Weird Assed Date

[lavender]

 

[Rick DeVille]

This thread, which started out so full of hope and joy, appears to be going down hill rapidly.

Relax this is normal, you should know that

 

[Guest]

 

[lavender]

 

[lavender]

 

[Guest]

 

[Spinaroonie]

Simple sollution...

Next time you go over there tell her you have AIDS AND Ghonnoreha AND Syphillis AND AIMIDA-III AND that the Government gave you Cancer when you got a frikkin' flu shot.

 

[lavender]

 

[Rick DeVille]

Simple sollution...

Next time you go over there tell her you have AIDS AND Ghonnoreha AND Syphillis AND AIMIDA-III AND that the Government gave you Cancer when you got a frikkin' flu shot.

Subtle

 

[Spinaroonie]

So that was just a line you fed me???

How could you lie like that? I thought we were friends.

Well, I guess I'm glad you don't have a disease cocktail.

I was scared! Everything was happening so fast. I wet my pants and was embarassed.

It happens to all guys. ESPECIALLY the incontinent ones.

 

[GreenEyedGirl]

Well, as everyone has said, I hope you run.
Married, needy women looking for love in other places are MESSY (and not in the good way).
Fuck friends are good.
Web throwing women are bad.

 

[riff]

Its simple, he wants a fuck

You saw Slingblade too? Remember the scene where he checks the motor and says it's out of gas?



For all of you who said too many single women-

YES. I don't need to be messin' with no married woman and I sure as hell don't need any new holes put in my body.

She is looking for a friend. I can be a friend, but I am gonna keep my distance and insist that if she wants to be friends then she needs to introduce me to her husband. I don't need complications in my life. I need a clean well-lighted place.

 

[alexandraaah]

When someone lies to the one person who will not judge anything you tell them, ever, I'd say your assessment of a warning flag is right on the mark.

If I was savvy at posting shit, I'd post the biggest, reddest flag I could muster.

 

[riff]

(imagines Alex on a dirt road yelling)

RUN RIFF RUN!

LOL

riff: ~running~ pant, pant.... damned leg-braces.... pant, pant.

I hope she doesn't call.... that would fix everything. I sure as hell ain't calling her.... heh.

I have a history of ignoring red flags. This will not be one of those occasions. I just got out of a mental ward thing.

 

[Ishmael]

but she lies to her therapist. I don't.

Warning Flag!

The biggest you're going to get buddy. RUN!!!!!!

Don't even think of looking back. All the other negatives aside, that one is a prescription for BIG trouble.

Ishmael

 

[alexandraaah]

Here ya go, riffer:

riff's fucked up woman dealie, ACT I

riff wanders about his apartment, hardly able to ingest his average porn for the day. Since this scares him...a lot....he smokes a joint and flips on the VCR...but he's distracted....so he goes to the phone.

riff: Hi married lady with issues!

MLWI: riff! I've been thinking about you. My husband is gone again.

riff: Yeah, that's interesting, you claim to be married, but he's never home.

MLWI: (ignores riff's comment) How about dinner?

riff: You know, MLWI, I like you and think you're super neato, but you're married and frankly, something about that is a little suspect.

MLWI: (ignores riff's comment) Great! See you around 8?

riff: (has a decision to make)

 

[Hamletmaschine]

I disagree with everyone who is telling you to run, riff. Yeah, sure, there may be lots of single girls out there. But they might want to marry you, and then where would you be?

I think this is a golden opportunity for you to make a new friend and get some nookie at the same time. I say go for it.

But first: Did you notice any weapons lying around the house when you were there? Guns & Ammo magazine covers used as posters? Anything like that. . . ?

 

[riff]

riff: Can't do it. I got a date. Invite me over for dinner next time when your husband is home. Married women should not invite single men over, tell them that they hate sex and just want someone to hold them. Your husband needs to be doing that. I can't do that for him. Yall need to go to a marriage counselor or get a divorce. Well, I am running late for my date. I am sure you are a nice person, but I have to stay in my comfort zone and I am not comfortable right now.

Later!

 

[riff]

I disagree with everyone who is telling you to run, riff. Yeah, sure, there may be lots of single girls out there. But they might want to marry you, and then where would you be?

I think this is a golden opportunity for you to make a new friend and get some nookie at the same time. I say go for it.

But first: Did you notice any weapons lying around the house when you were there? Guns & Ammo magazine covers used as posters? Anything like that. . . ?

Like I said. I don't want any holes in my body that god didn't put there.

He's got all kinds of deerheads, ducks, and what not. I'll go ahead and add. Plenty of money too. Pictures of him in his camo outfit. He is a good looking man too!

 

[alexandraaah]

riff: Can't do it. I got a date. Invite me over for dinner next time when your husband is home. Married women should not invite single men over, tell them that they hate sex and just want someone to hold them. Your husband needs to be doing that. I can't do that for him. Yall need to go to a marriage counselor or get a divorce. Well, I am running late for my date. I am sure you are a nice person, but I have to stay in my comfort zone and I am not comfortable right now.

Later!

MLWI: You know, riff, I get the sense you just sent me an emoticon through the phone. Are you implying I have no soul? You see, I thought we connected. I like you. I mean, I really, really like you. You're smart and....available. You understand me. Please?

riff: (pause)

MLWI: Listen, why don't you just stop by so we can talk about it. Seriously, just to talk. I wouldn't feel right if we didn't at least process this. See you in a few minutes?

riff:

 

[riff]

I am late for my date. No. Now I am very uncomfortable. Call your therapist. I gotta go. Goodbye MLWI!

 

[alexandraaah]

riff: I am late for my date. No. Now I am very uncomfortable. Call your therapist. I gotta go. Goodbye MLWI!

MLWI: (waiting to see if riff pauses before hanging up.)

riff: (pauses)

MLWI: Okay then, have a good day, riffy-poo.

riff: (shivers at the pet name) Uh, yeah bye.

****************************************************

riff's feeling good. It's 3:17am, he's happily buzzed, doin' what he does around the house at 3:17am...all's well in the world of the emotionally responsible...

phone ring

riff looks at the phone, hmmm...Mom, dad? No way. Friends...nope...suddenly, riff shivers.

phone ring, phone ring

riff: ....hello?

MLWI: sob, sniffle sob...

riff: hello? Who's there? MLWI, is that you?

MLWI: sniffle, nose wipe.. yeah, hey riff..what are you doing?

riff:

 

[Problem Child]

riff-

Eight words for you: Jenna Jameson realistic life-like pussy and anus.

Just a suggestion intended to uncomplicate your life.

 

[riff]

riff: I am late for my date. No. Now I am very uncomfortable. Call your therapist. I gotta go. Goodbye MLWI!

MLWI: (waiting to see if riff pauses before hanging up.)

riff: (pauses)

MLWI: Okay then, have a good day, riffy-poo.

riff: (shivers at the pet name) Uh, yeah bye.

****************************************************

riff's feeling good. It's 3:17am, he's happily buzzed, doin' what he does around the house at 3:17am...all's well in the world of the emotionally responsible...

phone ring

riff looks at the phone, hmmm...Mom, dad? No way. Friends...nope...suddenly, riff shivers.

phone ring, phone ring

riff: ....hello?

MLWI: sob, sniffle sob...

riff: hello? Who's there? MLWI, is that you?

MLWI: sniffle, nose wipe.. yeah, hey riff..what are you doing?

riff:

 

[riff]

~hangs up, turns ringer off, takes an Ambien, goes to literotica and posts about it~