Ways to Confuse Trick-or-Treaters

cloudy

Alabama Slammer
Joined
Mar 23, 2004
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I'm pretty sure I've posted these at some Halloween in years past, but my sick sense of humor still loves them (especially #7 :D ).

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, “Trick or Treat!” Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, “Top Secret” in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, “It’s about time you got here,” give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, “Come in.” When they do, have everyone yell, “Surprise!!!” Act like it’s a surprise party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural “whirring” sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don’t move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.

8. When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, “Crawl for it!”

9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.
10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M&M’s and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don’t have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.

20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you’re finished.
 
21. Lecture them for half-an-hour on the topic that Trick-or-Treating is an American import, a commercial marketing ploy by retailers and has nothing to do with any English tradition of Halloween.

If they object, offer them a chance to bob for apples floating in a bucket of water lightly flavoured with rough cider, which custom celebrates the Roman Goddess Pomona, whose day it is.

Then they'll have to explain to their parents why their clothes stink of cider.

Og
 
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22 When they come to the door, have a topless woman there offering hooter-shooters of different flavours.

23 Open the door in a thong and just smile.

24 When they open their bags to get candy, reach in and take a handful out of each bag.
 
25.* Have your dad hand out the candy to trick-or-treaters wearing his suit slacks and belt pulled over his bulging gut and wearing no shirt, let him flirt with the moms and even some of the older girl trick or treaters - if he's got man boobs it's a plus!

*Actual anecdote from last year's Halloween at my house.
 
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26. Put the child-proof safety gate across the entrance so that they can't get within four yards of the front door and doorbell.

27. Go out for the evening to a show, leaving the house in darkness.

28. (My brother and his wife) Go on holiday to Libya, leaving the day before Halloween.

29. (Eldest and youngest daughter) Live on top floor of block of apartments with security code entrances.

30. (Middle daughter) Let the large dogs out into the yard. The dogs will bark loudly at any one approaching the front door after dark.

31. (Nephew) Live on a farm at the end of a long muddy track. Anyone approaching after dark will need sturdy wellington boots and a powerful torch, and have to pass three gates.

32. (Cousin) Live in rural Wales where Halloween is regarded as a serious crime and rabid Satanism, a crime worse than sheep-shagging or imbibing alcohol on the Sabbath, and the punishments are naming in Chapel and ostracisation from the community for the children and parents.

Og
 
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33 Open the door to trick-or-treaters and start taking candy out of the bag, saying you are the halloween tax collector and they have to pay up or go to jail.
 
34. Dig a moat around your house and fill it with electric eels.
 
35 Put all the candy in a large basket and put it at the front door. Leave the dog tied to the house, so he can just make it to the basket and no more. put a big sign up saying, "If you can get it, it's yours."
 
I love Halloween.

I'm pissed that my town doesn't.

I had two groups of trick or treaters- less than ten total. I have an enormous copy paper box FULL of candy and goodies.

Next year, regardless of where I am, I'm doing the full monty- haunted house, labyrinth in the front yard, the kids dressed up and performing as monsters in both, haunted trees in the yard, and candy by the bucket.

Cheap ass Southern towns... they make me want to spit-roast their virgins in my front yard as a pagan sacrifice.
 
36. When they ring the doorbell, jump out bound and gagged. Hop between them on your way out the door and down the street. See if any follow.
 
36. When they ring the doorbell, jump out bound and gagged. Hop between them on your way out the door and down the street. See if any follow.

lmao, i'm betting some would think you knew just where the best candy was and follow!
 
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