what has lifes experiences taught you

[shy slave]

I have put off asking this due to the recent troll invasion.

Its a slightly misleading thread as its about depression.
The exit is that way for those who want to leave now------>

I have mentioned on some threads that last year I suffered from clinical depression.

This was a new experience for me ( I was always up beat in company, but equally liked my own company) and not a pleasant one. It also came with the additional extras of mild panic attacks and anxiety (buy one get one free perhaps )

The panic was mild but nevertheless gave me an insight as to what others suffer.

I am a learning disability specialist nurse. I have had very little experience of mental health issues.
My experiences really opened my eyes as to how people suffer with thoughts in there head.

One experience when I forgot to take my tablets I could 'hear' my body working: blinking, spinal fluid moving, action potentials, neuron firings etc and it scared the hell out of me. I
consider myself I rational and intelligent person (who doesn't). This experience made me question everything. Rationally I knew I could not 'hear' these things on the other hand I really could 'hear them.
It only lasted two days, but it was a long & scary two days.

I have learnt to try to understand and be more empathetic to those who have MH issues. I can't say I ever dismissed them but I did not understand.

When people sit and say "I don't know," or "I can't explain,"
I now understand they REALLY mean that, and it is not that it is too difficult to explain, but the words are not there.

I now struggle to comprehend how to survive day-to-day if my small experience was increased ten-fold.

Therefore I have also learnt respect for people who are going through a personal hell that only they are experiencing.

I am sure there are other things I have learnt from having depression, even if they are subjective and difficult to quantify.

-----------------------------------

I am still on medication, I am trying to change my job in an effort to ease things.
I still have days when I wake up crying, or discover its 3pm and I have no idea where the day went. These are less and less frequent and as I part of my job means home working (the office hot desks) this is difficult to get under control.

I know can tell if I am heading for a 'bad' day. I get tired and my voice lacks tone.

I can still do my job of inspecting care homes as its like wearing a mask but as soon as its over it feels worse than sub-drop.

Currently bad days happen when there are hormonal changes :nearing my period

But they also seem to happen without reason. On those days I berate myself but I just don't have it in me to do anything: go for a walk, speak to people etc

____________________________________________________
Therefore there are two parts to this post.
(1) Has anything happened in your life to give you a greater insight to something you thought only happened to 'other' people?

(2) Any advice on how to cope when you know your heading for a day when even speaking is hard work (this from a woman who can talk for the whole of the UK!). What do you have to or had to cope with that has made life seem more difficult then it should be.

I know some of you have or had health problems and I know others are caring for people.

A perspective from any angle would be welcomed.


Ps not looking for sympathy if I wanted that I would say so

 

[Valcorie]

I can appreciate what you are experiancing. My grandfather had bi-polar disorder as did much of him family. However after he passed away in 1999 many of my immediate family members were tested for Manic depression (Bi-polar) I was depressed at that time as any rational person would be after a death. however it was thought that I had bi-polar and I was put on medication for a year. That experiance of doctor appointments, liver function tests, mood charting the whole nine yards gave me a valuable insight into what people who turely have mental illnesses go though and I have a much greater respect for them.

I ended up taking charge of my depression and life about a7 months or so later after reading a book called 'The Art of Happiness' it was written by the dali lama and translated by a mental health professional. It focuses on how to be happy. Making choices and choosing to be happy. For me I needed to realize that i had a choice. It was either pul myself up by the bootstraps and work at being happy and choosing thing that would make me happy long term or keep going as I was. I havn't had any problems since. I was a huge perspective change for me.

That I realize was me and I am in no way saying that you shouldn't take or don't need medication for your situation. With me it was medication I shouldn't be on for a problem I didn't have. I would recomend the book though it realy made an impact.

Good luck! If you ever feel the need to talk you can always PM.

 

[shelleb4]

Hello again shy slave, i am a MH nurse/counsellor and have been for 22 yrs.
I have personally experienced depression, but im rather behaviouralist in my theory, and i was depressed because things in my life at the time were crap, and it was obvious i should change things, but was too low to do so. But, yes, being on the other side of the fence scared the shit out of me!
Even now, years later after recovery, i have the odd times when things are tough, and the syptoms return briefly. It terrifies me that it will come back properly, but thankfully it has not.

I once nursed a man, who was definately having sex with his child. He was awaiting a court sentence which was going to be custodial, until that time, we had him. I learnt so much from him of what its like for the abuser.

Ive learnt that affairs strangle the life from a marriage.

Ive learnt to hold back on my personality so as not to scare the shit out of people that i want to stick around.

Ive learnt to let go of someone very special. A brutal lesson from life.

Ive learnt to never say never.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

(1) Has anything happened in your life to give you a greater insight to something you thought only happened to 'other' people?

Yes.

(2) Any advice on how to cope when you know your heading for a day when even speaking is hard work (this from a woman who can talk for the whole of the UK!).

i first thought of a flippant joke i'd heard long time ago that starts out "you have two choices." i'll skip the joke and try to answer appropriately. Pardon the mood music and the typos from the lyrics site.

You can lay down and take what life throws at you, and sometimes you need to lay down, if for no other reason than to build up a little strength. If you choose to continue laying there, don't blame the vultures for enjoying an easy meal.

i'm a stubborn bastard. When i set my mind, i will find a way over, under, around, and if need be, straight through. Deal with the unidentified quote. i know he can see it and he's laughing.

Life's not fair because the world owes you nothing. Anything worth having requires you earn it with the best of your heart, mind and soul. Any effort less than your best makes the having less.

 

[shy slave]

Valcorie Thank you for the advice about the book, will do a search for it. I am an avid reader of everything
How scary for you going through the hell of medication and therapy for a condition you did not have.
I am sure it was an invaluable experience but one you could have lived without
Are you able to look at what you learnt about you and others from this experience, it is unique from the aspect that (thankfully) you did not have bi-polar, for example did you view yourself differently or did others?

Shelleb4 You know I read your posts and they always strike a chord (Bridge Burner and Phoenix Stone have the same affect). There are so many parallels. I think one of my many fears that with each bad day I think the whole nine yards is coming back to bite to me.
I would ove to hear more from the abusers perspective if you felt able, not to criticise but to try and gain insight into why and how these things happen.

Ive learnt to hold back on my personality so as not to scare the shit out of people that i want to stick around.{/B]

This line I can relate to and that was before the depression hit

AA Thank you for your insight.

You can lay down and take what life throws at you, and sometimes you need to lay down, if for no other reason than to build up a little strength. If you choose to continue laying there, don't blame the vultures for enjoying an easy meal.

This is a great line, sometimes it is too easy to let the vultures take advantage of a few difficult hours.

Actually not sure you needed to state your a stubborn bastard I did, as others have, figured that out already

That said its a brief answer to the first part of my queries. I realise your a private person, but, like OSG, you do have a way of stating it as it is, from an interesting perspective.
Would you consider giving an answer 'wrapped up in blankets' that would allow you to keep that distance and give some insight ?

Thanks for your thoughts so far

 

[shy slave]

BUMP

for curiousity

 

[snowy ciara]

I've learned that nothing is black and white.

I've figured out that just when you think you know someone really well, they throw you a curve ball.

And recently, I've learned that you never leave your lucky cleats on the back porch (no matter how muddy they were) when dog sitting your best friends puppy. Now I have many unlucky cleat fragments...

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[shy slave]

Thanks CutieMouse and Snowy ciara

But what was happened in your life to give you a greater insight into something you thought only happened to 'other' people?


Apart from the puppy that is

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[snowy ciara]

SPEEEEWWW Alert

Well, this wasn't a bad something, it's a weird something. I guess discovering that bdsm is a real time thing is what opened my eyes.

I have been reading about bdsm stuff fiction wise for a few years. I went away to college last fall, and discovered that all this stuff is real, or can be. I haven't managed to indulge in any er, kinky antics yet, I'm too unsure and too new to this. I'm also bisexual, and I'm dealing with this. I had a really great flirtation thing going on with a really nice girl (or so I thought, but well, it ended all tragically in a college freshperson sort of way.). My parents didn't know that I'm bisexual or somewhat kinked.

But a few months ago, my mum came to town for a soccer tourney. (I stayed here, at my uni for the summer cause the summer league is much more competitive than the one in my hometown.) Friday night we had a blast. (My mum and I are really close, I'm youngest child and the only girl). We went to a local pub and threw darts and made some $$$. The next morning, we're sitting in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast. She asks me about Robin, (the girl) and I tell her. It's all going good, and I decided to quit pussyfooting around her gender and tell my mum. So I did.

She wasn't surprised. She said aside from wanting to break the bitch's kneecaps for messing with me, she was fine and my dad would be fine, as one of my brothers is also bi. Shocked the hell out of me. Mum says "if you need to talk about it, talk to Scotty, he's been through it before."

Then we started talking about sex. Not sure how we got onto the subject, but I said to her. "What if you're a little bit sexually adventurous?" She looked me right in the eye and said. "Be sure you have a safeword, and be sure the top knows it, and if you need a safecall, usel Liam. (another brother..) If he's not there, call me."

I dropped my favorite eeyore mug on the floor. It broke into a bajillion pieces. First though racing through my mind was "omygod, my mum's kinky." And then it was "she even figured out my orientation." And then it was "If my mum is kinky, then my dad is too. And Liam."

Apparently my mum thought I was going to pass out. She made me sit down and put my head between my knees and went to sweep up the glass.

So then we talked about it. Mum's been a sub for years (thinking back, I can see that, but I thought she was just like June Cleaver, minus the pearls and stuff.) and dad's been topping her for years. Like since before I was born. Liam found my dad's bondage porn when he was about 16. He became active in this when he went to college too.

Mum gave me some good advice. The best advice she gave me was something along the lines of, "Your father and I go to the Fetish Fair in Chicago every year, and Liam goes to Folsum. Let us know if you want to go, and we'll work something out so that we don't have to run into each other if we don't want too."

I'm shocked and astounded. Remember when you figured out what sex is and your parents do it and you go "eewwwwww."? Eventually, you figure out it's fun, and your parents enjoyed it, too, and you go "EEEEWWWWWWW!!!". Well, finding out your parents are kinky too, is like the second one times 10. I'm still figuring out how I feel about it.

ps. My eeyore mug was a limited edition, and Liam replaced it for me when he went to disneyland. It came wrapped in a t shirt that said " We come into this world screaming and covered with blood. If you're lucky, it doesn't have to stop.." and wrapped with duct tape.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

snowy ciara

I only wish my parents would act like that!

I won't write a novella here, but I will summarize what I'm talking about:

I met a girl online a while ago (I'm bi curious at the moment), and we have been talking for a few months. Her Master wanted to meet me because he wanted to make sure his slave wasn't going to get hurt (totally understandable). I snuck around, but managed to meet him yesterday, but my father followed me to the location, and when I was about to get into the car, he announced that I wasn't going anywhere. Then Daddy brought me back home, and I haven't heard the end of it all day.

I did set bounderies before meeting this man; I asked him for the address I would be going to, and I told him that I would be telling my mom where I would be and when I would call. All of which he had no problem with.

When I try and explain D/S or BDSM to anyone in my family, they don't understand, and they immediately lable the whole thing as abuse.

My point is that my parents don't understand, and they probably never will.

 

[Valcorie]

answer for Shy

Shy Slave, to answer your question, yes i did feel very different than others. Because i was 'diagnosed' with bi-polar disorder i felt like i was an outsider and that people would see me and know. My biggest fear at the time was not having control over my own life or mind. i was very afraid taht like most bi-polar individuals i would have to undergo involluntary hospitalization.

i felt like i had to prove that because i had a problem i was still a good, responsible, trust worthy individual. i felt that because of the illness others would think i should NOT have children, pets, guns, a job. Some people even said those things to me. (doctors mainly)It was very hard.

i imagine that you are facing some of the same emotional obstacles. Please remember though you are the same person you were before all of this happened. Because you have to work though this doesn't make you any less than what you were last year or what you will be tomarrow.

Some of the best things I can recomend for you would be #1 support. There are lots of online support groups that are great. Also having someone you can talk to about anything. Whether your depressed and need to rant, or just talk about other things. It is realy neccisary. #2-be carefull about your meds themselves. Get all the facts about side effects and what not to take with it. many herbal suplements counter act anti depressants. #3 try journaling. not your average journaling though. make your self a chart with 5 being happy and 1 being severly suicidal depressed and chart your mood. Then make entries every day about your life ect. it may give you and doctors valuable insight as to triggers, med changes, deit changes, stress and how it affects your mind.

If you ever want to talk you can always PM me! i wish you the best of luck.

Corinne

 

[shy slave]

snowy ciara

Can you put warnings out before you post like that! My 'puter screen is covered in a cup of tea and my mouth is hanging open, AND I don't have a brother to replace broken crockery. I know that if my mother said that I WOULD faint. I will read your posts with caution now {{{{:kiss}}}}

 

[snowy ciara]

Spew Alert!



Okay, I added a spew alert. passing the paper towels and the windex Sorry about that.

I haven't actually talked to either parent much about this since then. It's still kind of an "EEEEWWWWWW!" thing for me. My dad is funny though, he gets me on the phone.

"Er, well, dear, your mother told me about the tournament."

"Dad, I'm okay, I promise."

"Well, if you have any questions or concerns."

"Daddy, I'm fine, really."

"We worry about you, dear."

"Daddy, I love you, but trust me, I JUST DON"T WANNA KNOW RIGHT NOW!"

"All right dear, will we see you on Sunday for church and dinner?"

"Er, no. Thanks, but no."

I haven't been home since "The Conversation", but I get this picture in my head of my dad up in the pulpit deaconing away, and then see him in Dom gear, and my brain short circuits and I start to giggle helplessy until it comes to outright guffaws, and I realise I'm not ready to face Dad over an altar rail just yet.

 

[shy slave]

OMG snowy

Pass more kleenex please..Your Dad is a Deacon!!!!

I bet it all feels a bit surreal to you, it does to me!!!

 

[shy slave]

I only wish my parents would act like that!

I won't write a novella here, but I will summarize what I'm talking about:

I met a girl online a while ago (I'm bi curious at the moment), and we have been talking for a few months. Her Master wanted to meet me because he wanted to make sure his slave wasn't going to get hurt (totally understandable). I snuck around, but managed to meet him yesterday, but my father followed me to the location, and when I was about to get into the car, he announced that I wasn't going anywhere. Then Daddy brought me back home, and I haven't heard the end of it all day.

I did set bounderies before meeting this man; I asked him for the address I would be going to, and I told him that I would be telling my mom where I would be and when I would call. All of which he had no problem with.

When I try and explain D/S or BDSM to anyone in my family, they don't understand, and they immediately lable the whole thing as abuse.

My point is that my parents don't understand, and they probably never will.

Dove, your life is never dull

At least you set boundries, but it would be easier if you could talk like snowy has the opportunity to.

Strange isn't it, you could do with snowys kind of parents and she could do with not haveing such open parents until she gets over the EWWWWW factor.

Funny how no-one gets the right type of parents lol

 

[snowy ciara]

Re: OMG snowy

Pass more kleenex please..Your Dad is a Deacon!!!!

I bet it all feels a bit surreal to you, it does to me!!!

It does. It's still all weird. Hmm. Did you see the birth order thread? I was talking there about how we wonder where my 4th brother comes from? Maybe him and Dove were switched at birth?

 

[shy slave]

Valcorie

Shy Slave, to answer your question, yes i did feel very different than others. Because i was 'diagnosed' with bi-polar disorder i felt like i was an outsider and that people would see me and know. My biggest fear at the time was not having control over my own life or mind. i was very afraid taht like most bi-polar individuals i would have to undergo involluntary hospitalization.

i felt like i had to prove that because i had a problem i was still a good, responsible, trust worthy individual. i felt that because of the illness others would think i should NOT have children, pets, guns, a job. Some people even said those things to me. (doctors mainly)It was very hard.

i imagine that you are facing some of the same emotional obstacles. Please remember though you are the same person you were before all of this happened. Because you have to work though this doesn't make you any less than what you were last year or what you will be tomarrow.

Some of the best things I can recomend for you would be #1 support. There are lots of online support groups that are great. Also having someone you can talk to about anything. Whether your depressed and need to rant, or just talk about other things. It is realy neccisary. #2-be carefull about your meds themselves. Get all the facts about side effects and what not to take with it. many herbal suplements counter act anti depressants. #3 try journaling. not your average journaling though. make your self a chart with 5 being happy and 1 being severly suicidal depressed and chart your mood. Then make entries every day about your life ect. it may give you and doctors valuable insight as to triggers, med changes, deit changes, stress and how it affects your mind.

If you ever want to talk you can always PM me! i wish you the best of luck.

Corinne

Feeling like an outsider is horrible isn't it.
It reminds me of starting a new school when your little and everyone stares but no-one talks to you.

Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts on how you felt at the time.

Thanks also for the advice about ways to overcome it.
I have done the log and it worked quite well, allowing me to see improvements when I thought the light at the end of the tunnel had been turned off, and i was destined to be a miserable little sod for evernore.

I chickened out of the groups though. Even checking out on-line groups would have been too much, instead I just lurked here and on ALT. I did not want to admit that I had an issue.

I only post about it now because I no longer feel it rules me.
I still get 'bad days but it is only a day although i can feel it building for a few days before.

A bit like AA I am a stubborn bastard

I am not big on alternative medicine (too lazy to research it) but I did have some Spiritual healing, but i always ended up in tears and i HATE crying in front of anyone!!
Someone I work with is a pharmacist, he and another collegue were fantastic checking I was ok, telling me rude jokes and protecting me from others in the workplace.

Last July/August, my GP made me see him each week and signed me off sick a week at a time. He explained to me a couple of months ago that had he said you need a t least a month off i would have said 'no, i don't' and ignored him


When i went to see my GP about something completely different, he said how much calmer i am since my break-down (he has known me seven yrs both as a GP and through work connections).
I was astounded I had no idea I had had a 'break-down' they're what other people have!!!
He said i am one of these people that the old joke of 'I would have a break down but I am too busy' really did apply to me!!

I am thankful he knew me and therefore dealt with my mental health in a way that made the process easier. Had he had simply said 'do this/that etc, i am sure it would be a bigger problem now than it is.

Thank you for the offer to PM, I will do that, but not just to be misreable I promise

 

[shy slave]

I have to go and read the birth order thread now...2 questions though:
(1)Dove is a girl wouldn't your mum have noticed if she took her little boy home without all neccessary appendages??
(2) Where your brother came from....surely as your Dad is a Deacon you have heard of the story of creation? what about Noahs Ark and why Noah needed a boy & girl of each animal?

Still not clear Ok which of you Dom/Mes want me to send you snowy so she can learn where her brother came from???


Ok Read the other thread
So which of you Dom/Mes wants snowy and her 4th brother as he needs to express himself a little.

C'mon Ladies & Gents a orderly queue now:

No pushing...

 

[shy slave]

I have to go and read the birth order thread now...2 questions though, (1)Dove is a girl wouldn't your mum have noticed if she took her little boy home without all neccessary appendages??
(2) Where your brother came from....surely as your Dad is a Deacon you have heard of the story of creation? what about Noahs Ark and why Noah needed a boy & girl of each animal?

Still not clear Ok which of you Dom/Mes want me to send you snowy so she can learn where her brother came from???

Ok had a look at the other thread so

Monsiurs et Madames Who would like both snowy AND her brother Her brother needs loosen up and explore a little!!!

Now, Now an orderly queue and no pushing.....

 

[shy slave]

Damn double posts, I deleted the one with the least spelling errors of course

 

[snowy ciara]

Nice view from the auction block..

shy said
Still not clear Ok which of you Dom/Mes want me to send you snowy so she can learn where her brother came from???

Ok had a look at the other thread so

Monsiurs et Madames Who would like both snowy AND her brother Her brother needs loosen up and explore a little!!!

Now, Now an orderly queue and no pushing.....

Wow! I can see the ocean from here. pushing rotten older brother off the back of the block

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

(laughing uncontrolable)

Sorry snowy, I just couldn't helpp it

 

[shy slave]

Ahh yes but where did he land snowy, and whilst you looking at the ocean who is looking at your ass.

*Now doubled up laughing with Dove*