What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex? What alternatives?

[LookN2Talk]

Many here on lit have posted that they have sexless marriages (and I do sincerely hate that anyone has to go through this) so no need to recant it all, what I want to know is what do all of you do for sex? What are your go to, alternatives, is there anything that has truly worked for the long haul? I am sure there are many here who could use some positive input from those who have already been there, done that, figured it out. ​

​

 

[MrQuiet314]

I was in a zero-sex marriage for 16 years. No sexual activity of any kind. I went through the gamut of emotions…confusion, anger, sadness, etc. Then, as time went by, I got better at shutting down the sexual side of myself. I had masturbation to relieve the pressure and for the rest? I just got better at playing past it. Shutting down my sexual impulses was hard, but ironically not as difficult as reactivating them after we divorced. Part of the reason I’m here is to reconnect with those impulses again as I work on reintegrating sex into my life again.

 

[Biguy77578]

I was in a sexless marrage for years so I had an affair with my old high school girl friend who I'm now narried to. I picked up many ladies in dance clubs also known as "meat markets". There are many men looking to get off so I fell back on my bisexual life from my younger days. I just wanted sex, still do.

 

[Biguy77578]

I was in a zero-sex marriage for 16 years. No sexual activity of any kind. I went through the gamut of emotions…confusion, anger, sadness, etc. Then, as time went by, I got better at shutting down the sexual side of myself. I had masturbation to relieve the pressure and for the rest? I just got better at playing past it. Shutting down my sexual impulses was hard, but ironically not as difficult as reactivating them after we divorced. Part of the reason I’m here is to reconnect with those impulses again as I work on reintegrating sex into my life again.

Best of luck to you. I never could or just wasn't willing totey and shut it down.

 

[Lucien_Al]

Best of luck to you. I never could or just wasn't willing totey and shut it down.

I agree. Went through a sexless patch for a few years and got through it with lots of masturbation and plenty of sex with other women. Not something I am particularly proud of but when I get sex at home my wandering eye stays at home too. With the possible exception of medical reasons I dont believe its natural to be sexless.

 

[MrQuiet314]

When it dawned on me that my wife and I had problems that therapy would never fix, I had to make a choice…Come to some kind of alternative arrangement, leave her or learn to live with it. In the end, I choose to live with it. We had a wonderful life in many other respects and I figured, I vowed “for better or worse” and this was the worse. I did my best to focus on the good. I never cheated. I just chose to do without. Ultimately, we had more wrong that simply a lack of sex and those problems simply proved too large to overcome.

 

[Travler99921]

I started having gay sex. ! D I d !it with my wife's approva). The interesting thing was it revived our marital sex.

 

[LookN2Talk]

I started having gay sex. ! D I d !it with my wife's approva). The interesting thing was it revived our marital sex.

I've read that elsewhere as has my wife. As I am not interesting in men whatsoever, I mb, rp mb, sex toy it up, and if it became a long term issue I'd sex machine it up, as well as get a few expensive sex dolls. I wouldn't want the drama of another live person. If she were not interested I'd still want her to be a part of it, otherwise it gets super lonely. That is one of the main reasons we married, to do things together. There have been a few times when sex was infrequent and I let her know, she can be a part of it or someone else might be. As I mentioned I wouldn't bring someone home but I certainly would share in a forum, chat, or somehow to connect with others. I need interaction of some type.

 

[LookN2Talk]

With the possible exception of medical reasons I dont believe its natural to be sexless.

I agree! There has to be a way for a couple to work it out. I cannot understand why so many are unable to figure out some arrangement.

 

[PFWilly]

Masturbation. My wife lost her libido. I have ED related to a variety of medical conditions. I can still reach orgasm with some dedicated effort. She’s simply isn’t interested anymore. But after 58 years as a couple I’m not completely surprised. Stuff happens, or doesn’t.

 

[Edgeallday78]

Lots of masturbation

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Sex is a natural act. What I find interesting is when one partner loses intrest and the other partner strays or gets " caught" mastrubating they freak out. What do they expect ?
Sometimes couples get caught up in life and that's understandable maybe sex is not as frequent as one wants. That's not sexless. People often use the latter as an excuse.

 

[bicuriousgeorge90]

I agree. Went through a sexless patch for a few years and got through it with lots of masturbation and plenty of sex with other women. Not something I am particularly proud of but when I get sex at home my wandering eye stays at home too. With the possible exception of medical reasons I dont believe its natural to be sexless.

You don't think asexuality is a thing?

 

[13Fantasies]

I become depressed, thanks for asking.

 

[Jodaily]

Jerk off. A lot!!

 

[Nicefella]

Some of us just manage. Reality is a bitch, but it needs to be handled. For those that don’t believe that that’s possible, you haven’t walked a mile in our shoes. Outside of and in addition to sexless marriages, many if not all of us men here are dynamic individuals who have lives with responsibilities, ailing parents, children of college age with significant tuition bills, soul-sucking relatives and yards to clean and appliances to manage.

Over time, the fact that we are not sexually satisfied, sort of blends into the plethora of other shit that we are not satisfied with. Shit happens.

 

[hulmule]

I get on Lit to try and get some relief. Sad that im a healthy, in shape male that has a high sex drive. But menopause and depression makes my wife have no interest in sex. Try and talk but not a good subject. But sometimes i just take of myself in front of her. Just cant get her involved...Very frustrating when you a high sex drive or just like an amorous person that loves deep kissing and touching..

 

[LMWM321]

Sex is a natural act. What I find interesting is when one partner loses intrest and the other partner strays or gets " caught" mastrubating they freak out. What do they expect ?

Freak out after catching you masturbating?!

I hope that is happening less these days... Heck, I'm very open with my wife about my masturbating and have even told her when she comes into the bathroom when I'm doing it, "Hun, keep the shower door closed, I'm jerking off in here..." She doesn't mind one iota. And shouldn't mind. She hasn't yet but if she asked, "So, who are you thinking of this time?" and I said, "This morning, it's Mariska Hargitay...she's giving me a BJ." She'd laugh and say something like, "Ha! I hope she swallows - better her than me!" And I'd have the very same reaction catching her masturbating.. Though I'm pretty sure she'd be thinking of Regé Jean-Page or Roger Federer... but who knows, maybe she's thinking of Mariska Hargitay too!

Perhaps it's too late for the older generations but I hope the younger ones understand that sex - preferably w/ a partner, but even if alone - is NOT a pointless activity, or an intrusive itch that only the weak-willed give in to scratching. Nonsense! For many of us, sex is every bit as essential to a happy life as laughter. Desiring sex is not a psychological weakness; it's a biological mandate.

 

[womaneater58]

I read Lit and masturbate at least once every day, some days twice.

 

[gary04]

In a sexless marriage, I jerk off alot and now I become bi or gay to satisfy my desires.

 

[Winchester3030]

I masturbate a lot! once a day is what keeps me thinking clearly but I don’t have the opportunity!

 

[Wld1936]

Masturbate a lot! I’m doing it right now

 

[gary04]

I masturbate alot on cam with anyone

 

[live4thebj]

Incest stories
Porn
Masturbate

But my favorite but I need to know she will be gone for several hours is prostate play. The big O is more satisfying than all the sex I had in my years.

 

[LookN2Talk]

Sex is a natural act. What I find interesting is when one partner loses interest and the other partner strays or gets " caught" masturbating they freak out. What do they expect ?

Yes that one gets me. I've heard guys say things like, "Well what does she expect? She never gives me any." And reading here I see it as well. Still it's hard to believe there are spouses out there who are offended or shocked by it after not providing sex. Those types irk me and I wish the Capt D's fish could pop up and tail fin them upside the head a few dozen times.