What gives my MC more character?

[kittybunny]

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[CyranoJ]

I have the rest of the story figured out but can't decide on her reaction. I can tie any one of them well to how the story continues.

Hm. I think you may find that Laurel rejects an NC/R story that ends with the victim's death, but I don't know for sure, never tried anything like that here.

At any rate, I don't love the options on offer... I guess just going numb makes the most sense, it would be the most natural reaction to learning you've just been assaulted and are about to be murdered using crimes you don't remember committing as a pretext.

I don't suppose there's room for any kind of story path that doesn't end in "waits for him to kill her"?

Like, say, learning that she's being "punished" for the past actions of an essentially separate personality she can't even remember kindling some fight and outrage and an urge to either live, or escape, or revenge herself on him (or all three)?

Or alternatively, gaining some understanding of the antagonist's horrible actions and feeling some guilt, but still rebelling against his twisted idea of "justice" and forcing him to face that he's just avenging wrong with wrong as he prepares to kill her (if "kills her" is a must-have end point)?

Other than that, one thing that might help somewhat sell the various "accepts her fate" options is having the revelation of her own true identity call up repressed memories of having actually done murder. It would feel implausible for anyone to just accept this pretext from an assailant on their word alone, especially if mortal consequences are to follow.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Snuff is a no-no on this site ... in Literary terms, it is the snuffing out a life during or right after sex.

 

[CyranoJ]

I'm guessing from the description that there's meant to be some character development beats in the story between the sex and the murder... but I have no way of knowing whether it might still trip that particular breaker.

 

[MillieDynamite]

kittybunny, all of your choice include the ending phrase, "waits for him to kill her." why no choice for us to vote, Prepares to take his life before he can take hers? If I was the character, that's what I'd do. Don't let her go like some whimpering weakling, if she must die, let her die fighting for life.

 

[Winter_Fare]

Was her mind wiped? So no memory of what she's done? Has her personality really changed? Building up evidence of what she's like early on and showing how it develops is important, it can't be all about crime and punishment. I think you need a trajectory for character development, or your MC may as well be a pet dog that once mauled someone. It's hard to make suggestions without you giving away the plot.

If it's lost memory only, maybe she only behaves herself now because she hasn't realised there's an alternative.

If she really is a good person, don't beat around the bush. Punishing her is unambiguously evil if she's not the same person.

 

[kittybunny]

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[kittybunny]

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[kittybunny]

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[CyranoJ]

I guess I should have mentioned, my bad:
He doesn’t do it!! No murder of any kind happens haha.

Ohhhh. That indeed was not clear. Useful to know.

If what's happening is she "accepts her fate" thinking it means death, but that doesn't actually happen, then I'd say that probably the last paragraph in my original reply would be my most direct contribution to selling some version of that as a believable character choice. I think my original vote still applies.

 

[kittybunny]

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[kittybunny]

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[CyranoJ]

Her menories are completely wiped! So she can’t remember it but she believes it because of “evidence” After they confess their feelings, they try to work past it. But after an event, they suddenly learn it’s impossible, they dig in further and find out her past was fabricated and the murderer is someone else.

The story is getting more interesting the more we learn about it. Bon courage!