What does a guy mean...

[likeavirgin]

What does a guy mean when he says he is does not think he is good enough for you? I have had this said to me a few times before and a guy said it tom me recently which made me wonder. I found that the people on this board are xtremely helpful and although I have not posted here before I hope you can help.

 

[Cathleen]

Welcome to Lit, sweetie.....

Some would use that phrase because they do not feel worthy of being with you ~ that you are too good for them. It is sad when someone feels that, we all deserve affection. Some may say it as a means to not be involved, trying not to be hurtful if they are not interested in pursuing a relationship.

Perhaps you could talk with him as ask him what his thoughts are, take some quiet time together and be honest ~ that you'd like to understand more and could he help.

Sometimes we never do find out the motivations of others and we are left wondering.

Cate

 

[SkulkinKittikin]

I'm very sorry...and by no means am I an expert...

but there's probably a very nasty reality lurking behind his words.

Per the recent bestseller (which I happened to spill my caramel macchiato all over while recently at Barnes and Noble), He's Just Not That 'Into' You.

Didn't read the whole thing or buy it (it was coffee-stained, after all!), but there was something very chord-striking about hearing that a guy would rather be trampled by an elephant who is on fire than tell a woman that he's not interested.

Back me up or shoot me down. It's just my two cents.

Best,
SKitt

PS--Apologies to all who thought I didn't read pop "literature". It's a disease, I know. I'm currently seeking help. Now, shut up while I finish watching Buffy Season 7!!

 

[SuperShyGuy]

My two cents...

If a guy says he thinks he's not good enough for you, odds are in his own mind he believes it. If he just wanted to blow you off I doubt he'd choose such a self-depricating way to do it. Judging from my own feelings in the past I think he probably does like you but doesn't feel like he's worthy of your company.

It's probably a confidence and self-esteem issue for him. A lot of men really do think that a good woman is beyond their realm of possibilities, for whatever reason. You've probably got two options, one try and convince him that he's wrong and that he is good enough (and that will be harder than it sounds, since guys in general suck at talking about feelings), two prove him right by letting him go.

That's about all I can offer. Hope you find what you are looking for here on the boards, and welcome.

 

[Bridget69]

I've always considered it to be a way of turning down someone in a subtle manner. It's like the old saying, "It's not you, it's me." kind of excuse.

 

[likeavirgin]

I just find it aggravating that the guy will not let me decide for myself if he is or isn't good enough for me. I am starting to think that perhaps my tendency towards working extremely hard for what I want is what makes him think so. I work hard to keep my scholarships at school, and even harder to start a career for myself. In no way am I a genius or a gorgeous model type, but I have a high ambition and I guess you could say goal oriented. Also I tend to be a good girl, meaning no drinking, no smoking, and no sex. We used to do the phone sex thing and although dispappointed in my decsion, he didn't seem to mind after we started. I dunno...just having a hard time talking to him.

 

[Woodmiester]

All nice answers and maybe even possible, but theirs also that he wants you to feel bad and get all soft and give him some booty to show that he is wanted, in other words just another line

 

[Denae]

My two cents...

If a guy says he thinks he's not good enough for you, odds are in his own mind he believes it. If he just wanted to blow you off I doubt he'd choose such a self-depricating way to do it. Judging from my own feelings in the past I think he probably does like you but doesn't feel like he's worthy of your company.

It's probably a confidence and self-esteem issue for him. A lot of men really do think that a good woman is beyond their realm of possibilities, for whatever reason. You've probably got two options, one try and convince him that he's wrong and that he is good enough (and that will be harder than it sounds, since guys in general suck at talking about feelings), two prove him right by letting him go.

That's about all I can offer. Hope you find what you are looking for here on the boards, and welcome.

In my experiences I agree with Super Shy Guy.

I have also felt that there were times that I wasn't good enough, and twice not smart enough, to be with someone. It wasn't that I think poorly of myself. I just knew/felt that they needed more than I was able to offer or would be able to offer the relationship at the time.