What do you think made you what you are?

[Cirrus]

For a lot of us, BDSM is heavily psychological. In scene or out, those of us who have dominated or submitted at any time will most likely agree that half the "fun" is in the mind. That's why I find the psychology of our lifestyle so interesting.

So a few questions:

1) First of all, what are you? Dom/em, sub, switch, masochist, sadist, any combination of those or none of those?

2) Have you ever taken a Meyers/Briggs personality test? What are you?

3) And the question I am most interested in, is there any event or series of events, such as the way you were treated growing up, a specific lover or other person, or anything at all you can think of that has shaped your sexual identity as it is now?

I'll go first:

1) I'm a submissive and a masochist.
2) INFP...either 1% or 2% of the population, in either case there ain't many of us.
3) I think my abusive mother accidently raised a submissive. Seriously. In any abusive relationship, the victim often comes to believe that they really DO deserve what they get, and not to question their abuser. I did. Even though I now know it not to be true, submission has become a part of me. I'm actually very strong willed, but in the bedroom and in my intimate relationships, even the ones that haven't been "officially" D/s, I am the submissive partner.

As for being a masochist, I can't really speculate where that came from. Maybe learning that pain=love? But that wouldn't explain why I enjoy it only in an erotic context....maybe I was just "made" that way.

Also, since anything sexual or anything to do with the reproductive organs was such a taboo in my house, in school, and with others when I was young, bondage allows me to enjoy sex without having to take responsibility for it. If I'm tied to a bedpost, I can't really say no (even though I don't want to), so I might as well enjoy it. In other words, someone forcing me to do what I want to do anyway makes it OK, because I WAS "forced" I had no control over my reactions.

 

[Amaterasu]

Cirrus,

I'm a big lurker on this board, rarely post, since i'm not an experienced BDSM-er, but find the lifestyle facinating.... hope I am not out of place by posting a reply here.

1. I have no RL experience in BDSM, but i think I'd identify myself as a switch, because both roles excite me....

2. I'm also an INFP.

3. I identify with a lot of what you were saying here as well. My dad is an alcoholic, my mother, his enabler. She was strong willed and dominant while also submissive, which is where I think my push-and-pull switch tendencies come from. I've often been accused of having multiple personalities, so dominant in some situations, so submissive in others.

I really do think that your upbringing has more of an affect on your personality than you can sometimes even comprehend or understand.

JMHO...

K

 

[~Dream~]

Re:what made you?

1) First of all, what are you? Dom/em, sub, switch, masochist, sadist, any combination of those or none of those?

2) Have you ever taken a Meyers/Briggs personality test? What are you?

3) And the question I am most interested in, is there any event or series of events, such as the way you were treated growing up, a specific lover or other person, or anything at all you can think of that has shaped your sexual identity as it is now?

________________________________
1).I am a submissive sex slave with masochistic tendencies as pain =pleasure to me.(erotic pain) NOT emotional

2.)no ,I dont believe I have ever taken one but would be very interested in the resultsas I think I have an awesome personality!! is there a place online to go to take it?,if so ,please post it?

3.this question is the toughest for me as I truly feel I was born submissive but actually out of fear alone or perhaps several other reasons,father's abuse of mother,my own abuse from ex-husband ,may have kept my submissiveness "suppressed" for a long time and ended up showing it in a role where it is necessary for me to be more Dominant-that being the role of a single Mother. the person who is helping to "shape" if you wanna call it that now would definately be my Master Artful ,as HE patiently and lovingly helps me to see the beauty I have inside myself and learn to accept it for what it is,a real gift..I may have been "lost in limbo" for another 45 years if it were not for His care & guidance..

 

[serijules]

So a few questions:

1) First of all, what are you? Dom/em, sub, switch, masochist, sadist, any combination of those or none of those?

2) Have you ever taken a Meyers/Briggs personality test? What are you?

3) And the question I am most interested in, is there any event or series of events, such as the way you were treated growing up, a specific lover or other person, or anything at all you can think of that has shaped your sexual identity as it is now?

Great thread!

1) I am a submissive first and foremost, but I do switch on occasion. I would consider myself a masochist as well.

2) I have, but don't remember the results. I do remember thinking they suited me very well.

3) I believe that the way I was raised had a huge impact on my growing to be a submissive. Being a well-behaved, intelligent, mature deaf child, I was the type of kid that adults doted over. My hearing loss made me 'grow up' before my time since I had a lot of hardships to deal with that most kids did not, and learned to deal with being made fun of, laughed at, etc, at a young age. I had to be strong and develop a strong sense of myself early on to survive in the mainstream education.

I had to take care of myself in a lot of ways that many people took for granted. I always had to be alert, attentive, in charge of myself to protect myself, and to learn. I had many teachers that tried to treat me 'equal' and make me learn to fend for myself (sometimes at absurd costs) Sitting down in an classroom and just listening was not that easy for me, I had to make an effort to make sure the speaker gave me the extra attention I needed, that I sat somewhere where I could read lips, that I was paying enough attention to 'see' what everyone around me said, to ask a lot of questions and ask them to repeat themselves often to make sure I got the info. I couldn't depend on another to do that for me, and sometimes I got so frustrated I just 'gave up' and tried to be the kid that just sat down and got all the info without much extra effort, and hurt only myself in the long run.

I also had many teachers that tried to do everything for me rather than let me learn from any of my own mistakes, and that was often very smothering. I learned to respect the people who's intentions were pure, rather than those that looked for the easy route.

As I grew older and discovered submission, the security of not having to always try so hard to understand and fit in and protect myself was very appealing. I could just be me, and relax a little and trust someone else to be the strong, in control one. Not that I expect my Dom/me to fix me or be responsible for me, but the fact that I can let my guard down and be accepted as I am, and have someone else interested in my learning and growth was amazing to me.

I also developed a lot of insecurities and fears because of my deafness, and have found that submission is a great way to learn to face these and other fears and conquer them in ways that vanilla relationships can't. My Dominants don't allow me to hide behind my insecurities, in submission I have to face them, overcome them and learn to value them.

I had a very stable and loving family life, my mother is wonderful, very open and accepting. Sex, feelings, etc, were never taboo issues in our household. I remember being very aware of my body and of masturbation at a very young age, and never being told it was a bad thing, just a private thing. I grew up to be a very open, accepting person as well because of this.

However, despite all this security and love, I always felt something was missing. Every time I DID do something naughty, it was 'ok'. I never had to face consequences of my actions, adults always used my disability as an excuse and let things slide. This was frustrating for me because I felt that it meant that whatever I did was not worth the effort to pay attention to it, that no one cared about what kind of person I became. It seems silly when I put it in words, but to a child, the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side.

I WANTED discipline because to me, it meant security of people really caring enough about me to make me responsible for my actions, and caring enough about me to care about the type of person I became. That is why discipline and punishment are such positive things for me now. I associate them with the security of caring, and growing as a person. The fact that someone would be willing to take on that responsibility along with me, and still accept me as who and what I am, is wonderful.

So overall, my own disability was a large factor in what kind of person I am; the way it impacted me as a child, the independance it taught me....has molded me to be the strong submissive and openly sexual person that I am now.

And the masochist part? Well heck, who knows, pain just turns me on Perhaps because it is so real, so unescapable, that the task of handling it is a thrilling challenge that I am more than up to.

 

[MissTaken]

I was thinking about this last night

1. I am a sub, non maso.

2. I have taken the Meyers Briggs and dont' remember what it said. Does anyone have a link to it? I believe it can be found on line. In any event, I am essentially defined as an extroverted helper on any personality test I have taken. The test I took when I was founder and Director of a human services agency basically told me I was a helper and well placed in human services. However, I am too much a helper when it comes to supervising people. Blah! What a surprise! Management wasn't my thing!

3. How did I get here? Damned if I know. Last night as I ran a scalding hot shower, I jumped in and while most would have jumped out, I savored the tingly sensation. Ever since I was old enough to run my own baths or showers, this was the case. I would run the water to as hot as I could handle, hop in and let it run just a bit hotter. As a young child, I loved the chills that went through my body. I have always shown deference to authority figures and men, in general. Every relationship I have been in has been defined by how much I could do for him, how I could make him feel with little thought for my own needs.

To that end, BDSM has certainly helped me to grow as well as accept my naturally submissive nature. I now, know how to voice my needs and expect them to be met as well as can find men who will appreciate that piece of my personaltiy.

Wow! Long winded!

 

[zipman]

Don't know if this helps

but here are the results.

1) Sadistic Dom

2) ENFP - I've taken the test twice and both times the results were clearly ENFP.

3) Who knows? My father was very emotionally abusive (sometimes physically as well). Maybe I don't want to be in that position again, loss of control etc. I am not by any means a control freak out of the bedroom, but sexually I yam what I yam.
And Loving it!

 

[Desdemona]

Well, this is interesting.

I am a non-maso submissive.

Every time I take the Meyers-Briggs, I come out clearly as an ENFP.

I had a somewhat abusive childhood and I will admit that my past shaped who I am now in some fashion. I like who I am both as a person and sexually. Its all good.

 

[lovetoread]

I am a sub (I am still learning if I am a masochist or not)

I took the test,but it didnt label me right. I cant remember what the exact test results were though.

I had an emotionally and physically abusive childhood. How that shaped me into what I am,I have no clue.

Sometimes I think its a cop out to claim that because I had a bad childhood,that makes me a sub.

I think that it's just a part of me,the person.

 

[A Desert Rose]

What made me what I am?

Answer: According to science and Star Trek, I am mostly a Carbon based unit.

 

[SexyChele]

For those who might be curious about the Meyers Brigss test, here is a link:


Meyers Briggs Online Test

As far as I'm aware, one cannot simply take the test - it has to be administered. You can do the online version, but it does cost money to do so. If anyone has information about taking the test for free, maybe they can provide a link.

 

[zipman]

I'm not sure!

But I think I took one at emode.com While it is not nearly as lenghty and rigorous as the real one, it did give me the same profile. It's interesting nonetheless.

 

[P. B. Walker]

This is a personality test and not an IQ-type test right?

PBW

 

[zipman]

This is a personality test and not an IQ-type test right?

PBW

Correct PBW. Also not to be confused with Emotional Intelligence tests. This merely breaks down every persons personality into four categories, with each category consisting of two polar opposites (i.e., introvert vs. Extrovert).

 

[SexyChele]

This is a personality test and not an IQ-type test right?

PBW

Yup, that's what it be. Actually, it is based on Jung's theories, and there is a short test one can take (for free) online. Never took it, so I can't say what the results are.

But there are other personality tests as well. One in particular that is often used with Meyers Briggs, but the name escapes me now.

 

[Bijoux]

Another piece of the puzzle

I wonder if there is any combination determiner that says sub/dom? Do you think if everyone in the BDSM threads took the Meyer-Briggs we'd find the secret to the psyche?

Sorry, I'll save the philosophical ponderings until later....

1. Sub semi-masochistic with total slave tendencies (that are currently fantasies till I find the right dom)

2. I'm a ESFJ 3 times in a row

3. I'd say I could track my submission back to childhood. My Mum is very loving and compassionate, but also has the will of god in her house. I learned that bending to her will got me extra hugs and kisses and more freedoms. When something went wrong...Mum handled it. If I screwed up, I'd get in trouble, but the problem would be fixed without my help. I think I becamed dependent on that situation.

Even in nilla relationships I prefer to let the other person make decisions and overall run the show. I 'can' make my opinion known...i just prefer not to.

Probably another reason is, as a Administrator, I have to push buttons all day and try to outguess everyone else. Its nice to just know what your supposed to be doing - no stressing guessing games or tiring bantering; especially in the bedroom.

I rely on my dom to tell me what to do and to be honest about if I'm performing it correctly - be it mundane or sexual activities.

so...theres my two cents

 

[redelicious]

I am a sub

Took the test awhile ago and don't really remember the results other then I am introverted (which I agree with believe it or not).

My father had a very strong personality...borderline abusive...but I am so much like him. I think it is easy for me to dominate people around me because of it, yet it feels unnatural....like I need a stronger person in my life (like my father) who will balance me......

My need to please, I am not sure where that comes from. I think maybe we all have it (even Dom/mes to an extent). It's just intrinsic.

I don't know if that makes a bit of sence.....

 

[Amaterasu]

Yup, that's what it be. Actually, it is based on Jung's theories, and there is a short test one can take (for free) online. Never took it, so I can't say what the results are.

But there are other personality tests as well. One in particular that is often used with Meyers Briggs, but the name escapes me now.

Chele,

Are you thinking of the Kiersey temperament sorter?

http://keirsey.com/


Keri

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

So a few questions:

1) First of all, what are you? Dom/em, sub, switch, masochist, sadist, any combination of those or none of those?

2) Have you ever taken a Meyers/Briggs personality test? What are you?

3) And the question I am most interested in, is there any event or series of events, such as the way you were treated growing up, a specific lover or other person, or anything at all you can think of that has shaped your sexual identity as it is now?

1) Switch with submissive tendancies.

2) I'm an INFP as well...weird...there is suppose to only be 2% of the population that is such.

Psychological type is a theory of personality developed by Swiss psychiatrist Carl. G. Jung to explain the normal differences between healthy people. Based on his observations, Jung concluded that differences in behavior results from people’s inborn tendencies, they develop patterns of behavior. Jung’s psychological type theory defines eight different patterns of normal behavior, or types, and gives an explanation of how types develop.

These eight defined patterns are :
Extraversion (E) ~ People who tend to focus on the outer world of people and things.
Introversion (I) ~ People who tend to focus on the inner world of ideas and impressions.
Sensing (S) ~ People who tend to focus on the present and on concrete information.
Intuition (N) ~ People who tend to focus on the future, with a view towards patterns and possibilities.
Thinking (T) ~ People who tend to base their decisions primarily on logic and on objective analysis of cause and effect.
Feeling (F) ~ People who tend to base their decisions primarily on values and on subjective evaluation of person-centered concerns.
Judging (J) ~ People who tend to like a planned and organized approach to life and prefer to have things settled.
Perceiving (P) ~ People who tend to like a flexible and spontaneous approach to life and prefer to keep their options open.

This is me : INFP - Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Intuition.
(INFPs are idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalyst for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and help them to fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.)

At Their Best
People with INFP preferences have an inner core of values that guides their interactions and decisions. They want to be involved in work that contributes to both their own growth and inner development and those of others - to have a purpose beyond the paycheck. They make a priority of clarifying their values and living in congruence with them.
INFPs recognize and honor the emotional and psychological needs of others, even when other may not have recognized or expressed their own needs.

Characteristics of INFPs
INFPs primarily use their Feeling preference internally where they make decisions based on their values of self-understanding, individuality, and growth. Living by moral commitments to what they believe in is crucial to INFPs. They are likely to be: Sensitive, concerned, and caring; Idealistic and loyal to their ideas.
INFPs enjoy reading, discussing, and reflecting on possibilities for positive change in the future. They are curious about ideas and quick to see connections and meanings. INFP’s are likely to: Be curious and creative; Have long-range vision.
INFPs are usually fascinated by opportunities to explore that complexities of human personality - their own and others’. They tend to work in bursts of energy and are capable of great concentration and output when fully engaged in a project. They are generally faithful in fulfilling obligations related to people, work, or ideas to which they are committed, but they can have difficulty preforming routine work that has little meaning to them.

How Others May See Them
INFPs find structure and rules confining and prefer to work autonomously. They are adaptable and flexible until something violates their inner values. The they stop adapting. The resulting expression of value judgements can emerge with an intensity that is surprising to others.

INFPs tend to be reserved and selective about sharing their most deeply held values and feelings. They value relationships based on depth, authenticity, true connection, and mutual growth. INFPs prize most those who take time to understand their values and goals. Others usually see INFPs as: Sensitive, introspective, and complex; Original and individual; Sometimes difficult to understand.

Potential Areas for Growth
Sometimes life circumstances have not supported INFPs in the development and expression of their Intuitive and Feeling preferences. If they have not developed their Intuition, INFPs may not have reliable ways to take in information and may fail to notice the realities of a situation. Then they may make decisions based solely on personal values and find it difficult to translate their values into action. If they have not developed their Feeling, they may not take the time for the inner valuing process by which they make their best decisions, instead going from one exciting possibility to another and achieving little.
If INFPs do not find a place where they can use their gifts and be appreciated for their contributions they usually feel frustrated and may have uncharacteristic difficulty expressing themselves verbally, withdraw from people and situations, and not give enough information to others, especially about important values.
It is natural for INFPs to give less attention to their non-preferred Thinking and Sensing parts. If they neglect these too much, however, they may become easily discouraged about the contrast between their ideals and accomplishments, reject logical reasoning even in situations that require it, asserting the supremacy of their internal viewpoint, and be impractical and have difficulty estimating the resources required to reach a desired goal.
Under great stress, INFPs may begin seriously doubting their own competence and that of others, becoming overly critical and judgmental.

Other Information
Dealing With Change
When changes are proposed, INFPs are curious and seek information. They then assess the information with their internal judgment of values. Their information seeking appears adaptable, but they move ahead only in their own time - after they have decided.

Career Interests
INFPs focus on possibilities, handling this by applying their attention to people’s potential. They thus tent to become insightful and enthusiastic, finding a large scope of their interests in Understand and encouraging people. Some career choices include: psychology, human resources, teaching, research, literature, health care, art and music.

Leading and Following Styles
INFPs are supportive coaches. They are warm, flexible, and encouraging leaders. They often support individual work styles and like to involve others in decisions. INFPs prefer collegial relationships, shared rewards, and consensus in decisions. They are energetic followers if treated with respect.

The Temperaments
INFP’s are “idealists.” They search for a unique identity and meaning. Value empathetic, meaningful relationships. They are general enthusiastic and want to make the world a better place. INFPs put full trust into their intuition and imagination, thinking in terms of integration and similarity. They focus on developing the potential of others, finding a purpose in life, and bridging differences. They want to be authentic.

Other Phrases Describing INFPs
Thoughtful Innovators, knowledge is important for its own sake, like quiet for concentration, enjoy focusing on a project or task, develop their ideas internally, learn new tasks by reading or reflecting, enjoy working alone with no interruptions, follow their aspirations, provide connections and meanings, like solving new, complex problems, start with the big picture, fill in the facts, prefer change, new ways of doing things, focus on people’s interactions, use values to understand and decided, want harmony and support, are empathetic and prefer to accommodate, apply values consistently, want to have flexibility in their work, like to be spontaneous, feels restricted by structures and schedules, leave things open as long as possible, focus on enjoying the process.

3) I have had a life filled with many ups and downs...much loss, much unstability...attempted rape...long depression. Only now am I coming into a comfortability with myself. I hope that it will help me to get comfortable with the desires deep within me.

~ Rora

 

[Desdemona]

Well, Kiersey is what popped into my head. I have used it before.

 

[Parklife]

I'm a submissive, not into physical pain.

I took the test years ago and was an INTP... prometheus, fire, it all seemed to fit. I understand though that your scores can change as you grow and change and I think it would be interesting to see if I still fit that mold.

I think that my early sexual experiences (not that I had them when i was young but early in the sense of the first few I had) took the major role in molding the person i am now along with my first 'really in love' relationship. I think those combined instilled a 'need to please' quality in me and also enabled me to relish and desire being in that role.

M~

 

[Daddyslilpet]

1) First of all, what are you? Dom/em, sub, switch, masochist, sadist, any combination of those or none of those?

I am sub/masochist.

2) Have you ever taken a Meyers/Briggs personality test? What are you?

Don't think I've ever taken that one. I have taken some on emode.com tho that hit pretty much on the mark.

3) And the question I am most interested in, is there any event or series of events, such as the way you were treated growing up, a specific lover or other person, or anything at all you can think of that has shaped your sexual identity as it is now?

I was raised in an extremely loving, and religious home. No abuse, no alcohol, no anything really negative, unless you count over-protective parents as a negative. I do have one failed marriage under my belt, that did have some emotional type abuse in it. However, I truly feel that my sexuality today is the results of my natural tenancy toward submissiveness. I like to please people, and the more I care about a person the more I want to please them.

For me I think that my sexuality today is just part of who I am as a whole person. It changes and grows as I do. I hope that never stops.

~smile~
dixi

 

[Red Menace]

So a few questions:

1) First of all, what are you? Dom/em, sub, switch, masochist, sadist, any combination of those or none of those?

2) Have you ever taken a Meyers/Briggs personality test? What are you?

3) And the question I am most interested in, is there any event or series of events, such as the way you were treated growing up, a specific lover or other person, or anything at all you can think of that has shaped your sexual identity as it is now?

1. I'm a sub with slave leanings, non-masochist but determined to learn to tolerate pain, even if I never come to love it.

2. I'm an INFP, although the introvert is very borderline. Wonder how many subs fall into this category...?

3. I really don't know of anything specific that shaped my sexual identity. I've never been abused or mistreated, didn't have a stern disciplinarian father or overbearning mother and haven't experienced profound loss or abandonment. ~shrug~ I just don't like to be in control if I don't have to be.