What a bitch! How dare she?!

[Lovepotion69]

I just found out one of my best friend's girlfriend has been two-timing him behind his back.

He lives in Thailand and she's studying here in London. She's the longest relationship and most serious one he's had (1.5 years), he paid for her trips back and forth between London-Bangkok (app. 4 times/year) and he'd visit her a couple of times per year too. On top of this he saw a future for them, and was putting downpayments on land for building their future house, flew her over for looking at blue prints and he'd give her the house of her dreams. Apparently he also started pulling some strings for some buiness between Thailand and Taiwan so she could have a job after graduating.

So, the bitch apparently has been seen by schoolmates for 2-3 months now out and about with some other guy. Finally a friend told him and he of course wasn't too thrilled.
Apparently they spoke on the phone and she had admitted to seeing this other guy. Told him they hadn't done anything sexually, but that the other guy was nice, more sensitive and more romantic. Another friend was visiting him, and he figured as he had already fixed her Valentine's day gift (printed out every email they'd ever written and had it binded into a book) the friend might as well give it to her. She got the gift and then called him to yell at him that he was "insensitive", and that she was also hurt blah blah blah. So he tells her they might still be able to stay friends, and that she should just give him the amount she finds suitable for all the flights he paid for. I have a feeling he won't see shit of that money.

Grrrr.....

/LP

 

[NorthwestRain]

He can't really expect that money back.
That's life, sometimes it rocks, sometimes it sucks. At least he's in Thailand where there are millions of gorgeous women around!

 

[Liontamr]

For every "Men are asses" story, I'm sure there are just as many "Women are bitches" stories.

That's too bad for the guy.. believe me there is nothing worse than finding out from a friend that the woman you love is being unfaithful.

 

[Bindii]

Its painful but better he found out now rather than later.

 

[perks]

I broke up with an ex fiancee and paid him back.

I hope she does. It respects what they did have at one point. If she doesn't, it's sad, but it's a cheaper lesson than if they'd actually formed a life together.

Long Distance is difficult.

 

[ksmybuttons]

So have you talked with her and got her side of the story? I bet there is one.

Ask her about her loneliness. Ask her about what her needs are. I know he is your friend and he thinks he got screwed. Could he have loved someone so unworthy, or did she just need more?

Sad situation, but...

 

[Liontamr]

Sorry ksmybuttons, but that's not an excuse for how she acted. If she was feeling lonely, then fine.. But tell the poor guy about it. Don't wait for a friend to tell your boyfriend what's going on.

Why didn't she first talked to her man and said "Hey look, this is how I feel.. and despite your efforts to visit me as much as you can I still feel that way... Now lets talk this over." But instead she goes and starts seeing other guys without telling him? And then when confronted with it by the boyfriend, he gets told the guy she is seeing now is more romantic?

Sorry.. this topic hits just a little too close to the heart for me. There has been more than one occasion where all I wanted was a woman to tell me how they felt or at least "dump" me before seeing another guy.

 

[Lovepotion69]

I too find that it sucks, but yeah, that's life at times. I just feel really bad for him. I know the feeling. I'm very happy he found out quite early on. I do believe she loved him genuinely up until this guy came into the picture. I can understand the issue of long distance too as I've been there myself. (Though I admit that if she travels to Thailand every bloody school break and he visits her equally often, she's been having it a hell lot better than most long distance relationships).

I don't know her version, and that's what I told my friend who told me this. I'm sure she has one, and well, sometimes things just happen. The only thing that I don't like is that she didn't tell him as soon as it started happening. She should have told him, not have a third party tell him. THAT is the part I don't like. It's about respect for the person and what you had. Be honest, even if it's bad news. I prefer that. And if I'd been her I would have told him I might not be able to pay all the flights off, but that I'd like to pay at least what I could. Kinda a symbolical sum to show him that I know and appreciated what he did.

 

[WaxNWane]

Sorry ksmybuttons, but that's not an excuse for how she acted.

Yep. No excuse, no explanation, no nothing. Even if both people in a relationship are cheating, it's still entirely wrong on both counts. You should have your genitals removed, because you don't deserve them anymore.

Some things don't even remotely need a grey area.

 

[Lovepotion69]

I have to agree with LT. I've been in a similar situation. For me it's not about what happened between her and the guy really. I can't help it if he/she feels something, but at least have the decency and respect to tell me straight to my face.

Sorry, this is a very strong opinion I have since it happened to me. Call me what you want, say what you want, slap me, stick me with a knife, do whatever, as long as you do it to my face.

/LP

 

[zetacon4]

I agree with you. I could enumerate so many things wrong with that relationship. It was doomed from the start. They were both too young and unprepared for that adventure to ever make it work.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Liontamr, I was not saying that she handled it well, but I don't know what type of confrontation they had either. Was he accusatory to her that put her on a defensive? Did she actively pursue a relationship with this guy at school or were they buddies? Had she made any decisions regarding the relationship with the guy in Thailand when he confronted her?

I don't know. There are two sides of every story.

My guess is that she is younger than the guy in Thailand and maybe not in the same relationship space.

 

[Liontamr]

Call me what you want, say what you want, slap me, stick me with a knife, do whatever, as long as you do it to my face.

Exactly.. Be a real person, look at my face and say "it's over" Hell, go ahead and say "I may have found someone better, so before I date him I'm going to dump you."

If you don't care about me anymore, then say so. If you no longer feel an attchment towards me, then tell me. If you can't stand to look at me, then at least let me know before ignoring my ass for good.

Anything done face to face is better than seeing another man, then finding out through someone whats going on. Or as I have experienced here on Lit, having a woman just outright ignore you without reason.

 

[LukkyKnight]

He can't really expect that money back.
That's life, sometimes it rocks, sometimes it sucks...

Perky, you're amazing. I can see if there was some sort of loan where there might be a payback, but for travel he paid for? Wow. I certainly would fall over if I ever saw a dime of such money.

 

[Alas Poor Yorick]

I have to agree with LT. I've been in a similar situation. For me it's not about what happened between her and the guy really. I can't help it if he/she feels something, but at least have the decency and respect to tell me straight to my face.

Sorry, this is a very strong opinion I have since it happened to me. Call me what you want, say what you want, slap me, stick me with a knife, do whatever, as long as you do it to my face.

/LP

My ex and I went through something similar. I moved to California from Connecticut and we both realized, seperatly, that it was time for each of us to move on. She wanted to get married and I would rather wait. Anyway, six months went by and we were still together, and she came out to visit me. We had a wonderful time together and at the end of her stay we talked about our future together and realized that there really wasn't one. So we broke off the relationship and remained friends. Anyway the point of the story is that we did it face to face. Both our friends and families were telling us that we should just do it over the phone, but it would not have been fair to either of us that way. I needed to say it right to her face and she needed to give me a hug once it was over. That is how a break up should be.