What did your parents tell you about sex?

[Corylea]

Well, since there's an outcry against the political threads, and since the writing threads don't do all that well, I thought I'd start one on sex.

What did your parents tell you about sex while you were a child? Was there anything you misunderstood about what they said? What did you learn from your peers?

Edit: Since the answers seem to vary a lot by generation, you might want to include your age. I'm 50.



When I was ten years old, my mother got one of those "prepare your daughter for menstruation" booklets and went over it with me. The booklet talked about how a woman's body prepares itself to get pregnant every month, but how one actually got pregnant was not mentioned. I asked my mother how a person got pregnant, and she said, "The man does something to the woman, and she gets pregnant." Notice the phraseology -- there's no notion here that sex is anything that the two of them will do together, and the mechanism for inducing pregnancy is just as vague as it was before. Poor Mom.

Well, I was already reading science fiction by then, and when I tried to figure out what the "something" was, I envisioned something like a plate in the woman's back that opens up to reveal a control panel. A man flips a switch on the panel, and presto -- she's pregnant. (I'll pause while you laugh at my naievete. Got that out of your system? Okay. As I was saying, *grin*) I mean, I knew that there was no such plate, but so vague was the explanation that that's what I could come up with. The real procedure seems highly improbable, after all. And why did it have to be a man who flipped the switch, anyway?

When I got my period at twelve and a half, my mother told me the absolute rock-bottom minimum necessary to understand how babies are made, then followed this up with, "This probably sounds disgusting, but it's beautiful if you're married." Mixed messages, anyone? Even at that, my mother did better by me than her mother did by her -- my mother was told nothing about what would happen on her wedding night. I have to feel sorry for both her and my dad.

In college, I heard guys say that so-and-so was "good in bed," and since my extremely limited sex education hadn't told me that I was supposed to do anything but be there (I was still a virgin at this point -- it may surprise you to learn that I was a virgin until 23 -- I was raised in such a sexually repressive family that I was quite a late bloomer), I asked them what made a woman good in bed -- what did they like for women to do? They shuffled their feet and looked at the floor and mumbled. Even abandoning adults and asking my peers didn't result in any actual information.

I think it's a terrible shame how afraid of sex people are in Western societies -- a big part of our birthright has been taken from us by a society that attempts to brainwash everyone into tongue-tied terror.

But OUR tongues aren't tied -- get out there and write erotica, everybody! *smile*

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Well, since there's an outcry against the political threads, and since the writing threads don't do all that well, I thought I'd start one on sex.

What did your parents tell you about sex while you were a child? Was there anything you misunderstood about what they said? What did you learn from your peers?



When I was ten years old, my mother got one of those "prepare your daughter for menstruation" booklets and went over it with me. The booklet talked about how a woman's body prepares itself to get pregnant every month, but how one actually got pregnant was not mentioned. I asked my mother how a person got pregnant, and she said, "The man does something to the woman, and she gets pregnant." Notice the phraseology -- there's no notion here that sex is anything that the two of them will do together, and the mechanism for inducing pregnancy is just as vague as it was before. Poor Mom.

Well, I was already reading science fiction by then, and when I tried to figure out what the "something" was, I envisioned something like a plate in the woman's back that opens up to reveal a control panel. A man flips a switch on the panel, and presto -- she's pregnant. (I'll pause while you laugh at my naievete. Got that out of your system? Okay. As I was saying, *grin*) I mean, I knew that there was no such plate, but so vague was the explanation that that's what I could come up with. The real procedure seems highly improbable, after all. And why did it have to be a man who flipped the switch, anyway?

When I got my period at twelve and a half, my mother told me the absolute rock-bottom minimum necessary to understand how babies are made, then followed this up with, "This probably sounds disgusting, but it's beautiful if you're married." Mixed messages, anyone? Even at that, my mother did better by me than her mother did by her -- my mother was told nothing about what would happen on her wedding night. I have to feel sorry for both her and my dad.

In college, I heard guys say that so-and-so was "good in bed," and since my extremely limited sex education hadn't told me that I was supposed to do anything but be there (I was still a virgin at this point -- it may surprise you to learn that I was a virgin until 23 -- I was raised in such a sexually repressive family that I was quite a late bloomer), I asked them what made a woman good in bed -- what did they like for women to do? They shuffled their feet and looked at the floor and mumbled. Even abandoning adults and asking my peers didn't result in any actual information.

I think it's a terrible shame how afraid of sex people are in Western societies -- a big part of our birthright has been taken from us by a society that attempts to brainwash everyone into tongue-tied terror.

But OUR tongues aren't tied -- get out there and write erotica, everybody! *smile*

I got a better book. It was called From Little Acorns and for 1959, it wasn't too bad. I was still a little confused when Hot Mama got her clutches on me but I've always been called a quick study.

 

[Trombonus]

My parents never talked to me about sex. Not a word.

I fact the first and only time my mom ever said anything was a few years ago, and she simply told me to be safe if I was doing anything.

 

[Belegon]

I was told about condoms and warned not to get anyone pregnant. This was after my parents became aware that I was already figuring things out on my own... although, unbeknownst to them, while I certainly circled around the final event, I never actually had intercourse until I was 19.

 

[Corylea]

My parents never talked to me about sex. Not a word.

I fact the first and only time my mom ever said anything was a few years ago, and she simply told me to be safe if I was doing anything.

Wow. That's pretty unusual in this day and age. May I ask how old you are and in what geographical area you grew up? And what did you do to educate yourself, given that you weren't getting any from your parents?

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Q: What did your parents tell you about sex while you were a child?
A: Nothing.

Q: Was there anything you misunderstood about what they said?
A: Couldn't have been.

Q: What did you learn from your peers?
A: Not much.

Rumple (the uninformed) Foreskin

 

[Trombonus]

Wow. That's pretty unusual in this day and age. May I ask how old you are and in what geographical area you grew up? And what did you do to educate yourself, given that you weren't getting any from your parents?

I'm 26 and I live in California, though my mom and dad were brought up in England. I learned about sex through Sex Ed in Middle School. Pretty sure my parents knew that, which is why they never bothered to say anything. Pretty typical in my family.

 

[kinkikittyn]

When I was 13 or so my Mom pointed out the word "Fuck" graffitti'd on a fence. She said "If a boy ever asks you to do that...tell him no."

Anything else I got was from sex ed at school or friends.

PS she is English but certainly from a different generation from your parents Trombonus.

 

[Varian P]

For a long time, everything I knew about sex, I knew thanks to Stephen King.

When I was twelve or thirteen and had a pretty serious boyfriend (three months), I asked my mom how far we should go, and she said, "Holding hands." When I pressed her, "What about kissing?" she said that was a bad idea, because it might "lead to other things."

Later, when I was in high school, she told me not to have boys over when she wasn't home, because the neighbors might get "the wrong idea."

After I'd already exchanged a few mutually gratifying oral experiences, my mom broke out a book written and illustrated for little children with an apologetic, "Well, you're way too old for this now, I should have given it to you a long time ago..."

Thank goodness my peers were pretty frank and open, and happily not too full of misinformation. Still, I ended up with some pretty lame anxieties about not being slutty, and I'm still resentful I didn't shed those weird, guilty notions sooner than I did.

 

[Guest]

Sex education happened at age 13 after my mom caught me jerking off. I'm still not totally sure that she knew what I was doing!

However, within a week, she handed me a book entitled, "The Stork Didn't Bring You" (please remember that this would have been pre-1970), told me to read it, and to ask my dad if I had any questions.

I did, and I didn't, and that was the end of it. I'd heard of "rubbers" during locker room scuttlebutt and didn't have the slightest idea what they were or how they were used.

And how times have changed... when my then-20 year-old stepdaughter showed an unfortunate tendency to hook up with incredible losers (in part for the sex, I surmised), we got her a vibrator and an instruction manual for Christmas. Both her mother and I presented it on Christmas morning.

And it worked. The relationship thing, I mean...

 

[rgraham666]

Not a damned thing.

 

[MissChristine]

My mom read me and my sister a book about "where babies come from" and periods and that sort of thing. I didn't really know what sex was, eventually figured it on my own. All my parents really told me about the act was that it was something for marriage. Nothing was ever said about birth control, condoms, STD's, etc.

 

[_Lynn_]

Nothing. Not a word.

 

[sweetness6280]

Wow. I guess my mom was progressive for her time. In my house, sex was considered a beautiful and normal part of life.

Our first talk was when I was about 6. A neighborhood teenage girl had drawn pictures for us and told us it was fucking. I asked my mom. She pulled out some books (Time Life books... lol we still have them for... nostalgia?), and told me as much as my 6 year old brain could take in. Then left it.

We had periodic talks throughout my elementary and jr high years. She was honest and straightforward, and I never once sensed that she might be uncomfortable. Although very pointed in her view that I "should wait," she remained very open to all of my questions and opinions, including everything about birth control.

That same openness continued throughout her life. We talked about sex until she died. I tried to do the same with my kids, and now they come to me with almost anything. I am not naive enough to think they come to me with everything, but my guess would be about 90%. LOL, the oldest, 21 and married, just called last week with a "question".

 

[Corylea]

the oldest, 21 and married, just called last week with a "question".

That's so cool! You know you did something right when that happens.

 

[tickledkitty]

My mom was completely cool about it. She said sex is a beautiful thing, especially if you're in love. She said not to ever let anyone pressure me into it if I didn't feel like I was ready. She also said when I was ready I should talk to her about it so we could "take precautions," though I never did.

 

[TE999]

Everything I learned about sex was from my peers. The guys were ... well ...guys ... all the misinformation and "Heh...heh...heh" wasn't much help. The girls on the other hand were loving and accomodating, bless their hearts. They accepted my fumbling attempts with a grace beyond their years and a good time was had by all.

Is it any wonder I adore and respect women?

ps: I grew up in the Fifties and it wasn't all "Happy Days" by a long shot.

 

[fieryjen]

I had sex education in biology class 5th and 6th grade.

Around that time, I also bought a copy of Germany's leading teen magazine, which had full-frontal nude self-photographs of random German teenagers, along with a short interview about them. The magazine also had fairly graphic descriptions and pictures of sexual acts.

Those were pretty much the two sources that told me everything I needed to know, the first more of the technical side, the second more of the emotional side.

When I got my first period, my mom took me aside and said: "Well... you know how it works by now. Now you can get pregnant. Don't. Here's some tampons."

 

[sutherngent985]

Im not sure whether to be surprised or shocked or what at how many people said none. I, however, have to join that group. Whenever I would ask a question, the subject was quickly changed. I found out what I knew from various sources...friends, magazines, etc. Well, I thought some more and remembered dad, after I had my first wet dream, saying "You can get a girl pregnant now." Typically I guess, nothing was said about how that was accomplished. But that was the whole of any sex ed I got at home, and it wasnt taught in school in the early 70s, especially not in the south.

 

[shereads]

Nothing. Nada. Avoided the topic entirely.

 

[Guest]

What did your parents tell you about sex?

Basic mechanics, plumbing, reproduction, contraception, VD's.

They didn't tell me how much fun it was.

If I had asked them (as my daughter asked me) what fellatio was, I think mom would have imploded.

 

[Tricialen]

My mom told me nothing. When I was thirteen I woke up one morning with my period and thought I was dying. Thank God my dad was home. He took such gentle care of me...told me to take a shower ... he changed my sheets, went and bought me all of the necessary items and then explained it to me. When my mom got home from work that afternoon they had an arguement because she had never talked to me.... My dad was wonderful.... my mom was too, just in a different way...

 

[redpaint]

Not a thing. When I turned 18 he gave me the advise of the three F's (Find them, Fuck them, forget them) I swear to God thats what he told me Before going off to the Marines.

 

[TxRad]

I think my first hint from my dad about sex and it's consequences was his words, "Remember son, accidents cause the best and worst of families."

Of course, we're talking the fifties and early sixties. petticoats, girdles, and Dad's with shotguns. Luckily, I met an older woman who took me under her wings, so to speak...

 

[shereads]

For a long time, everything I knew about sex, I knew thanks to Stephen King.

When I was twelve or thirteen and had a pretty serious boyfriend (three months), I asked my mom how far we should go, and she said, "Holding hands." When I pressed her, "What about kissing?" she said that was a bad idea, because it might "lead to other things."

Later, when I was in high school, she told me not to have boys over when she wasn't home, because the neighbors might get "the wrong idea."

After I'd already exchanged a few mutually gratifying oral experiences, my mom broke out a book written and illustrated for little children with an apologetic, "Well, you're way too old for this now, I should have given it to you a long time ago..."

Thank goodness my peers were pretty frank and open, and happily not too full of misinformation. Still, I ended up with some pretty lame anxieties about not being slutty, and I'm still resentful I didn't shed those weird, guilty notions sooner than I did.

Stephen King? Yikes.



A true story:

I was seven or eight years old and watching the movie, "A Place in the Sun" on TV, with my mom and her sister. I got so angry when Shelly Duvall's character tried to stop Montgomery Clift from marrying Elizabeth Taylor by telling him she was going to have his baby!

"It's not his fault she wants to have a baby," I insisted. "He doesn't have to be the father just because she wants him to."

My mom and her sister blushed and stammered and danced around the point. "He's the baby's father."

"But why?"

"He just is."

I think my aunt muttered something about roosters and chickens and eggs. Which made no sense to me at all. Was my aunt of the opinion that girl chickens were prompted to lay eggs out of jealousy? That was obviously what was going on with Shelly Duvall; she was jealous because Montgomery Clift had kissed her first - but how could she force him to be her baby's father? Was it like calling first dibs?

My mom and aunt were so clearly uncomfortable that I knew I had introduced a Forbidden Topic, so I dropped it.

Did Stephen King explain things better?