What do you do when your Dom is sick?

[Red Sonja]

No not mentally. And not seriously physically ill... Dh is battling bronchitis again... he gets it every fall without fail. It is horrible. He is so miserable, and exhausted.

Everything I try to do seems to make it worse. If I hover around waiting to do whatever he wants... what he wants is to be left alone. On the other hand, if I go off to do other stuff, what he wants is a million little errands run.

Argh!! Anyone got a miracle cure? I really do want him to feel better.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

There are days, when because of my health, I cannot get out of bed, my little girl leaves a small bell by my bed, when I need her, she is there.

Maybe in that way he can still feel in control, and summon you when he needs you.

 

[graceanne]

K's recovering from pnemonia, and all I can say is . . . valium. If he acted like this all the time, we'd be divorced. Just be patient is all I can say. Maybe find an in between. Don't be right by his bedside, but be in a nearby room in case he needs you.

 

[shy slave]

What do you do when your Dom is sick?

Fly back home until he is better.


Is that the right answer

 

[graceanne]

What do you do when your Dom is sick?

Fly back home until he is better.


Is that the right answer

I'm telling!

 

[shy slave]

I'm telling!

You can be really mean!!

No more candy bars for you!

 

[Red Sonja]

What do you do when your Dom is sick?

Fly back home until he is better.


Is that the right answer

God, I wish that was an option! Unfortunately, I *am* home But I think I'll scurry off to the relative sanity of my office for a bit.

 

[shy slave]

God, I wish that was an option! Unfortunately, I *am* home But I think I'll scurry off to the relative sanity of my office for a bit.

That sounds like a good idea.

I can cope with lots of things but when a man is sick it drives me crazy.

As a generalisation, if they are not used to being unwell they either (a)revert to being 5 year olds or (b)they are stoic, being brave and fighting it; whilst letting everyone know they are being brave and fighting it

 

[His_pita]

My Dom has a cold and I have been mothering him as best I can which is hard considering we are long distance. He don't like mothering and has told me I won't be allowed to do it. But, since my butt is many miles away I can get away with it for now.

 

[Red Sonja]

That sounds like a good idea.

I can cope with lots of things but when a man is sick it drives me crazy.

As a generalisation, if they are not used to being unwell they either (a)revert to being 5 year olds or (b)they are stoic, being brave and fighting it; whilst letting everyone know they are being brave and fighting it

Ahhh... see I think mine is doing both and fucking with my head because I can't tell which a or b he is at any given point in time.

 

[Netzach]

I'm getting to be better AT being sick. Unfortunately it's a learned skill some of us have to develop.

When I'm sick I need --

1. waiting on, don't ask, I'll ask

2. drop the protocol the fantasy bs, just be human and keep me company

3. don't tell me I look ok when I don't. Don't tell me I'll be ok if I don't know that.

4. try not to let me overdo it, I'll want to

 

[graceanne]

4. try not to let me overdo it, I'll want to

And how does he stop you?

 

[h_i_s]

My Dom has a cold and I have been mothering him as best I can which is hard considering we are long distance. He don't like mothering and has told me I won't be allowed to do it. But, since my butt is many miles away I can get away with it for now.

Heh ... somehow i doubt you won't be 'doing it' regardless of what label is applied to 'it', pita. Perhaps it's the label, 'mothering' that has caused his position of being against it? When i hear the term, i think of the child role and parent. Dominants (PYL) don't seem to fit the role of child (at least the One that i know doesn't). Children are usually dependent upon others, needy etc. MOST Dominants (PYL) are not normally comfortable with feeling needy, or dependent on others .... especially when that 'other' is their submissive or slave (pyl).

There was a time when my Master wasn't quite as accepting of needing me to care for Him during times when He was feeling more ill than usual. He doesn't enjoy feeling as if He is dependant upon me to meet any of His needs. It was something we needed to work on in the very beginning. After a lot of communication in sharing what we both felt about it, the issues were solved. my Master understands that as His submissive, i have a need to care for *His* needs, just as He has a need to care for *my* needs.

When He is ill, i am ready to serve Him in any way that He may need me to. i am careful in making certain that i am not dictating WHAT those needs may be at any given moment. i simply ask if there is anything i can do for Him, or anything that i can get for Him. i let it be known to Him that i am here, should He decide that He needs me. If i notice that He might need something that He has not thought of, i *suggest* it by asking Him if it is something He'd like me to do, or provide. If He answers 'no', i accept His answer, rather than make any attempt at convincing Him to agree with me. The choices are His to make, not mine ... i am here to serve Him, but only in ways that *He* shall choose.

Due to INSIDEYOURMIND's health issues, there have been a few times (As examples: when His sugar is low, or when He passed out, or when pain meds and/or sudden extreme drop in blood pressure left Him unable to concerntrate as well as He would like to etc ect) when due to Him being temporarily unable to do so for Himself, i have had to assume 'the decision making role' for Him. In our relationship, He has the final say in any decisions for either of us. His health issues are the only exception to that rule.

Insuring that His health needs are met, is just one example of many, regarding ways in which i serve Him.

 

[graceanne]

K loves to be 'mothered' when he's sick. I don't think it makes him less domly - it just makes him more demanding and short tempered.

 

[h_i_s]

K loves to be 'mothered' when he's sick. I don't think it makes him less domly - it just makes him more demanding and short tempered.

Understood, graceanne.
i hope my post doesn't come across in a way that seems as if i am 'blanket labeling'. i know that every PYL is different and tried my best to convey that thought in my post.
i'm lucky. Even with all of His helath issues, and often being in a great deal of pain, INSIDEYOURMIND has never acted out in any ways that would seem any more demanding than usual ... and His temper is anything but short. i'm greatful for that.

When an uncle of mine was very ill, and often short tempered as a result .... my aunt used to slip one of her valiums into his drink ... to calm HER nerves. heh ....
Not suggesting you do anything like THAT .... of course.

 

[graceanne]

Understood, graceanne.
i hope my post doesn't come across in a way that seems as if i am 'blanket labeling'. i know that every PYL is different and tried my best to convey that thought in my post.
i'm lucky. Even with all of His helath issues, and often being in a great deal of pain, INSIDEYOURMIND has never acted out in any ways that would seem any more demanding than usual ... and His temper is anything but short. i'm greatful for that.

When an uncle of mine was very ill, and often short tempered as a result .... my aunt used to slip one of her valiums into his drink ... to calm HER nerves. heh ....
Not suggesting you do anything like THAT .... of course.

I knew you weren't, it's why I didn't quote you. It just brought to mind how K is.

And if I had a valium to slip him, I WOULD HAVE. God he's a jerk when he's sick. Yesterday I asked him if he'd be willing to do something for me. He didn't answer. I asked again. He didn't answer. So I asked if he was listening to me (he was watching tv - wouldn't be the first time he's zoned out on me). He got all pissed off at me for nagging him. Geez! Like I'm freaken psychic and can tell when he's paying attention.

 

[h_i_s]

I knew you weren't, it's why I didn't quote you. It just brought to mind how K is.

And if I had a valium to slip him, I WOULD HAVE. God he's a jerk when he's sick. Yesterday I asked him if he'd be willing to do something for me. He didn't answer. I asked again. He didn't answer. So I asked if he was listening to me (he was watching tv - wouldn't be the first time he's zoned out on me). He got all pissed off at me for nagging him. Geez! Like I'm freaken psychic and can tell when he's paying attention.

That would really make me unhappy. *hugzzz*

Hey, graceanne? You know those glass garden/lawn globe thingies some have out on their front lawns? Do you have access to one? If you do, next time he so rudely ignores you entirely ...... walk around the house for a while with one tucked under your arm. If it raises an eyebrow .... explain to him: "It's my newly aquired crystal ball. i'm hoping it will help me to READ YOUR FRIGGIN MIND from now on.".

You may end up being punished .... but it will drive the message home. hehe ....
If nothing more, perhaps the idea has made you giggle a bit.

 

[graceanne]

That would really make me unhappy. *hugzzz*

Hey, graceanne? You know those glass garden/lawn globe thingies some have out on their front lawns? Do you have access to one? If you do, next time he so rudely ignores you entirely ...... walk around the house for a while with one tucked under your arm. If it raises an eyebrow .... explain to him: "It's my newly aquired crystal ball. i'm hoping it will help me to READ YOUR FRIGGIN MIND from now on.".

You may end up being punished .... but it will drive the message home. hehe ....
If nothing more, perhaps the idea has made you giggle a bit.

Well, it did make me giggle. LOL

 

[shy slave]

That would really make me unhappy. *hugzzz*

Hey, graceanne? You know those glass garden/lawn globe thingies some have out on their front lawns? Do you have access to one? If you do, next time he so rudely ignores you entirely ...... walk around the house for a while with one tucked under your arm. If it raises an eyebrow .... explain to him: "It's my newly aquired crystal ball. i'm hoping it will help me to READ YOUR FRIGGIN MIND from now on.".

You may end up being punished .... but it will drive the message home. hehe ....
If nothing more, perhaps the idea has made you giggle a bit.

Thats a great idea

And if it pisses him off, I will happily blame you Sinn

After all submissives just follow each other like sheep, don't they

 

[Netzach]

And how does he stop you?

Forced cuddling in bed.

 

[Netzach]

I would not have a slave unless I knew he'd take care of me and I could rely on him.

My husband (sub to me) has dealt beautifully with me not feeling up to things, being sick, I've honestly had to rely on him for caretaking and ongoing support. I've cried torn my hair out and stomped in front of him. Get sick enough and your bravado no matter how much you have is going to crack. I'm just relieved that I have someone I can trust not to see me in a bad light when that happens, someone I want around me then, not someone I want to send out of the room so I can be in private hell.

My slave has also dealt exceptionally well, when he's come out here, by being available, flexible, eager to take care of me in any and every way he can. If that's not service, I don't know what is. I don't want someone around me if I can't cry in front of them as my hair falls out from meds or as I vomit up my breakfast. I'm not going to fake being someone's God. It doesn't do anyone any good.

I need and want people around me who are not afraid of making decisions if I'm about to make a bad one. I *have* to have that.

Heh ... somehow i doubt you won't be 'doing it' regardless of what label is applied to 'it', pita. Perhaps it's the label, 'mothering' that has caused his position of being against it? When i hear the term, i think of the child role and parent. Dominants (PYL) don't seem to fit the role of child (at least the One that i know doesn't). Children are usually dependent upon others, needy etc. MOST Dominants (PYL) are not normally comfortable with feeling needy, or dependent on others .... especially when that 'other' is their submissive or slave (pyl).

There was a time when my Master wasn't quite as accepting of needing me to care for Him during times when He was feeling more ill than usual. He doesn't enjoy feeling as if He is dependant upon me to meet any of His needs. It was something we needed to work on in the very beginning. After a lot of communication in sharing what we both felt about it, the issues were solved. my Master understands that as His submissive, i have a need to care for *His* needs, just as He has a need to care for *my* needs.

When He is ill, i am ready to serve Him in any way that He may need me to. i am careful in making certain that i am not dictating WHAT those needs may be at any given moment. i simply ask if there is anything i can do for Him, or anything that i can get for Him. i let it be known to Him that i am here, should He decide that He needs me. If i notice that He might need something that He has not thought of, i *suggest* it by asking Him if it is something He'd like me to do, or provide. If He answers 'no', i accept His answer, rather than make any attempt at convincing Him to agree with me. The choices are His to make, not mine ... i am here to serve Him, but only in ways that *He* shall choose.

Due to INSIDEYOURMIND's health issues, there have been a few times (As examples: when His sugar is low, or when He passed out, or when pain meds and/or sudden extreme drop in blood pressure left Him unable to concerntrate as well as He would like to etc ect) when due to Him being temporarily unable to do so for Himself, i have had to assume 'the decision making role' for Him. In our relationship, He has the final say in any decisions for either of us. His health issues are the only exception to that rule.

Insuring that His health needs are met, is just one example of many, regarding ways in which i serve Him.

 

[Red Sonja]

That would really make me unhappy. *hugzzz*

Hey, graceanne? You know those glass garden/lawn globe thingies some have out on their front lawns? Do you have access to one? If you do, next time he so rudely ignores you entirely ...... walk around the house for a while with one tucked under your arm. If it raises an eyebrow .... explain to him: "It's my newly aquired crystal ball. i'm hoping it will help me to READ YOUR FRIGGIN MIND from now on.".

You may end up being punished .... but it will drive the message home. hehe ....
If nothing more, perhaps the idea has made you giggle a bit.

Oh yeah.. .I am jumping on that bandwagon. He has to feel a lot better before I need to worry

 

[h_i_s]

Thats a great idea

And if it pisses him off, I will happily blame you Sinn

After all submissives just follow each other like sheep, don't they

Thanks glad you like it.

Thinks on this one ... "1. Ain't like he knows where i live 2. Aint like she does either 3. Neither are authorized to punish me ... heh." Ok, deal, shy.

*coughs coughs, crosses fingers, eyes and toes* Err, oh, yeah. Uh huh. Yep.

 

[h_i_s]

Oh yeah.. .I am jumping on that bandwagon. He has to feel a lot better before I need to worry

And once he feels better, if he remembers your jump onto the bandwagon ... you can always point to 'fever delirium' and claim innocence.

i myself, would not dare ... It would never fly here if i tried to/wanted to use it ... looks good in type though.

 

[His_pita]

When He is ill, i am ready to serve Him in any way that He may need me to. i am careful in making certain that i am not dictating WHAT those needs may be at any given moment. i simply ask if there is anything i can do for Him, or anything that i can get for Him. i let it be known to Him that i am here, should He decide that He needs me. If i notice that He might need something that He has not thought of, i *suggest* it by asking Him if it is something He'd like me to do, or provide. If He answers 'no', i accept His answer, rather than make any attempt at convincing Him to agree with me. The choices are His to make, not mine ... i am here to serve Him, but only in ways that *He* shall choose.

I think this is great Sinn. To me it's the job of the Dom and sub to take care of each other in the way that is best for them. I know my Sir wants to do so much for me and I am so looking forward to his training and learning to be the best submissive I can be for him. I also know considering out age differences that someday I may have to take over more of the decisions in our relationship. I am hoping if that day comes I will be equiped to still do what he would wish and what is best for us.