well, it's over.

[nh23]

i really don't know you that well chicklet but i can tell from reading your posts that you have an amazing personality..the right one will come along who appreciates that. May have to kiss a few frogs first..but you'll get there. ~Hugs~

 

[Kierae]

I am sorry to hear that things went south with the guy Chicklet. You said you wonder if it's you - I would venture to say that if you look at the past relationships, you may see if there is any common theme (besides they are assholes for leaving ). Is it possible you are finding guys that are unattainable, afraid of relationships, etc. Rose colored glasses syndrome (ie they look good at the beginning and suddenly down the line reality hits - which of course you never to manage to see until it's too late or you have broken up)? Just some thoughts since I just went through this same conversation with a girlfriend.

Have some chocolate and cognac and dust yourself off girl.


~kierae

 

[midwestyankee]

Chicklet, all I can say is that this sucketh big time.

 

[wenchhh]

awww

So sorry Chicklet, about the break up. The dumb fuck doesn't deserve you anyway! I know I know, poor solace. Lick... slam...suck ... a few for me hon, be careful and know we love ya. It's not you, never is... it's ALWAYS them, I agree w/ Bunny.
Bunny, same to you. Stay strong and don't call! Perhaps we should all join Chickie???
HUGS to all, and I'm here, if anyone needs a private IM session.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

my barely beginning relationship which i thought was going really, really well (i even went up to his parents' house this weekend for dinner) has abruptly ended. for the second time in a year i've been given 12 hrs between sex and a break up. starting to think it's me.

i don't want chocolate.

i want drugs and alcohol. ok? thanks.

*smiles softly*

Just a hint for future reference... Unless a guy hangs arounda MINIMUM of 3 months without getting any nookie, don't even FANTASIZE about a relationship hon. Sorry, but men that age are dogs, (and most older guys are too) and frankly, if they aren't putting at least 3 months of effort into getting to know you, they are strictly looking to score.

I should know... I'm one of them!

 

[the_pet]

for the second time in a year i've been given 12 hrs between sex and a break up. starting to think it's me.

i don't want chocolate.

i want drugs and alcohol. ok? thanks.

It's not you..... sometimes it happens like that I had one guy tell me "AFTER" we finished a session of great sex, "we need to talk".... geez fella! I got up, put my clothes on and said, "that's cool, see ya" and never looked back... LOSER! He tried to send me several very expensive gifts but i wouldn't accept them and sent each one back...that really toasted his oaties!!! JERK


pet

 

[Marquis]

*smiles softly*

Just a hint for future reference... Unless a guy hangs arounda MINIMUM of 3 months without getting any nookie, don't even FANTASIZE about a relationship hon. Sorry, but men that age are dogs, (and most older guys are too) and frankly, if they aren't putting at least 3 months of effort into getting to know you, they are strictly looking to score.

I should know... I'm one of them!

Dude....

3 months?

If there's anything that increases my desire to clown a broad, it's her keeping the pussy on artificial lockdown.

 

[Marquis]

Chicklet, I've enjoyed reading some of your threads here.

You've got spunk kid, don't let life get you down.

I'm not a huge fan of doing the whole "he's a jerk!" thing, seems to give the dude too much power.

I kinda want to hear more details about what happened, am I being insensitive?

 

[wouldloveto]

Sorry to hear it Chicklet, I really am...

 

[graceanne]

fyi - chicklet's out with some girlfriends. I'm sure she'll respond tomorrow or when she gets home, or whatever.

 

[Marquis]

fyi - chicklet's out with some girlfriends. I'm sure she'll respond tomorrow or when she gets home, or whatever.

Thanks gracie, mind if I leave a message?

 

[graceanne]

Thanks gracie, mind if I leave a message?

With me? I guess.

 

[Marquis]

With me? I guess.

Oops, gotta run, I'll just catch her tomorrow.

You've been a great help though, have a nice day!

 

[graceanne]

Oops, gotta run, I'll just catch her tomorrow.

You've been a great help though, have a nice day!

brat.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm drunk and crying over a man myself. And I've never been a crying drunk before, until tonight. Goddammit. There needs to be a 12-step program or something--for getting over stupid men, that is, not for drinking. There's nothing wrong with drinking!

 

[graceanne]

I'm drunk and crying over a man myself. And I've never been a crying drunk before, until tonight. Goddammit. There needs to be a 12-step program or something--for getting over stupid men, that is, not for drinking. There's nothing wrong with drinking!

Well, their's CODA - codependants annonymous, but I've always found that time does wonders.

 

[Netzach]

I'm drunk and crying over a man myself. And I've never been a crying drunk before, until tonight. Goddammit. There needs to be a 12-step program or something--for getting over stupid men, that is, not for drinking. There's nothing wrong with drinking!

It was when I was 19, and crying in a beer that I suddenly felt like a total idiot and vowed I'd never ever cry in my beer over a guy again. It was like I could watch myself and thought "self, why do you need surfer blond sophomore philo major from Iowa to like you?"

(I'm SO fuckin' lucky he didn't.)

Well, it didn't come to pass. I've cried in beer over men and women since - BUT

1. less than a lot of people I've met
2. I'm always in touch with "this too shall pass" and had the ability to shore up and stop it and be a big girl and get treated how I wanted to any damn time.

I'm not advocating feeling like an idiot. But I am advocating realizing that nobody can "make" you do or feel anything for a duration.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

So sorry to hear about your situation chicklet. feel your pain...hell like bunny I am in the same sort of situation. He wants me he wants me not. He says things have changed but refuses to give me the release I need to move on. I too could hate men and think that they suck but I have such need for....Well never mind all that. Getting drunk doesn't help hon...I tried that more than once. Here's to finding a new guy soon and remember chicklet you have to try a few on before you get the right fit.

d

 

[Chicklet]

fyi - chicklet's out with some girlfriends. I'm sure she'll respond tomorrow or when she gets home, or whatever.

neg i have no girlfriends, they're all male. and i love the image of myself crying on my male friend's chest saying over and over 'why do all men suck?' i'm sure they love it, too.

 

[Chicklet]

I kinda want to hear more details about what happened, am I being insensitive?

I'm totally going to acknowledge that you guys are only ever going to get one side of the story, which is mine, and it's jaded because it's MY opinion and you don't know him, and you'll never get to hear his version.

basically, lol, he had a slave already. they'd been exploring D/s together for a while, and were pretty much a committed couple. the way he presented it to me, there was no committment, and it was inevitable that eventually they each move on, since there were no long term plans for that relationship outside of exploration and sex.

he liked me, i liked him. he said he'd dump the other chick for me. i, under the impression that it was totally casual, agreed to let him.

she went online, found some of my friends, and fed them her side of the story: her master, who she was totally in love with, was dumping her on the whims of some girl (12 yrs younger than she is) that he barely knew, on the off chance that i wouldn't break his heart like his last girlfriend, and could my friends please try to talk me out of it. one friend bought it, and came to me with the story, presenting her as the victim and myself as the bad guy.

i NEVER intended to hurt anybody. i didn't want to hurt him, i didn't want to hurt her. i believed him that she was just a fuckbuddy and there wasn't an emotional relationship between them. so i called him, let him know what my friend said, and said i didn't want to be the bad guy, could he please clarify with me.

he accused me of causing drama. believed her over me, which is fine, they've known each other a lot longer, said i needed to grow up and that i didn't have any potential after all. tuesday morning he likes me, tuesday afternoon he doesn't like me anymore, tuesday night i'm alone.

i'm terrified right now because he's extremely active in the community up here, and i was so excited that he was going to introduce me into it... and now i'm afraid i'm going to be frozen out. he says i won't be, and that we can still be friends, but i don't trust this girlfriend of his not to spread lies and rumors about how i tried to break them up. so not only did i lose my chance with him, i might have lost my chance with anyone in portland.

 

[midwestyankee]

Chicklet, your actions will speak louder than any lies that any sensible person might hear before meeting you. You're an ethical, rational woman and anyone worth knowing - inside the community or out - will see that and form their own judgment of you from the real thing.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... i'm terrified right now because he's extremely active in the community up here, and i was so excited that he was going to introduce me into it... and now i'm afraid i'm going to be frozen out. he says i won't be, and that we can still be friends, but i don't trust this girlfriend of his not to spread lies and rumors about how i tried to break them up. so not only did i lose my chance with him, i might have lost my chance with anyone in portland.

Please, Chicklet, stop with the worrying. No one in the BDSM community there is going to blackball you. It would perhaps be different if you were known in the community, people saw you trying to snake this guy, etc. Didn't go down that way, and I'm frankly, anyone who has been around awhile has heard too many "He's a terrible Dom!" or "she's an awful sub!" stories told by pissed of ex's to put all of the trouble on "the outsider."

Hello... You wouldn't get to first base if your Dom buddy didn't WANT you to and if HE didn't cooperate and go along with the proceedings. I know that, you know that, he knows that, everyone in the fricking community knows that, even SHE knows that. But it's easier for her to blame it all on you.

As midwestyankee said, anyone worth a tinker's damn will judge you on your character and actions once they meet you and get to know you. They will not evaluate your character based on one angry subby hollering about you trying to take her man.

You'll be alright, Chicklet. Just give the drama time to fade into the background.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Dude....

3 months?

If there's anything that increases my desire to clown a broad, it's her keeping the pussy on artificial lockdown.

It's not artificial lockdown, it's earning the right to get some. The vast overwhelming majority of males will do anything, say anything, promise anything to get laid, including making promises of leaving their current paramour, wife, sub, or fuckbuddy. As Chicklet has so painfully found out.

1 week, 2 weeks, some can even fake genuine interest for a month. Very, very few have the attention span or determination to continue the chase after 4 - 6 weeks if sex or play is all they are after. There are easier pickings out there.

In general terms (not specific individuals) men will become emotionally intimate and form relationships in order to get sex. Women will have sex in order to build relationships and establish emotional intimacy. The secret is making the men invest time and energy and themselves in building the relationship. Why should a guy bother investing if he's getting the benefits without the work? N'est pas?

I drove janey nuts... but I'm one of the oddball males. One of my standing rules now is "No sex unless I'm making a commitment". I freely admit that when I was in my teens and 20's I was a typical horndog and chased nookie with the best of 'em. Somewhere along the line I actually grew up and came to value my own sexuality, peace of mind, integrity, and honor more than getting my pecker wet. I drove janey nuts because we had been going out over 3 months before I finally decided I was going to run with the relationship and have sex with her.

She had been coming out of bad prior relationship and I wanted to make bloody sure she was on an even keel before I introduced that level of intimacy with her. That was over 4 years ago, and we're now engaged... I think I did something right along the way... *grins and shrugs*

But as with all my advice, feel free to use it if it works for you, and discard it if it doesn't.

 

[Chicklet]

why buy the cow if you get the milk for free!

 

[TooTiredToLive]

why buy the cow if you get the milk for free!

I've always thought that should be rephrased as "Why buy the cow if you get to cream for free," but that's just my mind...

Not-so-incidentally, Chicklet, I'm sorry one of my gender was so weak as to treat you this way, and hope that you will soon find one who has the testicular fortitude to be honest and forthright with you, and who fits your needs as well as you fit his.