Well, which is it?

[MissTaken]

Dominants?
Do you gain pleasure from your submissive's mistakes? Do you find yourself more focussed on waiting for him/her to forget to do something or follow a certain rule in order to have an opportunity to exert your authority or is your pleasure derived from the things he/she does well and how well he/she serves you?

Submissives: Have you ever been with a Dominant who you felt focussed on your mistakes? Who seemed to be waiting for you to make a mistake as opposed to enjoying the effort you put into serving the Dominant as they wish? How does it feel?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Originally posted by MissTaken

Dominants? Do you gain pleasure from your submissive's mistakes?

It depends on what mistake he makes.



Do you find yourself more focussed on waiting for him/her to forget to do something or follow a certain rule in order to have an opportunity to exert your authority or is your pleasure derived from the things he/she does well and how well he/she serves you?

That is too much like work. I am a busy woman. All I want is an obedient boy who makes a sincere effort.

 

[il mio angelo]

Submissives: Have you ever been with a Dominant who you felt focussed on your mistakes? Who seemed to be waiting for you to make a mistake as opposed to enjoying the effort you put into serving the Dominant as they wish? How does it feel?

Yes, I believe that my former Dom focused very heavily on my mistakes. I think he paid very close attention in looking for them, and that sometimes he would emphasize greatly the smallest of mistakes over the effort that I had made. Most of the mistakes that I made early on were a result of unclear communication, or a misunderstanding, and because I was to carry out an order FIRST, and ask questions after, several mistakes were made.

This of course undermined my confidence, and left me questioning my abilities to be a good sub/slave. Over time I learned to interpret the things that he asked, knowing that sometimes they were worded specifically to force me to make a judgement call, think outside of the box, so to speak (something not easy for me, because I only ever wanted to do things exactly how he wished me to).

He did like for his sub/slaves to make mistakes (his words, not mine), because as he said, it taught humility.

 

[Mastersprincess]

Dominants?
Do you gain pleasure from your submissive's mistakes? Do you find yourself more focussed on waiting for him/her to forget to do something or follow a certain rule in order to have an opportunity to exert your authority or is your pleasure derived from the things he/she does well and how well he/she serves you?

Submissives: Have you ever been with a Dominant who you felt focussed on your mistakes? Who seemed to be waiting for you to make a mistake as opposed to enjoying the effort you put into serving the Dominant as they wish? How does it feel?

I don't really feel qualified to answer your questions at this time, but this thread is an interesting one.

I am curious, MissTaken, on your feelings regarding this. You have mentioned in other posts that you are switching...so you have perspective from both sides. Would you mind answering your own questions from a personal standpoint?

Thanks and btw I love the new av.

princess

 

[His Flower]

I think my Sir focuses more on what I can do to please and serve Him better. To lessen my mistakes, and be a good girl. And He has a way of making me feel very very guilty and bad after I do something wrong. He always tells me that He doesn't want to be disappointed rather be proud of who i am to Him. But Sir's a very fair man, I always get my reward when i'm a good girl, but i'll most definetely get my punishment if I did something wrong.

His Flower

 

[Netzach]

I'm proud to be easily pleased.

I expect to be pleased, therefore. I don't tolerate a lot of fucking up because it's so hard to fuck up, I make it very clear what constitutes a mistake, I leave a lot of latitude for creativity and being a human with other responsibilities other than serving my every whim, however...

when it's time to come through, it's time.

 

[CavaliereScuro]

Dominants?
Do you gain pleasure from your submissive's mistakes? Do you find yourself more focussed on waiting for him/her to forget to do something or follow a certain rule in order to have an opportunity to exert your authority or is your pleasure derived from the things he/she does well and how well he/she serves you?

I take pleasure in the things she does well and how hard she tries to please me. As someone else said in this thread, I am busy and don't have time for a sub that won't or can't do as she is told or understands what is expected of her.

It is also pleasurable to see the daily effort she puts into continuing to not only learn my wants and needs but to anticipate them as well.

She makes the occasional mistake and it's dealt with and we move on. I have enough stress in my life - I don't need to add to it by watching and waiting for her to screw up.

 

[Solitude]

Re: Re: Well, which is it?

I have enough stress in my life - I don't need to add to it by watching and waiting for her to screw up.

Amen.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Well, which is it?

I don't really feel qualified to answer your questions at this time, but this thread is an interesting one.

I am curious, MissTaken, on your feelings regarding this. You have mentioned in other posts that you are switching...so you have perspective from both sides. Would you mind answering your own questions from a personal standpoint?

Thanks and btw I love the new av.

princess

I will think about this and have been.

I have had mixed experiences and need to organize what to share with regard to the thread.

 

[Daedalus77]

I hope my sub doesn't make mistakes. If I want to punish her I do it just because I can. The real question is she topping from the bottom and that I don't like at all and I won't play. It's about being real. I can't dom when I'm angry because it's not good for either of us.

However, when she is being playfully bad I can play along and it's fun for both of us.

 

[Croctden]

Seconded

I'm a Dom, I don't need a reason to spank someone. Yes sometimes if she keep screwing something up I will get annoyed and try to spank the knowledge into her (never works by the way). Generally I focus on what she is doing to please me. Subs are commonly very grateful when they are told they have done something well and pleased you.

 

[SilverHyperion]

I haven't had a whole lot of experience, but from what I have had I rather prefer to behave and have that focused on because then I know how to please. When I'm disciplined constantly I start to feel like nothing I ever do is right and I just give up, figuring that I'm not doing anything the other person wants. I expect discipline, but I need a lot of guidance too.

 

[deezire1900]

I like to be good. If I had a partner that waited for me to make mistakes, I would never have any fun.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... Dominants?
Do you gain pleasure from your submissive's mistakes? Do you find yourself more focussed on waiting for him/her to forget to do something or follow a certain rule in order to have an opportunity to exert your authority or is your pleasure derived from the things he/she does well and how well he/she serves you? ...

Interesting question.

Let me return one, and i'll answer waiting for yours.

Would you agree:

* you strive for perfection, know you'll never sustain it, and perhaps dread the consequences when you fail?

or

* do you give your best effort, acknowledge the possibility of failure, accept the response, and move onward?

Yes, my sadistic facet enjoys delivering the punishment. Yes, i pay attention to what my partner does. But i watch with encouraging eyes for her to succeed. Does that ameliorate the consequences if she doesn't? Hell no, and she would expect no less. Besides, punishment comes in so many delicious flavors ... http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif

IMHO, the dominant should know their partner will go beyond themselves to please them, otherwise why would the dominant stay with the submissive/slave. If the dominant sits in ambush, however, i'd wonder why the partner stays with them.

 

[stephb]

IMHO, the dominant should know their partner will go beyond themselves to please them, otherwise why would the dominant stay with the submissive/slave. If the dominant sits in ambush, however, i'd wonder why the partner stays with them.

I agree with this. I would not want to stay with a Dominant that focused only on my faults, but I would expect them to give punishment where punishment was due. If I do something wrong, I deserve punishment. Punishment for the sake of punishment, however, is not something that I like.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Do you ask why?

Piggybacking,

Do you ask why the mistake was made?

I like others, I can discipline at My whim, so I do not need an excuse to punish (if I cared to, which I don't).

However, when a mistake is made, I ask myself why it was made.

Did I fail to give good direction?

Did I fail to train him correctly?

In short, is it My fault he has fallen short of My mark?

What do I need to do to correct the mistake?

Being a responsible Dominant is hard work.

 

[MissTaken]

My submissive response

Interesting question.

Let me return one, and i'll answer waiting for yours.

Would you agree:

* you strive for perfection, know you'll never sustain it, and perhaps dread the consequences when you fail?

or

* do you give your best effort, acknowledge the possibility of failure, accept the response, and move onward?

[/COLOR]. [/B]

Yes, I know that as a submissive, I cannot be perfect. Only my efforts can be perfect in that I try with every ounce of myself to please, to follow directions, to fulfill whatever needs He has that draws Him to me.

I like your use of words. When I have fallen short of expectations, it isn't something I say "Oopsie" to. It is "failure." Failure doesn't feel good and isn't why I would engage with a Dominant. I don't seek failure or punishment. However, there have been times when punishment was exactly what we both needed, Him giving and I receiving, of course.

And frankly, IMHO, punishment plays an important role. If I have made a mistake, I stress over it until it is resolved. A punishment scene provides that resolution for both of us as well as refocusses my attention to His needs. And everytime I have required punishment, the core issue was where my attention was focussed.


IF you feel like your Dominant is waiting for that mistake to be made, I find that I feel like I am walking on eggshells and that my efforts to please, which are successful 99 percent of the time, lose meaning.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Do you ask why?

Piggybacking,

Do you ask why the mistake was made?

I like others, I can discipline at My whim, so I do not need an excuse to punish (if I cared to, which I don't).

However, when a mistake is made, I ask myself why it was made.

Did I fail to give good direction?

Did I fail to train him correctly?

In short, is it My fault he has fallen short of My mark?

What do I need to do to correct the mistake?

Being a responsible Dominant is hard work.

An excellent post.

And yes, my Dominant answer is that when my submissive does not follow through with or meet my expectations, I look at myself and the messages I am sending first.

So, while she feels a certain degree of failure, so do I.

It is unpleasant, but part of being responsible and for me, new to this, part of growth.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I like to be good. If I had a partner that waited for me to make mistakes, I would never have any fun.

This is an excellent response. If something a dominant does creates an expectation from a sub, it can diminish the power and control of the dominant.

If a sub is waiting he/she may not be feeling, listening, submitting...

 

[s'lara]

i wasn't perfect and expected to be called on when i made a mistake.

As to the deliberate focus on my mistakes as a means to punish, well that made me feel: pinioned, frustrated, excited, exposed and nervous. All of those things kind of sped through me when i realized i was being ... hunted. The hunt for the mistake so the punishment could begin is what i meant to say.

lara

 

[Master Bill]

Originally posted by s'lara
i wasn't perfect and expected to be called on when i made a mistake.

As to the deliberate focus on my mistakes as a means to punish, well that made me feel: pinioned, frustrated, excited, exposed and nervous. All of those things kind of sped through me when i realized i was being ... hunted. The hunt for the mistake so the punishment could begin is what i meant to say.

lara

i just dont feel its right to look for mistakes to punish . i do not do that and try to train to be better . I think a happy slave is a good slave and will serve me better . Punishment is given when do . Master Bill

 

[FungiUg]

Dominants?
Do you gain pleasure from your submissive's mistakes?

No, not really. I much prefer to concentrate on the fun things I can do with a submissive, rather than concentrating on mistakes.

When I have a submissive who has made a mistake, I try to make the punishment kind of fun and kind of not at the same time... and if I can make it related to what they did wrong, then that helps. But I don't go looking for things that a submissive has done wrong.

I do like the occasional "excuse" to do evil things to a submissive, but when it comes down to it, I don't really need the excuse. And if I am feeling evil, I will just go ahead and do what I want anyway, so it need not be a punishment.

 

[Daedalus77]

Re: Do you ask why?

Piggybacking,

Do you ask why the mistake was made?

I like others, I can discipline at My whim, so I do not need an excuse to punish (if I cared to, which I don't).

However, when a mistake is made, I ask myself why it was made.

Did I fail to give good direction?

Did I fail to train him correctly?

In short, is it My fault he has fallen short of My mark?

What do I need to do to correct the mistake?

Being a responsible Dominant is hard work.

Damn Eb I wish I had your way with words

 

[Daedalus77]

Re: Do you ask why?

Piggybacking,

Do you ask why the mistake was made?

I like others, I can discipline at My whim, so I do not need an excuse to punish (if I cared to, which I don't).

However, when a mistake is made, I ask myself why it was made.

Did I fail to give good direction?

Did I fail to train him correctly?

In short, is it My fault he has fallen short of My mark?

What do I need to do to correct the mistake?

Being a responsible Dominant is hard work.

Damn Eb I wish I had your way with words