What is gay?

[The Gimp]

I'm just thinking out loud here. I'm a straight male as in I've never had sex with another male but I have been tempted. A few years ago my best friend was a lesbian, and a friend of hers who just so happened to be a transvestite was flirting (that's a liberal term, the witnesses said that we were making out) with me. I was 100% turned on and if she would have been available that night I have no doubt that we would have woken up next to each other, but nothing happened (well it was more than nothing but less than something, no beneath the belt contact) because if we would have gone any further she would have had to leave her significant other hanging.
Just now I was surfing YouTube and happened upon Ricky Martin and Christina Aguliera performing Nobody Wants To Be Lonely. He's almost as hot as she is so I can't imagine anything better than menage e trois. My girlfriend of the past four years knows that I'm interested in anal because she's seen the dozens of DVDs on that topic that dominate my adult DVD collection, and we've even done it a couple of times. She's asked me to fuck her in the ass more than once and I've gone along with it twice. She bought and used on my ass a graduated glass dildo, but that only happened once. I didn't ask for it the first time and I can't see asking for it again but she knew that I wanted it so she gave it to me. On a side note my favorite singer is George Michael and my favorite group is the Village People. When visitors brouse my DVD collection they think it's strange that I own The Birdcage, In and Out, and a multitude of Powerpuff Girls DVDs.
I apologise to anybody who's read this post from beginning to end but I'm curious. Where does that leave me? I don't think that I could be faithful to a man because I love women more than anything, but there's no doubt that I could get it up for a guy. So what's up?

 

[Raimondin]

I don't think that I could be faithful to a man because I love women more than anything, but there's no doubt that I could get it up for a guy. So what's up?

You're Bi.

But could you ever fall "in love" with another man?

 

[The Gimp]

I honestly don't think that I could fall in love with a guy. I could get pleasure out of having sex with a guy the same way I've gotten pleasure out of being with most of the women that I've been with. Translation I'll fuck her because she's willing to give it up but if I never see her again I don't really care. I've just never fallen for a guy like I have any number of women.

 

[pellso27]

What is Gay?

I would say when you find yourself face first in a pillow, ass in the air ,your own hand around your hard cock as a big black dick is pounding away at your asshole. Thats what I call Gay!

 

[SexyGolem]

See now, this is why I think the Kinsey scale, for instance, makes more sense. I don't think that gay-ness is something that is a straight/bi/gay thing, it's a spectrum. Most people are primarily attracted to the opposite gender and maybe a little bit attracted to their own, and a few people (statistically, not a normative claim) are attracted to only their own gender and not the other, and a lot of people fall in between. Because of societal norms we can't really say what the "default" numbers would be, and maybe that is kind of a meaningless question anyway, since humans are pretty much societal by necessity. In any case, the question "what is gay?" is kind of dependent upon what you mean. Some people would say that any attraction to your own gender = gay. Of course under Nazi rule, any amount of Jewishness in blood, no matter how little meant you were Jewish enough for the Nuremberg laws (not to say that people against gayness are straight up Nazis, but you get the idea). To other people if you are mostly straight but a little attracted to same gender you are straight but bi-curious, to others you are bi. These are all kind of meaningless since the terms themselves probably won't add much to your life unless you are looking for a new way of identifying yourself and you think that would be helpful. Generally, if you are romantically attracted to women but somewhat physically attracted to men, you are probably mostly straight, for whatever that's worth, but it all just seems like a bunch of pointless words to me.

 

[Etoile]

I actually find the Klein Orientation Grid more precise than the Kinsey scale. If you look on the web there are forms you can fill out that help you determine how you'd be charted on the Klein grid.

It sounds to me like you're bisexual. No one can tell you what you are for real, only you can decide that. But based on what you've said, it sounds like bisexuality to me. Whether you like George Michael or the Village People has nothing to do with it - it's about who you like sexually, romantically, etc. But it's VERY rare that anyone is 50/50 bisexual. The majority of bisexuals prefer one a little more than the other. Either they prefer opposite sex for relationships and same sex for sex, or vice versa, or they just prefer opposite sex more but they sometimes like same sex too, or vice versa...there are no definite rules about this kind of thing.

 

[Smuttboy2]

What is Gay?

It is a word....noting more nothing less. I myself believe any word, when used at a specific time, or in a specific way is the most powerful tool we have to use. Any one word can cause so many different reactions, or feelings, I can see no other tool to compare to.

For me the useing of the word "gay" is nothing but a word used to describe others, that many don't know a thing about. Or those who fear it and are afraid to fess up to their own feelings about it. When a word is used to describe, by anyone without knowledge, it has little meaning to me. Now when it is used by those who know the meaning, honestly know what it means, it is a strong definition of thier character. But then we are back to the meaning now aren't we?

In todays world I guess when we hear it, it mostly is used to describe a female or male that enjoys sex with their same sex. Females enjoying females and males enjoying males. For some even falling in love with their same sex partners. It has not always been used as such. "Gay" has went through many translations since first penned. It is, in fact, just a word.

Are you "gay"? From my stand point, no, you are bi-curious. As used on this forum anyway. Same as I felt I was/am. I recently had an event that allowed me to learn more of myself. That was a MMF event. I can't call it a "making love" event, there was no love there. It was purely a sexual event.

I found that I did in fact enjoy having male to male sex. But with me being totally honest with myself, I found haveing the female was better. That fucking her was the best part of the event. So what am I now? Bi? or still Bi-curious?

Well, I want to meet other guys and see how that would go. I want to still see women, even more so than men. You decide, what you want to call me. Won't make a bit of differnce to me. I will still do as I wish. "Title" or not. Hell I have been called alot worse in my life.

To find what you believe "gay" means, ya will have to look and search for yourself. If you find you enjoy men, and you fall in love with a man, will you then be "gay"? That is for you and you only to decide. But why worry about it anyay? If you are happy and not hurting anyone else, why even bother with a "word"?

I hope I haven't totally confused everyone here....LOL I do tend to ramble at times. However, it is just my mind working and my fingers following.

 

[Etoile]

It is a word....noting more nothing less. I myself believe any word, when used at a specific time, or in a specific way is the most powerful tool we have to use. Any one word can cause so many different reactions, or feelings, I can see no other tool to compare to.

For me the useing of the word "gay" is nothing but a word used to describe others, that many don't know a thing about. Or those who fear it and are afraid to fess up to their own feelings about it. When a word is used to describe, by anyone without knowledge, it has little meaning to me. Now when it is used by those who know the meaning, honestly know what it means, it is a strong definition of thier character. But then we are back to the meaning now aren't we?

In todays world I guess when we hear it, it mostly is used to describe a female or male that enjoys sex with their same sex. Females enjoying females and males enjoying males. For some even falling in love with their same sex partners. It has not always been used as such. "Gay" has went through many translations since first penned. It is, in fact, just a word.

Are you "gay"? From my stand point, no, you are bi-curious. As used on this forum anyway. Same as I felt I was/am. I recently had an event that allowed me to learn more of myself. That was a MMF event. I can't call it a "making love" event, there was no love there. It was purely a sexual event.

I found that I did in fact enjoy having male to male sex. But with me being totally honest with myself, I found haveing the female was better. That fucking her was the best part of the event. So what am I now? Bi? or still Bi-curious?

Well, I want to meet other guys and see how that would go. I want to still see women, even more so than men. You decide, what you want to call me. Won't make a bit of differnce to me. I will still do as I wish. "Title" or not. Hell I have been called alot worse in my life.

To find what you believe "gay" means, ya will have to look and search for yourself. If you find you enjoy men, and you fall in love with a man, will you then be "gay"? That is for you and you only to decide. But why worry about it anyay? If you are happy and not hurting anyone else, why even bother with a "word"?

I hope I haven't totally confused everyone here....LOL I do tend to ramble at times. However, it is just my mind working and my fingers following.

You have confused me quite a bit. I don't understand why someone who identifies as bi-curious is telling other people how the word "gay" should and shouldn't be used, or by whom. It makes me, as a gay person, want to give blanket consent to anyone who is using the word "gay" to describe themselves or other people, so long as they are not doing it in a derogatory way.

I find it interesting that you say "some" people fall in love with their same sex partners. I would say pretty much all people who identify as gay use it in terms of romantic attraction as well as sexual attraction. It's much more common for a bisexual person to say "I don't fall in love with this or that gender, but I am okay with fucking them" than for a gay person to say "I have sex with this gender, but I don't fall in love with them." Isn't that what the difference is between being gay and being bisexual? If you're a gay person who doesn't fall in love with the people you are having sex with, well, you're going to be very lonely. Does this make sense?

I'm also kind of surprised by you saying "I have been called a lot worse" in reference to being called bisexual or bi-curious. It sounds like you are acknowledging the idea that these are negative words to begin with.

Personally, I am proud to be a gay person. I know what the word means, I know the history behind it, and I know the power behind it. For me, "gay" is NOT "just a word" - it's an identity, a culture. I am not just a word...I am gay.

 

[HeavenCanWait]

For me, "gay" is NOT "just a word" - it's an identity, a culture. I am not just a word...I am gay.

I find this very sad. I have recently come out as gay and have started dating guys, which is making me very happy. However, I still feel that 'gay' is a social construction. I'm homosexual, but I don't feel 'gay'. I don't feel part of the scene, I don't feel that I match any of the stereotypes of being a 'gay' man either.

What I mean to say is, that the things that define you, that give you identity, should, in my oipinion, be the things you do, feel, enjoy. Not your sexual orientation. I think that homosexuality has existed far longer than the word 'gay' and I am constantly dissapointed by gay people's need to have their sexuality define them, and to segregate themselves.

Does any of this make sense? I've just woken up and I'm a bit hungover.

Matthew xx

 

[Etoile]

I find this very sad. I have recently come out as gay and have started dating guys, which is making me very happy. However, I still feel that 'gay' is a social construction. I'm homosexual, but I don't feel 'gay'. I don't feel part of the scene, I don't feel that I match any of the stereotypes of being a 'gay' man either.

What I mean to say is, that the things that define you, that give you identity, should, in my oipinion, be the things you do, feel, enjoy. Not your sexual orientation. I think that homosexuality has existed far longer than the word 'gay' and I am constantly dissapointed by gay people's need to have their sexuality define them, and to segregate themselves.

Does any of this make sense? I've just woken up and I'm a bit hungover.

Matthew xx

Oh, it definitely makes sense. No worries there.

I guess for me, the fact that I am partnered with a woman colors most of my thoughts. I approach everything from the perspective of a gay person. I'm not just gay in my sexual orientation, I'm gay in my politics, I'm gay in my social groups, and if I were a religious person I'd be gay in that sense too.

But for some people, being gay is just about loving someone of your own gender, and nothing futher. There's nothing wrong with that - there are millions of gay people who feel the same way. My approach shouldn't make you sad, it's just a different approach. I don't think you need to feel the same way at all. We are just different people.