What is a D/s relationship?

[Richard49]

There are several threads about what is a good Dom or good submissive......or if just bondage is BDSM etc.

I would like to hear what you think a D/s realtionship is........
how do you define it

Richard

 

[Ebonyfire]

My definition is simple

In my case, it means that it is a mutual agreement between two people where one person serves ( is submissive) and one person is served ( is dominant).


Of course the specifics are more complex, but that is my "in a nutshell" definition of my D/s relationships.

Ebony (Mistress to sub_tavish)

 

[fallon2]

Hmmm

To make it short, sweet and simple . . . a mutual fulfillment for both people and a willingness to help the other achieve what they need.

 

[MissTaken]

For me, the crux of the D/s relationship is the power exchange which is built on trust and communication. Trust is built upon history, a mutual attraction...liking one another.

Essentially, the attachment to another person needs to come first, then the D/s. It has been my experience that while getting to know a Dom, the roles are established early on if it is someone I am growing fond of. I find myself "submitting" long before there has been actual discussion about stepping up the relationship to that level.

A D/s relationship mirrors a parent/child relationship in many ways. That is not to say there is anything incestuous nor does a sub have "daddy" issues. A Dom would not be a father figure for me, rather He would be a stabilizing force...emotionally, intellectually, in terms of my daily life.

A huge difference between D/s and parent/child is the matter of free choice. I chose to submit, chose to obey, chose not to obey. I chose to play or not. A child is unable to chose their parent.

Also, a wayward thought....even though I may become involved in a D/s relationship, for me, I still view my Dom as a "partner", meeting Him at eye level and sharing mutual respect. The roles taken fulfill one another's needs, rather than one's needs becoming more important than the other.

There you have it. A few thoughts on this quiet and chilly Sunday morn.

 

[Tatewaki]

Also, a wayward thought....even though I may become involved in a D/s relationship, for me, I still view my Dom as a "partner", meeting Him at eye level and sharing mutual respect. The roles taken fulfill one another's needs, rather than one's needs becoming more important than the other.

I've never heard it stated so eloquently before! I often hear of symbiotic relationships, the need for give and take and the like, but never was it presented so clearly.

Or, maybe it was ... Perhaps the words haven't changed, but I'm suddenly more attuned to their meaning? Who knows. Probably best that I keep on reading and learning.

Regards,

-T

 

[fallon2]

Let every . . .

After reading Misstaken's above posting it behooves all Doms/Masters to realize that the sub does indeed have a power whether or not they want to admit it. The sub decides to choose whether or not to play as well as the rest of the experiences that will happen. But a good Master knows what she needs and gives it to her on a regular basis.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Let every . . .

After reading Misstaken's above posting it behooves all Doms/Masters to realize that the sub does indeed have a power whether or not they want to admit it. The sub decides to choose whether or not to play as well as the rest of the experiences that will happen. But a good Master knows what she needs and gives it to her on a regular basis.

I agree. As a dominant, I choose my submissive, but the submissive chooses me. This mutual choosing is a display of power for us both. The ability to choose a wonderful display of power.

We both have power. My power is not better than his, and his is not better than mine. They are just different.

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

Dynamics of FemDom

Again, my perspective:

"the crux of the D/s relationship is the power exchange which is built on trust and communication. Trust is built upon history, a mutual attraction...liking one another."

I like that statement. I would also like to add instinct to the mix.

"Essentially, the attachment to another person needs to come first, then the D/s. "

In my experience the attachment comes at the same time. I have two subs, one who is my submissive and friend, and the other who is my partner, lover, beloved, and submissive. My attachment to my first sub came out of his submission. Our friendship grew, as our D/s relationship grew. I like him a lot, but I do not love him, unless you count the love one friend has for another. I care about him, and he cares about me.

Now my second sub, tavish, is my heart's home, my lover, partner and i nfact, his sub name means "beloved'. I loved him before he became my sub. I knew he had submissive tendencies, but I did not think of him that way at first. I just fell in love with the man.


"A D/s relationship mirrors a parent/child relationship in many ways. "

I do not see this happening in FemDom relationships. It is not a component of any of mine. Other Dommes may have a different experience.

"Also, a wayward thought....even though I may become involved in a D/s relationship, for me, I still view my Dom as a "partner", meeting Him at eye level and sharing mutual respect. The roles taken fulfill one another's needs, rather than one's needs becoming more important than the other."

I view my sub tavish as my partner, and he does meet me at eye level. Of course mutual respect is the cornerstone of all my relatinships, D/s or vanilla.

Ebony

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Let every . . .

After reading Misstaken's above posting it behooves all Doms/Masters to realize that the sub does indeed have a power whether or not they want to admit it. The sub decides to choose whether or not to play as well as the rest of the experiences that will happen. But a good Master knows what she needs and gives it to her on a regular basis.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Does anyone really think that the submissive has no power in the relationship?

What is a safe word if not THE final bit of power between two people? What are agreed-upon limits if not absolute lines of who goes where, and when, and how?

Actually, in a regular BDSM relationship, it's the submissive who holds the final power in all exchanges that border on any preset and agree-to limits. It's the sub, not the Dom, who decides.

A good sub gives his/her Master what s/he needs.
A good Master gives his/her sub what they need.
So goes the dance of all good human relationships, BDSM or not.

We're lovers and people with our partners before we're Domiants and submissives, most of us, most of the time. So it has always been, so it shall continue to be. Amen.

 

[pierced_boy]

More wonderfull insight.

.

 

[RisiaSkye]

My personal definition

A D/s relationship is an affectionate to loving partnership in which one partner freely chooses to empower the other in ways they select by mutual consent.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interesting discussion begun here..reminded me of the 'love is..' cartoons in a quirky way...lol, perhaps my mood this morning.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

For me, the crux of the D/s relationship is the power exchange which is built on trust and communication. Trust is built upon history, a mutual attraction...liking one another.

Also, a wayward thought....even though I may become involved in a D/s relationship, for me, I still view my Dom as a "partner", meeting Him at eye level and sharing mutual respect. The roles taken fulfill one another's needs, rather than one's needs becoming more important than the other.

In a large part this is a reflection of how I view our D/s. There is the power exchange, we are in a TPE M/s form of D/s, but it was not one forced onto me through either physical, emotional, psychological, or financial means....it was sought out by both of us on opposite sides of the world in an effort to find that one person who closely matched out own ideas and ethics surrounding D/s. The respect had to be there for either of us to even see the other as worth all the time, heartache, and effort needed to just be together.

He owns and dominates me, but also utilises all my skills in a way which benefits him and our life. I am owned and submit most of all on that psychological plane where I accept he has all rights over me, holds all power, but may ask for my input and views when he needs them. Any power I do have, as in having money, driving, cooking, creating, making decisions he asks of me etc.,, all are derived from power he chooses to give me so I may best do as pleases him....he can retract it at any moment. Because he doesn't is a mark of his trust and generosity, as well as his ability to see how best to utilise his property to advantage us both. It is not always easy, we are not perfect, nor do we go without making mistakes, but it is what makes us happy and secure.

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

what is a D/s relationship? a serious, committed relationship between a naturally Dominant person, and a naturally submissive person.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

I agree with the previous definition. I would like to add...in my opinion anyway...certainly doesn't have to be anyone else's...D/S stays in the bedroom. Maybe that's just me though. I am rather a control freak wen it comes to everyday things. Who am I to say though, I'm just someone who has no experience with life,

 

[Scarlett_t2]

Very simply put...it is my life...I give, they give...and life is good.. who could ask for anything more?
Scarlett

 

[fallon2]

Might I add

Might I add honesty and respect by both people for each other? cymbidia, you are missed on these boards.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Might I add

Might I add honesty and respect by both people for each other? cymbidia, you are missed on these boards.

She is, but I did put some of her words in the Submissive Thought for the Day toward the end of June. Words of wisdom stand the test of time.

Catalina

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

I agree with the previous definition. I would like to add...in my opinion anyway...certainly doesn't have to be anyone else's...D/S stays in the bedroom. Maybe that's just me though. I am rather a control freak wen it comes to everyday things. Who am I to say though, I'm just someone who has no experience with life,

Then you are playing at it my lady

 

[Lancecastor]

Then you are playing at it my lady

What a windbag; you'd be a snob if you had any taste.

A pillow princess has her own charms. Sure, narrow minded blowhard D's insist upon mewling kittens that can't fart without first calling Sir at the welding shop to get his permission...but personally, I prefer a woman with more complexity and depth.

To my way of thinking, a woman who's a total fucking bitch tiger in the world with everyone but me is a treasure....because it takes a very strong woman to be a magnificent and truly valued submissive.

And plus, I get all the good stuff and have someone capable of watching my back.

Fool.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Thank you Lance....I think....I presume you were speaking to the one who made the comment about me being a player.

 

[rosco rathbone]

What a windbag; you'd be a snob if you had any taste.

A pillow princess has her own charms. Sure, narrow minded blowhard D's insist upon mewling kittens that can't fart without first calling Sir at the welding shop to get his permission...but personally, I prefer a woman with more complexity and depth.

To my way of thinking, a woman who's a total fucking bitch tiger in the world with everyone but me is a treasure....because it takes a very strong woman to be a magnificent and truly valued submissive.

And plus, I get all the good stuff and have someone capable of watching my back.

Fool.

That's an insult to the metal trades sir and I resent it.

Most of the Doms you speek of are computer professionals of one type or another.

 

[Lancecastor]

You're right; I should have said bumwad warehouse, but I wanted to grant him the possibility of a manly career.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

...but personally, I prefer a woman with more complexity and depth.

To my way of thinking, a woman who's a total fucking bitch tiger in the world with everyone but me is a treasure....because it takes a very strong woman to be a magnificent and truly valued submissive.

And plus, I get all the good stuff and have someone capable of watching my back.

Fool.

LMFAO!!

Oh my G-d, I think I'm in Love!


(parenthetical, caveat: ok, ok, Yes, I AM happily married! Yes, this was a hyperbolic figure-of-speech! Yes, I only just met him, Mom. No, honey, Sir, I shouldn't tease but you Did say I could flirt, and yes, I know I'm a 'total fucking tiger bitch' even with you Sir, which Wasn't what he was talking about, or you wouldn't be putting up with...)

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

What a windbag; you'd be a snob if you had any taste.

A pillow princess has her own charms. Sure, narrow minded blowhard D's insist upon mewling kittens that can't fart without first calling Sir at the welding shop to get his permission...but personally, I prefer a woman with more complexity and depth.

To my way of thinking, a woman who's a total fucking bitch tiger in the world with everyone but me is a treasure....because it takes a very strong woman to be a magnificent and truly valued submissive.

And plus, I get all the good stuff and have someone capable of watching my back.

Fool.

As usual Lance you are rude and a boar you have no class, plus a bedroom submissive plays at it, I did not say a player, a player is an obnoxious breed of person