Wanting A Bit More

[Moanic]

Need a little help please..

First a bit about me, I am in my mid 30's, married (happily 10 years) and interested in the D/s lifestyle.

My husband and I have delved a bit with spankings and him dominating me occassionally in the bedroom. While I have enjoyed the rare times we have delved I find myself wanting more and rougher play. For instance when he spanks me I want him to spank harder and for a longer duration. I really enjoy rough vaginal entry and he will often finger me with one finger bringing me to multiple orgasmn making my vagina tighter and tighter until he is barely able to enter me with his finger.. He then quickly enters me with his penis giving me the most wonderful sensations of pleasure/pain I go completely nuts.. We have also delved into fisting, another thing I really enjoy but something he only marginally likes so we only do it once or twice a year.. We have also tried several other "games" so to speak over the years..

I still completely enjoy vanilla sex with him as well. There is nothing quite like snuggling and making love with someone you love so much..

I however want more of the rough stuff more often..

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to initiate more rough play without making my husband feel obligated to venture beyond his comfort zone..

He has said time and again he worries about actually hurting me during play while I assure him I will use our safe word should the play become too rough..

We brought a third to our play recently a male friend of ours who enjoys rough play as much as I do. Our problem was my husband felt protective of me and was not comfortable with me being spanked etc. by the other man. We had hoped by bringing in an experienced Dom my husband would be able to learn new techniques and give me the roughness I crave.. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way and my husband spent the whole time concerned about my safety rather than enjoying and learning...

If anyone can think of a way I can help my husband learn to give me the rough/pleasure/pain I crave I would appreciate it..

Gee I hope that made some sense it seemed to as I typed but that's not always how it works

Thanks

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Need a little help please..

First a bit about me, I am in my mid 30's, married (happily 10 years) and interested in the D/s lifestyle.

My husband and I have delved a bit with spankings and him dominating me occassionally in the bedroom. While I have enjoyed the rare times we have delved I find myself wanting more and rougher play. For instance when he spanks me I want him to spank harder and for a longer duration. I really enjoy rough vaginal entry and he will often finger me with one finger bringing me to multiple orgasmn making my vagina tighter and tighter until he is barely able to enter me with his finger.. He then quickly enters me with his penis giving me the most wonderful sensations of pleasure/pain I go completely nuts.. We have also delved into fisting, another thing I really enjoy but something he only marginally likes so we only do it once or twice a year.. We have also tried several other "games" so to speak over the years..

I still completely enjoy vanilla sex with him as well. There is nothing quite like snuggling and making love with someone you love so much..

I however want more of the rough stuff more often..

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to initiate more rough play without making my husband feel obligated to venture beyond his comfort zone..

He has said time and again he worries about actually hurting me during play while I assure him I will use our safe word should the play become too rough..

We brought a third to our play recently a male friend of ours who enjoys rough play as much as I do. Our problem was my husband felt protective of me and was not comfortable with me being spanked etc. by the other man. We had hoped by bringing in an experienced Dom my husband would be able to learn new techniques and give me the roughness I crave.. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way and my husband spent the whole time concerned about my safety rather than enjoying and learning...

If anyone can think of a way I can help my husband learn to give me the rough/pleasure/pain I crave I would appreciate it..

Gee I hope that made some sense it seemed to as I typed but that's not always how it works

Thanks

my opinion? if he's not into it, he's not into it and i don't think you can change that. *shrugs* i'm of no help, maybe someone else can be of more, but i truly believe you may just have to live with the fact that he sees the pain as a bad thing and as 'hurting' you and just isn't into this type of stuff at all, and may never be. .......good luck

 

[liberatedslave]

Cajoling your man out of his comfort zone will get you some rough play but he won't be the dominant or controlling party, you will cos you're manipulating him to get what you want. A better approach would be to talk more and find out which aspects of rough play he does enjoy and what he'd like to explore further. Going with him on this might be more productive than asking him to do more stuff that he's not totally happy with. You also need to explain more so he's reassured that you truly enjoy the pain.

 

[Life_Noir]

You can't make someone something that they aren't...And you can't make them enjoy something they don't.. {You can however occaisionally make people want, something they don't like..But that generally falls into the category of psychological "problems"}
If you're lucky...You can introduce someone to something you like ...And they find out that they like it too..

But where you seem to be at, about the best you can do is to sit down and talk frankly about it.. Might help...Might not.

 

[FurryFury]

I've found that I can make my husband go harder and longer with the right sorts of encouragement and by reciprocating. It takes time and patience to let it happen though. People do not become convinced that what they've always been taught as being wrong can be right overnight, particularly when they are as hidebound as my husband.

If I praise him without criticizing him that helps a great deal. Repeated it eventually gets through to him that I am sincere. That pain or impact are merely sensations that I desire and not what he considers pain.

In application he gets a much juicier and more excited bed partner which adds to his experiences.

With reciprocations he has learned that spanking which had an extremely negative connotation for him, can, done well, be sexy as hell. It must be done when he is already as turned on as I can make him. It helps if the spanking is either stinging or thudding as well.

Now the hard part is suggesting or even challenging is a positive way that he go harder next time. Manipulation, rather than being the negative most people assume, can be a fine tool that benefits both parties, IMO.

At no time should he feel obligated to do things that he doesn't want to. Always, each step of the way he must feel it is his choice. When it is his choice you don't have to feel guilty about it because you did not ask him or force him to "try."

Expect during the process of all this for him to take some steps backwards and times. Accept that. It's human for us all.

Fury

 

[SweetErika]

While I do agree we can't make people into something they're not (nor should we try), one thought that struck me was that maybe your husband doesn't know what's safe and what's not, and that's where his discomfort is coming from.

I have to do enough learning about the safety aspects of any activity to feel good about doing it to someone. I read a lot, take classes and ask lots of questions of experienced lifestylers before I experiment with things that could be potentially dangerous, including spanking (as benign as it seems, doing it on the wrong area or too hard IS dangerous). Only then do I feel comfortable performing those acts with safewords and using my best judgement on force, duration and when he's had enough.

So, perhaps you could suggest learning about techniques and safety of the things you're interested in together, so you both can feel good about doing those things you both enjoy. If he's not interested in learning, you'll have to accept it, but if he is, he may very well become comfortable with enough knowledge in his back pocket.

 

[the captians wench]

While I do agree we can't make people into something they're not (nor should we try), one thought that struck me was that maybe your husband doesn't know what's safe and what's not, and that's where his discomfort is coming from.

I have to do enough learning about the safety aspects of any activity to feel good about doing it to someone. I read a lot, take classes and ask lots of questions of experienced lifestylers before I experiment with things that could be potentially dangerous, including spanking (as benign as it seems, doing it on the wrong area or too hard IS dangerous). Only then do I feel comfortable performing those acts with safewords and using my best judgement on force, duration and when he's had enough.

So, perhaps you could suggest learning about techniques and safety of the things you're interested in together, so you both can feel good about doing those things you both enjoy. If he's not interested in learning, you'll have to accept it, but if he is, he may very well become comfortable with enough knowledge in his back pocket.

This sounds like a brilliant idea to me. Maybe find a local group and look up when they are having classes and/or demos.

 

[catalina_francisco]

My suggestion would be to talk and find out what exactly concerns him in regards to hurting you (eg. is it because he thinks of hurt as only bad; feels he is being abusive; is hung up on what it says about him if he can find a place where he enjoys it or even does it; worried what other people would think of him if they knew; worried you might at some point hold it against him or see it as unloving...the list can be endless). His saying he is concerned he is hurting you is not enough information if you are going to attempt to move forward and both enjoy it....first you both have to understand each other's position, discuss and explain it, and hopefully gain a better understanding of what is causing the reluctance. It may be that he simply will never get off or enjoy inflicting pain, or it could be like many PYL's, more a matter of coming to terms with the reality it is OK to enjoy the freedom to inflict pain on one you love in a consensual relationship.

I think he was extremely brave and understanding in agreeing to bring in another man and allow him to do to you what you wanted and your SO is at this point unable to do comfortably. It shows trust and faith in finally reaching a point where you both can enjoy, and perhaps letting him know you appreciate that step he made more so than lamenting his concerns about your safety at the hands of another might go a ong way toward making him feel comfortable about talking more and exploring further. It also could be that he didn't feel as comfortable letting a friend do that to you, and not out of safety but simply emotionally, not to mention male pride in being expected to sit back and learn while he watches another man handle his wife in ways he might see as too intimate or harmful for his comfort zone. It is not all about what you are missing out on, it is also about the risks he is taking with you, himself, and your relationship, and how he feels. F is a sadist in the extreme, but though he has planned to allow others to give me pain at some future point in time, even for someone as experienced as he is, he is not comfortable with telling them they can do anything they wish which falls in the realm of what he has done to me...he will place limits on others simply because at this point he feels he needs to do that to ensure my safety and his comfort.

It may be that this is never going to be his thing. So then you will have to decide if it is important enough to risk your marriage over, if you can live without it, if you will resent him for it, or if your relationship as it is now dies. You not only cannot make someone like something they are never going to, but you also don't have the right to expect them to if they can't. Talking about it, listening to each other openly and sensitively, and expressing all your feelings to each other would be a huge step in the right direction toward moving forward more so than just telling him this is what you want and finding ways he can learn to give it to you. I hope it works out, but please take the time to understand how difficult a step he is trying to make and put aside your own cravings long enough to give him the chance to explore without pressure from you or anyone else who steps in to fill the gap. Learning techniques etc., comes after finding out exactly what is happening in his head IMHO.

Catalina

 

[Moanic]

Thanks for the suggestions..

I had hubby read the thread some of the posts got him to thinking and actually expressing his concerns with articulation..

Hopefully we can meet somewhere in the middle..

My relationship with him is far more important to me than anything else.. I am willing to not get totally what I want/need and he has stated he is willing to expand his horizons slightly.. Hopefully we can find some midle ground.. I may not be tied up nude in the basement getting my hiney tanned like I dream of but maybe we can give it a go in the laundryroom minus the ropes..

Thanks again all

Now if anyone has an idea on how I can get him to put his dirty clothes in the general vicinity of the laundry room in the process that would be appreciated as well. LOL

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Now if anyone has an idea on how I can get him to put his dirty clothes in the general vicinity of the laundry room in the process that would be appreciated as well. LOL

Lucky for you I am here . It's okay people I'll field this one

Most anything on this thread ought to pass as your gratitude for his choice to deliver said laundry in general vicinity.

 

[Moanic]

Lucky for you I am here . It's okay people I'll field this one

Most anything on this thread ought to pass as your gratitude for his choice to deliver said laundry in general vicinity.

LMAO

I would gladly do anything in that thread and some to see him put his laundry in the general vicinity of the laundry room once before I die.. Although actually seeing it may give me a heart attack.. AHHH HAAAA his cunning plan is foiled... he is setting me up when he is ready to trade me in for a new model he is gonna bump me off by laundry.

In the mean time off to perform ORAL sex on the unsuspecting sleeping husband.. It's better than any alarm clock..

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

LMAO

I would gladly do anything in that thread and some to see him put his laundry in the general vicinity of the laundry room once before I die.. Although actually seeing it may give me a heart attack.. AHHH HAAAA his cunning plan is foiled... he is setting me up when he is ready to trade me in for a new model he is gonna bump me off by laundry.

In the mean time off to perform ORAL sex on the unsuspecting sleeping husband.. It's better than any alarm clock..

Damn dem Doms , always one step ahead huh .........ahhh bless :smiles:

 

[Etoile]

Cajoling your man out of his comfort zone will get you some rough play but he won't be the dominant or controlling party, you will cos you're manipulating him to get what you want.

Well...it seems to me that maybe she isn't looking for a D/s type relationship. A lot of the post is about rough sex, spankings, etc. So perhaps she just wants to bottom to him without him necessarily dominating her. Now, is it appropriate to top from the bottom? Sometimes. I think it's more forgivable in a top/bottom relationship than a Dom/sub relationship.

Or maybe I'm reading it wrong, and she DOES equate bottoming with submitting. In which case, yeah, forcing him into it is not especially submissive.

 

[JMohegan]

I however want more of the rough stuff more often..

Now if anyone has an idea on how I can get him to put his dirty clothes in the general vicinity of the laundry room in the process that would be appreciated as well. LOL

I realize that the second remark was expressed in a lighthearted way. However, I have paired your comments together in order to make a point in response to your request for help.

There is a lot of effort involved in topping someone in the bedroom, especially if the urge to Top does not come naturally. Since you are asking a lot of your partner, it seems not only helpful but also fair to offer something in return.

Prioritize your requests. Pick up his dirty clothes without complaint from now on.

Heed Erika's excellent advice, but do as much of the legwork as you can yourself. Research toys, techniques, and safety tips and present them to your husband in a concise and helpful way. Find articles and books on the erotic pain/pleasure connection to help him understand your appreciation for the same.

Pick something that he would like from you, and offer it enthusiastically. This does not have to be something sexual. For example, if he has a hobby, sports, or other interest which you have previously avoided, put forth the same effort in this area that you would like him to put forth in exploring "more of the rough stuff".

Give and take - that's my suggestion. Best of luck to you both.

 

[usana]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I Am Very Interested In Enema Play. I Have Been Having A Hard Time Finding Anything Other That The Fleets Type In The Stores. I Have Been Looking For The Traditional Hot Water Bottle With Attachments And Have Been Unable To Find One. Would Also Like To Find Some Enema Attachments Shaped More Like A Butt Plug. Does Anyone Know Of A Good Place To Buy Online?? I Have A Rectal Bulb Syringe But Would Like Something With More Capacity. Thanks

 

[lil_slave_rose]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I Am Very Interested In Enema Play. I Have Been Having A Hard Time Finding Anything Other That The Fleets Type In The Stores. I Have Been Looking For The Traditional Hot Water Bottle With Attachments And Have Been Unable To Find One. Would Also Like To Find Some Enema Attachments Shaped More Like A Butt Plug. Does Anyone Know Of A Good Place To Buy Online?? I Have A Rectal Bulb Syringe But Would Like Something With More Capacity. Thanks

Ummmm?? posting a new thread inside an already established thread?? that's a new one. and don't you already have the same post in a thread you started about the same thing??? i'm confused......

 

[Etoile]

Ummmm?? posting a new thread inside an already established thread?? that's a new one. and don't you already have the same post in a thread you started about the same thing??? i'm confused......

Looks like a spammer, check out the title under their name. That only turns up for spammers.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Looks like a spammer, check out the title under their name. That only turns up for spammers.

yea, i realized this after the same thing showed up in like 4 different threads

 

[pellso27]

wanting a bit more from your piss queen?

yea, i realized this after the same thing showed up in like 4 different threads

I hear he has a bar in south Queens. Glory holes and all!

 

[pellso27]

Eat less

Well...it seems to me that maybe she isn't looking for a D/s type relationship. A lot of the post is about rough sex, spankings, etc. So perhaps she just wants to bottom to him without him necessarily dominating her. Now, is it appropriate to top from the bottom? Sometimes. I think it's more forgivable in a top/bottom relationship than a Dom/sub relationship.

Or maybe I'm reading it wrong, and she DOES equate bottoming with submitting. In which case, yeah, forcing him into it is not especially submissive.

Lie less