Mr. Bootie
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If one is not in a bdsm relatioship is it still okay to have your partner wear a collar?
Wearing a collar when not "collared".
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Shadowsdream
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why not?Mr. Bootie said:
Mr. Bootie
Da Bootieman is back!!
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Hi there Shadow thank you for replying.
I bring this up cause I've heard of some people getting bent out of shape over seeing this. I was just wondering if it was looked down upon if one is wearing a collar and not "collared'.
I'm all for it. In fact I've seen a few nice ones with the lock and key that I like.
I bring this up cause I've heard of some people getting bent out of shape over seeing this. I was just wondering if it was looked down upon if one is wearing a collar and not "collared'.
I'm all for it. In fact I've seen a few nice ones with the lock and key that I like.
Shadowsdream
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Re: Hi there Shadow thank you for replying.
Collars have been worn for hundreds of years for one reason or another. Generally having nothing to do with BDSM but more to do with fashion.
Often I see collars on submissives at events and munches that have never had a Mistress or a Master but they are making a statement of who they are. I have no problem with this.
Training collars are something I use a great deal privately and publicly...yet the submissive is not My collared toy.
A collar that is placed on a submissive as a permanent collar when the two parties have no idea of its significance...that I find sad for a fleeting moment before I mind My own business.
Mr. Bootie said:
Collars have been worn for hundreds of years for one reason or another. Generally having nothing to do with BDSM but more to do with fashion.
Often I see collars on submissives at events and munches that have never had a Mistress or a Master but they are making a statement of who they are. I have no problem with this.
Training collars are something I use a great deal privately and publicly...yet the submissive is not My collared toy.
A collar that is placed on a submissive as a permanent collar when the two parties have no idea of its significance...that I find sad for a fleeting moment before I mind My own business.
dragonlace
a wolfs angel
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In my opinion, the two are two very different things. Wearing a collar and being collared are very different. One can wear a collar for looks or for play but it doesn't mean they are collared. Its just a matter of fashion or usefulness when one wears a collar.
Whether they are collared or not, collars can be useful in forms of bondage and are used as such. It doesn't bother me one little bit when one uses a collar for play as its sometimes required, as how can one be lead on a leash without a collar.
Also being collared doesn't necessarily involve a set collar, for me i was collared in my heart before i ever wore His collar so being collared had nothing to do with actually wearing one. I know i am rambling so i will quit...i just hope some of what i said makes sense
Whether they are collared or not, collars can be useful in forms of bondage and are used as such. It doesn't bother me one little bit when one uses a collar for play as its sometimes required, as how can one be lead on a leash without a collar.
Also being collared doesn't necessarily involve a set collar, for me i was collared in my heart before i ever wore His collar so being collared had nothing to do with actually wearing one. I know i am rambling so i will quit...i just hope some of what i said makes sense
I think putting a collar on a submissive during play is possible and wonderful - without it being a permanent decision. The first time I wore one and he grabbed the ring at the front and pulled me into a kiss I could not escape - I felt things in my body stop and tingle. And I wanted him to do it again and again, and I yanked my arms to put them around his neck but found them locked behind my back by cuffs and again, i felt my pussy clench and my heart speed up. But the significance of that collar at that time... was not that of a submissive being collared by her one true dominant. However, the experience was powerful and wonderful none-the-less... I unforunately cannot tell you what the difference is to be collared in other ways. But I can tell you that to wear a collar is not the same as to be collared, that I know and understand now. And I will also say, that since then, I have become much more educated.. and now will be more hesitant about accepting a collar and even more likely to question the significance of a collar until i know its use and meaning. I imagine myself one day, hopefully having a private ceremony that involves a collar 
i want to add.... SD, I love the new AV... such a beautiful woman! and such a wonderful knowing smile... sure to melt many hearts here at Lit
i want to add.... SD, I love the new AV... such a beautiful woman! and such a wonderful knowing smile... sure to melt many hearts here at Lit
Mr. Bootie
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Shadow Thank you for the post.
Yeah, I was looking at a few collars for training and play purposes. I've got to stay away from those sites. Everytime I go into one. I see more items and toys that I want to get.
Collars and clamps. I LIKE 'EM
Yeah, I was looking at a few collars for training and play purposes. I've got to stay away from those sites. Everytime I go into one. I see more items and toys that I want to get.
Collars and clamps. I LIKE 'EM
serijules
just seri
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One time during a flogging/whipping scene with a dom I met at a party (first time meeting him, first time playing)...he put a collar on me just as the scene was about to begin. We had absolutely no connection to one another other than many mutual friends (which is why I trusted to play with him on first meeting him) and it made for a wonderful scene, really put me into that submissive mode. It was lovely.
niteshade
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Quite simply... what does it matter what anyone else thinks about how you use your collar? If you want your sub to wear one all the time because it gives you a woodie, or you want something to yank, or because she is uncomfortable doing it and you are asserting yourself, who has the right to tell you no? You aren't harming anyone, and as far as I know, we haven't adopted the leash laws...yet 
Completely off topic, but Shadowsdream, if your new AV is of yourself, you are a lovely woman. Simply lovely.
Completely off topic, but Shadowsdream, if your new AV is of yourself, you are a lovely woman. Simply lovely.
SierraMoon
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i know that for me, wearing a play collar, or even just my everyday reminder necklace makes me feel beautiful and wanted. All i have to do it touch it, and i'm reminded of my place with Him.
Shadowsdream
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~~smile~~ thank you...all of My avs are Me ~~back on topic!niteshade said:Quite simply... what does it matter what anyone else thinks about how you use your collar? If you want your sub to wear one all the time because it gives you a woodie, or you want something to yank, or because she is uncomfortable doing it and you are asserting yourself, who has the right to tell you no? You aren't harming anyone, and as far as I know, we haven't adopted the leash laws...yet
Completely off topic, but Shadowsdream, if your new AV is of yourself, you are a lovely woman. Simply lovely.
I dunno...I kind of think about the often-mentioned parallel of collars to wedding or engagement rings, and look at it from that angle. I guess it's like wearing a nice ring on that particular finger, maybe a "promise ring" or something like that. I find those kind of cute. I don't think the parallel holds up very well though, because I'm much more likely to look askance at a ringed, unclaimed person than a collared, unclaimed one.
Yeah, big difference between "wearing a collar" and "being collared." I'm not hardcore pro-collar in the first place, so I don't get huffy.
Yeah, big difference between "wearing a collar" and "being collared." I'm not hardcore pro-collar in the first place, so I don't get huffy.
lark sparrow
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A collar and locked cuffs add a peace and eroticism to my sleep routine in the evening, with or without a partner - sue me! Of course, permission in one form or another can be a good thing.
Etoile
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Don't believe anything that tells you must be done - BDSM is a very individual practice. If somebody wants to have a big formal collaring ceremony, they can do that. If a dom just puts it on and says "you're mine" that counts too.Hajar said:
I don't think any collar is going to pass as 100% vanilla, simply because the typical norm-on-the-street doesn't wear collars. Any collar is going to have an element of subversion or subculture - punk, goth, or something else along those lines. It's more a matter of what vanilla people are used to seeing on those subcultures. There are some collars that are definitely not what vanillas are used to seeing - the collar Daddy gave me is a posture collar, and not suitable to wear in vanilla situations because it calls a lot of attention to us. (Sometimes we do like that!) So I have another one that I can wear out that's much simpler.
SierraMoon
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i'm not collared by my Dom... but i wear a simple choker necklace as a reminder of my submission to Him.... it keeps me in a wonderful headspace all day long
Shadowsdream
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wolf2002 said:Ma'am, I must agree. Your picture is absolutely stunning...
wolf
~~smile~~ I must thank you as well!
SweetDommes
Spoiling our pets
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*off topic* I agree with the others Shadows - I can only hope that I always look as good as you seem to.
*back on topic*
We have given what we term "training collars" to our boy, and the potentials who came before him. They were simple chains with padlocks that drew no attention from the general population - they can wear them pretty much all the time that there isn't a specific dress code (the military boy figured it wouldn't go over well with his uniform - I can't immagine why lol). We equate those (for us) to about the same as trading class rings or class keys in school - we're "a couple" (using the definition loosely, since there are 3 of us), but it's not 'The Collar' yet. I would put more here, but I know that our boy trolls us, and I don't want him seeing any of what is going on in my devious mind right now
When we do Collar our boy(s), there will be a simple, quick ceremony, probably including a legal wedding, followed by receptions for family and friends, most of whom will be told that we eloped, and will be given no hint of the D/s of our relationship.
As for collars that will pass as nilla - I have one that I absolutely love, and it's simple and small enough that most people won't notice it at all. http://www.sblades.com/product_deta...ge=bkneck.jpg&ProductName=Blacklock neckchain The ones that we have for our boys are a bit bigger than that one. We found some padlocks on clearance at Wal-mart shortly after we thought we had our first boy - a set of four - and as four is the max number of boys we want, we decided to get them, and as we found boys that we wanted to put the training collars on, we found appropriate chains to put them on (we used choke chains clasped together with the padlock). If you'd like to see that, I believe that our boy still has the pic of his as his av - his sn is ghosst_K&H. Etoile is right that no collar will pass as totally nilla, but you can find some that are close enough, or you could also pick out a special chain that the sub will wear as a symbolic collar (like SierraMoon's choker, and our boy has a gold chain that is simple and goes unnoticed that he wears when we are going to be seeing family).
Miss Karen
*back on topic*
We have given what we term "training collars" to our boy, and the potentials who came before him. They were simple chains with padlocks that drew no attention from the general population - they can wear them pretty much all the time that there isn't a specific dress code (the military boy figured it wouldn't go over well with his uniform - I can't immagine why lol). We equate those (for us) to about the same as trading class rings or class keys in school - we're "a couple" (using the definition loosely, since there are 3 of us), but it's not 'The Collar' yet. I would put more here, but I know that our boy trolls us, and I don't want him seeing any of what is going on in my devious mind right now
When we do Collar our boy(s), there will be a simple, quick ceremony, probably including a legal wedding, followed by receptions for family and friends, most of whom will be told that we eloped, and will be given no hint of the D/s of our relationship.
As for collars that will pass as nilla - I have one that I absolutely love, and it's simple and small enough that most people won't notice it at all. http://www.sblades.com/product_deta...ge=bkneck.jpg&ProductName=Blacklock neckchain The ones that we have for our boys are a bit bigger than that one. We found some padlocks on clearance at Wal-mart shortly after we thought we had our first boy - a set of four - and as four is the max number of boys we want, we decided to get them, and as we found boys that we wanted to put the training collars on, we found appropriate chains to put them on (we used choke chains clasped together with the padlock). If you'd like to see that, I believe that our boy still has the pic of his as his av - his sn is ghosst_K&H. Etoile is right that no collar will pass as totally nilla, but you can find some that are close enough, or you could also pick out a special chain that the sub will wear as a symbolic collar (like SierraMoon's choker, and our boy has a gold chain that is simple and goes unnoticed that he wears when we are going to be seeing family).
Miss Karen
