well, it's over.

[graceanne]

why buy the cow if you get the milk for free!

Why buy the pig just to get a little sausage?

 

[graceanne]

Despite my above comment, I personally agree with EG. *shrug* I think that guys who get instant nookie tend to take their SO's for granted. And whether you like it or not, their is still a double standard out there - it's ok for men to do it, but girls who put out quickly are considered to be sluts. Fair? No. Reality? Yes. And men don't respect sluts. They fuck sluts - they don't keep them.

 

[DVS]

I don't understand it. You mean to tell me that after seeing you in that schoolgirl outfit he didn't...

Well, this guy is such a complete idiot. It's hard to understand some people. He's sure got a problem.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm sorry to hear this Cricket!

You seem like the kind of girl most guys I know would LOVE.

*HUG*

Fury

 

[Netzach]

I'm totally going to acknowledge that you guys are only ever going to get one side of the story, which is mine, and it's jaded because it's MY opinion and you don't know him, and you'll never get to hear his version.

basically, lol, he had a slave already. they'd been exploring D/s together for a while, and were pretty much a committed couple. the way he presented it to me, there was no committment, and it was inevitable that eventually they each move on, since there were no long term plans for that relationship outside of exploration and sex.

he liked me, i liked him. he said he'd dump the other chick for me. i, under the impression that it was totally casual, agreed to let him.

she went online, found some of my friends, and fed them her side of the story: her master, who she was totally in love with, was dumping her on the whims of some girl (12 yrs younger than she is) that he barely knew, on the off chance that i wouldn't break his heart like his last girlfriend, and could my friends please try to talk me out of it. one friend bought it, and came to me with the story, presenting her as the victim and myself as the bad guy.

i NEVER intended to hurt anybody. i didn't want to hurt him, i didn't want to hurt her. i believed him that she was just a fuckbuddy and there wasn't an emotional relationship between them. so i called him, let him know what my friend said, and said i didn't want to be the bad guy, could he please clarify with me.

he accused me of causing drama. believed her over me, which is fine, they've known each other a lot longer, said i needed to grow up and that i didn't have any potential after all. tuesday morning he likes me, tuesday afternoon he doesn't like me anymore, tuesday night i'm alone.

i'm terrified right now because he's extremely active in the community up here, and i was so excited that he was going to introduce me into it... and now i'm afraid i'm going to be frozen out. he says i won't be, and that we can still be friends, but i don't trust this girlfriend of his not to spread lies and rumors about how i tried to break them up. so not only did i lose my chance with him, i might have lost my chance with anyone in portland.

Portland is a big place with a lot of kinky fuckers who do NOT take kindly to drama.

Like, as in HIS drama, and his GF.

You'll be FINE in the pool of pervs.

 

[graceanne]

I'm totally going to acknowledge that you guys are only ever going to get one side of the story, which is mine, and it's jaded because it's MY opinion and you don't know him, and you'll never get to hear his version.

basically, lol, he had a slave already. they'd been exploring D/s together for a while, and were pretty much a committed couple. the way he presented it to me, there was no committment, and it was inevitable that eventually they each move on, since there were no long term plans for that relationship outside of exploration and sex.

he liked me, i liked him. he said he'd dump the other chick for me. i, under the impression that it was totally casual, agreed to let him.

she went online, found some of my friends, and fed them her side of the story: her master, who she was totally in love with, was dumping her on the whims of some girl (12 yrs younger than she is) that he barely knew, on the off chance that i wouldn't break his heart like his last girlfriend, and could my friends please try to talk me out of it. one friend bought it, and came to me with the story, presenting her as the victim and myself as the bad guy.

i NEVER intended to hurt anybody. i didn't want to hurt him, i didn't want to hurt her. i believed him that she was just a fuckbuddy and there wasn't an emotional relationship between them. so i called him, let him know what my friend said, and said i didn't want to be the bad guy, could he please clarify with me.

he accused me of causing drama. believed her over me, which is fine, they've known each other a lot longer, said i needed to grow up and that i didn't have any potential after all. tuesday morning he likes me, tuesday afternoon he doesn't like me anymore, tuesday night i'm alone.

i'm terrified right now because he's extremely active in the community up here, and i was so excited that he was going to introduce me into it... and now i'm afraid i'm going to be frozen out. he says i won't be, and that we can still be friends, but i don't trust this girlfriend of his not to spread lies and rumors about how i tried to break them up. so not only did i lose my chance with him, i might have lost my chance with anyone in portland.

I didn't see this until Netzach quoted it.

Screw 'em if they don't like you. Plus if they're drama queens I bet that the people at the munches KNOW that. I mean if he's active, this won't be the first time all this has hapened. Give the kinksters a chance. And I'd still be willing to go to a munch with you.

*hugs*

 

[Stiffy Says...]

my barely beginning relationship which i thought was going really, really well (i even went up to his parents' house this weekend for dinner) has abruptly ended. for the second time in a year i've been given 12 hrs between sex and a break up. starting to think it's me.

i don't want chocolate.

i want drugs and alcohol. ok? thanks.

Sorry to hear, neighbor. You seem like a really nice person, and well, since you're on this site, you must be the good kind of spicy too

I am sure the problem is his...loser!

 

[Chicklet]

thanks everybody. dunno what else to say right now. my tummy hurts ><

 

[TooTiredToLive]

... my tummy hurts ><

::: Uploading Chicklet a lifetime supply of Tums, Rolaids or other antacid of choice :::

 

[Chicklet]

i want a violet wand *whine*

 

[Yang4yin]

Here you go, Chicklet!

http://img161.imagevenue.com/loc336/th_68372_violet_wand_123_336lo.jpg

 

[neonflux]

I'm totally going to acknowledge that you guys are only ever going to get one side of the story, which is mine, and it's jaded because it's MY opinion and you don't know him, and you'll never get to hear his version.

basically, lol, he had a slave already. they'd been exploring D/s together for a while, and were pretty much a committed couple. the way he presented it to me, there was no committment, and it was inevitable that eventually they each move on, since there were no long term plans for that relationship outside of exploration and sex.

he liked me, i liked him. he said he'd dump the other chick for me. i, under the impression that it was totally casual, agreed to let him.

she went online, found some of my friends, and fed them her side of the story: her master, who she was totally in love with, was dumping her on the whims of some girl (12 yrs younger than she is) that he barely knew, on the off chance that i wouldn't break his heart like his last girlfriend, and could my friends please try to talk me out of it. one friend bought it, and came to me with the story, presenting her as the victim and myself as the bad guy.

i NEVER intended to hurt anybody. i didn't want to hurt him, i didn't want to hurt her. i believed him that she was just a fuckbuddy and there wasn't an emotional relationship between them. so i called him, let him know what my friend said, and said i didn't want to be the bad guy, could he please clarify with me.

he accused me of causing drama. believed her over me, which is fine, they've known each other a lot longer, said i needed to grow up and that i didn't have any potential after all. tuesday morning he likes me, tuesday afternoon he doesn't like me anymore, tuesday night i'm alone.

i'm terrified right now because he's extremely active in the community up here, and i was so excited that he was going to introduce me into it... and now i'm afraid i'm going to be frozen out. he says i won't be, and that we can still be friends, but i don't trust this girlfriend of his not to spread lies and rumors about how i tried to break them up. so not only did i lose my chance with him, i might have lost my chance with anyone in portland.

Hi Chicklet,

After reading this, all I can say is that you have much more integrety and class than either of these two do, and you have much more to offer, are worth much more than this. I cannot believe that others in your RL community won't recognize this, recognize this, also. While it may not seem so at the moment, perhaps you are lucky that you found out so much about him so quickly.

Neon

 

[SweetGigi]

I agree with Neon. Best to know now than to have invested time in it only to have it blow up later. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but in the long run you will be thankful for the brevity of this. I am so sorry sweetie, you are in my prayers.



*big hugs*

 

[SweetGigi]

and might I say that EG just made me squee.... just a little bit?


why can't more men be like you, sir?

 

[DVS]

I don't understand it. You mean to tell me that after seeing you in that schoolgirl outfit he didn't...

Well, this guy is such a complete idiot. It's hard to understand some people. He's sure got a problem.

OK, now that I've heard the whole story, it sounds so much like just another guy looking for some strange and he got caught. He tells one a story and keeps the other in the dark. The sludge of the male gender...he figures it won't hurt either woman as long as they don't find out the truth. And, when they do find out, he runs home to mamma with is tail between his legs, withou the balls to even accept what he did. And, he puts the guilt on someone else, in the process, to keep getting stroked.

Guys like this make me sick. Not only is it wrong to play with the affections of others, but because there are so many of these double dippers out there, it makes the rest of the male population look just as suspect, until they can prove otherwise. Instead of innocent until proven guilty, we are guilty until we prove we're innocent.

Sorry, chicklet...but those guys are out there. And if he is in an organized group, I'd assume hs already has a name for himself for doing this before. I don't think you are the first. He's the one with the reputation at risk.

 

[Chicklet]

::: Uploading Chicklet a lifetime supply of Tums, Rolaids or other antacid of choice :::

xanax?

 

[Chicklet]

While it may not seem so at the moment, perhaps you are lucky that you found out so much about him so quickly.

Neon

honestly, i've only been seeing him a couple months, and only really hot and heavy for a week. i'm really mad at myself for getting so optimistic and excited about it so quickly... i wish it was more of my personality to take everything people told me with a grain of salt, instead of being extremely gullible and believe everything they say in the heat of passion. i think i'm too trusting.

 

[Chicklet]

Sorry, chicklet...but those guys are out there. And if he is in an organized group, I'd assume hs already has a name for himself for doing this before. I don't think you are the first. He's the one with the reputation at risk.

i still really believe most of the things that he told me, one of those things being that he'd never had two partners at the same time before. he said he hadn't 'dated' anyone in a long, long time, and i really want to believe that. heh he screwed me and i still want to defend him, more than a little bit.

i'm feeling really guilty right now for making such a big deal out of this. i mean, i DID know he had a fuck buddy, i just assumed that he'd dump her for me. you know? and it's not necessarily his fault that she started up all this drama.

 

[CutieMouse]

i'm feeling really guilty right now for making such a big deal out of this. i mean, i DID know he had a fuck buddy, i just assumed that he'd dump her for me. you know? and it's not necessarily his fault that she started up all this drama.

Bluntness moment...

HE started up all the drama. If his "fuck buddy" was really just a "fuck buddy", then they'd have had an agreement that non-monogomy was perfectly okay, which would result in it being okay for him to be sexually active with you. From the fallout that occured, I'd say the non-monogomy chat probably didn't occur, and *he* might have seen her as a "fuck buddy" (wishful thinking which grants access to screwing around), but *she* saw them as being in a relationship. He cheated, got caught, and you are paying the price. It sucks, but seeing his behaviour for what it is, rather than assigning him the victim role ("it's not necessarily his fault she started up with all this drama...") will give you tools to make wiser decisions next time.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Despite my above comment, I personally agree with EG. *shrug* I think that guys who get instant nookie tend to take their SO's for granted. And whether you like it or not, their is still a double standard out there - it's ok for men to do it, but girls who put out quickly are considered to be sluts. Fair? No. Reality? Yes. And men don't respect sluts. They fuck sluts - they don't keep them.

While I agree there is still this element of dark ages male out there, I think it is also an issue when there is someone else involved, and they have told the new person who seems to not have a problem with it. Basically they see it as a freebie, something on the side, which they are getting away with, no matter what the new person says about not wanting to hurt anyone, not wanting to be left out in the cold, etc., and add the understanding part and they see it as easy takings....when the shit hits the fan they retreat and make sweet overtones to the primary partner, who foolishly buys it and remains with him. Sorry you went through this Chicklet, but better now than later when you are the one he is cheating on and trying to pretend it is otherwise. There is an old saying 'If they are willing to cheat on someone with you, they will also be willing to cheat on you with someone else'. Find a happily unattached male who is man enough to go without while he seeks someone he finds compatible, and there should be less drama, less risk, and hopefully lots more play and happiness for you.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

honestly, i've only been seeing him a couple months, and only really hot and heavy for a week. i'm really mad at myself for getting so optimistic and excited about it so quickly...

Hey, you're not the only one. It is easy to get excited about a new person when you feel and believe there is a real connection there. Not a fault, just an endearing personality trait for the right person. I always think if you are not excited, you leave yourself open more to talking yourself into a relationship than being there for the reason they really do it for you. Hang in there...Mr Right is out there looking for you just as you are for him.....it will happen.

Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

It's not artificial lockdown, it's earning the right to get some.

That is not an attitude that I have ever been willing to tolerate in a woman.

There are reasons for waiting that I respect very much, but that's not one of them. A whiff of that attitude, and I'm gone.

I'm not saying that your advice is incorrect or even unwise, Geoff. I'm just giving a different perspective here. And this is coming from someone who is, and has been for decades, very much a monogamous, committed, long-term relationship kind of a guy.

I'll grant parity on the issue, but that's as far as I'm willing to go.

In general terms (not specific individuals) men will become emotionally intimate and form relationships in order to get sex. Women will have sex in order to build relationships and establish emotional intimacy. The secret is making the men invest time and energy and themselves in building the relationship.

I think the secret is in finding a guy who's ready for, and interested in, a relationship of the type she's seeking.

I've seen plenty of guys jump through hoops for months, obtain the "prize", and then lose interest very quickly once the fire dies down. He terminates the "relationship" and moves on to the next conquest; she's back to square one.

I drove janey nuts... but I'm one of the oddball males. One of my standing rules now is "No sex unless I'm making a commitment". I freely admit that when I was in my teens and 20's I was a typical horndog and chased nookie with the best of 'em. Somewhere along the line I actually grew up and came to value my own sexuality, peace of mind, integrity, and honor more than getting my pecker wet. I drove janey nuts because we had been going out over 3 months before I finally decided I was going to run with the relationship and have sex with her.

The different views people have on promiscuity are really interesting to me.

Geoff, you are a guy who describes himself as an "equal opportunity sadist", willing to engage in SM play with a wide range of willing partners. A promiscuous sadist, if you will.

Presumably, you don't see ethical issues with this type of promiscuity - (nor do I) - even though SM play, like sex, can be an extremely intimate and personal exchange.

Yet you decry sexual promiscuity in ethical terms. I have a different view on this, and disagree with the idea that seeking multiple casual sexual encounters implies anything other than a preference for the same.

My drive-by fucking days ended when I met a woman with whom I wanted to wake up in the morning. I wanted to spend time with her, so I did. In the process, I learned that the possibilities inherent in relationship sex are infinitely more rewarding than casual sex. For that reason (not ethics), drive-by fucking faded into my past.

I respect your perspective, Geoff, and am not criticizing it here. Just offering a different one.

 

[eastern sun]

I feel like a stranger here, and therefore want to step very lightly but I'd like to add my experience and opinions to the mix -

I have almost always fucked on the first date, but very rarely had a one-night stand. (In fact, the only time I was dumped after one date was a time that I refused to have sex when I was fourteen. Oh, and another guy who I knew was only interested in the sex and nothing else.) Most of my relationships have developed over time, with sex as a piece of the equation.

So it is possible for women to open their legs quickly and keep a man's interest (even when the men are young).

In fact I think it is wonderful for women to express their sexuality freely, both the intensity of their desire and the range of their imagination. Many girls are taught in puberty that their sexuality is dangerous/shameful/etc. in order to keep them from getting pregnant as children. But I would hate for young women to feel that there's a rule that they shouldn't have sex because men won't respect them.

I think the real issue here is not whether men will respect you if you have sex too easily, but rather one of choosing appropriate sexual partners. That is hard in any case, but especially if you're out there advertising your fantasies of submission.

I've met some men through the internet sites who took my interest in submission to be carte blanche for treating me like shit. Men who were excited by the openness of my desire, but whose interest in dominating women ultimately came from a place of discomfort rather than ease. And sometimes it's only by interacting with them that you can find that out.

I laugh at myself sometimes when I find myself crying at the hands of a sadist. After all, if I go looking for a man who deals in pain, I have to expect to feel some.

And it is very rare that someone leaves a long-standing relationship for a brand-new lover - they are usually going to make sure the new relationship is going to last before they give up the old.

Learn what you can from this experience, about them, about you . . . and know deeply that you are a beautiful girl with an open heart, and you will be loved by many. It appears you already are.

 

[TooTiredToLive]

xanax?

Will you settle for generic alprazolam?
http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb229/fogwnh/Alprazolam.jpg

 

[FurryFury]

I feel like a stranger here, and therefore want to step very lightly but I'd like to add my experience and opinions to the mix -

I have almost always fucked on the first date, but very rarely had a one-night stand. (In fact, the only time I was dumped after one date was a time that I refused to have sex when I was fourteen. Oh, and another guy who I knew was only interested in the sex and nothing else.) Most of my relationships have developed over time, with sex as a piece of the equation.

So it is possible for women to open their legs quickly and keep a man's interest (even when the men are young).

In fact I think it is wonderful for women to express their sexuality freely, both the intensity of their desire and the range of their imagination. Many girls are taught in puberty that their sexuality is dangerous/shameful/etc. in order to keep them from getting pregnant as children. But I would hate for young women to feel that there's a rule that they shouldn't have sex because men won't respect them.

I think the real issue here is not whether men will respect you if you have sex too easily, but rather one of choosing appropriate sexual partners. That is hard in any case, but especially if you're out there advertising your fantasies of submission.

I've met some men through the internet sites who took my interest in submission to be carte blanche for treating me like shit. Men who were excited by the openness of my desire, but whose interest in dominating women ultimately came from a place of discomfort rather than ease. And sometimes it's only by interacting with them that you can find that out.

I laugh at myself sometimes when I find myself crying at the hands of a sadist. After all, if I go looking for a man who deals in pain, I have to expect to feel some.

And it is very rare that someone leaves a long-standing relationship for a brand-new lover - they are usually going to make sure the new relationship is going to last before they give up the old.

Learn what you can from this experience, about them, about you . . . and know deeply that you are a beautiful girl with an open heart, and you will be loved by many. It appears you already are.

GREAT post!

*applauds *