What is courage?

[trysail]

"It would take a brave man to be a coward in the Red Army."

-Josef Vissarionovich Djugashvili (a/k/a "Stalin")​

​

 

[MelissaBaby]

Why must courage be extraordinary? Some people are rarely courageous, some are most days. To the latter courage is a way of being and not extraordinary. Tough way to have to me and to have to make those choices every day is pretty commendable.

I guess that at some point those choices become habits and you stop noticing them. For a long time, I consciously thought to myself "Don't buy any cocaine today. Even if you have a shitty day, don't buy any cocaine". Now, I only do that, oh every third day or so.

 

[thør]

https://www.adn.com/alaska-news/2017/07/25/boat-captain-rescues-crewman-after-their-boat-capsizes-in-alaska-waters/

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MelissaBaby]

And one day it will be less than that. Or just very absentmindly randomly.

So, every third day or so you make a decision of heart and head over gratification of the now. Courage, no?

Intellectually, I agree. It still bothers me emotionally. Thank you for your wisdom, Elle.

 

[AlotLikePsyche]

Courage by Anne Sexton

Courage

It is in the small things we see it.
The child's first step,
as awesome as an earthquake.
The first time you rode a bike,
wallowing up the sidewalk.
The first spanking when your heart
went on a journey all alone.
When they called you crybaby
or poor or fatty or crazy
and made you into an alien,
you drank their acid
and concealed it.

Later,
if you faced the death of bombs and bullets
you did not do it with a banner,
you did it with only a hat to
comver your heart.
You did not fondle the weakness inside you
though it was there.
Your courage was a small coal
that you kept swallowing.
If your buddy saved you
and died himself in so doing,
then his courage was not courage,
it was love; love as simple as shaving soap.

Later,
if you have endured a great despair,
then you did it alone,
getting a transfusion from the fire,
picking the scabs off your heart,
then wringing it out like a sock.
Next, my kinsman, you powdered your sorrow,
you gave it a back rub
and then you covered it with a blanket
and after it had slept a while
it woke to the wings of the roses
and was transformed.

Later,
when you face old age and its natural conclusion
your courage will still be shown in the little ways,
each spring will be a sword you'll sharpen,
those you love will live in a fever of love,
and you'll bargain with the calendar
and at the last moment
when death opens the back door
you'll put on your carpet slippers
and stride out.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Dollie

Sometimes we shake our heads when others brag about giving up drugs, cigarettes, or liquer.
My husband and I gave up those things and more long ago and it was easy. Until now we never even bragged.

We never started smoking, sniffing, shooting up, or drinking more than a few drinks when in places where it seems customery.

We've never eaten like starving pigs yet I did gain weight after every baby.
So we don't qualify for free medical or mental help.

Maybe we had the courage or common sense not to try those things.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Noor]

Courage is not lack of fear. It is action in the face of fear.

I think that what I am getting at is, at what point does the drive for self preservation, which even animals possess, become courage?

If a person is in physical danger and tries to escape, that's just instinct, isn't it? It doesn't rise to the level of virtue.

You made the point that choosing not to commit suicide, "to remain alive for the sake of others" took courage, and I take your point, But when it's not with any thought of others, is the decision to live courageous, or just an act of self preservation?

Courage is strength in the face of your own pain, grief or self interest for the benefit of someone else, others and/or society.

A recent example is McCain who flew back to vote on a health care bill that he will most likely not live to see happen either way, despite recent surgery for a serious brain tumor which would make it dangerous to fly and standing up to his own party for the sake of other Americans.

You may not like or agree with him, but that took courage.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Courage



Later,
if you have endured a great despair,
then you did it alone,
getting a transfusion from the fire,
picking the scabs off your heart,
then wringing it out like a sock.
Next, my kinsman, you powdered your sorrow,
you gave it a back rub
and then you covered it with a blanket
and after it had slept a while
it woke to the wings of the roses
and was transformed.

That is inspirational. Thank you.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I have been thinking about this. My heart and my mind often disagree. Not just in personal issues, but rather ethical and political ones two. Also I find it's possible to consider things from different intellectual standpoints to different conclusions concurrently, and to emotionally still come to a third conclusion.

I think this makes us THINKING people. People who do not roll with gut want or self interest always. It's something I take pride in the more I consider it and see how inflexible others can be to even considering rolling a different thought process over. I enjoy playing devil's advocate with myself. Sometimes I think perhaps those of us who have this tendency are too effective at it and find it hard to set aside, but ultimately I think it's a facility we can harness to advantage.

I spent a long time giving in to impulse and something that seemed like self interest at the time, but in the long run, clearly was not. Now, it may be that I overcompensate and worry things to death because I fear the risks of doing things impulsively. Sometimes it feels like I spend my life tiptoeing through a minefield, but that's part of being in recovery. There's a good reason we say we are recovering and not recovered.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Sometimes we shake our heads when others brag about giving up drugs, cigarettes, or liquer.
My husband and I gave up those things and more long ago and it was easy. Until now we never even bragged.

We never started smoking, sniffing, shooting up, or drinking more than a few drinks when in places where it seems customery.

We've never eaten like starving pigs yet I did gain weight after every baby.
So we don't qualify for free medical or mental help.

Maybe we had the courage or common sense not to try those things.

Who is bragging?

I spend every day of my life apologizing.

 

[thør]

Who is bragging?

I spend every day of my life apologizing.

Are you Canadian?

 

[MelissaBaby]

Are you Canadian?

Damn near. Mainer. Probably some Quebecois blood back there somewhere.

 

[AlotLikePsyche]

Thank you

I wanted to post a note of thanks to Melissa and the others who commented here for the thoughts and conversation you shared in this thread. I've returned to read it a couple times recently and it was a comfort to me during a dark period.

Personally, I feel that pain, uncertainty and weakness are so rarely exposed, that when they finally are expressed and shared openly with others, it gives them permission to also be flawed, imperfect, and yet still loveable, desireable, and more fully human.

Authenticity and vulnerability are courageous. I imagine that is why (in part) people respond with gratitude to your writing, Melissa.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MelissaBaby]

I wanted to post a note of thanks to Melissa and the others who commented here for the thoughts and conversation you shared in this thread. I've returned to read it a couple times recently and it was a comfort to me during a dark period.

Personally, I feel that pain, uncertainty and weakness are so rarely exposed, that when they finally are expressed and shared openly with others, it gives them permission to also be flawed, imperfect, and yet still loveable, desireable, and more fully human.

Authenticity and vulnerability are courageous. I imagine that is why (in part) people respond with gratitude to your writing, Melissa.

Thank you so much.

I read the bolded paragraph several times. It really struck me in the heart. I am overwhelmed by some of the messages I've gotten about my writing, and your words put it in context for me.

If words of mine were a help to you, I could not be more pleased.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I hope the next weeks loom brighter for you.

I agree Melissa's posts here are tremendous. More helpful than much, rather beautifully human.

Thank you, Elle.

 

[AlotLikePsyche]

I hope the next weeks loom brighter for you.

Thank you, Elle. Hope always helps. They will.

Thank you so much.

I read the bolded paragraph several times. It really struck me in the heart. I am overwhelmed by some of the messages I've gotten about my writing, and your words put it in context for me.

I'm glad. My pleasure.

 

[patient1]

[Originally Posted by La damnee elle la licorne View Post

The same action can be courageous or not. It can depend on your other choices at the time, who you are and your motivation. The times i appear courageous to others I too often feel I have taken the easier at the time path for me while where others have criticism for my actions I have felt courageous. Mayb this is because I have had fuller picture of my motivation and the options available to me than others?

The point is I think, courage is from OUR hearts and doesn't depend on the view of others. Though of course can be asking for support from others if we are independent, or sharing with others if we are private.]

I think that maybe I'm just resisting the idea that, because I quit being an idiot and started trying to act like a responsible adult, I did something extraordinary.

I think the quote is the key point of this thread, and I think your response nailed it.

Even if it was accidental, or self-preservation/instinct, what you have done is extraordinary. Because most people that succeed in rising up let pride , shame, guilt, sorrow, or the desire to put their past behind them get in the way of telling the story and teaching a lesson. When they mess things up so badly that they can't get a job within the local tv coverage area, and move to a new time zone to start over, they don't put their picture and life story on the internet.

Only you can decide if telling all was brave, selfish, or idiotic. You clearly did something extraordinary. Taking ownership of your life was pretty cool, too!