What is the definition of ADULT?

[Texan]

I've watched my three older boys (now 21, 19, & 17) as they have gone or are going through the transition from youth to adulthood. This thread was prompted by a conversation with my 17 year-old son. He made the statement to another adult that, "he was an adult and could make his own decisions". The result was a long letter I wrote to him about "when other adults will recognize him as an adult." I won't post the letter here becaue it's pretty long.

I am sincerely curious what people here think are the criterion for adulthood. I imagine there are some people here who are themselves in that transition. No, I'm not talking about the legal definitions or the literotica definition for adult sex or the historical meaning of the word. I mean the REAL definition of adulthood.

As with most topics, I have my own opinions, but this time, I would love to hear the opinions of others.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.


edited to eliminate typo

 

[KillerMuffin]

An adult is someone who not only can make his or her own decisions, but who is willing to accept the responsibility of the consequences of those decisions with full accountability, integrity, and sincerity.

Anyone can make a decision. Only an adult can take the consequences without sniveling, excuses, whining, or attitude.

 

[Moridin187]

I suppose the way I define adult most is someone who can take care of themselves successfully out in the real world, but also can take care of others at the same time. Its when we begin to care for others that we stop being the little child who has had everything brought to or given to them by their guardians.

 

[nasty]

Hang on, let me get my dictionary.

 

[Calamity Jane]

KM nailed it, but I'm going to answer anyway.

Being an adult is about personal responsibility. It's about accepting with grace the consequences of your actions. It's about owning your actions, knowing that you're the only one that controls you, and your actions are never someone else's fault.

I think that anyone who would say that they're an adult and can make their own decisions is a few steps away from adulthood.

 

[Demian]

Old enough to Die in a War, but not Old enough to Drink

I remember the So-called nerds in High School...I think they were adults long before any of the So-called Cool people

When did you realize you were an adult?

 

[Mensa]

No problem

I'll let you know when I get there!

 

[Texan]

I appreciate the replies

KM, on this issue, you and I think a lot alike..

Pagancowgirl, by saying that KM nailed it, I guess we do too.

I think I was expecting some "younger minds" to answer with things like "maturity" or "financial independence".

To my son, in a nutshell, I defined adulthood as when you go from "being held responsible" to "accepting responsibility", with all the baggage that goes with that transition. I also told him that demanding to be recognized as an adult will NEVER get the desired result (like what Pagancowgirl said).

I appreciate the feedback.

 

[Mensa]

Adult = mature?

Being an adult is chronological. Being mature is psychological.

 

[morninggirl5]

I agree with the accepting responsibility theme that seems to be running through the posts. I would also include that an adult makes decisions based not on his/her wants but rather on his/her needs and the impact of that decision on his/her responsibilities.

 

[Texan]

Re: Adult = mature?

Being an adult is chronological. Being mature is psychological.

hello Mensa

I always thought of maturity by one of the psychology class definitions I heard a long time ago.

"Maturity is the willingness to postpone short-term enjoyment for long-term gain."

By that definition, I have a 9 year-old who is more mature than my 21 year-old.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

I agree with what most are saying here

your an adult when you can take care of yoruself and accept your own responsibility 18 dont make you an adult. some are before and some are later.
me for example I wans't able to accept anything that was happening with me till I was about 21-22 before that even though I had a job payed my own way though school, Helped around the house. I still wasn't able to accept my proper respnsabilities everything was for my own good, everything else I left to others if posible. that's not being adult.

but my brother on the other hand. He took everything that he was supose to, any responsability that came his way and he knew was his, he meat it head on from about 16 up.

so mabey just mabey your 17 year old is mature enough to be looked at as an adult.

 

[Texan]

I agree with what most are saying here

your an adult when you can take care of yoruself and accept your own responsibility 18 dont make you an adult. some are before and some are later.
me for example I wans't able to accept anything that was happening with me till I was about 21-22 before that even though I had a job payed my own way though school, Helped around the house. I still wasn't able to accept my proper respnsabilities everything was for my own good, everything else I left to others if posible. that's not being adult.

but my brother on the other hand. He took everything that he was supose to, any responsability that came his way and he knew was his, he meat it head on from about 16 up.

so mabey just mabey your 17 year old is mature enough to be looked at as an adult.

hello Fly,

your answer is well thought out, but my 17 year-old isn't an adult by my standards. My dad told me years ago, that I would be an adult when my feet were under my own table at mealtime. I know that's simplistic, but it has a ring of truth to it. My 17 year-old is a senior in highschool and is enjoying the things a highschool kid should be enjoying. He doesn't work and depends on parents for all the life sustaining esentials. On the other hand, my 19 year-old is a freshman in college. While he still lives at home and doesn't earn a paycheck, he has begun (over the past year) to look for things that need to be done around the house and yard, and does them without being told. In my opinion, he is begining to make the transition to adulthood.

It's that "accepting" responsibility thing. I think a lot of "kids" think they are adults. That's not a problem unless they expect to be treated as adults by the other adults around them.

 

[Texan]

OH.... and I would like to thank

all of you that posted to this thread because you gave me the chance to earn my "Lit Guru" status. I'm not sure I can put that on my resume, but I like the looks of it anyway.

 

[Cheyenne]

A child will never truly be 100% adult in the eyes of the parents.

Whenever I am at my parents' house for dinner, mom still asks if I want green beans (if that is the vegetable she has made.) I hate green beans and have eaten very few of them since I left home many years ago. I'm 43. But she still asks, and I still remind her that I hate them and I don't have to eat them anymore. At that point, my dad chimes in with "eat your green beans, they're good for you." I know they are joking. Sort of. But the basic idea of them always being my parents and me always being the daughter, no matter how old I get, is there.

As for my definition of being an adult- I'd say you aren't an adult until you can support yourself. You have to be able to take care of yourself with cash that you've earned at a job that you work at.

 

[Mensa]

Re: Re: Adult = mature?

"Maturity is the willingness to postpone short-term enjoyment for long-term gain."

Another good one is"Maturity is sacrificing me for we."

 

[horny_giraffe]

Consider the social contract theory of ethics as applied to our legal system.

The social contract theory of ethics basically says that people want to treat others well and do good in exchange for good treatment. Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. The U.S. legal system refers to this as Quid Pro Quo.

In both social contract theory and the U.S. legal system, there are agents. Moral agents in one, and legal agents in the other.

Ethically, we can define a moral agent as someone who is of relatively sound mind and can make moral decisions. Obviously, we don't give a dog moral agency--we don't hold a dog responsible for it's actions. We impose our will on the dog, because it's will is morally insignificant. We don't punish a dog like a human--we only condition a dog.

Teenagers and children are in kind of a tricky area. On the one hand, they are not fully responsible for their actions. We don't give them the responsibility or the power that comes with it. We don't hold them as morally responsible as adults. We don't give the death penalty to a five-year old. We appoint a guardian to a five-year old who becomes mostly responsible for the child's actions and the child's well-being.

On the other hand, teenagers and children still have some limited moral responsibility. We hold them as least partially responsible. We expect a ten-year old to understand that murder is wrong, while we may give leniency for shop-lifting. The other issue is that most children have the potential for moral agency. We are grooming them to become independent moral agents. As such, their actions warrant a greater significance than that of a animal, which we never expect to become moral agents.

Legally speaking, I understand that some teenagers can petition for something called "emancipation." As I understand it, if the court finds the teenager of adaquate intellectual, moral, and physical resources to look after his or her own decisions and moral well-being; then they are declared to be full legal agents and fully responsible for their own actions. At that point, the parents of these new adults are also no longer legally responsible to take care of those children, either.

Obviously, the legal system has some other grey areas of legal agency. The age of consent for sex, the drinking age, and the age of legally binding contracts are different. At some point, I think you just draw an arbitrary line--no matter how ill-prepared and naive some individuals seem as they stumble into adult-hood. Even the mentally ill are given a great deal of legal agency in our society--which I don't really agree with. Sometimes I think they should be forced to take their meds.

But, anyone not legally insane and over the age of 21 is pretty much an adult by any legal standard. Ethically, I wonder about some people's ability to competently make decisions. But the law says that they are competent, so I can't tell them what to do. But I'm an adult, too. Nobody tells me what to do, either. Generally speaking.

 

[Texan]

A child will never truly be 100% adult in the eyes of the parents.

### text deleted for brevity####

As for my definition of being an adult- I'd say you aren't an adult until you can support yourself. You have to be able to take care of yourself with cash that you've earned at a job that you work at.

hello Cheyenne, I guess I'm a little bit different. I can't wait for my older boys to become adults They are damn expensive.

Your definition of an adult is very much like my dad's definition. I see only one little flaw in the definition, and it's the exception rather than the rule. In these days, some children can earn huge incomes through music, sports or even technology. While that income might make them financially independent from their parents, it can't make them an adult. In some bizaare instances, inheritance or trust funds can make a child financially independent, but I think that can actually delay adult maturity rather than aiding it. I still stand on the "accepting responsibility" definition. And that definitely includes responsibility for one's own financial support.

 

[p_p_man]

Re: Re: Adult = mature?

hello Mensa

I always thought of maturity by one of the psychology class definitions I heard a long time ago.

"Maturity is the willingness to postpone short-term enjoyment for long-term gain."

By that definition, I have a 9 year-old who is more mature than my 21 year-old.

But then the terms short and long would have to be defined.

If the 9 year old is willing to give up ice cream today in the expectaion of having 40 cartons of ice cream next week, would that be the same as your 21 year old giving up his first automobile today in the expectation of having a fleet in 20 years time?

Or would the time scale in itself be subjective.

'Adult' is just a word used by us all to define someone whom we no longer regard as a child. Individually we define the term ourselves.

I may look at your two sons and consider the elder as being more mature than the younger. You may consider it the other way around.

If I was raised under certain standards of which, at a certain level I would consider myelf an adult, then I would judge others against my own criteria.

 

[p_p_man]

Re: Re: Adult = mature?

hello Mensa

I always thought of maturity by one of the psychology class definitions I heard a long time ago.

"Maturity is the willingness to postpone short-term enjoyment for long-term gain."

By that definition, I have a 9 year-old who is more mature than my 21 year-old.

But then the terms short and long would have to be defined.

If the 9 year old is willing to give up ice cream today in the expectaion of having 40 cartons of ice cream next week, would that be the same as your 21 year old giving up his first automobile today in the expectation of having a fleet in 20 years time?

Or would the time scale in itself be subjective.

'Adult' is just a word used by us all to define someone whom we no longer regard as a child. Individually we define the term ourselves.

I may look at your two sons and consider the elder as being more mature than the younger. You may consider it the other way around.

If I was raised under certain standards of which, at a certain level I would consider myelf an adult, then I would judge others against my own criteria.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

A child will never truly be 100% adult in the eyes of the parents.

For some parents maybe, for others I disagree. My parents do similar things with me as you described your parents and green beans, but over the years they have accepted that I am an adult.

I look at my daughter as an adult, in many ways more of an adult than her mother who actually seems to be regressing in some ways.

What is an adult? The statements with regards to responsibility, etc. are a major part of it, but besides being able to accept responsibility for decisions, there is also the ability to make the right decisions with regularity.

I have accepted responsibility for my actions and decisions long before I was an adult - in fact before I was a teenager - that is just the way I was. But you can still make stupid, selfish and harmful decisions and accept responsibility for the outcomes. It is when you more often than not make such decisions with intelligence, maturity, and regard for others and the outcomes that you are starting to act like an adult.

That is the essence of being an adult; acting like one. Kind of circular logic, but there it is.

A little side note; by my definition, there are a number of people, mostly trolls, who post to Lit, that are not adults.

 

[Texan]

hello horny_giraffe

I enjoyed the legal definition. I am certain that in April when my 17 year-old turns 18, he will believe the "state" has granted his adulthood. One of the problems with "legal" definintions is they don't have the ability to take into account the individual differences in people.

Many young people resent that there are still people who have authroity over their actions. I think one of the characteristics of an adult is finally understanding that there will ALWAYS be people who have some amount of authority over their actions. When a person gets married, they are voluntarily giving up a little authority to their spouse. When a person has children they give up some authority to the responsibilities of parenthood. When a person takes a job, they necessarily give some authority to their employer. Even government, taxing authorities and the rules of civil society will always have some authority over an adults actions. Adulthood means understanding that with minimal resentment, and accepting the responsibilities to those authorities.

just my thoughts

 

[horny_giraffe]

Well, Texan--You'll always have the ultimatum: "As long as you live under my roof ..."

I sometimes wish my parents had given me a little "tough love" around the age of 18. If they had shown me the consequences of being an adult, right away, I wonder if I wouldn't have save myself a lot of heartache. As it was, I ended up joining the Marines to find their version of "tough love"--such as it was.

 

[Poverkhnost]

I have spent the last 4 1/2 years working my way through school and am about to start more of the same in the fall for law school. In the beginning, I thought this made me an adult because I was in charge of everything. Yet, as many have already alluded to, I was not really able to understand what all was at stake. When problems arose, I froze and complained.

I think that, for me at least, being an adult was looking at the problems, obstacles and other things in my way and trying to find solutions, not problems. That's what my parents were always there for before, and now it was my turn. Ofcourse, this goes to taking responsibility. At times that meant simply asking for advice when I had no good answers, and that's an adult thing to do as well. In short, I look at someone as an adult who is mature enough to seek solutions to problems, not just excuses and then to deal responsibly with the consequences. I feel as if I always showed some maturity in my dealings, but wasn't always quite ready to accept the responsibility for my decisions.