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april2000 said:Problem is, I don't WANT a man to "tie me up and beat" me just because it turns me on. I want him to do it becasue it turns HIM on.
Chicklet said:that's exactly how i feel, too. I had a great open minded boyfriend for years who would do just about anything exciting in bed, but if it wasn't his kink, i just couldn't get in to it.
which is why i've resorted to collarme for the last year to find new people to date, heh. which sucks, 'cause of the problem that 99% of the people on there are idiots, but i've made some good friends and had some fun.
you're not crazy. find something that works for you. i had this discussion with my boss when i started dating again, because i was so frustrated that i couldn't find a kinky boy. he said, find someone who's personality matches mine and they'll do anything i want in bed. i told him it wasn't the same, and he just couldn't understand. damnit, it's a necessity to me that THEY be dominant!
anyways rant over.
good luck.
april2000 said:I have zero experience with D/s, for reasons that I won't go into. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't intensely desire it.I've talked to a few friends about this....they're all men, and we're pretty open with the sex talk . It seems like the overwhelming consensous is "I'd do it if she was really interested. It would turn me on because it turns her on." Problem is, I don't WANT a man to "tie me up and beat" me just because it turns me on. I want him to do it becasue it turns HIM on. There is a difference, right? Am I crazy for wanting someone who wants to dominate me because it does something for HIM?
JFJ_sub said:... what i have come to understand is the S/M we do do is because when i react the way i do to him when he does something, it is watching and feeling my reaction that turns him on even more. So not sure is it fair to say when he spanks me really hard, is he doing it for me? Or for him? If he's doing it because he knows i enjoy it and my reaction to it turns him on even more -- well not sure who he is doing it for so to speak but it works.![]()
No, you're not crazy for wanting your partner to dominate you for HIS purposes.april2000 said:...I don't WANT a man to "tie me up and beat" me just because it turns me on. I want him to do it becasue it turns HIM on. There is a difference, right? Am I crazy for wanting someone who wants to dominate me because it does something for HIM?
Yes, you would be "running the show" if he's only doing it to please you.april2000 said:...I guess I feel that if he's just catering to my every desire, I'm the one running the show, right? Not really what I'm looking for.
3) They are out there. If you're not in a relationship currently, check out area groups - educational and play - and start attending meetings, munches, etc. You'll find more baseball players at a baseball field than at a quilting bee; more fishermen near water than at an airport; and more Dominant men at activities designed/organized by and for D/s folks than at a tent revival. IMO, at least.april2000 said:Now, just to find a man who wants it as much as I do. Sigh...
april2000 said:I have zero experience with D/s, for reasons that I won't go into. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't intensely desire it.I've talked to a few friends about this....they're all men, and we're pretty open with the sex talk . It seems like the overwhelming consensous is "I'd do it if she was really interested. It would turn me on because it turns her on." Problem is, I don't WANT a man to "tie me up and beat" me just because it turns me on. I want him to do it becasue it turns HIM on. There is a difference, right? Am I crazy for wanting someone who wants to dominate me because it does something for HIM?
april2000 said:I have zero experience with D/s, for reasons that I won't go into. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't intensely desire it.I've talked to a few friends about this....they're all men, and we're pretty open with the sex talk . It seems like the overwhelming consensous is "I'd do it if she was really interested. It would turn me on because it turns her on." Problem is, I don't WANT a man to "tie me up and beat" me just because it turns me on. I want him to do it becasue it turns HIM on. There is a difference, right? Am I crazy for wanting someone who wants to dominate me because it does something for HIM?