Weak vs Strong

[SweetGigi]

He wants you back so hes gonna do every little thing he thinks will impress you.

In about 95% of such cases my advice ends up being that he should be ignored.

I think you should judge him not by how you feel now, but how you felt when you where together.

Good luck

I am fairly certain that I am mostly, at this time, the one that got away and now a conquest of sorts. Jim doesn't do well when he loses anything and will do what it takes to get what he wants. I am a prize to be had now that I am not at his beck and call any more and esp since there are others who have piqued my interest, it is all eating him up inside.

 

[YourCaptor]

I am fairly certain that I am mostly, at this time, the one that got away and now a conquest of sorts. Jim doesn't do well when he loses anything and will do what it takes to get what he wants. I am a prize to be had now that I am not at his beck and call any more and esp since there are others who have piqued my interest, it is all eating him up inside.

I’m the same way, I get deeply jealous, but only exclusively over women, nothing else. And way to quickly, she just has to be my friend and I turn viciously jealous. For me its not a prize thing though, it’s the control, its knowing that if she is with me I know what’s happening and I can influence her.

A word of advice from the red handed,

run, run while you still can!!!

Ahem, yes... but really, impulses are a bad thing to act on in times like this.

 

[Netzach]

The other day while talking to Jim, we hit on a topic that has left me wondering and curious to pick the brains of others.

As some of you know, I have started up with a cuck in exploration of my DOMME side and things are going very well it seems. I am throughly enjoying this new aspect/situation and learning more about myself as well as him.

At one point while talking to Jim about all this, he made the comment that I had to 'remain strong' in the eyes of my cuck and not to 'show him any of my weaknesses'. He went on to explain that to show him my faults and to allow him to see that 'softer side' of me would be detrimental to my command and control of him. He continued by saying that if I am to stay in control, it is best to never let him see the submissive side of me.

The thought of these comments struck me oddly. Part of me feels that one of the reasons Jim and I have had so much trouble is because of his inability to show me is compassion and his 'softer' side. I have always felt that if he had just showed his feelings more, we would have had a better dynamic. Seeing his insight as to how to handle my own bottom has shown me part of why he is who he is. That it isn't so much that he 'can't' show his feelings, (because he most certainly is doing that now-a-days) but that he feels by doing so, it creates a weakness in him that I can't/won't respect.

So I pose it to you, fine litsters. What are your thoughts of weakness versus strength in the PYL position? Do you feel that by showing your 'softer' side you are creating a fault line in the relationship? Or do you feel that part of being a good PYL is allowing your pyl to see all the facets of your personality?

Depends on the cuck.
What he's missing is that for some cuckolds it reinforces the position even better to know that the woman who totally bosses them around is trumped in the power game by someone else. For some people it's a total plus.

I was very open about my interest in bottoming to the man who tops me some of the time with H, and he greeted this with complete equanimity, because for him what I *want* goes without saying. It's an assertive act to do what I want, whether he likes it or not.

I mean, are you the Domme if you do and don't do every last thing with a mind as to how your submissive is going to like it? Do what you want and if he wants to be part of your world then that's HIS job to accept. If he's having a hard time with it, give him some tools and some reinforcement in it. A lot of the cuckolds I've talked to and the ones I'm with are better able to articulate their feelings on this than other men speculating based on their needs and wants. It could go either way, but you probably could tell from reading your cuck really closely or talking about it with him.

 

[SweetGigi]

Depends on the cuck.
What he's missing is that for some cuckolds it reinforces the position even better to know that the woman who totally bosses them around is trumped in the power game by someone else. For some people it's a total plus.

I've been waiting for ya, Netzach, thanks for stoppin' by.

Yes, the cuck LOVES that I am submissive by choice to other men while dominating him completely. He loves to hear stories, be made to feel unworthy and begs me to let him be used for everything he is and has. He thrives on the idea of me submitting to another man while knowing he can never have me. But, on the other hand he really likes being able to know about me in other aspects of my life. He enjoys knowing that I am fragile and require a firm hand in some instances. So I think things go hand in hand really well and it seems we have a balance that works well for us.

 

[Netzach]

I've been waiting for ya, Netzach, thanks for stoppin' by.

Yes, the cuck LOVES that I am submissive by choice to other men while dominating him completely. He loves to hear stories, be made to feel unworthy and begs me to let him be used for everything he is and has. He thrives on the idea of me submitting to another man while knowing he can never have me. But, on the other hand he really likes being able to know about me in other aspects of my life. He enjoys knowing that I am fragile and require a firm hand in some instances. So I think things go hand in hand really well and it seems we have a balance that works well for us.

So - Jim obviously doesn't know cucks. Have fun!

 

[EmpressFi]

I cant speak for Master, but I know he shows his softer side, we talk about his fears, and I tell him mine. In doing this, our bond is stronger and stronger. When he tells me something that worries him, it doesnt detract from his dominance at all. If anything, it reinforces the trust that's between us and reinforces the security of my importance in his life

 

[DVS]

I'm sorry, if I repeat what someone else has already said, but I don't have the time to read all of these posts, today. I did skim through the thread, though, and I think I do have something to add. You be the judge.

Emotion is a part of us. Oh, I know men have a difficult time showing emotion. It's been driven into us by coaches, fathers, etc. not to show our softer side, but we do feel. I still have a problem with it, but I try to show more of my inner self when possible. But, I don't show it to just anybody.

It is much easier to allow a woman who I feel comfortable with to see my softer side. And she doesn't have to be someone I know. She could be a stranger. I just feel able to open up to such women. Now with men, I'm just like we're back in the locker room.

Oh, I have a few men friends who I've known for ever and we will sometimes talk about such things, but not that much. And my job doesn't allow me to show my softer side, at all.

In a BDSM relationship, I would find it difficult to be the Dom or Master all of the time. It might be why I don't desire a 24/7 situation, if it would be like that. I'm able to be the Dom when it's necessary, but I want to be just me, any other time. I have many facets to my personality that I don't show. Even on this forum, you all don't know a major part of me. But that might be more because I don't want to be outed. Yes, I live a double life, to a point.

But the dominant partner in a couple is sometimes required to be the stronger one and not show the softer side. And I don't think this is required. People should be able to catagorize emotions and know when it's OK to show and also know when it's OK to see and allow certain emotions in someone.

I'm strong when I play the Dom, but I'm also playful. I'll maybe seem like I'm not as strong as I am, and the submissive will sometimes challenge my strength. I'll allow her to test me a little, but if shes tries too much, she'll find out that there's only one of us that's the top and it isn't her.

So, I don't know if I would agree with your Jim on showing your stronger side all of the time. I think you can be playful or sensitive at times, and even seem to be soft. Oh, I do think it might be more sexy to be the strong one, during any scene, though. Part of the submissive's desire is to know who the boss is.

You can show softer emotions in a scene, as long as you can counter them, if and when it's necessary. But, showing anything imature, indecisive or basically anything less than sufficient power to control the situation is not only going to lessen your Domme style, but also lessen the submissive's role, too.

 

[Netzach]

I think it's more a balance. I'm actually a remarkably indecisive and type B person - when I don't feel it's really important. When I feel like there's something at stake though, it's like I'm a completely different person.

 

[BiBunny]

I think it's more of a matter of showing emotions gracefully than a matter of not showing them at all. If I turn into a stereotypical whining, crying, fly-into-vapors-at-anything female, no self-respecting sub is going to want to be with me because it shows that I don't have any control over myself and my emotions, so why would he/she think I'd be able to have control of him/her? If some guy deals with his rage by throwing things and punching walls, I don't want to submit to him.

It's ok to feel emotions, and it's ok to show that you're not Superwoman all the time. (This is something I still struggle with daily.) People--Dom/mes, subs, switches, whatever--just have to be able to control their emotions rather than letting their emotions control them in order to have healthy relationships. I learned the hard way that flat effect gets one nowhere. One of my crazy exes showed me that flying off the handle has the exact same effect. There's a happy medium in there, though, that's perfectly acceptable and allows a good bit of flexibility.

 

[rida]

Seeing my PLY soft, caring, emphatic, human and yes maybe weak side is not going to make him any less of a PYL in my eyes.

The same way someone that is always controlling, bossing and distant is not going to be seen necessarily as a PYL.

The importance of sharing the softer, emotional and vulnerable side depend on the type of relationship: something necessary for the success of a long term relationship whether is vanilla or BDSM, and probably not necessary for a casual play one.

The only weakness that will make me lose respect for my PLY is the same kind of weakness that will make me lose respect for any human being: the lack of inner strength, lack of conviction, lack of principles and loyalty.