my first one did not turn out so good. But this time it is so much different. My Master has taught me so much more in these last few months than everything else i have learned in the past few years. and this time it means so much more to me too, because this time i love my Master. There was no love in the other relationship. i still make my mistakes every now and then, but i will get better and not make so many. Hopefully by June, i will have learned enough that the week we spend together will be most pleasing for him.
Even though this relationship is online right now, is still the best relationship i've ever had. i am content and very happy and in love with my Master. i still have my moments when i want the control, but i'm working on it, but this is right for me. i know i am at home with my relationship with my Master and look forward to the time when we will be together 24/7.
Y
Yasashii_Kaze
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I met this man four years ago online. He was a dominant personality, into bondage and rape fantasies, and he showed me that there was nothing wrong with how I felt. He encouraged me to write down my fantasies and we would talk for hours online and on the phone. We'd trade stories through email, and then discuss them in the afternoon when we were both off work (I worked nights). He was a wonderfully skilled writer, and he was the reason I started writing erotica. I still have very fond memories of him to this day, and a main character in my first erotic novella-in-progress is named after him. Eventually, he was the reason I pursued my place in the lifestyle.
insertcutename
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I was introduced to it about 6 months ago by my boyfriend. Slowly at first, but he introduced me to more and I was very interested in it. I knew from a young age I was a people pleaser, but he was the one who first called me "submissive", and it was like a light bulb went off. He actually wrote a post about "us" here when we first met.
Toa_lin
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my girlfriend about 6 months ago was submissive.. I've alwasy been mroe dominant in the bedroom then most, and I actually was holding back a bit... until she asked me to tie her hadns together... I found it soo exciting, and it went from there, my Dom. side rapidly showing itself. 
A Desert Rose
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Cop4u_69 said:
Backgammon. ;-)
Brandii
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I don't know if this is what actually led me to begin researching and wanting to participate in the lifestyle but they could certainly have been a contributing factor in my desire to know more about it.
* My father [whom I always had a very close emotional bond with] was a dominant, controlling personality who liked to practise BDSM and unfortunately he frightened the shit out of my Catholic, very inhibited, middle class mother who basically brought my sisters and I up to think all men were sadistic bastards and sex was something you had to endure if you married one of them. [... and only a slut would want to be with one of them outside of marraige.]
From the age of 14, she began to tell me in great detail about his bedroom habits: she needed someone to talk to after a ring-in religious therapy call centre she rang told her "to get over it. It was her duty to meet his needs."
She didn't have anyone else to confide in and needing someone to tell how bad things had become, I became her sounding board.
I was actually starting to have 'what would be considered by my mother as 'devient sexual thoughts' in my late teens, but by now I was scared shitless of both men and sex: so I basically went underground with them and just stored these feelings away.
Only now are they resurfacing again.
That could also be because my mother passed away 5 years ago. I don't feel I have to adhere to her expectations any more. I can like the idea of sex without having to feel like a complete whore anymore.
I just needed to find a male to help me get over my other frame of reference and I found one.
The more time that goes by the more facinated I become with my fathers old lifestyle and they more I 'play with the idea of BDSM' the more I like it.
I am my fathers daughter, after all.
* My father [whom I always had a very close emotional bond with] was a dominant, controlling personality who liked to practise BDSM and unfortunately he frightened the shit out of my Catholic, very inhibited, middle class mother who basically brought my sisters and I up to think all men were sadistic bastards and sex was something you had to endure if you married one of them. [... and only a slut would want to be with one of them outside of marraige.]
From the age of 14, she began to tell me in great detail about his bedroom habits: she needed someone to talk to after a ring-in religious therapy call centre she rang told her "to get over it. It was her duty to meet his needs."
She didn't have anyone else to confide in and needing someone to tell how bad things had become, I became her sounding board.
I was actually starting to have 'what would be considered by my mother as 'devient sexual thoughts' in my late teens, but by now I was scared shitless of both men and sex: so I basically went underground with them and just stored these feelings away.
Only now are they resurfacing again.
That could also be because my mother passed away 5 years ago. I don't feel I have to adhere to her expectations any more. I can like the idea of sex without having to feel like a complete whore anymore.
I just needed to find a male to help me get over my other frame of reference and I found one.
The more time that goes by the more facinated I become with my fathers old lifestyle and they more I 'play with the idea of BDSM' the more I like it.
I am my fathers daughter, after all.
myinnerslut
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i knew i was a masochist from the age of 6 or seven. i knew i was submissive by age 11. i didnt realize it was sexual till my mid-late teens. i intorduced Sir to it, not the other way around.
I grew up in a house where sex wasnt evl and taboo, and it was okay to be who you are. as a result, both of my parents know that i am submissive and in a BDSM relationship, and i found out that when it comes to me and my parents the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
I grew up in a house where sex wasnt evl and taboo, and it was okay to be who you are. as a result, both of my parents know that i am submissive and in a BDSM relationship, and i found out that when it comes to me and my parents the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
Cop4u_69
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Wow some really great stories, thanks to all that have replied so far.
As I stated in the beginning of this thread, mine started by buying a computer. As I got more into searching the internet and seeing some wild and crazy things that I had only heard of, I came across a BDSM web site. After reading for about 4 hours I knew that I had to do more research on this matter.........
As I stated in the beginning of this thread, mine started by buying a computer. As I got more into searching the internet and seeing some wild and crazy things that I had only heard of, I came across a BDSM web site. After reading for about 4 hours I knew that I had to do more research on this matter.........
trisquel_astur
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How it begun...
... I was married whit a bossy woman (not dominant, but very bossy) and I was never confortable with it. I am a heavy reader, and once I bought a book thinking that it was only a fantasy one, but it was a little more that this, 2 weeks after I'd finished reading the last book about Gor.
Years after, I divorced. As a kind of catharsis, I decided go skying to Canada, with the bad luck of broke an arm, and I was injured for near 6 months (I broke the humerus near the joining of the shoulder). Well, I passed a lot of boring time at home and I begin to spend it surfing the net.
A day I decided to join a web for find couple (m a t c h . c o m), and I knew my actual wife. As we lived very far from the other (thousands of Km), we talked a lot about lots of things without taboos, because we need to know the other reasonably before to travel. A day, talking about reading, she asked me that a friend had let her a book about Gor and I told that I'd read all. We talked a little about this and se told me that she wanna me to know another facet of her personality and redirected me to other advertisement she had in a different site (a l t . c o m). In this moment, I realized that our relationship will not flow for "traditional" ways.
so, I begin to read about BDSM, the lifestyle and so on, and I begin to think about it a lot, doin an exercise of aout reflexion and I realized that I was looking for something like this all my life.
When we meet for the first time, se agreed not only to be my girlfriend but my submisive too.
A year after (more or less) we married.
Now we have a happy vanilla life and a still (if possible) more happy, hiden (childs at home) and nightly life of Master and subbie. And we will be forever.
... I was married whit a bossy woman (not dominant, but very bossy) and I was never confortable with it. I am a heavy reader, and once I bought a book thinking that it was only a fantasy one, but it was a little more that this, 2 weeks after I'd finished reading the last book about Gor.
Years after, I divorced. As a kind of catharsis, I decided go skying to Canada, with the bad luck of broke an arm, and I was injured for near 6 months (I broke the humerus near the joining of the shoulder). Well, I passed a lot of boring time at home and I begin to spend it surfing the net.
A day I decided to join a web for find couple (m a t c h . c o m), and I knew my actual wife. As we lived very far from the other (thousands of Km), we talked a lot about lots of things without taboos, because we need to know the other reasonably before to travel. A day, talking about reading, she asked me that a friend had let her a book about Gor and I told that I'd read all. We talked a little about this and se told me that she wanna me to know another facet of her personality and redirected me to other advertisement she had in a different site (a l t . c o m). In this moment, I realized that our relationship will not flow for "traditional" ways.
so, I begin to read about BDSM, the lifestyle and so on, and I begin to think about it a lot, doin an exercise of aout reflexion and I realized that I was looking for something like this all my life.
When we meet for the first time, se agreed not only to be my girlfriend but my submisive too.
A year after (more or less) we married.
Now we have a happy vanilla life and a still (if possible) more happy, hiden (childs at home) and nightly life of Master and subbie. And we will be forever.
Cop4u_69
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Cont...
As my research took me deeper into the Bdsm life, I grew to realize that I was a true dominant. After my on line study of this life style, it was time to actually chat with people of both sides to continue my education on my new found self. So I hit the chat rooms (oh what a mistake that was) and joined a few on line groups that operated an on line chat of this subject. I did alot of just watching and listening......
As my research took me deeper into the Bdsm life, I grew to realize that I was a true dominant. After my on line study of this life style, it was time to actually chat with people of both sides to continue my education on my new found self. So I hit the chat rooms (oh what a mistake that was) and joined a few on line groups that operated an on line chat of this subject. I did alot of just watching and listening......
littledancer4u
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lost
I was led into this life when my husband of 20 years left. Being middleaged and wanting to test my wings I answered a Master on a bdsm site. After putting things in storage I moved iin with Him. With 6 months of intense slave training under my ,umm, belt....grin I moved back home. Now, while living alone there are times I miss the life, the control, someone to make decisions for me. Unfortunately, there are very few people out there that are interested in living the vanilla life that I am seeking. I still yearn for the nipple clamps and the violentwand and dowel rods , the intense release through pain that I sometimes need. It wasnt a midlife crisis I was going through, it was something I n eeded to experience so I could grow. I feel so lost at times.without it.
I was led into this life when my husband of 20 years left. Being middleaged and wanting to test my wings I answered a Master on a bdsm site. After putting things in storage I moved iin with Him. With 6 months of intense slave training under my ,umm, belt....grin I moved back home. Now, while living alone there are times I miss the life, the control, someone to make decisions for me. Unfortunately, there are very few people out there that are interested in living the vanilla life that I am seeking. I still yearn for the nipple clamps and the violentwand and dowel rods , the intense release through pain that I sometimes need. It wasnt a midlife crisis I was going through, it was something I n eeded to experience so I could grow. I feel so lost at times.without it.
Inconsequential
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Cop4u_69 said:
It all started when my aunt had to babysit me for an entire month... she lived the lifestyle on a nightly social basis, and after many many comments she finally dressed me in a cute leather dress put a big sign that said off limits and then started having me serve drinks at her parties. And then several others had me servings drinks at their parties.
That's how it started... it only continued from there....
AvaAdore
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Inconsequential said:
LOL! Did your parents know?
As for me, I had it in me for as long as I can remember. My boyfriend when I was 13 brought up bondage as something he was interested in. I didn't know what it was, and he explained, and something just clicked. Before people say "omg that's so young!" we were just talking about it.
Byakuya
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I've always been a bit of a sadist.. this might sound a little disturbing, but I remember getting my first erection when I caught a glimpse of this movie that had people in various medieval torture devices.. only later did I realize that things like naked women and breasts gave me an erection too.. sheesh, I disturb myself when I think about that.. 
when I was in college I discovered I have masochistic tendencies as well.. I was chatting with some woman online who kept talking about how she would like to dominate me.. tying me up and sitting on my face while dripping hot wax on my body.. that sort of thing.. up until then I figured I was only interested in being a dom, but the more I talked with her the more being a sub started appealing to me.. I only talked with her once and we never met in person or anything.. I don't know why, but I couldn't stop thinking about that conversation..
I keep hearing people say that I need to make up my mind about whether I want to be a dom or a sub, but both appeal to me in different ways.. my wife isn't into the whole scene, but I'm hoping to gradually change that.. I think the only way it's going to happen though is if I take control of the situation.. so I suppose that would make me the dom..
when I was in college I discovered I have masochistic tendencies as well.. I was chatting with some woman online who kept talking about how she would like to dominate me.. tying me up and sitting on my face while dripping hot wax on my body.. that sort of thing.. up until then I figured I was only interested in being a dom, but the more I talked with her the more being a sub started appealing to me.. I only talked with her once and we never met in person or anything.. I don't know why, but I couldn't stop thinking about that conversation..
I keep hearing people say that I need to make up my mind about whether I want to be a dom or a sub, but both appeal to me in different ways.. my wife isn't into the whole scene, but I'm hoping to gradually change that.. I think the only way it's going to happen though is if I take control of the situation.. so I suppose that would make me the dom..
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leeroy jenkins
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I can't say it was one event that got me here. It was more like a gradual shaping, but the final pieces were figuring out I was a masochist and finding the forum. Its amazing how easy it is to get into the lifestyle when you have somewhere to explore and learn from.
WriterDom
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I blame a lot of it on Anne Rice. It was 1996 and I was reading everything she wrote. Innocently picked up the Sleeping Beauty book and found the first few chapters thrilling. Like reading about sex for the first time. Soon after I spanked a nurse and she kinda liked it and then found someone else into spanking on AOL. A few months later I found out there was such a thing as bdsm.
spankableBelle
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Curiosity. Met some people that were 'different' and began asking questions and was given a list of resources to read and view, met others, and realized that I wasn't alone...smiles 
catalina_francisco
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It has been a long journey. I had fantasies which involved bondage and a variety of forms of humiliation when I was around 6 or 7 yo. From there I just drifted through childhood until I began working at 15 yo and buying my own novels on the way home from work. I picked up a couple which had scenarios of bondage, M/s, and D/s in them which sparked my interest and reminded me of the fantasies I had always entertained. I realised at that point I had never been able to reach orgasm during masturbation unless there were elements of D/s heavily involved in the fantasies in my head at the time. Then when I was around 16yo I saw The Story Of O up on the very top shelf in my favourite shop and just about brought the shelves down trying to reach it....didn't know what it was, but the cover gave me an instant thrill. I couldn't wait to get home and start reading. Hmm, well I finished it in one night and it became a fave of mine and 32 years later, battered and hanging together by a thread, it still resides in my book shelf. Unfortunately I still didn't know about BDSM as a lifestyle choice, so it was not until the early-mid 90's I began to be exposed to it in a way which let me know it was a definite lifestyle choice, and one I wanted to live from there on. I explored awhile, and then went in search of the one I would commit to and spend my life with. 2002 that happened and we have been M/s and married 4 1/2 years now and still finding it keeps getting better.
Catalina
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a twisted road
When I was 6 or 7, I learned how to masturbate and used to fantasize regularly about being hung naked on the blackboard out in the schoolyard where anyone who wanted to could touch me.
I was promiscuous early, and always willing to try anything sexually. Fell in love with the Hell's Angels and the biker scene in California.
Moved to NYC and discovered "The Zone" and other clubs after quitting drugs and alcohol, I'd fuel my desires as a voyeur and play them out with my husband at home.
In the last year, rediscovering the depths of my interests, we've transformed our marriage into a TPE, and used the online communities to find like-minded people, still too shy perhaps to introduce ourselves publicly. . . .
When I was 6 or 7, I learned how to masturbate and used to fantasize regularly about being hung naked on the blackboard out in the schoolyard where anyone who wanted to could touch me.
I was promiscuous early, and always willing to try anything sexually. Fell in love with the Hell's Angels and the biker scene in California.
Moved to NYC and discovered "The Zone" and other clubs after quitting drugs and alcohol, I'd fuel my desires as a voyeur and play them out with my husband at home.
In the last year, rediscovering the depths of my interests, we've transformed our marriage into a TPE, and used the online communities to find like-minded people, still too shy perhaps to introduce ourselves publicly. . . .
I too read the Story of O in college (20 years ago) and thought I was going to fall over... I still have that copy! I've had those submissive feelings forever and just recently decided to find out more about it. Is it something I really want? I think I do...
I'm dating & figure I might as well look for exactly what I want... a Dominant man! (Adds that to the list...)
And - after reading lots about it, having a few real life experiences, hearing some success stories... I think the journey is just beginning.
I'm dating & figure I might as well look for exactly what I want... a Dominant man! (Adds that to the list...)
And - after reading lots about it, having a few real life experiences, hearing some success stories... I think the journey is just beginning.
Etoile
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The Australian publication must have had a very different cover from the U.S. version! My parents had The Story of O when I was growing up, I never read the whole thing at the time (just went straight to the good parts when they weren't home), but the cover was absolutely dull. This was the version my parents had:catalina_francisco said:
http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/P/0345301110.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg
