What is your price?

[Gingersnap]

I have a question and want some honest input please. What if you were to recieve a large amount of money from someone that you knew was trying to buy off their guilt. Would you take it? I would really appreciate some input. Thanks

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Forgiveness has no price tag....

It is given feely or not at all.


blue

 

[Cheri]

I'd need a bit more info before making that decision. Are you talking about buying your forgiveness, such as a cheating husband suddenly getting generous with the jewelry, or something more like a corporate liability kinda thing?

 

[Gary1]

Question? more questions needed...

More information is needed to answer this question. Background is needed into the moral or ethical issues of the original phenomenon or happenstance. More background information would create a more favorable environment for responses. gn

 

[Dreamer1]

I know the details and you know how I feel. You are my friend and I will love you no matter what you decide. Please remember, you do not have a price and taking the money DOES NOT mean you do.

 

[Patryn]

Damn, girl...you sound like you're in a tough spot. I agree with the others, that a little more info would be good, but if you can't or won't give it, that's fine.

I would say sure, take it. If the person is an asshole and is trying to buy your forgiveness, they deserve to be taken. If they're genuinely trying to make ammends, well...it can't hurt if you come out ahead, can it?

 

[CreamyLady]

I honestly don't know. I think a great deal would depend on the original offense, and if money were a part of it.

If money had nothing to do with it in the first place, and the person had injured me emotionally or physically, very badly, I don't think I'd want it.

Forgiveness has to be given freely -- Flamingo Blue is correct. There's no money value on it. Forgetfulness, well, sometimes it just isn't possible.

 

[Cheyenne]

It would depend on what that person had done to me to feel guilty in the first place. What effect did the original event on me have, if any? If it was something I needed to forgive, have I? Holding a grudge usually does neither side any good.

Also, do I really need the money? Would I feel better taking it but giving it to charity instead of keeping it (possible if I consider it "blood money" of some kind)? Would I be able to sleep at night if I took this money or would it eat at me?

Lots of questions, not a lot of answers. Sorry.

 

[Miranda Reigns]

Guilt

If someone felt that bad about something that they had done to me ... and offered me money to forgive them, I would tell them to keep their money ... already forgiven. (Forgotten might cost them ... oh, uh ... $3.50 ... <Anyone out there a South Park fan??> hehehehehehe)
xxxooo

 

[Gingersnap]

Okay lets use the extremes for examples. You are a parent and have died but before you die you leave a codicile in your will to have a settlement placed on a child you hated and abandoned at an early age. If you were that child would you take the money? What if the settlement must be given before any other money could be contributed. What would you do?

 

[Neoapril]

Take the money. You don't have to keep it, you know. If it offends you, give it to a charity.

 

[Siren]

Oh my that is sad

 

[Cheyenne]

Let me translate to what I think you said. A parent dies and gives money in a will to a child the parent "hated" and abandoned. That bequest is first in line, and nothing else will be distributed until that bequest is paid first. Is that correct?

Then I'd still have more questions. What would be the effect on any other beneficiaries under the will if I were the child and I took the money? Would someone else who needs it a lot more than me be hurt by me taking the money? Maybe a widow, or other kids much younger than me that could use the money to live? Same question as before- do I really need the money myself? Could I afford to take it and give it to charity- maybe to orphans in this case?

I just realized none of my questions revolve around whether I've forgiven the parent for abandoning me or not. Hmmmm..maybe that's a separate issue?

 

[Siren]

Cheyene

 

[ShyGuy68]

To me the question is if the person is really sorry for what happend, and are regretting what happened.

But then again, if the person thinks that it's possible to buy forgiveness, that is wrong too. I believe that forgiveness should be something that you can't buy, just like love, health and friendship

 

[Cheyenne]

Re: Cheyene

What about those other children or widow not caring or helping her when she was out on the streets, homeless and abandoned?

Since they did nothing to assist her, she has no obligation to them now.

SIREN

I don't know her history, sorry. Could be the widow and other kids never knew she was alive? Is this will a death bed confession:? If they did know she was on the streets, homeless and abandoned, I'd change my answer in a heart beat to "take the money". If they didn't, my original questions would still be valid.

 

[Samuari]

A few thoughts, Gingersnap:
1) In my experance it is imposable buy off guilt. The guilt belongs to the person feeling guilty alone. Cann't be bought or sold.
2) You can only be responceable for yourself, your own actions, and motavations. Trying to project responceability on to another is a road to despair; even when it is someone whom we love and admire, which I understand this is not.
3)Therefore, I think that your main concern in this affair is how your actions effect other people. The action and motavations of others is too big a load for anyones shoulders.

I hope this helps.

 

[Gingersnap]

Thanks for all your input. Cheyenne there are no minor children and the widow (my mother) has plenty of money. Dreamer I know you think I am being stubborn and you are right.I think the only thing to do is to get silly with the money and forget it's source......How about "Squeaky Shoes for Everybody"??

Really thanks you guys this was driving me nutso. I guess I got confused about the difference betweeen forgiveness and forgetting. You can't really do one without the other now can you. Time to let that chapter of my life die along with my father. Life is a big movable feast and I came to dance. Now wherever did that big hariy ape get to, hey dreamer sorry I told you to bite me.

 

[Bigdog]

Based solely on the example given, I don't think forgiveness is an issue here. One must be alive in order to forgive or be forgiven. Any money left to you in a will shouldn't be construed as buying forgiveness because it doesn't work that way. Even if the parent were still alive, asking for forgiveness and making amends are exclusive to each other.

As for making any other beneficiaries suffer, that's not your call. The person who made the will bears all the responsibility for determining who deserves what. If the nature of your windfall bohters you, put the money into a CD or money market account for a year. Within that "cooling off period" think about your options for the money, chances are some event will occur that will make your decision crystal clear.

I hope things work out well for you.

 

[Juliangel]

I would say take the money. If the child had been abondon the life growing up probably wasn't easy. No matter how much or little it is it could be used to ease your life now.
If out of pride or other reasons you could not take the money for yourself, take it for others. Give the money to an agency that helps children that have been abondoned like you were to help ease their pain or better yet help yourself while you help them and start your own agency.
With your own agency you can show them that they have a chance to make something of thereselves and that someone does understand what they are going through.

 

[Nicole]

Sweetie, Take the money, you deserve it for putting up with the crap.

Take the money, go see Roger

Oh and Gingersnap ... Have fun while your there

 

[Dreamer1]

Sweetie, Take the money, you deserve it for putting up with the crap.

Take the money, go see Roger

Oh and Gingersnap ... Have fun while your there

I already told her to do that Nicole!!
Neener, neener Ginger!

 

[Cheyenne]

Thanks for all your input. Cheyenne there are no minor children and the widow (my mother) has plenty of money.

Now you're talking. Take the money! Use it for whatever would make you happy. Maybe that is putting it away to make your future a little more secure than your past. But spend at least some of it to have fun. Do something you would never do otherwise because you wouldn't "waste your money." Consider it "found" money and go ahead and waste some of it!

It doesn't sound like you had a relationship with your dad, but I'm sorry to hear he died anyway. If there was a chance to have you forgive him in person, he took that with him to his grave. His loss.

 

[Nicole]

And Dreamer babe that is why were friends ... We think alike

 

[Guest]

Baby - there's a lot of good advice in here.

You just have to decide what is the right choice for you. Do whatever is going to make you feel the happiest.

If accepting the cheque is going to make you feel bad about yourself, then refuse it. If that is going to prevent the other parties involved from receiving their cut, then you could always take the money and then post a cheque for the same amount right back to the other benefactors - telling them why you don't want it. (Although, watch this doesn't cause IRS problems.)

On the other hand, you could work a bit of alchemy - turn what you see as bad money into something good. A few people have suggested donating it to a good cause, which might not be a bad idea. Or you could have fun with it - buy yourself something completely extravegant. You deserve happiness after the way you've been treated.

If it makes things easier - just ignore the signature on the cheque. You know that your Gramps loved you very much and he wanted you to be looked after. Think of this as coming from him, (which, in an indirect way, it did, really.) What would he have wanted you to do?

You don't have to make any rash decisions, babe. Give yourself time to get over the shock. Once your head is clear, do whatever is going to make you happiest.



xxx

PS - If you decide to go for the squeeky shoes idea, could I have mine in red?





[Edited by Roger Simian on 09-16-2000 at 04:14 PM]