What’s your best example example of “show don’t tell and paste a good example.

[Brutal_One]

If you want to write emotional stories that engage your readers you are advised to write more show not tell in your stories. It let’s the reader engage more to fill in the picture. Paste your best examples of using this technique from your stories.

Brutal One

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I'm very sorry, but I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Might you be able to start us off with an example of your own, please?

 

[Euphony]

I'm very sorry, but I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Might you be able to start us off with an example of your own, please?

My assumption here is the OP is struggling with the concept and asking for examples in hopes of one striking a particular chord I'm assuming a google search of the theory has not.

K.M. Weiland has some good examples of various writerly concepts I've found landed with me particularly well. Didn't struggle with S v. T so can't say if it's illuminating but a cursory overview, it looks as solid as her other concept guides.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Three paragraphs only, remember. Might not be enough to illustrate the concept.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I need to do show and less tell, but maybe something like this, instead of saying directly 'Susan is nervous' although I did plenty of that in prior paragraphs.

Once she'd finished typing out another quick message of thanks, she looked around to see what Carl was doing. He'd paid the bill and was outside on the phone, presumably trying to offload the tickets. Fiscal responsibility, she thought to herself: a good trait in a potential life partner, but quite annoying in a one-night stand. She was dying for him to come back and tell her what the rest of the evening had in store -- apart from the hopefully obvious, of course.

She pulled out her little mirror from her bag and checked her hair and make-up. Maybe she hadn't spent enough time and effort on it. This check was making her more self-conscious rather than less, so she decided that she could risk another sip of the wine. Having taken one, she looked around again, made sure that Carl was looking the other way, then downed the rest of the glass. To hide the crime, she then signalled to the waiter that he could begin the clean-up operation.

 

[Voboy]

Here's a hasty example I just wrote for this.

Show:

The sweat kept dripping into his eyes, and he was shocked to find that he was having trouble gripping the wheel; part of that was his sweaty palms, but then he was also shaking like a whore in church, completely unable to focus on the whizzing lane-lines through a mental haze that felt almost hallucinogenic in its intensity.

Small wonder, then, that he didn't even understand what was happening as the purring Lotus crossed the centerline once, then twice, the oncoming headlights of an oblivious Ford boring into his head at the last moment. He whipped the car back into his own lane with a cry, blinking away the perspiration, painfully aware that Belinda's pad was still ten miles away...

Tell:

He was feeling nervous and unfocused as he drove to Belinda's house, and it made him drive erratically.

 

[FelHarper]

Telling is relating a sequence of events:

Linda was in the kitchen making breakfast. I got up and went to her. I waited to see if she would notice me. I could tell she was sad, so I came up behind her and said hello. She was so surprised that she dropped her spatula. By the way, I’m a dog.

Compared to showing through description:

A soul-stirring aroma tickled the edge of my dreams. My eyes snapped open and one delicious, salty, savory concept filled my mind. BACON. I lifted my head off the fluffy bed and stood up. My claws tick-ticked on the floor as I crept into the kitchen.

Linda stood over the stove, staring down at the feast she was cooking, her shoulders slumped. Layered beneath the odor of ambrosia that wafted from the sizzling pan, I scented desolation, bitter and pungent. Linda’s shoulders shook and the faint scent of salt from her tears was nearly lost to me as drool slid down my jowls. I moved forward and, taking aim, stuck my snout between the great globes of fat on either side of her anus, inhaling as I did.

With a screech, Linda dropped her spatula and spun away from me. She said something that sounded mean, but then I wagged my tail when she said my name. I love you, too, Linda, I said, grinning and whipping my tail faster.

 

[Brutal_One]

Thanks for the relies. The way I understand it is show as mentioned is more descriptive and let’s the reader fill in the blanks so describing maybe with characters more how they look, expression, posture rather than telling how they feel. Similar with scenes where being more descriptive of a scene rather than telling the reader what scene they are seeing. With characters of course it’s the dialog in the main that tells the story but using show can describe what they might be feeling. Brutal One.

 

[Voboy]

One of the best examples I can remember from what I've read is the early chapters of Beyond Belief: A Chronicle of Murder and Its Detection, the somewhat lurid (and, alas, mostly-but-not-entirely-accurate) true crime story of the Moors Murders.

The author was Emlyn Williams, a Welsh playwright, and his opening pages are a tour de force of scene-setting, plunging the reader immediately into the atmosphere of Brady's and Hindley's vile Manchester.

It can be a difficult book to find, but man! that first chapter...

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Here's an intro of mine I noticed as being possibly relevant:

Info needing saying: "Let me tell you about myself. My name's Dan. I'm a tall blond lean dude, typical bloke into beer and football. I live in London. I used to live with a girlfriend until I had to break it to her I was actually gay. I hate Valentine's Day. Fact, fact, fact, boring, boring."

My story, still a bit of an info-dump but orders of magnitude better:
Valentine's Day. It's not been a highlight of my life over the years, never.
'Ooh, Dan, do you have a girlfriend?'
No.
'Oi, don't you even want a girlfriend?'
No.
'You a fucking poof?'
Probably. Well, yes. But let's try that girlfriend thing.
A year later, coming up to mid-February: I'm sorry, love. Everyone was right about me being just a great big poof.
Just because I look straight, tall with short blond curls, jeans, casual shirt, liking my beer and football, didn't mean I could do straight. I should have known.
Thank fuck, she's now happily married and all. Anyway, that was when I moved to London.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Here's an intro of mine I noticed as being possibly relevant:

Info needing saying: "Let me tell you about myself. My name's Dan. I'm a tall blond lean dude, typical bloke into beer and football. I live in London. I used to live with a girlfriend until I had to break it to her I was actually gay. I hate Valentine's Day. Fact, fact, fact, boring, boring."

My story, still a bit of an info-dump but orders of magnitude better:
Valentine's Day. It's not been a highlight of my life over the years, never.
'Ooh, Dan, do you have a girlfriend?'
No.
'Oi, don't you even want a girlfriend?'
No.
'You a fucking poof?'
Probably. Well, yes. But let's try that girlfriend thing.
A year later, coming up to mid-February: I'm sorry, love. Everyone was right about me being just a great big poof.
Just because I look straight, tall with short blond curls, jeans, casual shirt, liking my beer and football, didn't mean I could do straight. I should have known.
Thank fuck, she's now happily married and all. Anyway, that was when I moved to London.

Less of an example of 'show don't tell' and more an example of 'tellings fine if done right'?

 

[SimonDoom]

I read somewhere that a good test for whether it's showing, instead of telling, is the camera test: does the author narrate in a way that enables the reader to see what's going on?

Example:

Telling:
Dale was always shy with girls. Every time a girl approached him, he acted shy.

Showing:
Dale stood silently at the bar, drinking a beer. A statuesque blonde in a short skirt approached him.

"Buy me a drink?" she asked.

Dale said nothing. His mouth opened as though to speak, but no words came out. His skin flushed and his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, gasping for breath.

x x x x

There's no hard and fast rule against telling. Sometimes telling is useful to get through a scene faster or to provide a transition. If you showed everything, your story might be far too long.

"Show don't tell" is a good general guideline, just like the guideline "use active verbs," but it's even better when it's leavened with the guidelines "it depends" and "mix it up."

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Less of an example of 'show don't tell' and more an example of 'tellings fine if done right'?

I suppose so. Thing with definite show-not-tell is it has to be provided in small amounts over a long time, so doesn't really fit being posted in a single post here.

 

[SomaSlave]

Tell: George was new at this sort of thing and was nervous about what was about to happen.

Show:
“Hello, Sir. I hope you like what you see.”

“Very much, Soma. I haven’t seen a crossdresser before…I mean, in person. I’ve seen plenty online, of course…not that I spend all my time looking at crossdressers online…”

“Slow down, George,” Pete said. “We all know why we’re here; you don’t need to explain yourself. Soma here is a nice guy and he really wants to make you feel good. Don’t you, Soma?”


Bonus: This also sets up the central crisis of this episode.

 

[grey228]

I had an old idea to write a Link (Legend of Zelda ecchi warning) as a mute (since he's mute in most games). I didn't bother finishing it, but having a mute character will let you explore methods of "show, don't tell".

 

[karaline]

This isn't the best example of show not tell, but its an example that only spans a few lines and didn't take me too long to find.

‘Girl’

The voice, which came from somewhere behind me, was rich and deep and I hadn’t heard it before. I ignored it. I knew who it must belong to. He couldn’t possibly be speaking to me

‘Girl!’

I turned, and refilled the proffered tankard. He studied me, as if seeing me for the first time. His eyes traveled down to my feet and back up to my face. And I looked at the ground and stood, rooted to the spot. I could not leave until I was dismissed.

I was pretty, so they told me. I was not Helen, or Aphrodite, or any of the other famous beauties, but I was apparently pleasant on the eye. My waist was slender, my hair long and dark; like silk they said. But most often I was admired for my eyes, which I was told were intelligent and beguiling.

The surrounding men fell silent, they were watching and waiting for what was to happen next.

Nothing. Nothing happened.

He simply turned away, without another word and swallowed a mouthful of wine. I released a breath; the first in -I don’t know how long. I was light headed from the lack of oxygen. The conversation started up again and I moved away, as fast as I could through the crowded tent. The hands that held the clay flagon of wine against my chest trembled, my heart beat like a frantic bird.

‘Girl’

I stopped walking. I could not pretend he wasn’t summoning me that time.

He said the word again and I turned. The skin on my arms prickled. Our eyes met. This time, his pupils were so large they seemed black. He slammed his already empty tankard on the table in front of him. As he rose to his feet, a roar of approval rose from the men and I was inclined to believe this performance was for their benefit as much as it was for mine.

‘I will take this wench as my prize, with your blessing King Agamemnon.’ his eyes did not leave mine as his rich voice easily carried over the rest of the noise.