What is your opinion of a bisexual person having both a male and a female partner?

[lilminx]

I was talking to someone lastnight, and he told me that his ex-girlfriend also had a girlfriend while they were together. I asked him if it bothered him, and he said that it didn't, but her girlfriend hated him.

What do you think about situations such as this? Have you ever been involved in such a relationship?

I will probably be gone for most of the day so I won't be able to check out the reponses until later, but I hope that when I do read this, that there are some interesting responses.

 

[Jack Steed]

... are they willing to share?

 

[hornylady]

I suppose it depends on whether the relationship was supposed to be exclusive or not. The thing that would probably hurt me most would be that the other partner had been kept a secret; if everything is open and above board, then things could be much more fun!

 

[bibphi]

.....

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

My own opinion.

If my girl wants to have a girlfriend, well that is something I cannot give her. but if she want's to sleep around with any and every girl then I"ll have a problem with that it would be like cheeting in my mind.

now if she was with just one girl and only that girl. I would still have a problem with it but in a way could Understand and deal with it better. love is a funny thing. but if her girlfrined hated the shit out of me. there is a big problem, cause me and my girl would be a package (no i don't mean a 3-sum. I mean that I'm a part of her and she is a part of me so if you hate me your saying something bad about her.) does that make sence?

 

[lovetoread]

I think that if you are in a relationship,no matter what sex it is,you should be faithful.

I would be hurt if I was in a relationship and the other cheated. Female or male it doesnt matter.

 

[sexy-girl]

if every partner was ok with it then i think its ok ... im not one of those people that trys to tell people how to live ... however ... i dont agree with people that say they can truly love two people at once ... i believe a person has enough love to love one person ... if they "love two" then the love is less ... i would give more value to a relationship where there is just two people totally in love with eachother then a relationship where a person said they were in love with two people


also me myself personally would not accept a bisexual girlfriend who wanted to date me and a guy at the same time ... i think i would have a hard time dating a bisexual girl anyway she would have to do a lot to convince me to feel secure ... im not 100% sure how many bisexual girls would have a life long relationship with just a lesbian

 

[SexyChele]

I think the important thing is communication and honesty. If you are with one partner (male or female), and you feel you need another partner of the opposite sex, then you need to be above board with your current partner and let them exactly what you are looking for. If your current partner objects, then it is important to listen to them, understand where they are coming from, and possibly re-evaluate the situation. I know that if I had a male partner who objected strongly to me having a girlfriend on the side, then I wouldn't do it. Likewise, if I had a girlfriend who I was intimate with who "hated" my boyfriend, then I would have issues with that and would probably leave her for him.

 

[Aphrodisiac]

I personally do not see anything wrong with a person being Bi.
A couple of my friends have been in such situations and I see nothing wrong with what they choose to do... I applaud them for doing as they please and not letting society interfere into their own personal love life.


Now as for myself I don't think I would like if my man was seeing another woman. I am greedy and I want him all to myself !

 

[RisiaSkye]

I consider myself bisexual (or more really, sex-positive), but I also believe in monogamy. To me, three people isn't a relationship, it's a problem. I wouldn't choose to be in that kind of situation, if I had the choice.

I dated a bisexual man once. He had a boyfriend on the side, which I didn't know about until I found out in a most unpleasant way. The lying bothered me a good deal more than the situation. I thought we were dating monogamously, he didn't think the same thing, though he pretended to. It would have worked better for everyone if he'd been honest about his desires. I could have chosen to stay or leave, without feeling like I'd been manipulated into loving someone whose interest in me was of a different, and somewhat less deeply felt, type.

 

[patient1]

I'd take extra health precautions.

 

[modest mouse]

Ms. Minx, interesting question, rambling musings to follow:

Sexually speaking the distinction of having a male and female lover does draw a line in the sand, so to speak. Allowing for some distance as far as what is perceived as intimate between lovers...meaning that if I am the man I can take some sexual intimacy in that when I slowly do her from behind its not the same as sex with her GF. In the same vein I would imagine that their ability to 69, etc...would be more intimate to their sexual relationship.

So, yes, there are differences than if its a woman and two men. Lust, sex, physical desire...is far easier to delineate and allow for openness than emotional and intellectual attachments/commitments. Knowing your SO is somewhere else screaming in joy while her clit is licked is a radically different thought than knowing she is elsewhere discussing her absolute inner self with someone, not a freind but a lover, in the truest sense of the word.

Now...as far as having a true relationship where a group of 3 is involved, one person having two lovers...This is a much more significant issue. Whereas the gender difference allows for, possible, more openness in regards to teh sexual aspects...such differences are minor as it pertains to a 'relationship'. That is, that bond between people, that life is tackled together...short or long term.

Here is the minefield of jealousy, self-doubt, fear,etc, etc. The dynamic between the 3 would have to be fluid and in some ways shallow, leaving portions of each separate from the whole...which inhibits the true bonds taht make a strong relationship, one that brings more to each than it takes. In teh end, this is what most of us seek(yes, I'm putting words in your mouth).

In the case cited above problems are already there that will not be overcome, will not, I can tell you that much. If the GF is hateful of the male participant then we have a problem and only a small grain of sand is necessary to break it all up...because it really is a juggling act of sorts.

For myself, in less general terms:

Could I date a woman who had a GF? I could, but it would be a short term relationship and in that context it doesnt bother me but I'm not laying myself out nearly as much as I would be in the long term.

Possibly my relationship with her grows and down the road it becomes between us and she no longer has a GF, I wouldnt object to that but my suspicion is that this wouldnt be possible once such a dynamic was established.

The sexual aspects excite rather than bother, even if the 3 of us never shared a bed I would find it thrilling in ways and allow it to crank up the sexual energy between the two of us.

Perhaps I am more conservative than I would like to belive, or maybe I know myself well enough...that in order for me to develop a long term relationship, one that is or has the potential for alife partnership, I need more clarity and an arangement of 3 wouldnt allow me that.

(Note: I havnt read the previous responses so I may be redundant...off to find some decaff)

 

[daughter]

Strict monogamist

The larger issue is about trust and respecting boundaries. Poly relationships work if everyone involved wants it and boundaries are respected.

It's none of my business what arrangement consenting adults have so I don't have an opinion about someone being bi and who he sleeps with.

I would not date someone bi because I would not want to think he is compromising his sexuality to be with me and I would not accept having another person in our relationship.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Rubyfruit]

... however ... i dont agree with people that say they can truly love two people at once ... i believe a person has enough love to love one person ... if they "love two" then the love is less ...

By this logic, if you have a second child, the first one's love quotient gets cut in half.

Love has an endless supply. There are also many different types and levels of love. I love my lover, but in a differnt way than I love my husband. My love for my husband is very deep and profound and my love for my lover does not take away from that.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

My male partner knows of my bisexual thoughts and would not mind at all if I took on a female lover. He knows I would not screw around with just anyone, that the lady would be respected in my eyes as I would be in hers. He does not feel a need to have another female in his life and does not 'want' another man.

I do not see myself needing a full time relationship with a woman, but someone who I could meet on occasion for frolick and fun, maybe going shopping with or out to a moive on occassions would be great. But I would not expect us to live in each others pockets.

As for what my partner would expect from it all. He would love to be there to watch all the frolicking, but he would understand if the other woman did not want that. He would not expect to join in, but if the lady welcomed it he could be there for me and I for both of them.

Trust and respecting boundaries is what situations like this is all about. I now just have to meet that lovely lady.......

 

[Calamity Jane]

If I knew going into the relationship that it wasn't monogamous, then I wouldn't care what sex the person's other partner was. The key, as in everything else, is honesty.

If I was in a monogamous relationship, and one day my guy woke up, informed me he was bi, and that our relationship needed to expand to allow hom to explore that, then I would have issues.

 

[daughter]

Rubyfruit

Love has an endless supply. There are also many different types and levels of love. I love my lover, but in a differnt way than I love my husband. My love for my husband is very deep and profound and my love for my lover does not take away from that.

Are you poly?

I belonged to another sexuality forum, and we had a large poly group. I learned a lot. I have wondered if there were a poly population here.

Emotionally, it's not for me, but it was very interesting learning about what makes other people happy.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Guest]

Being a bisexual, for myself, does not incorporate the freedom to have relationships with both sexes, at the same time. It's just a label that befits me because I'm capable of loving men and women.
While attraction to women does not end due to commitment, I am monogamous.
Helll, attraction to men doesn't end either.

 

[GuyJD]

I doubt if I would have a problem with that. I've had a girlfriend who used to tell me stories of her and her girlfriend. When we dated, she was afraid to tell me of her bisexual affairs but was very relieved to know that I accepted it and loved and accepted her.

 

[Tyrael]

Maybe it's just me, but I can't see a man not being a little excited about his g/f letting him watch her and her g/f make out.

Did the guy know she was bi before they began dating?

If so, did he know about the other woman at the beginning or find out all this later?

The bottom line is if they could make a relationship like that work good for them. It's just not for me.

 

[Andreina]

If all three of them are happy with the situation, why not? I couldn't be in either of the three positions.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: What is your opinion of a bisexual person having both a male and a female partner?

What do you think about situations such as this?

I think that when people are involved in a polygomous relationship, whether it be swinging, the occasional menage a trois, or a long last relationship of more than two adults, all parties involved have to be very special and mature people to be able to handle all of the issues.

In the relationship you described it sounded like at least one person was not able to handle the situation, and that the relationship was headed for trouble.

If such a relationship could be handled properly without trouble, then it could be a lot of fun for all parties involved, but the extra fun is not worth a dissolved relationship if one or more people can't handle it.

Have you ever been involved in such a relationship?

No, and I doubt I ever will. I will consider myself lucky if I can find one good woman who wants me, much less two. If I ever do find that one woman, then unless I was extremely lucky enough to find another that liked me and the first woman, and the first woman liked the second woman, and I liked the second woman, and there were no problems, then I might consider it - but that is a lot of "ifs" and "ands"!

 

[privy2u]

When I first started reading this thread I dismissed posting to it, because my wife and I are both straight. But by the time I had read each post carefully I began to apply some of the logic to my relationship with my wife.

My Honest Opinion!

If my wife or I had a secret relationship with another person it wouldn't matter what sex the other person was. We would be cheating and our relationship would forever be changed, if it continued at all.
Honesty is a key factor in any relationship, be it a one sided bi agreement or full poly. Without it the relatioship is in jeapordy.


privy

 

[lilminx]

Wow- some very interesting and thought- provoking answers.

Some people brought up some good points. I didn't explain the whole situation, because I wanted to hear people's opinions based on a general scenario. Here's some more details:

The girl lived in Las Vegas, was a stripper, and was totally bisexual. I believe she had a girlfriend before the guy met her. He goes to Vegas a lot, on vacation and on business, and he met her there. They started dating, and both partners knew about each other. They never had a threesome together. Every time he flew out, he saw her, and he might have flown her into NY a few times to see him. It didn't bother him that she had a girlfriend, but it bothered her girlfriend that she was dating this guy. Eventually they ended the relationship due to other circumstances, and when the guy was in Las Vegas after that, the girl's girlfriend was a lot nicer to him. i guess it bothered her to know that she was getting a different kind of sex from someone else, but it excited him to know that she was getting it on with another woman.

Now, I noticed some of you responded about having two partners of the same sex- that WASN'T what I was asking (*ahem*, STG). As I tell my students, read the questions carefully!

 

[seXieleXie]

Originally posted by bibphi
Personally I've wished to be bi, just so my potential dating pool would be doubled.

this may have been a joke but i really take exception to it. being bi doesn't mean having your pick of any man or woman you want. most lesbians i know would have reservations about dating someone who is bisexual. though guys talk about how much they like girl-on-girl action, many feel threatened by someone who is bisexual. a lot of people don't understand bisexuals and say they are either "just greedy" or "on the fence." i'm not all up in arms offended, but i don't like to let statements like that slide without comment.

about this situation: as long as everyone knows what is going on and everyone agrees to it then i really couldn't care less what they do. i don't know what my future will bring, so i can't say i would never do something like this myself. i don't think i would, but who knows how i might feel if actually faced with the situation.