Wedding customs from around the world.

[matriarch]

Dr. Mab made a comment about wedding rings and the hand they are worn on, in his thread about clits....it made me curious, so I looked some of it up.

And contrary to my assumptions, not everyone in the western world wears their wedding rings on their left hand:

Germans:
- Wear wedding rings on the right hand - the groom and the bride have normally identical rings (wedding "bands" -- no diamonds).

- The bride carries lengths of white ribbon with her bouquet, and after the church ceremony is over and the guests are leaving the church, she hands each driver a ribbon that they tie to the radio antenna.

- Polterabend - this is an informal (informal dress and food) party at the evening before the wedding where plates and dishes are smashed (the broken pieces are thought to bring good luck to the bride). The bride and groom have to clean up everything.

I also found this answer to 'on which hand is the wedding ring worn?':
Left hand. It is believed there is vein in the third finger of the left hand that ran directly to the heart. Thus, the ring being placed on that finger, denoted the strong connection of a heartfelt love and commitment to one another. Although during times of modern autopsy, this long held belief was found not to be so, the tradition continued to this day.

Medieval bridegrooms place the ring on three of the bride's fingers, in turn, to symbolize, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. The ring then remained on the third finger and has become the customary ring finger for English-speaking cultures. In some European countries, the ring is worn on the left hand before marriage, and is moved to the right hand during the ceremony. However, in most European countries the ring is still worn on the brides left hand. A Greek Orthodox bride wears her ring on her left had before marriage, and moves it to her right hand after the ceremony.

Filipinos believe: Dropping the wedding ring, the veil or a coin in the arrhae during the ceremony spells unhappiness for the couple.

Hey, I'm not doing all the research, we're a diverse community here, culture and nationality-wise...anyone else got some traditions for us??

 

[Dar~]

Jewish Weddings are really complex...the part that seems neat to me is this: sheva brachos, or seven blessings, are recited, either by one Rabbi, or at many weddings a different blessing is given to various people the families wish to honor. The blessings are also recited over a full cup of wine. The blessings begin with praising G-d for His creation in general and creation of the human being and proceed with praise for the creation of the human as a "two part creature," woman and man. The blessings express the hope that the new couple will rejoice together forever as though they are the original couple, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The blessings also include a prayer that Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt and restored with the Temple in its midst and the Jewish people within her gates.

At this point the couple again share in drinking the cup of wine, and the groom breaks a glass by stamping on it. This custom dates back to Talmudic times, and symbolizes the idea of our keeping Jerusalem and Israel in our minds even at times of our joy. Just as the Temple in Jerusalem is destroyed, so we break a utensil to show our identification with the sorrow of Jewish exile. The verse, "If I forget thee O' Jerusalem, let my right hand forget its cunning: If I do not raise thee over my own joy, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth", is sometimes recited at this point. With the breaking of the glass the band plays, and the guests usually break out into dancing and cries of "Mazaltov! Mazaltov!" (Some say, tongue in cheek, that this moment symbolizes the last time the groom gets to "put his foot down")

 

[oggbashan]

Extracts from Manners and Rules of Good Society 1906

A WEDDING BREAKFAST is now termed a luncheon, champagne and other wines take the place of tea and coffee, which beverages are not served until the end of the luncheon.*

*At weddings which take place at 2.30 p.m., (Og's note: recently changed to be the latest time for weddings to start) a luncheon is frequently given at 3, followed by a "tea" at 4.

THE MENU generally comprises soup, entrées both hot and cold; chicken, games, mayonnaises, salads, jellies, creams, etc., and other dishes of like character.

The sweets should be placed on the table, fruit also.

The entrées, etc., should be handed by the servants, the sweets should also be taken off the table by the men-servants and handed round in turn.

At a standing-up luncheon the gentlemen should help the ladies and themselves to the various dishes on the table, as dishes are not handed round at this description of luncheon; but entrées and soup are not given.

THE OLD-FASHIONED CUSTOM of throwing satin slippers after the bride is sometimes observed, foolish as it is. It is the best man's or the head bridesmaid's privilege to perform this ridiculous act.

When rice is thrown after a bride it should be scattered by the married and not by the unmarried ladies present; but since the publication of a former work in which these practices were discouraged they have been greatly discontinued.

STREWING THE BRIDE'S PATH WITH FLOWERS from the church to the carriage by village children is a custom much followed at weddings which take place in the country.

THE HONEYMOON now seldom lasts longer than a week or ten days. Many brides prefer spending their honeymoon in their future home, if it happens to be in the country, instead of making a hurried trip to Paris or elsewhere, or to spending it at the country house of a friend, lent to them for the purpose. But it is entirely a matter of individual feeling which course is taken.

THE BRIDE'S TROUSSEAU should be marked with the initials of the name she is to take.

THE BRIDEGROOM SHOULD PROVIDE the house-linen and all other things appertaining to the bride's new home.

THE WEDDING PRESENTS should be despatched to the bride's residence immediately after the wedding, and they should at once be put in their various places, and not arranged for the purpose of showing to visitors.

THE BRIDAL WREATH should not be worn after the wedding-day. The bridal wreath, the bridal bouquet, and the orange blossoms from the wedding-cake, if treasured as mementos of the happy event, should be preserved in the recesses of a locked drawer in the bride's chamber, and not exhibited under glass shades in the living room.

THE CUSTOM OF SENDING WEDDING CAKE to friends is an exploded one, and only followed between near relations.

WEDDING CARDS are, strictly speaking, out of date, and only sent by people who adhere to old-fashioned customs.

THE WORDS "NO CARDS" should not be inserted when the announcement of a marriage is sent to the newspapers, neither should the intimation be added that the bride and bridegroom will be "At home" on certain days.

More to come...

Og

 

[impressive]

Indian weddings fascinate me. In particular, the dress.

I once employed a young woman who was new to the US. She spoke very heavily-accented English (although her comprehension was excellent). She was in the States as a newlywed. Hers was an arranged marriage, and she'd known her husband (and that she'd eventually marry him) since she was 7 years old. He'd been in the US for several years attending college & starting a business.

Sumi. Her name just popped into my head. Her name was Sumi.

Anyway, Sumi showed me pictures of her wedding. There were a whole bunch of women garbed in ornate sarees in varying shades of red. The younger women wore the more vibrant colors. I asked about this & she told me that in her culture, women wore their wedding sarees to all future weddings. The older women's were simply faded from years of wear, not understated due to age.

 

[cloudy]

In Ojibway weddings, at the end the couple is wrapped in a blanket - usually a quilt - that someone has made for them, normally a relative.

Handmade blankets are believed to contain part of the person that made them, in a protective way. The wrapping together meaning is obvious.

 

[oggbashan]

Cutting the cake

1906 version:

When the sweets have been handed the bride should cut the wedding cake. This she does by merely making the first incision with a knife; it should then be cut by the butler into small slices, and handed on dessert plates to the guests.

Modern Etiquette and Successful Behaviour, Moyra Bremner, Hutchinson Reference, London 1989:

Our staid cake ceremony seems tame by comparision with the high jinks of other centuries. In Tudor times guests delighted in throwing little bridal cakes at the bride. (Rock cakes anyone?) Even when later generations linked little cakes into one big cake with marzipan and icing they were released from their sweet imprisonment by breaking the confection over the heads of the bride and groom. The practice was still alive in 1872 when a wedding historian wrote: "So tenacious are men of superstitious practices and pleasant social ways that a monstrous, costly wedding cake... is even yet knocked and wrenched into fragments, in a north country yeoman's parlour, over the head of a blushing lass.".

Og

 

[cloudy]

1906 version:

When the sweets have been handed the bride should cut the wedding cake. This she does by merely making the first incision with a knife; it should then be cut by the butler into small slices, and handed on dessert plates to the guests.

Modern Etiquette and Successful Behaviour, Moyra Bremner, Hutchinson Reference, London 1989:

Our staid cake ceremony seems tame by comparision with the high jinks of other centuries. In Tudor times guests delighted in throwing little bridal cakes at the bride. (Rock cakes anyone?) Even when later generations linked little cakes into one big cake with marzipan and icing they were released from their sweet imprisonment by breaking the confection over the heads of the bride and groom. The practice was still alive in 1872 when a wedding historian wrote: "So tenacious are men of superstitious practices and pleasant social ways that a monstrous, costly wedding cake... is even yet knocked and wrenched into fragments, in a north country yeoman's parlour, over the head of a blushing lass.".

Og

Now the custom is for the bride and groom to mash cake in each other's faces instead of daintily feeding each other a bite.

(I like this one much better)

 

[Just-Legal]

Now the custom is for the bride and groom to mash cake in each other's faces instead of daintily feeding each other a bite.

(I like this one much better)

Hey, any of that cake goes NEAR my dress and I *will* kill him. *brilliant smile* Cake and velvet don't mix

 

[cloudy]

Hey, any of that cake goes NEAR my dress and I *will* kill him. *brilliant smile* Cake and velvet don't mix

He'll just have to mash carefully.

 

[Just-Legal]

He'll just have to mash carefully.

He's more likely to throw it at my sister, or my dad.

On topic, I've never understood the rice/confetti thing. I might go look it up now my interest has been re-piqued.

((You do know your AV is rather distracting, right Cloudy?))

 

[cloudy]

He's more likely to throw it at my sister, or my dad.

On topic, I've never understood the rice/confetti thing. I might go look it up now my interest has been re-piqued.

((You do know your AV is rather distracting, right Cloudy?))

The rice symbolizes fertility. By showering the bride and groom with it, the guests are wishing them fertility.

(thank you )

 

[oggbashan]

The Bridal Bed: Joseph Braddock

Subtitled: The First Collection of Marriage-Bed Customs from Courtship to Consummation.

Extract the First:

One of the queerest beliefs ever associated with bridals was that marriage by a woman in a state of nudity, or wearing only a chemise, exempted her husband from payment of her debts. The error may have originated in a misreading of the law, which laid down, that "the husband is liable for his wife's debts, because he acquires an absolute interest in the personal estate of the wife, etc.". From this a simple person might assume that, if his wife had no estate at all, he could incur no liability!

A Fleet Street register refers to an eighteenth century bride who ran across Ludgate Hill in her shift. In his Social Life Under the Regency John Ashton tells of a widow, who, at Grimsby, on August 23rd, 1815, to spare her second husband any debts incurred by her first husband, "proceeded out of the window, in a state of nudity, where she was received into the arms of her intended, in the presence of two substantial witnesses.". At Whitehaven, in 1766, a woman was even married inside a church in nothing but her shift.

Og

 

[TheeGoatPig]

((You do know your AV is rather distracting, right Cloudy?))

Distracting, enticing, thought provoking...

 

[McKenna]

Dutch Protestants wear wedding bands on their right hands; Dutch Catholics wear wedding bands on their left hands.

There is no "engagement" ring, there are only wedding bands.

Marriages are only legal if performed by a government official (church weddings, though common, are not legal; most couples who are religious have two ceremonies, one at the court house, and a larger, more "official" (unofficial?!)) one at the church.

I was married in a small courthouse in a tiny village called Jisp (pronounced Yisp). The courthouse was built in the 16th century. Very cozy, small, and unforgettable.

There isn't a traditional wedding cake, "traditional" in the sense of American wedding cakes, layer upon layer of caked iced with elaborate decorations. I think they might serve tart, which is much, much different. I baked my own wedding cake.

A lot of couples in Holland opt not to wear the traditional wedding white dresses; they have elaborate and beautiful dresses made in every shade of color, often with fancy hats and accessories to go with it.

Once a woman is married, she does not "automatically" take on the surname of her husband; if a woman wants to take her husband's surname, she must request to do so. About 50% of the women in Holland do not take their husband's name, and this is not a new, 20th or 21st century custom.

Hmm, can't think of any more at the moment, but if I do, I'll add more later.


Me and Mr. McK on our wedding day, Purmerend, The Netherlands.
(We hired a fancy car to drive us around that day. )

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e395/KennaMc/FDCarII.jpg

 

[McKenna]

I asked about this & she told me that in her culture, women wore their wedding sarees to all future weddings. The older women's were simply faded from years of wear, not understated due to age.

What a wonderful idea! Why get only one day's use out of an expensive wedding dress?!

 

[rgraham666]

Love the expression on your face in your wedding photo, McKenna.

 

[Lady Legs]

Not so much a custom as a note.

I hand fasted in a Red Dress which I still wear often (in fact most days) mostly as we organised the ceremony in about a week before the event we were attending.

 

[TheEarl]

My baobei and I are planning on having a pagan handfastening some time after we have been legally married. It doesn't count as a legally binding marriage, despite paganism being a recognised religion, because it has the distinction of being for a fixed period of time, traditionally a year and a day. It's designed to be renewed, so that the promises of love and commitment are reiterated, rather than just assumed for the long term.

The common actions and traditions involve a recitation of promises, sometimes orated by friends and family for the couple to agree to, and a ceremonial binding of hands. However, as paganism, as a whole, is very free form, there are few hard and fast traditions in handfastening, which means that each couple's ceremony is personal and individual. In our case, we actually follow different branches of the same religion (She leans towards being a Greek patheon related pagan, whilst I'm a Wiccan), so our ceremony will no doubt entwine both our beliefs and practises.

The Earl

 

[McKenna]

My baobei and I are planning on having a pagan handfastening some time after we have been legally married. It doesn't count as a legally binding marriage, despite paganism being a recognised religion, because it has the distinction of being for a fixed period of time, traditionally a year and a day. It's designed to be renewed, so that the promises of love and commitment are reiterated, rather than just assumed for the long term.

I really like this thought.

My husband and I have talked about renewing our vows on our 10th anniversary. We want to do it in the States since this is where our life is now. We want to do it because we both know how much we've been through in the eight years we've been together (six of which we've been married) and when we reach that ten year anniversary, it will truly be a milestone worth celebrating.

I believe your ceremony will be lovely, The.