What Are You Nosey About Today?? 🦝

[shenglung]

You didn't mention this, but I'm also nosey about dreams.. Especially after reading a couple posts from people who don't have problems sleeping - do you dream and remember them?

When I remember them, I have very vivid dreams, sometimes they can get very emotional & it carries with me when I wake up. And in the last few years, I've been remembering more and more of them.

For me I either don't remember dreaming or I go to the other extreme and realize I'm dreaming when I start to have them. At that point I either immediately wake up or I start influencing my dream and reshape it how I want.

Rarely I do have a nightmare once in a blue moon if something is really distressing me. Those are the worst cause I realize I'm dreaming immediately but can't force myself awake.

 

[DCJealous]

You didn't mention this, but I'm also nosey about dreams.. Especially after reading a couple posts from people who don't have problems sleeping - do you dream and remember them?

When I remember them, I have very vivid dreams, sometimes they can get very emotional & it carries with me when I wake up. And in the last few years, I've been remembering more and more of them.

Like a lot of people, I’ve found I am having more vivid dreams — or remembering them a lot more — since the start of the pandemic. I don’t know if my brain is trying to compensate for the lack of other interaction, or what. But my dreams are more easily remembered now than ever.

 

[Chillygirl]

Sleep...I have RA so lots of painsomnia...sucks. Getting a full restful night of sleep takes serious pain meds and I hate those so I just wake up every couple of hours.

Dreams...depends on the quality of sleep and when I do have them it’s very real and intense.

Apologies...I feel like I’m good about sincerely apologizing when I realize or I’m told I’ve hurt someone. I can be stubborn though when I feel I wasn’t in the wrong. And lord help me if someone apologizes to me by saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” I will lose my shit...that’s not an apology. I’m also horrible about holding grudges, I will be petty af and it’s truly pathetic and embarrassing.

 

[shenglung]

I'm nosey about apologies. do you find it hard to say you are sorry? When you are? What about when you don't think you did anything wrong...but someone else feels that you did. What do you do then?

If I know I made a mistake I try to own up to it and talk it out with the wronged party. I'll then apologize as necessary. If I don't feel I did anything wrong I ask what they feel I've done and try to see it from there perspective. Then calmly explain my view, and see how we both feel after that.

 

[DCJealous]

I'm nosey about apologies. do you find it hard to say you are sorry? When you are? What about when you don't think you did anything wrong...but someone else feels that you did. What do you do then?

I do find it hard to say I’m sorry. The hardest is sometimes when so much time has elapsed that either I know or suspect the person I’ve wronged won’t want to hear my apology. But all that happens then is more time goes on during which I haven’t apologized.

 

[saustin5432]

“I’m sorry you feel that way”

Want to trigger me? THIS.

 

[BadAmy]

Sleep...I have RA so lots of painsomnia...sucks. Getting a full restful night of sleep takes serious pain meds and I hate those so I just wake up every couple of hours.

Dreams...depends on the quality of sleep and when I do have them it’s very real and intense.

Apologies...I feel like I’m good about sincerely apologizing when I realize or I’m told I’ve hurt someone. I can be stubborn though when I feel I wasn’t in the wrong. And lord help me if someone apologizes to me by saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” I will lose my shit...that’s not an apology. I’m also horrible about holding grudges, I will be petty af and it’s truly pathetic and embarrassing.

I bolded that particular phrase.
Holy shit. That sends me,too.

 

[BadAmy]

I'm with you guys too about apologies needing to be heartfelt.
Also, an apology is two things. Admission of error, and attempt to make it right. To me anyway.
If someone feels slighted by me, and I didn't know I slighted them, It's still on me to apologize for making them feel that way, and still find out what I did, to rectify it.
It's not okay to argue with someone who feels wronged by me. It may have been a misunderstanding, but their feelings are valid. Their cause may need to be discovered, but they are feeling real feelings, and that shouldn't be dismissed.
Aaaaand...that goes both ways.
I swear it sends me sideways when I say, "hey, you really hurt me" and I hear..."no I didn't." Or some passive evasion of my feelings.
Ffs I'm the one feeling it! You just can't disagree with how I feel or dismiss it so you can avoid facing the possibility you did something bad.
Grrr.

 

[Azuldrgon]

You didn't mention this, but I'm also nosey about dreams.. Especially after reading a couple posts from people who don't have problems sleeping - do you dream and remember them?

When I remember them, I have very vivid dreams, sometimes they can get very emotional & it carries with me when I wake up. And in the last few years, I've been remembering more and more of them.

I don't dream as much anymore. It's kinda sad.

I'm nosey about apologies. do you find it hard to say you are sorry? When you are? What about when you don't think you did anything wrong...but someone else feels that you did. What do you do then?

Apology is nothing without change. I try to apologize quickly when I screw up. If I didn't screw up, I try to find out why they think I screwed up. If I did something that messed someone else up, I do apologize, but I also probably allow them to vent.

 

[Jd192235]

I’ve been contemplating on this exact thing the last couple of days also. I am big on owning your shit. Owning your mistakes and taking responsibility. I think being able to do that, though, takes the ability to self-reflect and many of us don’t have that - particularly in the heights of emotional response.

I think apologies go a long way to healing, but if they don’t come with some form of making amends, or communication, or further understanding they can be empty and useless for that healing.

Apologies that are given solely to heal or absolve the person giving it of their ‘crime’ and make themselves feel better, with no real remorse or desire to make amends or help the other person heal? I have a real issue with those. I feel like they’re sometimes as difficult to hear as the original behaviour.

If I don’t think I did anything wrong? Someone is still hurt and feeling like I did…and I don’t get to decide how they feel. I get to decide how I work with them through that though. An apology may not be what I feel is needed but maybe a communication to understand where they are coming from is and I’d go from there. I might get to a place where I can see their point of view. Who knows.

Well said rain….. ok apology accepted!

 

[SassySheDevil]

I’ve been contemplating on this exact thing the last couple of days also. I am big on owning your shit. Owning your mistakes and taking responsibility. I think being able to do that, though, takes the ability to self-reflect and many of us don’t have that - particularly in the heights of emotional response.

I think apologies go a long way to healing, but if they don’t come with some form of making amends, or communication, or further understanding they can be empty and useless for that healing.

Apologies that are given solely to heal or absolve the person giving it of their ‘crime’ and make themselves feel better, with no real remorse or desire to make amends or help the other person heal? I have a real issue with those. I feel like they’re sometimes as difficult to hear as the original behaviour.

If I don’t think I did anything wrong? Someone is still hurt and feeling like I did…and I don’t get to decide how they feel. I get to decide how I work with them through that though. An apology may not be what I feel is needed but maybe a communication to understand where they are coming from is and I’d go from there. I might get to a place where I can see their point of view. Who knows.

This is perfect. Goes along with forgiveness. I learned a long time ago that forgiveness can allow us to move on quicker. Forgiveness isn't always for the other person. It's for yourself. So you can let go and move on.

When I know I did something wrong. I always try and apologize. It might not always be the best apology. But I always try. If I didn't know. But they tell me I hurt them. I still try and apologize. Because. All feelings are valid.

 

[Mei5ter]

I'm nosey about apologies. do you find it hard to say you are sorry? When you are? What about when you don't think you did anything wrong...but someone else feels that you did. What do you do then?

Depends. If it's a question of something I've consciously done, and someone is hurt or upset through my action, I'll almost always apologise. Whether or not I meant to hurt or upset them.

If someone is upset because of something I haven't done, and couldn't reasonably have been expected to do, then no. For example, if I had fallen for PLP and chosen to express this by posting lots of wistful, anonymous stuff in threads she didn't normally look in, I might feel upset that she hadn't noticed and understood. But I wouldn't have any reasonable grounds to expect an apology from her, would I?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

There is no normal.

Accurate

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Depends. If it's a question of something I've consciously done, and someone is hurt or upset through my action, I'll almost always apologise. Whether or not I meant to hurt or upset them.

If someone is upset because of something I haven't done, and couldn't reasonably have been expected to do, then no. For example, if I had fallen for PLP and chosen to express this by posting lots of wistful, anonymous stuff in threads she didn't normally look in, I might feel upset that she hadn't noticed and understood. But I wouldn't have any reasonable grounds to expect an apology from her, would I?

I tend to agree here. If I've done something to hurt someone even inadvertently I would love the opportunity to apologize. But it's very situational dependent.

I'm thinking of my mother who is extremely manipulative and narcissistic and who will go.out of her way to find reasons to be "hurt" so that she can get her way. I learned to be very careful in apologizing for things. She takes an apology as an admission of guilt or malicious intent.

I'm also very thick sometimes when it comes to saying or doing something that I might think is funny or fine and accidentally hurting someone's feelings. I hope people will communicate if I've done that and give me the chance to make it right.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

I’m nosey about how often “normal” married people with no children have sex. I have heard once a week and I’ve heard 2-3 times a week.

If they are still in love and lust , as often as their time table will accommodate. If they are settled in to a routine of everyday life and are still in lust . The same. It’s not a numbers answer . It’s a when they want to answer.

 

[Chillygirl]

If they are still in love and lust , as often as their time table will accommodate. If they are settled in to a routine of everyday life and are still in lust . The same. It’s not a numbers answer . It’s a when they want to answer.

I’m just here to comment on the AV...nice choice..Clay Matthews

 

[AveryElle]

I’m nosey about how often “normal” married people with no children have sex. I have heard once a week and I’ve heard 2-3 times a week.

There is no normal.

Bingo. I feel like the expectation that you have it X times a week makes lots of people feel really bad - especially women.

(And don’t you know, married couples with kids have sex all the time! )

 

[AveryElle]

ROFL, that’s not what my friends with kids tell me!

I’m a married person with kid(s) and have sex all the time. BUT it’s different sex because we lack time, real privacy, and any energy. Married without kids? Sex would actually be less often BUT a more involved affair. Hours on a Saturday with accoutrements, for example. Ain’t got time for that now. But it’s worth it to me. We make time for longer sessions but they’re very rarely organic like before children.

That said, it wasn’t always often and I suffered from fairly bad post partum physical and mental problems so we went without for a long time. Also after IVF, you don’t want to do anything to risk a pregnancy so any sex was general without kinks and mostly perfunctory. But there is no normal. If you’re happy with twice a week, great. If you want more or less, great. People lie about how much they’re having anyway.

 

[AveryElle]

We may have to do IVF due to my age. Not looking forward to it.
I’m glad you’re good at carving out time for each other. Most of my friends run themselves ragged carting the kids to practices, parties, etc, so they have no energy left for each other. I don’t want that to happen to us.

Parenting is incredibly difficult. And many are happy doing that. If you actually want kids and have any IVF questions, my PMs are always open. You can’t have sex after a retrieve or transfer so set expectations now

 

[hairball18]

I'm with you guys too about apologies needing to be heartfelt.
Also, an apology is two things. Admission of error, and attempt to make it right. To me anyway.
If someone feels slighted by me, and I didn't know I slighted them, It's still on me to apologize for making them feel that way, and still find out what I did, to rectify it.
It's not okay to argue with someone who feels wronged by me. It may have been a misunderstanding, but their feelings are valid. Their cause may need to be discovered, but they are feeling real feelings, and that shouldn't be dismissed.
Aaaaand...that goes both ways.
I swear it sends me sideways when I say, "hey, you really hurt me" and I hear..."no I didn't." Or some passive evasion of my feelings.
Ffs I'm the one feeling it! You just can't disagree with how I feel or dismiss it so you can avoid facing the possibility you did something bad.
Grrr.

BadAmy turns into madAmy. Don't get her growling.

 

[Chillygirl]

Everyone’s typical Sunday routine.

Food prep meals for the week and football here.

 

[Cogan]

Everyone’s typical Sunday routine.

Food prep meals for the week and football here.

Preparing things so the week will be as smooth as possible and trying to relax as well.

And always a pasta meal for dinner on Sundays. Pasta Puttanesca today.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

I’m nosey about who’s a football widow or widower. In the I’m watching the game leave me alone sense.

During the season and if your spouse or SO is a serious fan what do you do during that time.

 

[Trekka]

I’m nosey bout what’s going on around here.
I’m out of the loop.
I want scandals.
Scoops.
Salacious stories.

 

[ydahecnot]

I’m nosey about where in the heck Trekka has been.

Since you have been gone, e-boning is the new term being run into the ground, and there are daily Ask Me Anything threads, a new person each day