What does your pet think?

[Kylan]

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:

7:30am - Woke up! My favourite thing!

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

******​

Excerpts from a Cat's diary:

DAY 659 of my captivity;

7:30am ~ My attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking downstairs almost succeeded. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chairs.

8:00 am - My captors dined lavishly on fresh meat, whilst the other inmates and I were fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I made my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless ate in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going now is my dreams of escape

9:31am - To display what I am truly capable of and strike fear into their hearts, I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body. On their return they cooed and condescended about what a good little hunter I am. Bastards!

10:35 am - I am now going to endeavour to sleep for a couple of hours so that I can annoy my captors with incessant pleas for food later on in the day.

3:00 pm - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was awoken from my slumber and taken for water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called 'shampoo'. What sick minds could invent such a liquid? Apparently there is going to be an assembly of their accomplices tonight. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

7:00 pm - I am once again in solitary confinement. However, I can hear noises and smell food. I overheard that my confinement is due to the power of ‘allergies’. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Once again the dog has received special privileges. He has been released to the back yard - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now . . .

 

[ima6uldv8]

That is so funny. My dog was sick today so I took him to the vet. He was happy to be there. Acted like he wasn't even sick. Silly dog.

 

[AllWeWant]

Oh please, let me add one...

Midnight: The man and mommy are making those noises again. I smell sex. Why is mommy making that noise? Is he hurting her? Hey, stop throwing pillows! I must make noise, too! Ugly, slurping noise to distract them! I must scratch and make my collar rattle and clink! When will they stop? I can keep this up all night. More scratching! I'll wake the other dog; he won't like this either. Let us both head-butt the bed.... and on, and on....

 

[SecretLove69]

Early the next morning:

Hmmm, same noises that got the stupid canine all worked up around midnight. Well, since he's over in the corner licking his nuts now I guess I'll have to check this out and see what's happening.
No, it's not the sound of a can of tuna being opened,
No, it's not the sound of milk being poured in my dish........
Let's see here
*jumping up on the bed to investigate*

http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q281/Diane1759A/wtfrudoincat-1.jpg​

 

[Kylan]

That is so funny. My dog was sick today so I took him to the vet. He was happy to be there. Acted like he wasn't even sick. Silly dog.

Hiya ima6uldv8

It is rather strange that. When our hound (a border collie) visits the vet he gives you the look that says;

"You expect me to sit and behave?! What do you think I am? Stupid?? I remember coming here once and I was, as you put it, fixed."

 

[Kylan]

Oh please, let me add one...

Midnight: The man and mommy are making those noises again. I smell sex. Why is mommy making that noise? Is he hurting her? Hey, stop throwing pillows! I must make noise, too! Ugly, slurping noise to distract them! I must scratch and make my collar rattle and clink! When will they stop? I can keep this up all night. More scratching! I'll wake the other dog; he won't like this either. Let us both head-butt the bed.... and on, and on....

Good Morning AllWeWant

Why stop at one...add all you want.

And isn't it just so erotic to fulfil your exhibitionism fantasies to a sighing dog who has his head glued to the bed.

I reckon that's where the term 'puppy-dog' eyes came from.

 

[Marshal_Nash]

Holy crap that was funny. I was laughing so hard I was having trouble reading it to my wife.
Am looking forward to diary of a moose.

 

[Kylan]

Early the next morning:

Hmmm, same noises that got the stupid canine all worked up around midnight. Well, since he's over in the corner licking his nuts now I guess I'll have to check this out and see what's happening.
No, it's not the sound of a can of tuna being opened,
No, it's not the sound of milk being poured in my dish........
Let's see here
*jumping up on the bed to investigate*

http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q281/Diane1759A/wtfrudoincat-1.jpg​

Hiya SecretLove69, you're very well, I trust.


I reckon

http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q281/Diane1759A/wtfrudoincat-1.jpg​

is also thinking;

"Why do they call that a pussy? Looks nothing like me..."

 

[AllWeWant]

Good Morning AllWeWant

Why stop at one...add all you want.

And isn't it just so erotic to fulfil your exhibitionism fantasies to a sighing dog who has his head glued to the bed.

I reckon that's where the term 'puppy-dog' eyes came from.

I swear, Kylan, if I dangle a foot or a hand over the edge of the bed, the one that's more of a momma's boy will gravitate right to it. If we put them out of the bedroom, they'll just stay right outside the door and whine. Spoiled, spoiled dogs.

 

[Kylan]

Holy crap that was funny. I was laughing so hard I was having trouble reading it to my wife.
Am looking forward to diary of a moose.

Hiya Marshal_Nash

Glad you enjoyed it.

Or perhaps 'The Diary Of A Cow With BSE (mad cow disease)

Day 372: 8:21pm ~ I have decided that it is time I accepted the fact that I am a squirrel.

 

[Kylan]

I swear, Kylan, if I dangle a foot or a hand over the edge of the bed, the one that's more of a momma's boy will gravitate right to it. If we put them out of the bedroom, they'll just stay right outside the door and whine. Spoiled, spoiled dogs.

Naww, they're not spoiled. They're sensible. They're just having a chat.

"Man, get those humans. They really think that we're gonna just sit here 'til they finish. How long will it be before they start to wonder if the living room door is open..."

"The living room door is open?"

"I dunno, let's go check."

 

[Morrigu]

This is so cool Kylan...............laughed my socks off.

So here's mine:

4am Look the mummy cat is asleep
4.01am If I just put my nose here I'm sure she'll be so pleased
4.02m Still asleep, ah well, best wake up weapon.......I'll give her a wash
4.03am I love it when a plan comes together

 

[Kylan]

This is so cool Kylan...............laughed my socks off.

So here's mine:

4am Look the mummy cat is asleep
4.01am If I just put my nose here I'm sure she'll be so pleased
4.02m Still asleep, ah well, best wake up weapon.......I'll give her a wash
4.03am I love it when a plan comes together

Hiya Morrigu.

I gotta confess to having a soft spot for cats. Have you ever noticed the way a cat knows, and makes a beeline for, the one person in a room that's scared of them?

Now that's an enviable talent.

 

[Morrigu]

Hiya Morrigu.

I gotta confess to having a soft spot for cats. Have you ever noticed the way a cat knows, and makes a beeline for, the one person in a room that's scared of them?

Now that's an enviable talent.

It surely is. One of my guys we call hypnokit........cos he just stares till you do what he wants.............now that skill I want

 

[Kylan]

It surely is. One of my guys we call hypnokit........cos he just stares till you do what he wants.............now that skill I want

We've got two cats, mother (Sooty) and daughter (Maya)

It's a skill I could make use of myself. Although I have a cane which aids me get my way, it's just such an effort.

 

[Kylan]

Holy crap that was funny. I was laughing so hard I was having trouble reading it to my wife.
Am looking forward to diary of a moose.

I couldn't get any real work done this am. I hold you entirely responsible.

Excerpts from a Moose’s Diary.

Tuesday 2/Aug/2007.

He came again today.

Mr. Fucking Opposable Thumbs.

What does he think? That I’m just going to stand here in a field, getting fucking rained on and chewing shoots all day? That I’m going to just stand around in silent torment as he plays with my wife’s tits and milks them dry?

He knows that milk is for my babies!!

What would he do if I went over to his house every morning, stuck a vacuum hose to his wife’s tits and turned the Hoover on? I bet he’d have my ass cut into steaks and sizzling on his plate faster then he could say ‘Moose Au Jus’.

Well, fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

Yeah, I’m mad, I’m the maddest fucking moose he’s ever seen. He has fucked with the wrong Alces alces here, my friend.

I’d love to see his face when he pours that milk on his cereal this morning. I can’t believe I managed to piss in it! Just let the stupid hairless monkey pasteurise that.