What does friendship mean to you?

[honoria]

So, some things have been happening in my life that started me thinking. What does being a friend mean? I know what I try to do as a friend. I know what I've been told recently by "friends". So, I decided to get some other input. Tell me what that word means to you.

 

[SubKekiLee]

So, some things have been happening in my life that started me thinking. What does being a friend mean? I know what I try to do as a friend. I know what I've been told recently by "friends". So, I decided to get some other input. Tell me what that word means to you.

FRIENDSHIP to me is SOOOO important.. I dont call people my friends until they have proven it is a two way street.. I hold my friends in high regard.. I would die for my friends and they know this..

FRIENDS are a blessing .

 

[graceanne]

Friendship is helping, listening, and doing. It's not a noun, to me. It's a verb. A real friend doesn't just sit there and 'be friends'. A real friend is there when things are good and there when things are bad. A friend doesn't just stop being your friend because of a disagreement.

 

[ultramarineblue]

A friend doesn't just stop being your friend because of a disagreement.

To me, this is key to friendship. Disagreement, difficult time, whatever the case may be. This is tricky though because you have to be careful to know when the disagreement or whatever causes the friendship to evolve into something more one-sided. Once it becomes one-sided it isn't much of a friendship any more.

This is definitely something I've been giving a lot of thought to lately. I have a friend that is an alcoholic. I have realized that I don't really know when that friend is being truthful anymore. I've definitely questioned whether my friendship is of any true value to her. It's not easy, especially since I am someone that constantly second guesses my decisions.

 

[shenellebabe]

Friendship redoubles joys and cut grieves in halves. http://b08y1110sotu149.imageshacknow.info/img/2196/d08m1111isgb/smile.gif

 

[graceanne]

To me, this is key to friendship. Disagreement, difficult time, whatever the case may be. This is tricky though because you have to be careful to know when the disagreement or whatever causes the friendship to evolve into something more one-sided. Once it becomes one-sided it isn't much of a friendship any more.

This is definitely something I've been giving a lot of thought to lately. I have a friend that is an alcoholic. I have realized that I don't really know when that friend is being truthful anymore. I've definitely questioned whether my friendship is of any true value to her. It's not easy, especially since I am someone that constantly second guesses my decisions.

My best friend is an alcoholic. It's difficult, because alcoholics lie. It's easier for me, because I'm very insightful and normally know when she's lying to me. (Most common lie? "I'm not drunk.")

Honestly, whether to remain friends or not depends on the situation. My friend is a very functional alcoholic. She pays her rent, and takes care of her kid. (And when she goes out, leaves her with me so she won't have to deal with her mom drunk.) Honestly, though, I'd probably stay friends with her no matter what, because I love her daughter like my own. (You might have heard me talk about my heart child - that's her.)

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for an alcoholic falls under the 'tough love' category. Or in AA speak 'not enabling'.

 

[satindesire]

My bff 'L' is in an abusive relationship. Mister and I have dealt with the fallout because of her husband's paranoia and violence...we've both been threatened, followed, stalked and harassed by him in the past. He's also convinced that L and I have slept together, no matter what either of us say.

Mister doesn't want me to hang out with her anymore because her husband is so violent. But I would gladly die knowing that I stuck with her no matter what, to show her that I care about her. I love that girl and would do anything for her, and she's an awesome person. To abandon her because she doesn't want to leave him yet would be cruel.

When I was with my ex, I lost ALL of my friends because they got tired of seeing what he did to me. I had no one to talk to, no one to turn to when he was mistreating me. I wished for the longest time that I had had a friend that stuck by me no matter what choices I made, and I'm giving L what I never had...a real friend that loves her.

So that, to me, is what friendships are. You'd take a bullet for that person and you love them no matter what.

 

[FantaSeaGirl]

A friend to me is the flowers in the garden that brightens up my day.

As I move around a lot I meet peole easily & form relatonships. But to me a friend is the person who I will jump on a plane and fly 14 hours for just so I can be there beside her while she remembers how strong she is. I don't need to speak to my friends every day to know that we are friends.

A friend is not someone who necessarily "gets me through the tough times", but a person who reminds me that I can get through it & she'll be there beside me through it & then at the other end that makes it worthwhile struggling through.

On a less reverant note: "A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend is beside you in the cell saying "Damn that was fun"".

 

[mylaceratedheart]

My bff 'L' is in an abusive relationship. Mister and I have dealt with the fallout because of her husband's paranoia and violence...we've both been threatened, followed, stalked and harassed by him in the past. He's also convinced that L and I have slept together, no matter what either of us say.

Mister doesn't want me to hang out with her anymore because her husband is so violent. But I would gladly die knowing that I stuck with her no matter what, to show her that I care about her. I love that girl and would do anything for her, and she's an awesome person. To abandon her because she doesn't want to leave him yet would be cruel.

When I was with my ex, I lost ALL of my friends because they got tired of seeing what he did to me. I had no one to talk to, no one to turn to when he was mistreating me. I wished for the longest time that I had had a friend that stuck by me no matter what choices I made, and I'm giving L what I never had...a real friend that loves her.

So that, to me, is what friendships are. You'd take a bullet for that person and you love them no matter what.

My best friend is also in an abusive relationship. Sometimes I could kill her myself for being stupid enough to stay with her partner. He's a bully and a really awful influence on their two kids, who are also quite violent to each other and even to their mother. I think that's when I get the angriest with her, when I watch her teaching her sons how to be abusive partners just by putting up with her guy's shit and normalising it.

I know it's hard to leave an abusive relationship safely, especially with kids in tow. I know she feels she's doing the best she can and lacks options. I know she's past the point where she still believes she's strong enough to walk. I also know that if she just decided that enough is enough, her mother and I would move heaven and earth to get her out. We have been friends since we were 5 years old and it breaks my heart to see her treated so badly.

And then I think that if she's determined to stay, to endure the way he treats her, the least I can do is stick by her. I have wondered if abandoning her would give her the reality check to acknowledge to herself how bad things really are but I can never bring myself to do it.

Currently, he wants another child. She is still secretly popping birth control pills because he makes no allowances whatsoever for pregnancy and nearly killed her half way through the last one. I really don't want to know what will happen when he realises what she's up to but it's still encouraging to see her quietly defying him. It gives me hope that my best friend is still in there somewhere.

 

[ultramarineblue]

My best friend is an alcoholic. It's difficult, because alcoholics lie. It's easier for me, because I'm very insightful and normally know when she's lying to me. (Most common lie? "I'm not drunk.")

Honestly, whether to remain friends or not depends on the situation. My friend is a very functional alcoholic. She pays her rent, and takes care of her kid. (And when she goes out, leaves her with me so she won't have to deal with her mom drunk.) Honestly, though, I'd probably stay friends with her no matter what, because I love her daughter like my own. (You might have heard me talk about my heart child - that's her.)

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for an alcoholic falls under the 'tough love' category. Or in AA speak 'not enabling'.

Your friend's daughter is very lucky to have you. Having an alcoholic parent is a very hard thing to deal with.

I'm a very loyal friend. I know that I'm too trusting and I know she has taken advantage of it in the past. I'm working very hard to be clear to her about what is acceptable and what is not. The biggest problem right now is that she has been under the influence of something for so long that lately I can't tell if she is under the influence of something or completely sober. I don't trust anything she says right now and I don't know how helpful that is for her. I just don't like the feeling that I can't trust anything she says or does. It makes me very uncomfortable. However, I know that she needs friends that won't bullshit her. The only thing I've been doing is taking it moment by moment and trying to think very carefully about how I respond to her. It's all I know to do.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Xelebes]

I often don't know. Just someone who has the same interests as I do.

Is it apparent that I haven't hung out with friends for a long time?

 

[minx1]

So, some things have been happening in my life that started me thinking. What does being a friend mean? I know what I try to do as a friend. I know what I've been told recently by "friends". So, I decided to get some other input. Tell me what that word means to you.

FRIENDSHIP to me is SOOOO important.. I dont call people my friends until they have proven it is a two way street.. I hold my friends in high regard.. I would die for my friends and they know this..

FRIENDS are a blessing .

To me, friendship means acceptance, love, loyalty, and laughter. I meet people easily and know few strangers. I have many acqaintances, but only a few true friends.

Same here. I have lots of people that i like and get on with, but for me true friendship means more. Sometimes I think I may be a little harsh lol, but I know my friends view it in a similar way. There is almost a friendship code.....an agreement. We have expectations of eachother...loyaly, respect, consideration and love. We love eachother, have a great laughs together and support each other through bad times. Having said that we don't always agree with one another, but that doesn't matter so long as we respect the basis of our friendship.

Friendship comes with a certain amount of responsibility.
To me my friend hit the nail on the head when she was talking about partners that we have split up with, when they have used the 'we can still be friends'' line. She said well actually no....because they don't make the grade. Its not the easy option or a cop out. i expect things of my friends and some of the behaviour they have displayed I wouldn't accept from my friends, so why would i accept it from them.

 

[oldsub]

Frienship is finding a person that will follow or lead when the occasion warrants but the rest of the time stands firmly at your side and you do the same in return.

 

[unregistered]

 

[intothewoods]

I have definitely had to adjust my definition of what a friend is in past years. I have been hurt by a few during that time, and necessarily adjusted my expectations to get past the various episodes.

One thing to keep in mind is that different friends are good for different things. I have friends who think they know everything and that it is their absolute duty to tell me what to do. That would be fine if I were in desperate need of straight talk, but the fact is that I have a therapist. I just needed them to listen. At the end of the day, I had to accept that facet of their personality, or drop them. I'm not one to drop people really, so I chose the former.

I also have friends with whom I clash on certain subjects. If the bond is strong otherwise, it makes sense to not sweat the small stuff.

Finally, I don't always know what to make of online "friends." I'm sure I am too sensitive and care too much about what other people think. Again, I've had to adjust my expectations. Whadya gonna do.

 

[Plucky19]

Accepting them as they are... and being there no matter what.

You have to be a good friend to have good friends.