Ways to make my stories better

[Nosnos20]

I’ve written 3 stories so far and have 2 more pending….was wondering if anybody had any feedback for me.

Here is one of the ones that were submitted and approved. https://literotica.com/s/hooking-up-with-my-roomate

 

[ElectricBlue]

You can feel the enthusiasm, but you can also see the haste. Do a tighter editing pass before you submit your next story, because you've got a fair few very avoidable mistakes, especially in your dialogue.

In particular, punctuation within a dialogue sentence goes inside the quotation marks, not outside; and you need to be consistent with your commas, you're hit and miss.

Keep up the enthusiasm, but do a tighter edit!

 

[Nosnos20]

Thank you!

 

[lustychimera]

I could follow along really well, and you hit on a great wish-fulfillment trope--lusting after a roommate--, on top of the bi-curious "only have eyes for you" one, so that's a great premise already.

I would like stronger descriptions for the sex. Like the big moment when they finally kiss is just kinda brushed aside with "We kissed." That's doesn't help me know how it feels, as in, the passionate sensations of it.

The "I licked the vein near the top of his dick" is great; it's really precise and puts me in the moment. It's easy to imagine and get into.

 

[Nosnos20]

I could follow along really well, and you hit on a great wish-fulfillment trope--lusting after a roommate--, on top of the bi-curious "only have eyes for you" one, so that's a great premise already.

I would like stronger descriptions for the sex. Like the big moment when they finally kiss is just kinda brushed aside with "We kissed." That's doesn't help me know how it feels, as in, the passionate sensations of it.

The "I licked the vein near the top of his dick" is great; it's really precise and puts me in the moment. It's easy to imagine and get into.

Thank you for the feedback! The details are one of the things I struggle with. Thanks!

 

[Mr_Blackr0se]

It was very rushed, especially the action. Draw it out more, show me how your protagonist is feeling. Is his pulse racing? Is he starting to sweat? And I'm not a fan of describing the main characters. Work the descriptions into your story organically. Dialog is a good way to go. "Hey, just how tall are you?" "Love the blue shirt, it matches your eyes." That sort of stuff.