What is Vanilla?

[Cyndeveaux]

We are having a difference of opinion. My b/f thinks vanilla sex is defined as boring or unadventurous. I think it means, sex without activities such as BDSM, D/s or swinging as some examples.

So I am coming here to find out what other people think vanilla sex is or means for the most part. Thoughts anyone?

 

[ThomasMayer74]

We are having a difference of opinion. My b/f thinks vanilla sex is defined as boring or unadventurous. I think it means, sex without activities such as BDSM, D/s or swinging as some examples.

So I am coming here to find out what other people think vanilla sex is or means for the most part. Thoughts anyone?

Ok, i will say this straight and boring: Vanilla is what the majority of people do when they have sex. Plain and simple.
To be a smart-ass even more: Vanilla ist the flavor most people like.

 

[dirtylittlemuppet]

Why do I want an ice cream now... and kinky sex?

 

[ashk85]

Yeah, it's quick, cheap and cheerful sex without all the fun "bonus" stuff. Not necessarily boring, but lacking adventure.

 

[eric60red]

We are having a difference of opinion. My b/f thinks vanilla sex is defined as boring or unadventurous. I think it means, sex without activities such as BDSM, D/s or swinging as some examples.

So I am coming here to find out what other people think vanilla sex is or means for the most part. Thoughts anyone?

Wink, wink, Vanilla sex doesn't have to be boring, it depends what you need. I suggest you read some articles or books on BDSM and D/s, check the stories in Lit, and acquaint your self with the various terms. Failing that contact me for some advice and instructions.

 

[Scheherazade73]

We are having a difference of opinion. My b/f thinks vanilla sex is defined as boring or unadventurous. I think it means, sex without activities such as BDSM, D/s or swinging as some examples.

So I am coming here to find out what other people think vanilla sex is or means for the most part. Thoughts anyone?

No one has yet asked the obvious question: Why has this come up for the two of you? Does one see the relationship as more vanilla? Is that a problem for one of you? Or are you both feeling outside pressure to make your sex life more varied?

If both of you feel you need some added flavor, I second what another poster suggested: trying some things out. It's fun to each make lists, negotiate, trade "favors," get a little quid pro quo going on. That in itself, whether or not you decide to add any other flavors to your freezer, will be fun.

If you both feel your sex life is fine as is, I wouldn't let labels bother you.

And maybe you were honestly just settling a debate, in which case all this advice is for naught

 

[DoverTomo]

vanilla is your fallback - like when you don't have something on your mind and you fall back into what you know works, etc. Not necessarily boring by any means, just kind of there. Not to deep into your bag of tricks as it were...

 

[Sharkzilla]

I’m not sure when Vanilla became a derogatory term. It seems to me, people are trying to outdo the porn they seem to be addicted to. Too many people overthink the act of sex. If a person needs more and more thrill to get off with their partner, it seems to me the relationship is on the downward slide. I admit roleplaying is beyond me. Pretending I’m someone or something I’m not just seems too much work. There’s nothing wrong with experimentation and finding out what gets you off. It can be fun, but if chasing the newest thrill is necessary; it’s time to reevaluate priorities. Sex isn’t the end all and be all of life.

And to define Vanilla. Two people without anything else being necessary to find sexual fulfillment.

 

[Inspirinious]

I am not sure exactly what is happening between you and your SO, so I will avoid any implications on your relationship.

But to address the question at face value, I assume that vanilla sex is just sex between two people. No third persons, no toys, and not in public.

Borderline activities (vanilla-not vanilla) may include oral sex or role playing. But VERY Vanilla sex would not include any of these. Very Vanilla would probably be at home, in the bedroom. May include a hotel room while traveling. Probably does not include other rooms such as the kitchen.

To support some other opinions here, I do not see vanilla sex as a derogatory thing. Two people that love each other should enjoy vanilla sex - making love to one another. But to extend the ice cream analogy, while we do enjoy vanilla ice cream, we can also enjoy other flavors.

 

[AlterMoose]

Vanilla is sweet, warm, pleasant, and comforting. Sure, if one partakes of nothing but vanilla ad infinitum, it becomes boring, even infuriating in extreme cases. Trying chocolate, strawberry, cookie dough, and heavenly hash is just great. But sometimes, ya just want something simple and nice. IT'S NOT BAD. It's just not mind-bendingly exotic.

 

[Biker_Type]

i'll go with a george carlin theme...'man on top, get it over with quick'

there are lots of flavors out there and we should taste as many as we like!