What is it? I'm confused.

[FriskyVagina]

My new boyfriend wants to tie me up and spank me. Is that a form of BDSM or is it just kinky? I've known him for a few months, and I'm just now discovering some things. He talks about how he likes sexually submissive women. And he says things to me like "Be a good girl or I'll get my whip out and make you scream!" Should I be scared? Is this normal? He doesn't seem violent.

During sex he has started holding me down. He pins my wrists to the bed. To me that seems like a dominant display. I suppose I could get into this if I understood it better. I just don't want to become involved with someone that's... potentially dangerous.

So, is this kind of behavior "normal"?

 

[MissTaken]

He does sound as though it is dominant behavior. (NOTE: the lower case."

Does that make him a Dom? No.

Does that make him a good Dom? Not at all.

You need to talk with him and get an understanding for what turns him on. How does he define a sexually "submissive" woman?

Then, explore within yourself and vis a vis research and conversation, is this for you?

If he is a Dom and a good Dom, he will help you explore your sexuality with patience, support and understanding.

If he simply says, I want you to do this whether you enjoy it or not, he is abusing his ability to control you and I would be concerned for your emotional safey, if not your physical safety.

Keep in mind, my comments are only based upon your post.

hugs

 

[WriterDom]

If he's talking about submissive women that should give you an opportunity to discuss it with him. If you read through the stickys and browse this forum it should give you enough information to engage in a conversation.

With the skechy info you gave, he could be bdsm curious and not a Dom. Is he dangerous? I don't think he's going to cut you in half with a chain saw. But there is a potential for danger if he doesn't understand safe, sane, and consensual.

 

[FriskyVagina]

Thank you, both

I guess I better ask him some questions. I'd give you more info, but he just started to do these things in the last few days.
As far as sexually submissive, he said that he likes to be in complete control when it comes to sex. I'm not exactly sure what he means by "complete."

 

[Titania1616]

good communication is definately the key to a good relationship. asking him questions and sharing is the best advice i can give you. if all he wants to do is command you and dominate you, with no giving in return, i suggest you work out something different. coming from a bad Dom situation myself, it gets way too complicated if you dont work things out in the beginning before you get int oo deep. just my pov. hope it helps.