What do Guys Need More- Sex or Ego Stroking?

[EthiopianPrince]

I had a one night stand with a beautiful Ukranian girl from my alma mater. She was extremely sensual, and I had a mind-blowing experience. Yet she implied several times afterwards that while I was great sex for her, I was not in her league intellectually (which might be true, but I didn't like hearing it to my face). It was such a turn off that I turned down two other chances to be intimate with her. Does anyone else have experiences of the male ego getting in the way of our sex drive?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Oh yes. The StudMuffin and I were at odds for the longest time over something as ridiculous as "When we was growing up" and "While I was growing up." Grammar got in the way. No sex until the argument was over. Why? Because he thinks I think less of him because I'm smarter. Bunk.

I believe a man's sex and his ego require honest stroking in equal measures. However, if the two ever run amuck of each other, ego wins out. If a man doesn't feel good about himself, or thinks that the sex partner doesn't feel good about him, he's not terribly inclined to have sex.

 

[Guest]

What do guys need more - Sex or ego stroking?

There's a difference???

This much I know, ego or no ego, there isn't a man alive who will let it get in the way of having sex. She hurt your ego and now you don't want to have sex with HER but that won't stop you from having sex.

 

[paganangel]

ego stroking!!!

especially about sex.

nothing kills a relationship faster than a man's lack of confidnce in the woman's confidence in him.

 

[morninggirl5]

They need equal amounts.

To the male brain

Ego-stroking without sex means you're not sincere.

Sex without ego-stroking means you're using him.

 

[Mensa]

Interconnectivity

Having sex is always good for the ego!

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I believe a man's sex and his ego require honest stroking in equal measures. However, if the two ever run amuck of each other, ego wins out. If a man doesn't feel good about himself, or thinks that the sex partner doesn't feel good about him, he's not terribly inclined to have sex.

For most people, including myself, I agree; but my ego is not so fragile as to be injured arguing over grammar. If a woman does hit one of my hot buttons I not only do not want to have sex with her, I am probably not going to want to even talk to her - period.

As I have said before, I want a relationship, not just sex, and mutual appreciation is part of a relationship. If I do not feel appreciated or respected then that relationship is in danger, and I feel like I am being used. I don't need to feel superior, I have met many women who were more intelligent, ambitious or talented than I am, and I was not put off as long as they didn't rub it in my face like many men are wont to do to women.

I don't think women are that much different in this regard - they want to feel valued and not looked down on.

 

[fgarvb1]

I'll take the sex. My ego can take care of itself.

 

[SweetBrat73]

I just wanted to agree with Shy Tall Guy. I was gonna put STG but that sounds like a disease you could catch...LoL...sorry

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

They need equal amounts.

To the male brain

Ego-stroking without sex means you're not sincere.

Sex without ego-stroking means you're using him.

I would agree and disagree; I would put it in different words:

I would say that a serious relationship without some type of sexual context, even if it is just kissing, makes many guys wonder if a woman is sincere.

OTOH, sex outside of the context of a relationship where it is clear that this is all the woman wants, gives many or even most men the feeling that they are being used.

Again, I don't think it is that much different for most women in general. Maybe a difference in degree or type, but the generalities are the same.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I was gonna put STG but that sounds like a disease you could catch...LoL...sorry

No problemo, people call me STG all the time and it doesn't bother me. When I first came here some called me TSG, and that didn't sound like a disease, but it did sound like a food ingredient.

 

[morninggirl5]

I would agree and disagree; I would put it in different words:

I would say that a serious relationship without some type of sexual context, even if it is just kissing, makes many guys wonder if a woman is sincere.

OTOH, sex outside of the context of a relationship where it is clear that this is all the woman wants, gives many or even most men the feeling that they are being used.

Again, I don't think it is that much different for most women in general. Maybe a difference in degree or type, but the generalities are the same.

The difference is in the type and degree definitely, probably from person to person. KM used the example of grammar as an example with her husband. Grammar wouldn't be a touchy "ego" issue with most of us, but we all have those "buttons" and those close to us generally learn what they are. Occasionally we hit one without being aware that it's there and have to step back and re-evaluate.

It seems to me that the mode of the "ego-stroking" is different for men and women. We women tend to ask for male opinions often and expect verbal communication to stroke us. Men tend to look more at our actions. As a college student a group of us were on a road trip. The car broke down and I made the horrendous mistake of diagnosing properly that there was a hole in the radiator not the hose. My boyfriend at the time didn't speak directly to me for the remainder of the trip. Seven hours with five other people in a car wasn't a pleasant experience at all.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

we all have those "buttons" and those close to us generally learn what they are. Occasionally we hit one without being aware that it's there and have to step back and re-evaluate.

Exactly; with me it is not superficial issues, but whether a person close to me questions my integrity, or makes an accusation by assumption without really knowing or asking me if it is true. I intensely dislike when a person otherwise freindly or close to me makes a false assumption about some aspect of my personality or my motivations.

It seems to me that the mode of the "ego-stroking" is different for men and women. We women tend to ask for male opinions often and expect verbal communication to stroke us. Men tend to look more at our actions.

This is well known among behaviorists, and linguist Deborah Tannen has written several books on these differences in communication.

As a college student a group of us were on a road trip. The car broke down and I made the horrendous mistake of diagnosing properly that there was a hole in the radiator not the hose. My boyfriend at the time didn't speak directly to me for the remainder of the trip. Seven hours with five other people in a car wasn't a pleasant experience at all.

I think this was more of a male ego thing in being shown up by a woman in an area that is traditionally male dominated, and I think it didn't matter that it was an action as it was that this boyfriend could not handle a woman who was superior in that respect. Had you been talking about football and shown a superior knowledge to his the reaction would probably have been the same as if you had beat him arm wrestling.

Such men may seem really macho, confident and desireable in some women's eyes - until you prick the balloon that is their inflated ego. Some women learn to live with it and avoid walking around their men's egos with pointy objects. My parents are an example in this regard; my mother has to be careful around my father's ego, and even then she still steps on his toes sometimes - he just can't accept her having the last word or her being correct and him being wrong on some issue.

I really feel sorry for women stuck with men who can't treat them as equal because they (the men) have such low self-esteem.

I can usually tell the people with the self-esteem problems; they always have to be correct, always have the last word, never any give on a topic, and they always have to look down on people.

This doesn't mean that people with good self-esteem can't stand up for what they know or believe to be right, but people with good self-esteem don't have to be right and come out on top every time, and they more often than not admit when they are wrong.

This in contrast to people with low self-esteem problems who consider it a great personal victory to brow beat, or by any means, including name calling, push someone into admitting they are wrong or inferior, and can never themselves admit to being wrong or having made a mistake.

 

[lavender]

 

[juicylips]

Incorporate the ego stroking into sex and you've got it made!

What she said.

Cassidy