What can you say about chocolate covered manhole covers?

[mcfbridge]

Certain stories, movies, songs, etc. have titles that are so catchy you just have to look into them.

One of my favorites is "What Can you Say About Chocolate Covered Manhole Covers?" A science fiction short story by Larry Niven. (A pretty good story, actually.)

Anyway, what are some of the best titles you've ever seen.

A couple more of my favorites are:

"Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things" which was an awful zombie movie. and

"Take the Dice Away from the Baby Momma, Before He Craps All Over the Floor" A country song that I have never actually heard.

 

[shereads]

A favorite song & title:

"Deliver the Kidney"

by The String Cheese Incident

 

[tolyk]

A good song title, very appropriate in fact is "A Night in Dildo" by The Arrogant Worms

They have numerous song titles which are captivating, but only after you've heard the song really. Such as "Rippy the Gator" or "I Ran Away"

The one that stands out the most though is "Kill the Dog Next Door"

 

[matriarch]

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns In Bed

Get Your Tongue Out'a My Mouth Cause I'm Kissin' You Goodbye

Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

Got In At 2 With a 10, and Woke Up At 10 With A 2

Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine

Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

Keep Forgettin', I Forgot About You

Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

Still Miss You Baby, But My Aims Gettin' Better

Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here

I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back While I Cry Over You.

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him

Please Bypass This Heart

She Got The Ring and I Got the Finger

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly


OK.....so I cheated, I googled.........but what a haul !!!!!
And apparently all genuine Country & Western titles. Can you imagine what an inspiring album that lot would make?

 

[yui]

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns In Bed

Get Your Tongue Out'a My Mouth Cause I'm Kissin' You Goodbye

Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

Got In At 2 With a 10, and Woke Up At 10 With A 2

Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine

Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

Keep Forgettin', I Forgot About You

Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

Still Miss You Baby, But My Aims Gettin' Better

Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here

I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back While I Cry Over You.

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him

Please Bypass This Heart

She Got The Ring and I Got the Finger

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly


OK.....so I cheated, I googled.........but what a haul !!!!!
And apparently all genuine Country & Western titles. Can you imagine what an inspiring album that lot would make?

Wow, Mat, you rock! The best I could come up with off the top of my head is the book, "Waiting for My Cats to Die".

 

[Guest]

Ironically? when i took my kids on a shopping spree to the local Good Will, my youngest and i were perusing the donated books....
"Why Mommy and Daddy are Fighting" and the classic... "Everyone Poops"
somehow, i don't think they fight anymore.


"If I Were Gay" and "The Gerbil Song" both by stephen lynch... my hero.

 

[mcfbridge]

A couple more of mine.

"Here's a Quarter Call Someone Who Cares" which is a pretty good country song.

and

"Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" another Larry Niven story (from the same book actually. This one, by the way is excellent. It is an essay of all the biological problems that would occur if Superman and Lois Lane actually tried to have a baby.

 

[minsue]

I've always been partial to the movie Nice Girls Don't Explode.

 

[Boota]

A movie title I always liked was "S-s-s-s-s". It's about a guy who turns into a cobra. Short and to the point.

My band has a song called "How Can I Love You If You Won't Lay Down?". We keep meaning to record it and it always gets pushed to the back burner.

 

[china-doll]

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus

I want a bumper sticker of this for my car so everyone will know.

 

[Guest]

 

[BlackShanglan]

"Judas is a Great Kisser" was a fabulous title for a very poor screenplay concept.

"Too Drunk to Fuck" is fairly straightforward and yet, impressively, not the most offensive thing in the song.

"Detachable Penis." What a perfect choice for a song.

Shanglan

 

[NoJo]

Song titles:

The Bonzos "My Pink Half of The Drainpipe" captured British suburban mean-spirited coldness and obsession with privacy and propriety brilliantly.

Frank Zappa's album title "We're Only In It For The Money" subverted the hippies at the height of their arrogance, nopt long after Woodstock.

I was fortunate enough to be the support act for a brilliant but short-lived punk band from Brighton known as "Smeggy and The Cheesy Bits." I'll never forget their song "Cheese and Onion Flavour", named after an old joke.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Jack Douglas had a knack for naming his books:

My Brother Was An Only Child
Never Trust A Naked Bus Driver
Shut Up And Eat Your Snowshoes.
The Neighbours Are Scaring My Wolf.

Not to forget, PS, Your Cat Is Dead by James Kirkwood Jr. Is memorable, and the film by Steve Guttenberg had only one real critic. (See attachment.)

. . . "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" another Larry Niven story (from the same book actually. This one, by the way is excellent. It is an essay of all the biological problems that would occur if Superman and Lois Lane actually tried to have a baby.

For any who might be interested, Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex by Larry Niven is available online.

If you haven’t, give it a read. Logic about fantasy can be such a HOOT!

 

[R. Richard]

Country and Western Song Title:
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

 

[Boxlicker101]

Country and Western is known for strange titles. Besides the ones already mentioned there's:

Dropkick me, Jesus, through the Goalposts of Life.

Blame it on your lyin', cheatin', cold, dead-beatin', two-timin', double-dealin', mean, mistreatin', loving' heart

Third Rate Romance, Low-Rent Rendezvous

Later, I'll remember some more.

 

[rgraham666]

Long time SF fan, so I think my all time favourite is "Repent, Harlequin!" said The Ticktockman by Harlan Ellison.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Long time SF fan, so I think my all time favourite is "Repent, Harlequin!" said The Ticktockman by Harlan Ellison.

Wasn't "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream" one of Ellison's, too?


The Super Hero’s Hype Board was playing this game some time ago, too, including their reasons.

Here is their original Top Twenty.

THE 20 WORST MOVIE TITLES IN HOLLYWOOD HISTORY
BECAUSE A FILM BY ANY OTHER NAME... PROBABLY HAS A BETTER NAME


When I first started compiling this collection of terrible titles, I was a bit concerned that there was an overwhelming amount of newer movies in the mix. But after careful consideration, I chose not to worry, as its merely indicative of modern films getting titles that are worse and worse as time goes on. We live in a time when a movie like "Gigli" can come out and more press is given to how awful the title is than the film itself (which was equally bad by all accounts).

Some films have awful names, but were not included because they were merely based on books with awful names, hence no "The Divine Secrets of Ya Ya Sisterhood". Some films that didn't quite make the cut where "Chu Chu and the Philly Flash", "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things", and Prince's "Under The Cherry Moon." And special thanks to the fine goons in the Something Awful Forums for helping to brainstorm with this list.


#20 "STEP INTO LIQUID" 2003

It was only released last week, but it's made its mark instantly in the annals of bad movie title history. If you didn't see the poster, you'd think this movie was about walking into a bathroom with piss on the floor.

#19 "STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT" 1992

I'm sure that, on paper, a film pairing the monster talents of Sylvester Stallone and Estelle Getty seemed like a great idea, but with a title like this, what little chance it had to get more than 5 people to buy a ticket was shot all to hell. I'm still waiting for the sequel, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bea Arthur. More clever, was the porn version, "STOP! Or My Mom Will Suck Your Cock!"

#18 "BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM" 2003

The title of this film comes from the special way that UK Soccer star David Beckham could curve the ball when he kicked it. The film's tagline is equally awful, "Who wants to cook Aloo Gobi when you can bend a ball like Beckham?" I can't wait for the baseball themed sequel, "Bend Me Like Piazza".

#17 "K-PAX" 2001

I don't know if this is a movie, some kind of menstrual aid, or a Smooth Jazz radio station!

#16 "HALF PAST DEAD" 2002

I laughed out loud when I first saw the commercial for this. "Half Past Dead" sounds like one of the phony McBain action movies they'd show on an episode of "The Simpsons".

#15 "BREAKIN' 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO" 1984

Perhaps the worst titled sequel of all time, "Electric Boogaloo" has become the catch phrase of choice for anyone making fun of a Part 2. The original title, "Breakin' 2: The Quickening" was scrapped, but later picked up as a part of the Highlander film series.

#14 "K-19 THE WIDOWMAKER" 2002

For some reason, I keep thinking of "Mentos: The Freshmaker" when I see this horribly titled film mentioned. Movies with crazy letter/number combinations like K2, U1571, THX-1138, and the bestiality classic k9-694U always make me scratch my head in disgust.

#13 "BLACKMALE" 2000

While the gang at the Something Awful forums was helping me brainstorm ideas, Mr. Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka himself reminded me of this crappily titled masterpiece. The pun is just idiotic, though the lead actor, "Bokeem Woodbine" has a name that's nearly as ridiculous. You see, he's black and he's a male! This same film company is ready to release the new Woody Allen film, "OLDJEW".

#12 "EEGAH" 1962

There's not too many films with as incomprehensible of a title as this one, which features the tale of a caveman that falls in love with a teenage hottie. The 1962 film was also released as "EEGAH! The Name Written In Blood!" More like written in ****...AM I RIGHT?

http://www.moviesunlimited.com/boxcovers/100_Wide/D48463.jpg

#11 "RAT PFINK A BOO BOO" 1966

All I can say, is "What the Phuck?" Ray Dennis Steckler is about as nice and approachable of a guy in film you'll ever have the pleasure of meeting, but his skills at titling his movies are only slightly worse than his skill at making them! The film was actually supposed to be "Rat Pfink and Boo Boo" but the printer screwed up and wrote "Rat Pfink A Boo Boo" instead. Steckler didn't have enough cash to reprint them, so he just left it as is. Of course, the confusion of the film's title persists to this day, as the picture of the DVD above shows, as they try to add the "AND" back in, but spell "Pfink" differently.

#10 "BALLISTIC ECKS vs. SEVER" 2002

It takes a special kind of genius to **** up a movie featuring Lucy Liu in skin tight leather, but somehow they do it, no thanks to the ridiculous title. If you say "Ecks Vs. Sever" 10 times fast, you can raise the dead.

#9 "GIGLI" 2003

This movie had train wreck written all over it, largely in part to the insipid title, which had to be accompanied with a phonetic pronunciation guide in the press kits insisting reporters say it like, "Gee-Lee". It would have been more honest, and easier to pronounce, if they just titled the film "****".

#8 "HONEY I BLEW UP THE KID" 1992

This shocking title seems more like a training film for Hamas, than something Disney would have released. Of course, when you let the director of Re-Animator, Stuart Gordon, write a kid's film, you're just asking for trouble.

#7 "LEONARD PART 6" 1987

Cosby was on top of the world in the 80s. His show was the number one thing on TV, and people were buying Jell-O Pudding Pops like they were going out of style. But for some reason, they just couldn't put him in movies that anyone cared about. The confusingly named "Leonard Part 6" just baffled that hell out of the moviegoing public. See, he was this spy, and this was supposed to be the 6th episode in his series of spy films, even though it was the first one. You can only pull that sort of ****, if you throw "A New Hope" on top of it.

#6 "HOPE FLOATS" 1998

One couldn't help but think of something else that floats when looking at the title of this film.

#5 "JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER" 1966

This film is bad from top to bottom. I just can't imagine a boy in 1966 getting excited about seeing this showdown of titans. What the hell? Its like they just pulled 2 names out of the "Crappy Character Hat" and were forced to make a movie about it on a dare. The same director, William Beaudine (who had a remarkably long career going back to 1910!), also directed "Billy The Kid Meets Dracula" the same year! Yep, 1966 was a golden time for ****ty cowboy vs. monster films. It's too bad that he died before he could finish "Doc Holliday vs. The Creature From The Black Lagoon's Retarded Sister."

#4 "GLEAMING THE CUBE" 1989

More a euphemism for masturbation than a title for a film, this movie took a supposed "well known" term to appeal to hard core skaters, and just made them laugh. So ridiculous, the title was, that it was renamed "A Brother's Justice" when it was released on network television. And now you know...the rest of the story!

#3 "MANOS: HANDS OF FATE" 1966

Certainly, if were not for the Mystery Science Theater treatment of this film, nobody would have ever heard of "Manos: Hands of Fate" which when translated completely from Spanish means "Hands: Hands of Fate".

#2 "ATTACK OF THE CLONES" 2002

It takes a lot to turn Star Wars fans against the great George Lucas, but months before the film was released, they rallied against the ridiculous subtitle of Episode 2 with more fury than the news that N*SYNC was going to guest star in the film. "Prelude to Darkness" even "Nerds In Paradise" would have been a better subtitle than "Attack of The Clones".

#1 "THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES" 1963

Yes, the same man that brought you "Rat Pfink A Boo Boo" brought you this incomprehensibly titled film. The film's director, Ray Dennis Steckler, originally titled the film "The Incredibly Strange Creature: Or Why I stopped Living and Became a Mixed-up Zombie", but under legal threats from Columbia Pictures, who felt it was too close to their upcoming Stanley Kubrick film, "Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb." The director actually called Columbia, outraged, and demanded to speak to Kubrick himself, who ultimately got on, and was satisfied with his new title suggestion.

Posters added:
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Scream If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth . . .

. . . and then someone got silly and made up . . .

Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh-Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead, Part Two: in Shocking 2D.

 

[Blackie Malone]

I've always been partial to the movie Nice Girls Don't Explode.

You've been through my movie library haven't you?