What is Romance?

[A Kilted Rogue]

My wife and I are going through a difficult time right now...if we make it, we will be married eight years in September. As of this moment, the fire is gone, and for all intents and purposes, our sex life is non-existent (but that's by mutual choice for now).

I never learned what proper romance and courting are as my only two serious relationships before I got married failed miserably. My marriage is still on life support in critical condition. I want to improve it to stable condition, then just keep making things better from there.

My wife and I have taken a "pause" from the marriage and are "dating" once again as ours was a whirlwind engagement (48 hours after we met).

What I'd like to know here is what romance means to you. Men, what romantic things do you do for your lady that she really enjoys? Ladies, I'm asking for your definition of what romance is, and what you like having your men do for you.

Any ideas or help would be most appreciated. Right now I feel like this . I would like her to start feeling like this , and worry about later.

 

[CuriouslilQT]

Well, one thing I find really romantic is when my boyfriend jus stands there and watches me do like little things as in brushing my hair or ironing my clothes. I feel like he finds me that special enough to just stand their and admire me (thats what he tells me)
I dont know how your wife is but most women who truly want to be loved, like the littlest things done to them. Like maybe just listening about their day and taking a walk with them. Well thats just me, or staying in and watching a movie together. Or take her to the fair and try to win her something...lol...romantic enough. Hey this is a point of view from someone quite young. But Like i said the little things count...work with what you have and make her feel reallll worthy!!!!!

 

[marksgirl]

From someone who has been married for 16 years. My husband has made me feel for the last 16 years like I am the center of his universe. He calls me on the phone just to let me know he is thinking about me. Leaves me cards for no reason other to tell me he loves me. He plays with me, just silly stuff to have fun with me. He caters to my needs without me ever asking. He is always asking me what I want to do or where I want to go and he does it, without bitching. We hold hands just walking into a store, or pet each other while driving in the car. The min. he walks through the door I get a kiss. These are the things I think are romantic.

Now sex that's another story


P.S. I also do very romantic things back!

 

[SexyChele]

I think both ladies have excellent ideas!

Romance, for me, is really hard to define, exactly. I would have to say that it involves knowing that my S/O is thinking about me, that he takes the time and goes out of his way to show me he cares. Yes, the traditional flowers are nice. But so are other things, such as:

• Finding that special book of poetry by her favorite poet in a second hand bookstore, and surprising her with it.
• Calling her at a time when you know she won't be there, and leaving a message telling her how much you appreciate her and how much you look forward to seeing her again.
• Make sure the very first thing you do when you see her is give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
• Tell her "thank you" - just because she is who she is.
• If you know she's having a hectic day, call her up and tell her you'll take care of dinner.
• Be attentive to her moods, and be there to listen (and just listen) when she needs to vent about something.

There are a 1,001 different things you can do. But the main thing about romance is letting her know that you love and appreciate her - everything about her. And, even if she doesn't reciprocate right away, that's okay - you will continue to show your appreciation to her.

Just be sure you don't go overboard - doing something romantic every day gets a little tiresome. The trick to romance is surprise. Doing something when she least expects it. Has she had a hard day? Is she tired and exhausted? Cranky and irritable? Stop by a flower shop on the way home and buy the most beautiful long stemmed red rose they have - and give it to her when you walk in the door. Not a whole bunch or some elaborate arrangement - just a single red rose. I guarantee a smile on that one.

Hold her hand when you get the opportunity, and truly talk to her and listen to her. The times I like talking to my S/O best are when we are snuggled up in bed, ready to fall asleep. His voice is the last thing I hear before I go to sleep. I like that.

Make time for her, but never let on it's a sacrifice. And do it because you want to/like to. Eventually you will be thinking up things yourself!

Oh, and most important! Once your marriage is back on stable ground, never let the romance fade. The cutest couples I've ever seen are the ones who have been married for 50+ years and still have romance in their lives!

Good luck!

 

[A Kilted Rogue]

Thank you all. I'm getting some great feedback. Everything you all are telling me is just what I was asking. I can use all the help I can get right now. I love my wife dearly, I just have to take the time to do it right.

 

[A Kilted Rogue]

Don't stop now!

Everyone, I was hoping this would be a running discussion...everyone has to have opinions on romance, likes, dislikes...let's keep it going!

 

[His_kitty]

Some of the things that first come to mind are.....


holding her face between your hands, looking deeply into her eyes, and telling her how much you value her. Let her know what blessings her presence in your life have bestowed upon you. Kiss her sweetly on the lips, and hold her tight. Just being affectionate, without the intent of making it sexual. (that can come later )

Small things add up as well...
do the laundry and actually put it away.
surprise her one night, take her out to her favorite restaurant.
ask her to lay her head on your lap, while watching tv or just talking, and run your fingers through her hair

many many things one can do to make their certain someone in their life feel special.

 

[Monazwx]

Didn't see the thread before this . . .

Sounds like this relationship could use alot more communication. How much did you two know about each other in 48 hours? How long was the actual engagement? Why do you think she doesn't want to have sex? She may think that you may not want or love her anymore.

You guys need to sit down and talk about your future together. Dating again is a great way to talk in a relaxed atmosphere and get to know each other again. Life changes people and you all need to figure out how to deal with these changes.

Letting her know that you love her and showing it in the ways suggested above will be a great help to getting your marriage back on track.

But back to the thread, to me romance is . . . unconditional love.

 

[Quint]

Appreciate her for what she would want to be appreciated for. Compliment her based on things that she is proud of/struggling to improve. Let her know that you know what she wants in life, and that she's succeeding. Show that you pay attention to the things she values. This will not only make her happier with you, but it will increase her self-esteem, which is invaluable.

 

[Apassionata]

Kilted Rogue's Marriage

KR:

I agree with what the ladies have said so far. Perhaps not so much on the little gift items, but in the unconditional love department, I say "Right on!"

When my man is watching me cook our dinner, and he sets the table, without being asked, that's good! When we sit down to the meal and talk about our days, I listen to him, and he listens to me. I don't mean "hear." I mean "listen." Listen to the nuances of her language, and get to know significant implications.
If I say that my day was simply "fine," my man knows that it probably wasn't. He asks me, "How fine?" He leaves the door open for me to continue the discussion.

I love simple gestures. Making the bed or changing the sheets.
Cleaning the bathroom. Holding my hand in the movies. Helping me wash my car. Suggesting a quiet walk, just the two of us, after dinner. Nothing better than a cup of coffee, doctored with my cream and sweet n low, delivered to the bedroom or the shower in the morning...

Unconditional love is a really tough thing to give. You must give 100% in your marriage. Not 50-50. When you give 50% and expect something in return, you're likely to get fifty percent back. If you give 100%, you're likely to get 100%.

Toni Morrison said in one of her books that, when children walk into the room, they see their parents checking out their appearance, their posture, their facial expression, and they're likely to hear, "Tuck in your shirt." "What did you do to your hair?"
Instead, children should see their parents' eyes light up, they should see love in their parents' faces when they walk in the room.

This isn't just good advice for parents/children. This is excellent advice for lovers/spouses. Light up when she comes into the room, show her that you are truly glad she has just walked back into your life.

That's a little thing, and it's a HUGE thing.

Good luck, dear man. Your attitude is headed in the right direction. Love her. Love her. and Love her some more. Keep
us posted, okay?

Maumeeprof

 

[Magnolia]

Smile

Sweet kisses to you.... I have thought a lot about what we talked about.... I hope you do get that book... LOl my Husband told a friends about it last weekend..... this is the same man that would not look at it when I first gave it to him...
smile ya know some times money can try to stop things you do but remember how as a kid you would make cards>>>> or write letters smile lol even pick flowers along rode side....
plan a surprize picnic jsut hint around and make sure she doesn't already have plans..... a walk holding her hand... Make her laugh...... It is so wonderful when the man says I have made all the plans.. you just be ready and wear ...(( this kind of clothes ))).... Smile I wish yiou the best of luck.... and remember here is a ear when you need it...... Magnolia

 

[ynattirb]

And do this all with a HAPPY attitude!!! These are all really good suggestions, but they won't work if you aren't doing them with the right attitude. Don't complain about all the other stuff you could be doing with the time you're spending at the park. Don't grimace while you are rubbing her feet. And most importantly, do them because you want to make her happy, care about her and are thinking about her - whether she's around or not.

 

[A Kilted Rogue]

Re: Smile

I hope you do get that book... Magnolia

I am still looking for it...haven't found it yet. She seems interested in trying the highlighting idea, too.

Thank you all for the suggestions and support!

 

[Magnolia]

smile.......

His Needs,HerNeeds...... Willard F. Harley,Jr
Fleming H. Revell Company Tattytown , New York laughing after I told you about it .. Hubby came hme from eork and siad he had told a friend about it ,,,, SMILE it is a really goooddddd book............. Call the library tell them you are interested in the book... they can call around and get it swapped from a different library... you could write in not book and mark places for other to go back and readdddd.... smil GOOODDDDD LUCKKKKk Magnolia

 

[A Kilted Rogue]

His needs, Her Needs

Thanks, Mags! I will be sure to pick it up...never hurts to read. for being so kind.

 

[Golden Eyes]

Romance

Hi Kilt Sweety

If you really love her with all your heart and soul, show it. Hold her hand when you take a walk together. Hold her in your arms when you are sitting together on the couch. When my husband comes home from work, no matter how tired he is, he always takes me in his arms and tells me he missed me allday and was thinking about me all day. Women do not need gifts, flowers . Just show them respect, show them how much you love them by the littles things that you do. Look into her eyes and tellher how you feel about her. But make sure it is sincere. Let her SEE in your eyes how much you love her and want her. Sex is great when you are married, but that can come later. Women need to feel loved and wanted, and respected. Good luck with everything Kilt. You sound like a wonderful man, that loves his wife very much. If you ever need anything please do not hesitate to ask. You know where you can always find me. LOL In the Tub

Kisses and Hugs
GE

 

[A Kilted Rogue]

GE...

Thanks. I have a few things up my sleeve that are a start. We'll see what happens!

to you.