What are your darkest fears?

[Esclava]

<snip>... Although I am grateful for the love I have known, my biggest fear is that I will spend the rest of my life alone because I refuse to settle.

That's a frightening thing to hear, but please believe you are not alone in those feelings.

What's even more frightening is: if you look anything like your av, it is a shame that beautiful women must choose between being alone and settling for something they don't want.

Esclava

 

[chagrin]

That's a frightening thing to hear, but please believe you are not alone in those feelings.

What's even more frightening is: if you look anything like your av, it is a shame that beautiful women must choose between being alone and settling for something they don't want.

Esclava

What a warm, wonderful and wise woman you are, thank you

Upon reflection, I don't fear being on my own so much as I fear being involved in the wrong relationship again, whether it be vanilla or D/s.

 

[Ucellis]

i agree with some statements in here. I fear marring like my mom and settling for someone you feel safe with, then fearing being alone years later because you grow into only knowing that life.

or being stuck in a bad relationship but feeling its my fault and that that person is the only one will love me again.. i always go into relationships fearing them.. hopeing they wont turn out that way again.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

submissive switch..

fear of needles.. stems back to highschool when a doctor pricked me with novicaine and carved a hole in my side.. and then cauterized it all in his lil' office... the entire... just feel of it all freaked me out so bad. Oh and it was done with my mothers permission while I was crying no...stop.. and wait.. so yeah.. attempt to get near me with a needle at your own peril...

don't fear any animals.. none.. sharks, large carnivouse...fascinate.. healthy respect.. no fear...

heights.. nope grew up on airplanes..

Trains!... never been on a train and got to see a train de-rail up close and personal once... not excatly afraid.. but cautiouse and will avoid rideing in one if I can.

the dark.. nope...

ah.. the cold.. I fear dieing of hypothermia... I'm already super sensitive to hot/cold.. and I've gotten frostbite a few times.. lucky no perminent damage. But yeah... no thank you...

drunk/drugged/insane individulas... fear... yeeep.. to much of a loose cannon...

don't fear being alone.. but I do fear ending up with someone I don't love, or doesn't love me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

A good bump?

 

[HottieMama]

submissive...

Large dogs...was bitten in the face/side of the head by a German Shepard in my late teens. Ever since that, i tend to "freeze" if i see a large dog.

Heights...Positively paranoid. i won't climb ladders and i will only stand on a chair if absolutely necessary. Obviously, i am a JOY at an amusement park.

Clowns...They're creepy little fuckers. My children will never go see a circus with me.

Illegal Drugs...They almost killed me. They killed two of my closest friends, and my absolute best friend got HIV as a result of irresponsible behavior in his addiction. Yeah, drugs pretty much fucking suck.

Anyone who has been convicted of domestic violence (trying to be careful how i word this...) My ex beat the crap out of me. Been out of that situation for almost 6 years, and there mere thought of associating with abusers makes me cringe...and brings me back to that scary place in my mind.

Not living long enough to see my boys grown up with families/lives of their own.

Losing the people in my life that love me, or the ones i love not loving me back.

 

[Homburg]

Deep ocean. For some reason I am afraid of it. Someone mentioned being afraid of things large and submerged. Yup, creeps me out. Not sure why.

I am afraid that something dire will happen to those I love, and that I will not be there to prevent it.

The first is mildly rational, in that being in deep ocean water is not conducive to survival. The second is totally rational, in that no one wants something bad to happen to those they love. The irrational part is how badly it affects me at times.

Heights don't bother me at all, though I dislike ladders.

That said, I've neve encountered anything that has frightened me into inactivity or breakdown. I've faced many things that I could be fears, and handled myself perfectly well (fire, animal attack, serious car crash, motorcycle accident, etc). I mention the ocean because it makes me nervous when I think about it, and has popped up in nightmares. And I mention the fear that something bad will happen and I won't be there to stop it because, well, I worry about that. A good bit.

Nothing causes me to seize up though. Never has. And I have no real fear for my own well-being. Death will happen someday. *shrug* Hopefully it will happen before age robs me of my relevance.

 

[FurryFury]

Doms, subs, switches and those unclassifiable or whom refuse to be classified,

What are your darkest fear?

Which of them do you consider irrational and which are rational?

Are any of them hold overs from childhood and are do you think any are true phobias?

Please mention whether you think of yourself as dom, sub, switch or something else in your answer.

I consider myself a sub.

My darkest fear would be the loss of my kids. A close second is the loss of anyone I love and care for such as, but not limited to, my husband.

I don't know if that would be rational or irrational, we all know people die everyday. I am not in the all too comforting state of mind that most people live in, thinking that only happens to other people.

I do think I've always felt abandoned in some way, sometimes through death by the people I love. So I'd say it certainly may have started from childhood.

I remember having nightmares about losing the car keys or the themometers when my Dad was sick and needed to get to the hopital of have his temp taken. I would wake up and begin to really look for these items before eventually realizing they were merely a terrible nightmare.

I don't consider it a phobia because I know I can deal with most loss, (well, I'm not sure about the kids, honestly, I'm not) I simply, strongly, do NOT want to.

 

[JMohegan]

Who was it said that the only thing to fear was fear itself?

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."

Franklin D. Roosevelt
Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933

 

[JMohegan]

Nothing?

Not a lack of meaning, or staying up at night wondering where you went wrong, or the big nothing that might be the long dirt nap, or falling off a roof in the middle of Ohio, or becoming homeless, or that your children will hate you, or that the femsub you were talking to online is a hairy guy named Skip in West Texas, or losing everything to a bank computer crash, or that terrorists will take out the Brooklyn Bridge....

nothing?

I am, and always have been, claustrophobic.

Beyond that, at this point, no. There is nothing.

This isn't bravado. It's just what happens when the worst happens, and after that, deep down, you just don't care any more. A fundamental change in perspective. It's very liberating, in a way. Really.

 

[Netzach]

Maybe I've not hit bottom. I've had some pretty shitty times since last posting.

I still fucking hate planes and I have additions to my list. ileostomy, steroids again, hospitalization.

I don't spend much time on them, and I don't let it keep me up at night much, and it's not like it rules me. Maybe other people call that a point of overcoming them, I really just make peace with it. It's OK to react to being told "we may have to do an ileostomy" when you're 33 with something like dread.

 

[LittleJade]

I am switch.

Strangulation/suffocation/drowning is my greatest fear. Part of it has to do with weird other-life memories, and part of it has to do with nearly being murdered by strangulation when I was 19.

Following that, however, I have ridiculous claustrophobia. I can go in elevators and such, but the second one stops, or the ride is a bit rough, or anything, I start to head towards a panic attack.

 

[BBWcanBsexy2]

Doms, subs, switches and those unclassifiable or whom refuse to be classified,

What are your darkest fear? Which of them do you consider irrational and which are rational? Are any of them hold overs from childhood and are do you think any are true phobias?

Please mention whether you think of yourself as dom, sub, switch or something else in your answer.

I am definitly a "switcher", enjoy both roles greatly.

My darkest fear would be to completely give in to my fantacey to be completely submissive (to I have no clue who) - and be hurt anally. I can take pain just about anywhere or any how - except anally - and yes, that is from childhood.

It is not a phobia, I like anal when done right (lots of lube and ease), but it is the the one single pain in life's entireity that I can not handle, i will break down and cry and scream from pain nearly instantly if it's not done right.

 

[EmpressFi]

dying.... well actually being murdered.

of losing Master. Not just saying that, he knows this, I even have nightmares about him deciding that living apart as part of a poly couple is for the birds and that he doesnt love me anymore..

Getting cancer - of any form.

Crowds of people - not being able to escape from them.

 

[Mazuri]

What are your darkest fear? Which of them do you consider irrational and which are rational? Are any of them hold overs from childhood and are do you think any are true phobias?

Please mention whether you think of yourself as dom, sub, switch or something else in your answer.

Will answer the last question first with "unclassified explorer" More sub than anything else, if pressed to be particular, but for the moment, I am having too much fun getting informed (so I can pounce my hubby when he gets home in January) to really worry about labels.

As for fears...unfortunately I have several but am working on them:

Claustrophobia - I had to have a light sensitivity allergy test that was 3 minutes of pure panic and torture. This is where they put you in a small columnar box thingie and zap you with UV rays to see if you react...the column was about 5" from my body all the way around and I couldn't touch it, had to have my head covered to protect my eyes, etc. I came out of it a wreck and worse off than ever. I can't be in tight places where I feel like I can't get away quickly, such as narrow tunnels in caves (and I love caving). If my shower is too warm, even it can give me issues.

Crowds - I don't know if it's a fear or just extreme discomfort, but I hate crowds. My daughter is in the band so I go to all the games to watch her play, but the crowds are killing me. I have to sit on an aisle seat so I can get away quickly if need be. I can't be boxed in. Malls are horrible and I refuse to shop after Thanksgiving due to the crowds unless it's necessary...like groceries.

Heights - this one is more recent as I did NOT have it as a child. I was fearless, climbing trees, rock walls, etc. Now, I get nauseous looking over the edge of a cliff and rope bridges and even indoor rock walls are impossible.

As for the whys...well, my theory is that I have recently started facing certain things that happened in my past and as I work through them, the stress of facing everything is evolving into these other fears. So I'm hoping that, in time, these too will fade as I get more secure in myself (my husband has been amazing through all this).

 

[LittleJade]

dying.... well actually being murdered.

of losing Master. Not just saying that, he knows this, I even have nightmares about him deciding that living apart as part of a poly couple is for the birds and that he doesnt love me anymore..

Getting cancer - of any form.

Crowds of people - not being able to escape from them.

I've never understood the fear of death...

death itself holds no fear for me. The actions leading to it- as you say, murder... yes, that holds some fear. I'd like to die in my sleep.

 

[BBWcanBsexy2]

I've never understood the fear of death...

death itself holds no fear for me. The actions leading to it- as you say, murder... yes, that holds some fear. I'd like to die in my sleep.

I agree on the fear of death thing - I am not afraid of death itself, but the way I would die. Dieing in my sleep is actually scarey for me, as well as being trapped underwater (like in a sinking boat). I think I would much rather see it comming and it be fast - like being shot in the head - quick and painless and if the person is any sence of concious at all, he'd listen to your last words first. I actually would almost rather die from a drug OD from morphine or some other drug - quick and painless again, but you are semi-contious for a bit and prolly realize you're going to die and have thoes few moments to think of the happiest moment of your life so you can go at peace.

 

[SouthernDom]

Doms, subs, switches and those unclassifiable or whom refuse to be classified,

What are your darkest fear? Which of them do you consider irrational and which are rational? Are any of them hold overs from childhood and are do you think any are true phobias?

Please mention whether you think of yourself as dom, sub, switch or something else in your answer.

My two greatest fears flip flop in importance,depending on the situation.

#1 would be losing my mental health or dying before I can see my son grown and prepared to survive on his own in this evil fucking world we live in today.

#2 would be the loss of my son.................truly the only thing that could possibily destroy me while I'm still alive.

Being a Dominant in every sense of the word and controlling my surroundings and my own life path since before adulthood I find it troubling to face the things in life that I truly have little control over.................terminal/debilitating disease and accidental death of me or my loved ones being the two big guns in the scenario.

As far as the rest of my minor fears?

I'll adapt and overcome those on a case by case basis as I always have.

If it's not life threatening I really don't get all busted up inside over it.................

 

[SubKekiLee]

Doms, subs, switches and those unclassifiable or whom refuse to be classified,

What are your darkest fear? Which of them do you consider irrational and which are rational? Are any of them hold overs from childhood and are do you think any are true phobias?

Please mention whether you think of yourself as dom, sub, switch or something else in your answer.

I am a submissive to the core.. My biggest fears are

1) Losing my loved ones, espically my children before I feel it is time to say goodbye

2) Dying from a tragic reason, or illness

3) Trusting someone and getting hurt by them

 

[JMohegan]

My two greatest fears flip flop in importance,depending on the situation.

#1 would be losing my mental health or dying before I can see my son grown and prepared to survive on his own in this evil fucking world we live in today.

#2 would be the loss of my son.................truly the only thing that could possibily destroy me while I'm still alive.

Being a Dominant in every sense of the word and controlling my surroundings and my own life path since before adulthood I find it troubling to face the things in life that I truly have little control over.................terminal/debilitating disease and accidental death of me or my loved ones being the two big guns in the scenario.

As far as the rest of my minor fears?

I'll adapt and overcome those on a case by case basis as I always have.

If it's not life threatening I really don't get all busted up inside over it.................

Please pardon me for getting all absurdist on you, but this post gets right to the heart of what I was trying to say.

You are troubled by the realization that the more important something is, the less control you really have over it. The unsettling suspicion that ultimately, control itself is just an illusion.

But when this illusion is really, completely, utterly stripped from your consciousness, then the fear itself is gone. Hence the "enlightening" comment at the end of the classic by Camus.


"And, indeed, as he listened to the cries of joy rising from the town, Rieux remembered that such joy is always imperiled. He knew what these jubilant crowds did not know but could have learned by books: that the plague bacillus never dies or disappears for good; that it can lie dormant for years and years in furniture and linen-chests; that it bides its time in bedrooms, cellars, trunks, and bookshelves; and that perhaps the day would come when, for the bane and the enlightening of men, it would rouse up its rats again and send them forth to die in a happy city."

Albert Camus
The Plague

 

[the captians wench]

*stalks JM*


*giggles*

 

[malinborn]

My darkest fear is being alone
i don't mind it for a little while, relaxing at home alone, but being alone... not having someone to be with emotionally as well

 

[LittleJade]

I agree on the fear of death thing - I am not afraid of death itself, but the way I would die. Dieing in my sleep is actually scarey for me, as well as being trapped underwater (like in a sinking boat). I think I would much rather see it comming and it be fast - like being shot in the head - quick and painless and if the person is any sence of concious at all, he'd listen to your last words first. I actually would almost rather die from a drug OD from morphine or some other drug - quick and painless again, but you are semi-contious for a bit and prolly realize you're going to die and have thoes few moments to think of the happiest moment of your life so you can go at peace.

Most often, those who are saved from an OD- those who died but were revived.. those who lose consciousness but don't die... don't recall remembering their happiest times- most report that their last moments were something like "wait! I want to live!"

I couldn't die underwater... one of my biggest fears is drowning.

But silently in my sleep? Sure. My heart just stops? No problem. I have a brain anneurism? Why not?

The ones who murder don't always stop to hear last words. Trust me on that one.

 

[Netzach]

\

But when this illusion is really, completely, utterly stripped from your consciousness, then the fear itself is gone. Hence the "enlightening" comment at the end of the classic by Camus.


"And, indeed, as he listened to the cries of joy rising from the town, Rieux remembered that such joy is always imperiled. He knew what these jubilant crowds did not know but could have learned by books: that the plague bacillus never dies or disappears for good; that it can lie dormant for years and years in furniture and linen-chests; that it bides its time in bedrooms, cellars, trunks, and bookshelves; and that perhaps the day would come when, for the bane and the enlightening of men, it would rouse up its rats again and send them forth to die in a happy city."

Albert Camus
The Plague

I hang with people who intellectually understand this. But I haven't met any bodhisattvas who hold it perpetually in their minds under all duress yet. I lost my best childhood friend to a car wreck when she was 19. I'm amazed at how her mom, one of our few family friends, has accepted and held up, and gone on -- as much as anyone could ever have. I don't think that changes her momentary lurch of fear if her younger daughter shows up an hour late or her reaction of fear if she were to get seriously ill. Understandings notwithstanding.

 

[Netzach]

repost , bah