What is it like to have friends?

[JohnSm123]

I have never had friends. I was a lone wolf at school. I don't know what having friends is like.

 

[cubbies4vrs]

It has good points to be a loner but having friends well cn be a blast you need to to put yourself out there

 

[JohnSm123]

It has good points to be a loner but having friends well cn be a blast you need to to put yourself out there

In my 37, I think it's too late to start a social life.

 

[cubbies4vrs]

In my 37, I think it's too late to start a social life.

Hell no. Never too late it's what you are doing now. Right!

 

[JohnSm123]

Hell no. Never too late it's what you are doing now. Right!

And yet it is too late.

 

[Booboobear84]

In my 37, I think it's too late to start a social life.

Not actually. It's more challenging, but quite doable. You want to find people of common interests.

The Harvard longevity study indicates that have a connection to a circle of friends is the leading reason people live longer. I find this credible as I have a weekly card group, and it's important to me to be there for them and vice versa.

 

[cubbies4vrs]

Why?

 

[StElmosFire]

And yet it is too late.

First, you might want to speak with someone about depression. I don’t say that as a slight, simply a thought that when people feel something is hopeless, it can be a sign of it. Clearly you want human connection (as we all do), so talking to a professional about your feelings may be a great first step.

Second, it’s never too late. What’s that saying, today is the first day of the rest of our lives?

You can do it, and it will come with trepidation and risk. But it can’t come with an outcome of having less friends than you feel you have today (and maybe, just maybe, you have more friends then you think).

 

[metal4lace]

And yet it is too late.

Don't despair. I know from experience that making friends is very difficult as you get older. Someone said look for people with similar interests. That's good advice. And StElmosFire is right, talking with a professional therapist might be good. I know depression well and I hate to see anyone else experiencing it. If you need someone to talk to, DM me. Best wishes!

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I am alienated from my family. As a recently single woman over 50, a lot of my friends had grandbabies, etc

I am lonely and looking for a connection too.

PM is open.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

And yet it is too late.

How about this?
If you've truly never had friends, then you have no personal point of reference for whether or not it's somehow arbitrarily too late to make friends or "start a social life," as you put it. Does that sound fair? Objectively, you have no authority in the matter, so there's no reason to believe that those thoughts of "it's too late" are valid.
If you can accept those thoughts as fallacy, then I encourage you to further accept that you can begin making friends right now, as you are.

First, you might want to speak with someone about depression. I don’t say that as a slight, simply a thought that when people feel something is hopeless, it can be a sign of it. Clearly you want human connection (as we all do), so talking to a professional about your feelings may be a great first step.

I am in agreement with the suggestion that you seek out professional help as well, though I would go further and state that I genuinely believe you would benefit from a therapist. Work with a therapist to see exactly why you've preferred no friends up to now & how to begin allowing those connections into your life in a way that doesn't overwhelm you.

As to what it's like to have friends, well, I'm hoping you will come back one day and share with us how things have been with your first friend .

 

[JohnSm123]

If you can accept those thoughts as fallacy, then I encourage you to further accept that you can begin making friends right now, as you are.

And what if I can't accept those thoughts as fallacy?

 

[StElmosFire]

And what if I can't accept those thoughts as fallacy?

A great thing about Lit is the kindness of it members. You put yourself out there as being lonely and Litsters responded offering assistance and encouragement (I presume you weren’t just curious what it’s like to have friends).

But as with life, friendships are about give and take. Here people have offered their help either in the form of advice or access to their ear via their mailbox. Soon you will need to give back, whether by letting people know they’ve been heard and you’re going to take action to help yourself, or by chatting with them and listening to their story.

We all hope for the best for you.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

And what if I can't accept those thoughts as fallacy?

I think that intersection of believing negative (and often times, harmful) untruths about ourselves/our world and being unable to shift away from such thoughts is the point at which professional help is needed.
And there's absolutely nothing wrong with simply seeking out a therapist for the specific goal of wanting to be more social and gain friends. Seriously.
If you can't help yourself, then you need the help of a 3rd party & that's all therapy and psychiatry are: that outside assistance when there's no other help.