What Influence From Childhood...

[Bob Peale]

...still affects you today?

For me, my parents were yellers - every converstaion was conducted at full volume. People always knew exactly what was going on in our lives because my parents were not capable of speaking to us in a civilized tone. And if they were actually mad...watch out!

So, correspondingly, I am very soft spoken. Most people can count the numeber of times they've heard me raise my voice, yet you can hear my low, modulated voice half a block away if I need to be heard. You know, one of those "Daddy" voices that allows me to whisper and still stop Wynken, Blynken and Nod in their tracks in another room?

So what person or action do you still see playing a big role in who you are even though you're not 5 anymore?

 

[SINthysist]

My father beat and tortured me.

I learned to fight and not unlike yourself, to be the gentle giant...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

My Mother is the Queen of Freakiness. And quite a bitch. Just down right nasty most of the time. For that I am consantly checking myself. Always being nice, too nice at times. I put up with a lot for fear of upsetting someone. She taught me to never show my feelings. I wear my heart on my sleeve now. One look at my face I am told and you can read me.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[enjoyingitall]

Neither of my parents were openly affectionate towards me. Nor were they verbally expressive. They were great parents, just fell short a bit there.

When I had my own children, I promised myself I would give 'em hugs and cheek kisses and tell them each day I love them. I've always done this. I never want them to wonder about or question my love for them. No matter how old they get, this is a part of our relationship. A part I regret not having as a child.

 

[Ezarc]

My parent are not the hugging type. I never really felt that close to them. I am definitely a hugger and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Second, my mother is an alcoholic. She was drinking hard every day from when I was about 9 until she finally dried out when I was 20. She was a mean ass bitch when she drank. She was really nasty and hurtful with her words.
I did my share of drinking as a younger man but now a six pack will last me about two or three weeks. I rarely will ever have more than three drinks. I will also not have more that one when my two beautiful boys are up or around.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[badasschick]

My Father's sense of practicality in everything he does.

My Mother's ability to think before she speaks.

Roosevelt Franklin of Sesame Street's attitude that got him deemed a bad influnce and kicked off of the show.

Lena Horne's everlasting grace, I was a basketcase when I met her for the first time.

Lots of episodes of Wonder Woman and the Bionic Woman.

A few old Pam Grier movies.

Muhammed Ali.....I used to threaten anyone who picked on me with him as a kid.

and

Soul Train.


These things made me the Badass I am today.

I don't know what I'd be without them.

 

[red_rose]

Growing up, every argument in my house was about getting the last word. If you got the last word out in the argument, that made you the one in the right, I suppose.

Around the age of 13 or 14 I realized that the only way to get out of all of the arguments was to just walk away. It takes two to tango. (I think this made me somewhat passive-aggressive.)

I went from giving up the last word to being the mediator.

(okay... and now... a song! Not hijacking, just lyrics that express how I feel about the situation.)


The Last Word
(Mary Chapin Carpenter)

You can have it, I don't want it, and when you've got it, I'll be gone
It won't matter what you're saying when the damage has all been done

Can't seem to keep the faith, as if that's all I need to do
I'd rather walk away than take what belongs to you

You can have it, I don't want it, and when you've got it, I'll be gone
It won't matter what you're saying when the damage has all been done

Some words will cut you down like you were only in the way
Why should I stand ths ground, it won't hurt as much to say

You can have it, I don't want it, and when you've got it, I'll be gone
It won't matter what you're saying when the damage has all been done

Sometimes we're blinded by the very thing we need to see
I finally realized that you need it more than you need me

You can have it, I don't want it, and when you've got it, I'll be gone
It won't matter what you're saying when the damage has all been done
The damage has all been done

 

[MissTaken]

My mother is a lovely woman. She raised four of us single handedly and has been a strength in my life.

In so doing, she would get really stressed and shout. Then, her stressors and worries moved to the "what if?" category.

We now know she was having anxiety attacks, but then it was difficult to live with.

Hence, I have grown up avoiding worries, living the Serenity prayer.

I don't worry about things that I cannot do anything about.
I take care of the things that I can do something about.

or

Like a duck in the rain, I shrug my shoulders and the water flows off my back!

 

[Ishmael]

...still affects you today?

For me, my parents were yellers - every converstaion was conducted at full volume. People always knew exactly what was going on in our lives because my parents were not capable of speaking to us in a civilized tone. And if they were actually mad...watch out!

So, correspondingly, I am very soft spoken. Most people can count the numeber of times they've heard me raise my voice, yet you can hear my low, modulated voice half a block away if I need to be heard. You know, one of those "Daddy" voices that allows me to whisper and still stop Wynken, Blynken and Nod in their tracks in another room?

So what person or action do you still see playing a big role in who you are even though you're not 5 anymore?

Well Bob, if you had asked that question 20 years ago I would have filled up the page.

My parents were like everyone elses, some bad, some good. And that is in my eye's. Most of all, they were themselves. And that was a product of their parents. I was chastised when I was bad, sometimes unfairly. And I was praised when I was good, sometimes undeservedly. Most of all I was cared for and taught.

I became financially independent, sort off, at the age of 11, and left home at 17. Most of the lessons that my parents taught me have served me well.

But what sticks with me? Well, all of it. The parts I reject and the parts I accept. There are parts that I rejected that I all of a sudden embraced when it dawned on me that there was no other answer.

I remember chopping down trees for firewood with my son (as I had with my father so many years before). I showed him how it was done and then gave him the axe. The first tree he did exactly as shown. The second tree he began to experiment with and the results were less than desirable. By the time he had experimented with the fourth tree, disaterously so, I stopped him and asked him what he was doing. He said, "Well, your way of chopping down trees isn't the only way. I'm looking for an easier way." To which I replied, "I learned to chop down trees with an axe from my father. Who learned from his father before him. For hundreds of thousands of years men have been chopping down trees with an axe. If someone had come up with a better way, we would be using it now. If you want to experiment with something, try your hand at things the human race hasn't been doing over it's existance." It wasn't until his mid-twenties that he understood me.

Ishmael

 

[sufisaint]

I was never told I was loved as a child....although my parents were great in other ways, no emotions were expressed not even anger..... So I have been searching for love my whole life...its the one driving force, and even though i thought I had found it, i have realized I never have with one two exceptions, my seven year old daughter and my dogs......everything else has always had conditions attached......

 

[Guest]

 

[Cheyenne]

...still affects you today?

Family togetherness- family time, family vacations, family support. We live close to each other, see each other a lot, and help each other as needed. I first saw this with my grandparents, now long gone. We've each moved up a level in the family hierarchy, but take on the same roles as generations before us. It is a stabilizing force in my life. Family is always there for me if I need them.

 

[bored1]

Being molested by male relatives still affects me to this day, especially when it comes to true intimacy. My father used a LOT of negative reinforcement on me when I was a boy. Some of his comments were " You'll never ammount to a pinch of shit"" You will end up dead in a gutter just like your grandfather" And my all time favorite was when my mother was sick in the hospital, and wasnt expected to make it through the night. I was 11/12 years old. I can still hear him, as he told me, that, if she didnt make it, it was my fault. theres more of course, but those jump out at me. But to be fair, I did learn some good things from him. One of which was not to talk to my sons that way.

 

[unclej]

on the good side, manners. table manners were especially important. i've got 7 siblings and even though dinners were'nt particularly quiet there were manners. i find the lack of them really hard to deal with. i still call nearly everyone sir or mam. no matter if they're older or younger. but now i do it because i want to. i used to do it out of fear.

on the bad/good side my father was very quick to hit. probably abusive by today's standards. i grew up in fear of him and as a result i never spanked either my daughter or my three step sons when i was married to their mother. found other ways to deal with them.

 

[morninggirl5]

My parents divorced when i was 8. They divorced because my father was having an affair. He married the woman he was cheating with the day after the divorce became final.

I was no longer a child after the divorce, i became my own person completely, not trusting anyone with my inner self. I clearly recall my mother throwing her wedding rings at my father the day he moved out. I was crying, asking my father why he didn't love me anymore, why he was leaving me. He assured me that he still loved me and would still be my father. For the next 20 years, i can count on my fingers the number of times i saw my father. The number of times i saw him without me or my sister calling him requires no counting, it never happened. Four years ago he and his second wife divorced, in part he says because she tried to keep him away from my sister. Since then, he's tried to be a part of my life, but he will never again be my "Daddy." Everyone in my family (including my mother) has had their shot at the "you need to forgive and forget, i know he was wrong all those years, but he's a better person now" speech. I listen and continue with my life. My father married for the third time a couple of years ago, and i walked out in the middle of the wedding. I couldn't listen to him make those vows to someone else (someone my age) when he couldn't honor them with my mother and our family.

How has this impacted me as an adult? I don't trust easily, i have yet to share all of me with anyone. I don't push either. If i'm not certain of someone, i won't ever put my feelings or desires on the table.

 

[PacificBlue]

The Playground...

A chill still races up my back each and every time I run into someone from childhood. I was the kid that got teased without mercy.

The first thought that always comes to mind is that it wasn't deserved and I did nothing wrong...why did they choose me? I will never have that answer and that needs to be good enough.

The teasing torture lasted from kindergarten clear through high school. I barely made it out alive...by the time I was 16, I was ready to end my life. When I went onto college I was severely depressed, hated myself with passion, and really could have cared less about my grades. My parents, who love me, sent me away to another college, several hundred miles away and let me work life out on my own for awhile. It was the best gift they ever gave me. In college, there was nobody from childhood, I was free to explore. I made friends, lots of them. I had a very difficult time believing that people liked me and I'm sure I pushed more than one person away with my insecurity. I was always afraid of being hurt. I lost weight, I lifted weights, I had the best time of my life, and I got incredible grades. I started to belive in myself just as the experience was over. I was not ready to come back home and I think if I could have put into words at that time why it wasn't a good idea, they might have helped me settle somewhere else. Instead, I had no choice but to return here and I quickly shut myself away...afraid, letting the past rule my thoughts and my actions. I regret all the time that I have wasted letting my childhood haunt me. I have run into a few people who are now adults and most are looking for forgiveness for what they said or did...realizing only now how incredibly cruel it was.

I am only now finding my true self...learning to speak up...wanting to be heard and seen. I still hold people at arm's length. I take things entirely too personally. I look for signs that the bottom is going to fall out without just enjoying the experience for what it is.

Life is a journey...I'm finding my way.

 

[glamorilla]

I have my mom's talent and my dad's looks.

I also have my dad's talent and my mom's looks.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Watching the Vietnam war on television, plus all the demonstrations and riots over the war and civil rights. The images of the police riot at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago in '68 are burned on my retinas. Those things taught me to be skeptical of all the mythology about our country and its govenment that had been drummed into my head up to that point.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

My parents are closed-minded Catholics, and my grandmother is the most bible-thumping pentecostal in the world. Seriously. I'm sorry for the insulting tone, but I'm tired of it. And I've noticed that, because of their attitude, I've grown up as a VERY open-minded person, one who likes to learn and experiment, and I often say 'fuck the consequences'. Because of their slow, careful, rule-governed approach to life, I'm impetuous and free.

 

[Xander]

My fathers calmness adn my mothers insanity.

.....which pretty much mean I'll take your baby child out of the crip and eat it in a calm and orderly manner, just for the hell of it.

 

[erosman]

I am only now finding my true self...learning to speak up...wanting to be heard and seen. I still hold people at arm's length. I take things entirely too personally. I look for signs that the bottom is going to fall out without just enjoying the experience for what it is.

Life is a journey...I'm finding my way.

<<hugs>> for you, Blue.






What influence from your childhood still affects you today?


My maternal grandfather is probably - and unfortunately - the influence that shapes my every day activities. He grew up in a time when survival was the only game on the prairie. He was tough, and hard, and he instilled in me a work ethic and accomplishment quotient that isn't conducive to relaxing relations. Intensity in everything that crosses my 'desktop' is far too routine.

I loved the man, but wish he had been able to cultivate a softer tone in me.