What do I do?

[collar_corset]

There is this guy I know, and I may have made a bit of a prat of myself!

What happened is, about 6 years ago, we somehow managed to end up in bed together but I was just starting a relationship (an open one to begin with) and the guy I ended up with I was with for 6 years before I ended it.

A couple of months ago (after I ended the first relationship) we met at a mutual friends birthday night out, went back to a party and surprisingly enough we ended up in bed together again (actually it was a wooden floor and it made me ache for weeks!)

We swopped numbers and I received a text from him saying he really had a good time and not to wait six years for the next time (and also that night he said he'd wanted a repeat performance, cool!) The problem was I have some health problems and after just splitting up with the first guy, I just ignored it

That was April and recently there was a reunion for a bunch of us who used to hang out in a pub back in the late 80's, early 90's. I messaged him on facebook to ask if he was going and to apologise for not getting back in touch but the timing was all wrong. He messaged me back to ask for details which I told him and that was that until the night.

As I knew I had been unfair to him, I just went up and said hello, and while I was hovering around with my camera, he asked me if I was going to take a picture of him, so I did. Later on in the evening, it was winding down a bit, so I texted him to ask him if he was still about, and he told me he was in another pub, and could come up if I wanted, so I did...

And long story short, we ended up back at mine! He had to leave early the next morning as he's self employed and has a lot of work on at the moment (in fact I don't think he's had a day off for a while) but we had a conversation that made me think.

Anyway, I've been beating myself up a bit for the past week or so about it, we texted each other a couple of times about another mutual friends birthday, I phoned him by accident (honestly!) and the following morning, he phoned me by accident as well.

At this point, I decided to stop farting about and sent him a text asking if he fancied going for a drink sometime and then panicked about how he was going to reply (and I'm talking full on panic, short of breath, chest pains, the works!) I did it because I wanted to know one way or another whether it was worth pursuing so I could concentrate on a lot of other problems I was having as I could not stop thinking about him.

He texted back saying he couldn't because he was busy with work and that was that. I deleted his number off my phone because I genuinely didn't want to text him again because I do tend to make an arse of myself when it comes to relationships, but now I am wondering if it was such a good idea. I've now realised that I still have his number on my computer as I have a backup document on my computer in case of emergency!

I texted him two days ago, and obviously haven't done anything since, but there is another pub night coming up on Halloween and I don't want things to be uncomfortable if he comes.

I was thinking of sending a text along the lines of 'ok, sorry to have asked, I might see you at the pub for halloween' so he doesn't think I'm throwing my toys out of the pram.

Should I, or just leave it?

Sorry about the length of the post, btw!

 

[horsie_gurl]

well im kind of confused about what made you a "prat". I think you had a good idea to ask him for a drink. You never know the circumstances. Maybe he really was too busy and didn't notice the text. I've done this same thing myself. Looked at the text, got distracted, and then forgot about it because it doesn't show up as unread in the folder. I think maybe you acted quickly and out of emotions when you deleted his number. I would do the same. You should definitely talk to him more at the next get together. Well, it depends on how you feel too. Do you want to have a relationship - can you get him out of your head? I don't think so because you keep thinking about it and you posted this. Definitely try again, but this time ask him in person

 

[rainbowgirl1028]

your post seems full of tons of crazy emotions, so I say don't give up yet. if you can't stop thinking about him, give him a shot next time there's a get together. if things don't go well then or it feels too uncomfortable, at least you tried, right?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You seem to have done most of the running over the course of this whole thing. Although this guy has work commitments, my impression on reading your post is that he could make more of an effort to get in touch or at least to make it clear he's not interested in a relationship if that's the case. The sad reality is that few men will turn down a night of no-strings sex. Those same men often judge women for being as promiscuous or 'easy' as they are. It's not fair but it's common.

That said, there have been lots of mixed signals and missed opportunities so maybe just text and say you know he's busy so you'll see him at halloween if he doesn't get in touch beforehand. If he leaves you hanging for over a month, my opinion would be that he's just not that into you. If you send a message along those lines, you should get an indication of how interested he is by how long he takes to reply.

If you do meet up with him, try to change the pace a bit. Wild nights are lots of fun but they aren't really conducive to a potential long term romance. His impression of you is probably one of a 'good time girl' and he may not think you even want a relationship. I'm just guessing here but perhaps it would help for him to see another, deeper side to you.

 

[SweetErika]

He turned you down two days ago, and now you want to text him asking about something a whole month and a half away?

I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like a very good idea to me. If he's interested, he'll get in contact with you. Presumably, he still has your contact info, so there shouldn't be a problem with him making the effort if he wants to do so.

But before he has a chance to, perhaps you should decide on what type of relationship is acceptable to you from here on out. Are you okay with being a booty call, or do you need more than no-strings sex from him?

If you seem him on Halloween (with or without interim contact), things will only be uncomfortable if you allow them to be. If you want it to go smoothly, play it cool, don't pin your hopes on seeing him that night, and don't accept less than what you need from him if you do connect.

Good luck!

 

[collar_corset]

He turned you down two days ago, and now you want to text him asking about something a whole month and a half away?

I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like a very good idea to me. If he's interested, he'll get in contact with you. Presumably, he still has your contact info, so there shouldn't be a problem with him making the effort if he wants to do so.

But before he has a chance to, perhaps you should decide on what type of relationship is acceptable to you from here on out. Are you okay with being a booty call, or do you need more than no-strings sex from him?

If you seem him on Halloween (with or without interim contact), things will only be uncomfortable if you allow them to be. If you want it to go smoothly, play it cool, don't pin your hopes on seeing him that night, and don't accept less than what you need from him if you do connect.

Good luck!

Th text was actually to say that I appreciated the reply and give him fair warning about halloween! He is a member of the facebook group about it, but doesn't go on there often, so I don't know if he'll find out about it in time, but that shouldn't really concern me. I deliberately worded the text like that so it could be construed how he wanted rather than me blatently asking him out (or for a fuck!) I mainly wanted to send it so he didn't think I was brooding over the fact he said no, but you are right that I should probably leave it!

As for the relationship I want with him, fuck buddies is probably the way to go. I have a chronic pain condition which is under control at the moment but I really can't say what will happen in the future so I don't want to get into another long term relationship if I'm crippled to the point of needing a mobility scooter or wheelchair, plus I am also under investigation for possible MS so I need to get all those questions answered.

The other thing is, we seem to be on the same wavelength as he has been married before and when the relationship started to break down he was told by a counsellor that some people were not suited to marriage and I can relate to that, it's taken me 22 years to realise I don't wish to be in anyones pocket, if you see what I mean.

And on an aside, what's good for killing a libido, bloody thing is getting me into trouble again!

Thanks for all the good advice xx

 

[culloden]

Clearly, this fellow is on your mind, and not really knowing what his wants are is bugging you. Heck, he really could just be crazy busy at work.

From a guy's perspective, just be up front and tell him what you'd like from the relationship. That's not always easy to do, but it's generally much appreciated. And really, what's to lose? If he doesn't want a relationship, you've given him the chance to say so. It's better to know than to guess. And if he does, you're off on an honest footing.

 

[Firebrain]

Clearly, this fellow is on your mind, and not really knowing what his wants are is bugging you. Heck, he really could just be crazy busy at work.

From a guy's perspective, just be up front and tell him what you'd like from the relationship. That's not always easy to do, but it's generally much appreciated. And really, what's to lose? If he doesn't want a relationship, you've given him the chance to say so. It's better to know than to guess. And if he does, you're off on an honest footing.

She's pretty much already done this, though...if he'd have wanted to see her alone again, he could have said so when she asked him for a drink. "I'm crazy busy now, but how about next week?" Instead, he was pretty abrupt.

Collar-corset, I'd give this guy a miss. He'd make it quite clear if he wanted something more; he's had plenty of opportunity (telling you he wants another shag is neither here nor there, because he's not actually gone out of his way to get one).

Don't text him again. Preferably, turn up at Halloween with someone fabulous on your arm; even if it's just a girlfriend. And don't shag him again...if you get so anxious just waiting for a text from him, it's just going to be a massive headfuck.

 

[culloden]

You could be right. But he really could have been busy with work and distracted. Guys can be real knuckleheads - I know this for a fact.

My point, which I could have made better, was that she seems still to be interested and to have a lingering hope. I think a direct conversation might, shall we say, but this to bed once and for all.