what is the draw for U/u?

[justgem]

.

 

[lark sparrow]

when entering your D/s relationship what was the primary draw? the person or BDSM activity?

what keeps u there? the person or the BDSM?

if your partner said they didnt want to live the lifestyle anymore would u stay or go?

did D/s become attractive to u because of the person u became involved w/? or were u interested in it b4 u met them?

pick one or all to respond to.

curiously,

gem

1. Both are very important to me. But I suppose the person was of higher importance. It's the person I am attracted to first and not their particular kinks. If I was attracted to a person and then realized they are utterly vanilla, I'd lose interest sexually/romantically.

2. Again, both do. They really go hand and hand, but in trying to rank I guess I would say the person again, first. Sometimes there are periods when other things in life take precedence, and playing happens less often, and the D/s structure is not showing itself dramatically in the relationship - I can deal with this if the relationship is a good one, and it's a temporary state or "break" in the intensity for one or both of us.

3. I really don't know on this one. If they absolutely did not want/need any part of BDSM any longer, it would be a big issue for me/us. Never having had it happen, I can only guess, but I think this might eventually become a relationship breaker for me. Going from one of the basic premises of the relationship as a whole, to not having it at all, would be a very tenuous situation at best, but life throws all sorts of curves and people are pretty adaptable. I can't say for sure on this one and hope not to find out lol.

4. We were both more than interested in BDSM, and had the intent of finding someone also interested in developing a r/l relationship wherein BDSM was a foundation.

Interesting questions, gem. (How about you?)

 

[Cirrus]

when entering your D/s relationship what was the primary draw? the person or BDSM activity?

In my first relationship, it was the person that lead me to persue activities I always thought I would enjoy. I trusted him and knew we could learn together.

what keeps u there? the person or the BDSM?

Again, it was a little bit of both. I cared for him a great deal (still do, we remain good friends), and I really, really, REALLY enjoyed the "rush" fo BDSM play.

if your partner said they didnt want to live the lifestyle anymore would u stay or go?

If I really loved them, I'd stay. If it were not that serious, or a casual relationship, I'd go.

did D/s become attractive to u because of the person u became involved w/? or were u interested in it b4 u met them?

Interested before we met.

pick one or all to respond to.

curiously,

gem

 

[MissTaken]

when entering your D/s relationship what was the primary draw? the person or BDSM activity?

what keeps u there? the person or the BDSM?

if your partner said they didnt want to live the lifestyle anymore would u stay or go?

did D/s become attractive to u because of the person u became involved w/? or were u interested in it b4 u met them?

pick one or all to respond to.

curiously,

gem

Initially it was the lifestyle that drew me. Since that time, it is the person that draws me anywhere. That silly romantic idea of BDSM has been replaced with reality which includes some silliness, some romance and some BDSM with a huge helping of him, the man;who he is, what he is like, what he enjoys, how we connect.

Currently it is the partner. We were friends first and moving toward something more intimate.

If he chose to exclude BDSM activities, I would acquiesce.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I love the CAPITAL "U" slash little "u"

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Re: what is the draw for U/u?

This made me realize how very different realities can be! Also, this is my play off of what was said, not what was actually said... and jumping off into a broader topic.

For me personally, marrying a man, having kids, and a relationship without kink, is most definitely a silly romantic idea. It would never work for me. I'm so sure of it I've never even had to come close to trying it in my 30+ years.

It works for many as a reality, and is idealized in our culture, even a "given" at the beginning of our lives, but then we start to realize what's real for us as individuals. Making one way of being no more or less based in reality except in our own lives and experience. Thank goodness for diversity. It sure makes life and this forum interesting. End of random thought based on romantic ideas and reality.

 

[bunny bondage]

when entering your D/s relationship what was the primary draw? the person or BDSM activity?

actually, it was a fantasy of the person doing a bdsm activity that was the major spark. i was in his class on the first day of my first semester and since i was hoplessly lost on campus, i got to his class late. i tried to enter the room quietly and not make a disturbance, but the door was locked. so i sheepishly knock, and He glares at me from behind his desk. this look of utter annoyance and dissapointment crossed his face as he crossed the aisle and opened the door for me. "i DO expect you to be on time, this is NO way to act." so sure, it may be strange, but i was HOOKED right then and there. i sat in the back of the class that day and thought about all the terrible things i'd love to have him do to me. who knew i'd get the chance?! sure, i took me forever to try to socialize with him outside of class, and i nearly died of embarassment in the process, but hey, dreams CAN come true!

what keeps u there? the person or the BDSM?

it's always the relationship. i can get bdsm anywhere, just like pizza. it's not always great, or what i really wanted, but hey, it's still pizza. somebody you get along with and really like are harder to find.

if your partner said they didnt want to live the lifestyle anymore would u stay or go?

mmm....i really don't think that would ever happen. it's as much a part of Him as it is of me. but if he underwent head trauma or something, sure...well, i guess i'd stick around and see if a vanilla life could be dealt with....

did D/s become attractive to u because of the person u became involved w/? or were u interested in it b4 u met them?

i was interested way before

 

[justgem]

.

 

[evesdream]

re:when meeting someone new

If my partner couldn't get a grip of my sexual personality i would feel that we were strangers in a very fundamental way. I can hardly concieve of another way of "making love" that would actually feel loving to me, at the moment. I don't know if I would call the thing BDSM in its full regalia, but i'm beginning to think there *needs* to be an underlying understanding of the give and the take involved (among other things of course) for me to feel like committing to a person monogomously.