What is the oddest thing that had made you or your sub code.

[Ezarc]

Or come close to coding.
Received in a new horse hair flogger last week and it was tied off with a few odd strips of plonge leather. Plonge is thick and soft for those that don't know it. Well, started playing with a stip of it about 20" and between 1/4" and a 1/2" wide., flicking it like a singetail. I mostly jokingly stated that I could make her code with it. She laughed and then examined it stating that I couldn't.
Gauntlet thrown down.
Well, she didn't code and due to circumstances of living arrangement I couldn't really push is too far. She did concied that I propably could have had I proceeded.
What sort of odd toys have you pushed up to or even to coding. Be it dare or otherwise.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Or come close to coding.

Popsicles and cones.

 

[YinandYang]

Not really an odd thing...but a wooden spoon, worked up to peak to quickly

 

[RomyDelaney]

Are Dom/me's supposed to push their subs until they code or safeword? I thought the point of SSC was that the Dom/me knew when to stop, before the sub needed the cose or safeword.

 

[Zaudika]

Are Dom/me's supposed to push their subs until they code or safeword? I thought the point of SSC was that the Dom/me knew when to stop, before the sub needed the cose or safeword.

A lot of the time this is very accurate, yes.

Ezarc and i have been together and playing for more than two years however, and while we have a very strong D/s relationship -- we have some adventurous and playful times that other D/s couples might not be as comfortable with. Everyone is different.

The particular leather strap he mentioned we were having fun with just out of the blue, it wasn't like a full scene. AND -- I kind of asked for it by saying that he 'couldn't' get me close to coding with it.

In general, Ezarc is very careful about not pushing me to coding. He knows my body language well, he knows when to stop for a moment to let me breathe, when to pause, when to give me that light touch that just sinks me deeper into subspace.

However, change in pace and playing with new toys is why it's important for some couples to have two safe words. Yellow and Red in this case. When playing with new things that you're both learning about, Yellow is very helpful so you can both find the limit together.

On another aspect of things, having safewords/codes are incredibly important for days of extra sensitively. I'm sure that there are many other subs out there aside from me that struggle some days more than others with pain tolerence. I love pain ... but there are certain times ... generally around that time of the month, or if I'm on a new med for a week, etc - that I'm ultra ultra sensitive to pain and can't take that much.

Anyhoo, now I'm starting to ramble ... I think I got across what I was trying to say though! ..

 

[YinandYang]

Are Dom/me's supposed to push their subs until they code or safeword? I thought the point of SSC was that the Dom/me knew when to stop, before the sub needed the cose or safeword.

In my experience (which has been limited to one partner) the very act of submitting, ie him taking the control also involves him bringing me to my safe word. For him to know when I need to stop would be like me being in control. Of course there are times when its very neccessary for him to use his experience with me, and know if its safe to carry on. He can do this because he knows me inside out. But for someone in a poly relationship there are dangers that the person in control may not know the submitee's limits. I am particulary stubborn (and he knows this) so saying the safeword is something I hate doing, so yes there are times he has to step in. But for the most part its about pushing further and further our limits

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Digital versus Analog

Are Dom/me's supposed to push their subs until they code or safeword? I thought the point of SSC was that the Dom/me knew when to stop, before the sub needed the cose or safeword.

i'm so glad the "Dom/me's" in your world have perfection down to an every day science.

For the rest of us, both sides of the coin work on sliding scales of intent and tolerance. For example, if the partner "pushing the buttons" wants a certain level of intensity and the partner getting "pushed" feels under the weather, i can see play going into the red zone faster than if the "pushed" felt normal. Nine days out of ten, "pushed" can take a hairbrush smack on the ass in the exact same spot a certain number of times before showing signs of distress that will lead to a code/safeword. On day ten, "pushed" slips and lands on "pushed's" ass early in the day, doesn't seriously harm anything, thinks nothing of it, and doesn't tell "button pusher" later in the evening. For some reason, the "xth" stroke of the hairbrush just feels all wrong to "pushed." i'd expect the person i'm pushing to immediately code/safeword, wouldn't you?

 

[RomyDelaney]

i'm so glad the "Dom/me's" in your world have perfection down to an every day science.

I'm glad that the BDSM forum is such a welcoming place to have questions answered without total sarcasm....no wait. That must be somewhere else.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I'm glad that the BDSM forum is such a welcoming place to have questions answered without total sarcasm....no wait. That must be somewhere else.

You asked a black & white question and got reminded we live in a multi-grey world. If you can't take the heat, step off the playground ... no wait. That is where anything goes.

 

[RomyDelaney]

You asked a black & white question and got reminded we live in a multi-grey world. If you can't take the heat, step off the playground ... no wait. That is where anything goes.

Funny how the other two people on here managed to answer my black & White question no trouble. Don't worry about it. I'm sure there are plenty of threads in the library where I could have found an answer anyway, right?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Funny how the other two people on here managed to answer my black & White question no trouble. Don't worry about it. I'm sure there are plenty of threads in the library where I could have found an answer anyway, right?

i don't know.

Have you looked?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Funny how the other two people on here managed to answer my black & White question no trouble. Don't worry about it. I'm sure there are plenty of threads in the library where I could have found an answer anyway, right?

Very legit question Romy and it is only through asking and listening we learn. LOL, ask Francisco, he is still tryig to get used to my constant asking 'why' when I want to know something which is just about every day even after nearly 3 years together. Once got told by an American friend when he was visiting me in Oz that it is when you stop asking and hope to find the answer by accident, or worse, feel you have all the answers, that you need to give yourself a good reality check.

Zaudika gave a great answer. For us we don't have a safeword anymore...sometimes he stops, sometimes he pushes me beyond what I would perhaps take otherwise...it varies on mood and what he feels is good for me and/or what he needs in that moment. In the begining of a relationship it is good to have safewords and use them if only to enable the Dom/me to learn the intricacies and uniqueness of your body and reactions. Despite us sometimes thinking they can do no wrong, they are human too and can make the odd misjudgement.

Catalina

 

[RomyDelaney]

Very legit question Romy and it is only through asking and listening we learn. LOL, ask Francisco, he is still tryig to get used to my constant asking 'why' when I want to know something which is just about every day even after nearly 3 years together. Once got told by an American friend when he was visiting me in Oz that it is when you stop asking and hope to find the answer by accident, or worse, feel you have all the answers, that you need to give yourself a good reality check.

Zaudika gave a great answer. For us we don't have a safeword anymore...sometimes he stops, sometimes he pushes me beyond what I would perhaps take otherwise...it varies on mood and what he feels is good for me and/or what he needs in that moment. In the begining of a relationship it is good to have safewords and use them if only to enable the Dom/me to learn the intricacies and uniqueness of your body and reactions. Despite us sometimes thinking they can do no wrong, they are human too and can make the odd misjudgement.

Catalina

Thanks Catalina. Do you think that this kind of thing applies to people who don't live a 24/7 lifestyle? I suppose it would depend on how well a person knew the person they were 'playing' with.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Popsicles and cones.

I'm afraid of the answer to this question but, do you mean ice cream CONES or traffic CONES?

 

[Stefani]

I used our safe word twice with my Mistress.

The first time... when she wanted me to drink a glass full of her piss. I told her she could do anything to me, but just not that... I felt it was unsanitary and would have vomited. She was mad as hell that I refused and used the safe word. She said she wanted it to be a sign of my submission to her, but respected my limts. Thank God.

The second time... we were at an S&M club in Manhattan called the Vault. She wanted to take me up on stage, strip me down naked, and beat the shit out of me in front of a club of 100+ people. I got down on my knees and begged her not to. Being at the Vault, she was in an ultra Domme mood, she really wanted to play with me... but public play is not my thing... not like that in front of a huge crowd. So that was the only other time i used our safe word. Again, she wasn't happy, but she was tricked out head to toe in black leather, with thigh high leather boots... she had her pick of other subs in the club that were only TOO willing to comply with her every command. Thank God.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Glass half empty, or half full?

I'm afraid of the answer to this question but, do you mean ice cream CONES or traffic CONES?

i'm too tired to quip.

Ice cream.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Originally posted by Romy Delaney
Are Dom/me's supposed to push their subs until they code or safeword? I thought the point of SSC was that the Dom/me knew when to stop, before the sub needed the cose or safeword

....and sometimes I just like being pushed to red as an exercise in endurance.

Past what he thinks I can take.

Past what I think I can take, until I squeek out that word with clenched teeth and he wraps me up in my blankie and tells me how wonderful I was.

And I'm sore for a week.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks Catalina. Do you think that this kind of thing applies to people who don't live a 24/7 lifestyle? I suppose it would depend on how well a person knew the person they were 'playing' with.

I think it depends on those involved. A lot of people are not into ever going 24/7 but maintain a relationship which allows them to still read their partner well enough to not rely on safewords anymore (though you still can misjudge at times, especially when things are not as they usually are), some people don't know or read them well but feel obligated to dismiss safewords anyway, and some people are just not comfortable with taking the risk involved with play w/o a safeword. Like most things it becomes a matter of individual tastes and unique interractions.

There is a huge dilemma with many submissives feeling to safeword spells failure which then makes it more difficult for the Dom/me to know exactly what they are experiencing and capable of enduring. It is understandable to feel that way, but needs to be remembered they are using a safeword because the Dominant wants them to and to enable the Dominant to play without crossing an unseen limit or barrier and causing damage, thus making the Dom/me then feel they have failed or worse. To deny the Dominant that grace can be seen IMO as disrespectful and inconsiderate, even disobedient, just as much as it can be seen by the sub as failure if used. Safety makes for long and happy hours of playing.

Catalina

 

[RomyDelaney]

I think it depends on those involved. A lot of people are not into ever going 24/7 but maintain a relationship which allows them to still read their partner well enough to not rely on safewords anymore (though you still can misjudge at times, especially when things are not as they usually are), some people don't know or read them well but feel obligated to dismiss safewords anyway, and some people are just not comfortable with taking the risk involved with play w/o a safeword. Like most things it becomes a matter of individual tastes and unique interractions.

There is a huge dilemma with many submissives feeling to safeword spells failure which then makes it more difficult for the Dom/me to know exactly what they are experiencing and capable of enduring. It is understandable to feel that way, but needs to be remembered they are using a safeword because the Dominant wants them to and to enable the Dominant to play without crossing an unseen limit or barrier and causing damage, thus making the Dom/me then feel they have failed or worse. To deny the Dominant that grace can be seen IMO as disrespectful and inconsiderate, even disobedient, just as much as it can be seen by the sub as failure if used. Safety makes for long and happy hours of playing.

Catalina

Thanks for taking the time to explain. I can understand that more now. I was trying to seperate what I thought I knew about BDSM from what I know since being around this board. I think that there is a common misconception that subs who use their safewords aren't masochistic enough or something like that. As somone who hasn't ever had any experience in R/L but has a deep interest and writes about it, it is very interesting for me to be able to clarify these thoughts so thanks.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks for taking the time to explain. I can understand that more now. I was trying to seperate what I thought I knew about BDSM from what I know since being around this board. I think that there is a common misconception that subs who use their safewords aren't masochistic enough or something like that. As somone who hasn't ever had any experience in R/L but has a deep interest and writes about it, it is very interesting for me to be able to clarify these thoughts so thanks.

YW.

Catalina