warning: rather confused babbling ahead

[entitled]

It seems the times are changing. i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's happening anyway.

In Our relationship, i am the sub. He is the Dom. That's the way it's supposed to be, period. We agreed on this a few years back. No problem, right?

Wrong.

Now He's pushing me to become more assertive (which is just ridiculous - i can be the pushiest little bitch to ever walk the face of the earth if needs be) in ALL aspects of life. He says it's for my own good, but... i guess i just don't see it that way. i see it as Him trying to push me to be something i'm not. i am not a dominant person, for the most part. It can happen occassionally.

Usually something like this wouldn't bother me much. THIS is different. Somehow He got me to enjoy being the dominant person for a short time. There was a definite feeling of fulfillment. Isn't that just wrong? It has never been in me to take charge of a situation unless i have to. It's not natural for me to do that. Then He comes along and makes me take over things for a while, and it just comes easily, which is very confusing.

i guess i just don't know how to handle it yet.

 

[cellis]

I don't see this as a confused rant... I see this as a major problem that some people experience when attempting to define the roles of the relationship...

There are several of us who switch... although I do perfer the submissive role with men... occassionally I take the dominant role with our play partner... It is fulfulling and helps me to understand the difficulty that Himself has in planning our time together and trying to be creative...

Perhaps after some time it is necessary for the two of you to redefine your roles...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Can empathise with your confusion and sounds like you both need to sit and talk this ot more to help you define where you stand and relate how it is making you feel. He may have his reasons which are unlike any you imagine. Is he referring to the D/s elements of your relationship, or is he suggesting it in other contexts only and the surprise has led you to misunderstand? Is a tough one if he is wanting you to switch so to speak.

I know the discussion has been had here, but never in the context of me dominating him as we both realise this is not where either of us want to be, but it has been discussed in the D/s sense as a means to deal with particular issues and circumstances I have some difficulties with, but not acted on as yet as the timing is not right and is not definite we want this to happen.

I would defiantely suggest discussion is needed for you both though as it is an important change and not one you can blindly obey when it is causing you so much psychological and emotional confusion. Maybe he just thinks you are trying to resist change without any basis for argument. With the time invested in the relationship it is worth talking about to him, or perhaps directing his attention to the thread if you find it hard to articulate to him adequately your distress. Good luck.

Catalina

 

[da grunt]

by entitled ... very confusing ...

Sometimes you girls are so silly. This is simple. He (these) is a man (are men) of honor. They cherish you and want to see your growth, to know that through your submission you own them, completely. Your growth is to his glory. That you know the way but prefer the other path is incidental, for you have ultimate freedom, the freedom to sacrifice yourself.

 

[Howling_Ire]

i agree with those who say talk with him..it could be he just wants yo uto learn some more about yourself... honestly when dealing with the real world being assertive is sometimes kinda nessicary. it dosen't make you not submissive to be able to be assertive and do what you need to and get what you want when it comes to the rest of the world..it just means you know how to take care of yourself

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: warning: rather confused babbling ahead

Sometimes you girls are so silly. This is simple. He (these) is a man (are men) of honor. They cherish you and want to see your growth, to know that through your submission you own them, completely. Your growth is to his glory. That you know the way but prefer the other path is incidental, for you have ultimate freedom, the freedom to sacrifice yourself.

A nice post.

Yes, he has a plan for you and may not be divulging it. He is only interested in your well being and that some dominance feels good and comes easily to you isn't a bad thing...as long as it is part of who you are.

Sometimes, I think we get too enmeshed in the entrapments that define BDSM. Being who you are and loving it is what it is about, not what role and when.

Remember these, even in dominance, you are doing this for him. Take satisfaction in that.

 

[entitled]

First of all, thanks for the responses. i'm glad somebody out there is patient enough to not only read my nonsense but to say something about it.

Talking things through comes very slowly around here. It's a bit difficult to have an adult conversation when we have a three year old, a four year old, and a teething infant to keep us occupied. We have tried to talk about it some and have gotten to the point where he starts to explain when one of them just HAS to have our attention RIGHT NOW!! (All you parents know how that goes, right?) From what i've been able to gather from these short conversations, He wants me to become more dominant in every aspect of life, including our relationship. That's what confuses me.

i do understand that this is something i will need to have done in a couple of years, when the two eldest are in school. We agreed on that already. That's when i'll (hopefully) be going back to work and will have to be more aggressive to be able to do much good in a working environment. There was a time that this came much more easily than most people would think if they ever met me face to face. Right now i find it hard to even look most people in the eye. That has a lot to do with the local community as well in this particular case. Just a few years ago i could make the local drunks back off with just a look, though it was never a natural thing for me. Knowing that i have been able to in the past - and could again if i chose to - will help speed things along when it comes to that point. Maybe He thinks it's time to start working on that again.

i also understand that He's most likely doing this as a test, to see if i will trust Him with my own personal growth. It pleases Him to know that i still have some of that old attitude. What i don't understand is how exactly His making me switch is making me grow in any way. He and i both know that it's not in my nature to do most of what He's been asking of me lately. Then again, that might be exactly why He's been having me do them. Perplexing...

 

[Croctden]

Is it possible he's a switch, or wants to experiment with submitting?

I've a had a reverse of this, a sub who wanted me to submit to her. "Nope."

 

[FungiUg]

Be assertive, and tell him you're not going to be assertive!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Can relate to the changes you see in your assertiveness Entitled. It is not all that uncommon for women to become that way once out of the workforce for awhile fulfiling a fulltime mothering role which society still sees to a large extent as worthless and devaluing because you are not earning a wage in the conventional sense. It is one of the most stupid and blind views existing which does nothing to acknowledge who is raising the next generation, enabling the other parent to work without worry of childcare, sacrificing independence and career for her children. Over time, and the absorption of negative judgements we sometimes do not even consciously become aware of, we lose the confidence and assertiveness we once took for granted.

Testing may be part of it, but as it is upsetting you so much, it needs to be discussed and perhaps explained more until you do feel comfortable, and if you don't, alternative options looked at as your psychological health is part of his responsibility.Hang in there and try and have the talk late some night when the children are definately down for the night.

Catalina